The Skinny Turtle

The Diagnosis

2012-02-10T08:18:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was QUITE the adventure.

The hospital we were going to for Owen's appt is on a huge campus with other training schools. I found the actual hospital just fine, but then when I went to park... it was like I fell down Alice's hole in Wonderland. I went into what I thought was the correct parking garage, only to be faced with unending aisles of "Permit Parking Only" spots. And then I couldn't find my way back out, we just kept going around and around and around without an exit in sight.

I finally found one space that said "Patient Parking" and you can bet your bottom dollar I squeezed our extra wide Odyssey into that space, in spite of being smashed between a monster truck and another car. I literally had 6 inches to get out of my car; still don't know how I managed it, but I did get all dirty from sliding along the side of the van.

So we found a parking spot... and had NO CLUE where we were or which way the hospital was from where we ended up. So we found an elevator and rode it up. To the top. And came out... in the parking garage!! So we got out, walked around, found a street and crossed it, which lead to another elevator. So we took that one up. Came out into the longest hallway/skybridge you've ever seen. We started walking, hoping we were going the right direction. Did I mention it was just Owen and I? Yeah. We're not so great at directions.

Just as I was pulling out my phone to call the office for help I saw a sign that said where the children's hospital was, so we walked that way. Another elevator ride (luckily I remembered it was on the 7th floor) and then we had to wander around until we found the blue fish sign. We finally found it and checked in 5 minutes late. :-/ I hate, hate, hate being late to things. But all was fine, we got checked in and were soon taken back.

The first nurse that came in asked a bunch of questions and had Owen take off his clothes so she could inspect every square inch of skin. This was MORTIFYING for Owen, even though he had a gown on. Once she left I held Owen and played games with him, trying to lighten the mood. Then the doctor came in; SUPER duper nice man. He sat down, took one look at Owen's arm, felt it and pronounced...

"It's just scar tissue."

The angels started singing and everything was rainbows and sunshine!!! Apparently Owen had some sort of initial injury (which neither he nor I can remember.) And then he scraped the skin off of it twice at the playground, which we do remember. And because of the way the skin was scraped off and the way it's healing, it's a very odd scar. There are little white bumps on it, which are just pockets of dead skin. And then by some miraculous turn, we even found our van again!!

So, he'll probably have the scar his whole life and won't tan in that area but he is 100% completely fine!

Such good news. We celebrated by having lunch with Josh at Burger King. :-D

Thanks for all your prayers and good thoughts!

To end with, I'll just leave you with this disturbing image (which I'm sure you've all seen) and remind you... There IS such a thing as being too skinny!!!

Appointments

2012-02-09T07:43:00.000-08:00

Hi All-
How have you been? I've been doing pretty good!

Today is Owen's biopsy appointment. Actually, I'm not even sure they are going to do a biopsy. Unless they just use local anesthetic since we never were told he had to fast or anything like that, which is standard procedure if they are going under. I'm looking forward to the appointment and am not nervous anymore. We're seeing the top dermatologist there and will hopefully have answers soon. How much should I bet it's just eczema? ;-) But isn't it weird that both his pediatrician AND the dermatologists who saw pictures of it wouldn't be able to identify it???

Anyway, soon enough we'll know. I'll be sure to report back the findings.

Things are going well otherwise. I have been doing my pool therapy and it feels really good. I've started trying to do some moderate exercise as well, like doing "pull ups" on the handles leading out of the deep end, treading water, etc... Anything to get my heart rate up and maybe, just maybe, start to tone my arms a teeny tiny bit. It feels really good to at least be doing SOMETHING, since I can't even walk. The weather had been so nice and the kids were BEGGING me to take a walk, and I just can't do it. It cripples me. :,(

I am excited for June to come and my joints/pelvis to go back to normal. Usually PSD (pubic symphisis dysfunction) goes away after the baby is born. Keeping my fingers crossed! And then I can really start to work on toning my pelvic floor and core muscles.

Last night Josh and I were going to order the stroller and carseat I had picked out.

This one, with the matching carseat.

But after reading the reviews on the carseat I didn't feel comfortable getting the carseat. So I'm getting this carseat instead:

THEN, just as we were about to place our order (from Amazon) we both had a stroke of genius! Josh remembered we have a bunch of points from our debit card that we could cash in for a gift card to Amazon, so we got $125 from that, and I remembered I had about $20 worth of Swagbucks to cash in. So we're waiting to get the $145 from those two things and THEN we'll order them. :-D Aren't we smart!? ;-)

So as soon as we get those certificates we'll be getting the stroller and carseat, hooray! My sister is loaning us her bassinet, so other than maybe a swing I think we're pretty set for baby girl. We do need to get smaller things, like the infant bathtub (our kitchen sink is the huge, farmhouse style so it doesn't work for baby baths) and maybe some bottles and pacifiers, etc... It's crazy how much STUFF you can acquire for babies! But in all reality, you don't need THAT much. Of course, you can never have too many baby clothes, right!? :-D I've got several newborn outfits, and will be getting more larger sizes from my SIL who has several tubs full. She is also having a baby girl, due one week before me, so we're going to try to share the stuff. Hopefully it works out. :)

Well, I'd better go jump in the shower and get ready for the day. I'll check back in either later today or tomorrow with the results of Owen's appointment.

Beach Bliss

2012-02-06T08:51:00.000-08:00

Good Monday Morning, to you!

How are you guys? How was your weekend? Did you watch the Super Bowl? We did, and I'm glad the Giants won. Wanna know why? Only cuz I like Eli Manning more than Tom Brady. :-P It was a fun time with Josh and my kiddos, although the commercials.... Wow. Well, the sleazy ones anyway. I kept having to turn the channel! Those Go Daddy commercials are disgusting.

Anyhoo, moving on. I had a super lovely time at the beach with my mom and sis. We got in around 7ish on Friday night and promptly flopped on the couch and chatted and read old copies of People magazine. ;-) I went to bed around 10 and woke up on my own at 7 the next morning. I forgot my Unisom, which I usually take every night so I was slightly worried that I'd be sick all weekend. However, I did great! So I'm going to cut back my Unisom to just half a pill for now. I'm still going to take it, as being a mama to 3 busy children while growing another is a far different cry from lounging around at the beach. :)

On Saturday my sister and I hit the outlets. I got all the kids some clothes and found some pretty sweet deals on baby girl's wardrobe. Oh, speaking of which... I think we're changing her name. :-P UGH I am so wishy washy this time around!! So feel free to keep the suggestions coming. Anyway, I found one cute sweater for myself from Gap for $6. I thought there was a Motherhood outlet, but apparently it's been gone for several years.

After our shopping excursion we came back to the lake house and enjoyed a super delicious salad! I think it was probably because I was SO hungry by that point, but the salad was just scrumptious. Then we watched First Wives Club and chilled some more. Our evening consisted of Chopped. It's a cooking show kind of like Iron Chef. :) I went to bed at 9:30 and woke up with the sunrise the next morning.

I really wanted to go to Motherhood because they were having a great sale, so we headed back into town and I went by the mall. And I'm so glad I did!! All their clearance was on sale buy one get one FREE!! FREE. So I got a short jean skirt, light sweatshirt and 4 shirts for $55!! And they are all cute, not just generic. If the sale is still going on Thursday (payday) I'm going back for more. ;-)

Anyway, then I went out to our church property where my wonderful hubby was with the kiddos. He had our 3 and my niece all weekend long! He is so great. Anyway, so then we came home and watched the Super Bowl while I showed him all the stuff I got and he nodded distractedly while paying attention to the game. ;-)

All in all it was SUCH a nice weekend, and just what I needed to recharge my batteries. I feel so much better. Rejuvenated and ready to keep going and doing a good job in this thing called life and motherhood.

I need to go to the store for more salad and a rotisserie chicken. I've been craving salad, and I figure I better cash in on that!

Well, it's time for me to get my Katelet girl to school. She was so cute; out of all the things I got her (which wasn't a ton) her favorite thing is a shirt that says Big Sister. ;-) It was seriously on sale for like $2 and she is proudly sporting it today, all washed and ready to show off her pride. :) She also helped me fold all the freshly washed baby clothes I got. I think this baby is going to be JUST what Kate and I needed to bond. We are very similar and butt heads a lot, by nature, so it's so nice to have something in common that we're both super excited about. :)

Happy Monday, my friends!

H20

2012-02-02T08:16:00.000-08:00

I've started drinking more water lately, thanks to my recent purchase of this:

I got it at Target and it has that cool thing in the middle that you freeze and it keeps your water cold. It holds 56oz and I've been able to drink A LOT more water than usual with it.

We had some good friends over last night. They are from Canada (I grew up with the husband, then he married a Canadian and moved away) and it was a blast. But, I totally overdid it. Josh was out of town for work so it was just me left to clean up the house and get dinner ready. I didn't even do THAT much, but sweeping and vacuuming apparently are no bueno for my back. I woke up all night long cuz my back hurt so bad. Luckily I have PT tonight so she can re-adjust my back/pelvis.

In other news, baby girl is ACTIVE!! And low. She is constantly jumping around on my bladder, LOL. I looked up what a 21 week old fetus looks like, and it's so cool. They already look pretty perfect; like a tiny little person. I'm getting excited because I'm going to paint/decorate Kate's room (which the baby will be sharing once she moves out of our room) and that is super fun for me. Pinterest to the rescue! TONS of good ideas there.

My mom, sister and I are headed to the coast for the weekend!!! I am so excited. I can't wait to lounge around and shop and read.

I hope you're all doing well! I'll check in next week.

Special

2012-01-31T13:20:00.000-08:00

Lately my favorite thing in the whole world to eat is Special K with Red Berries. It's so so so good! I have to limit myself though, because too much milk makes me very sick. No bueno.

Not too much else going on around here. I think we finally found a name! It'll be the first time we're going with a "proper" name but calling her by a nickname. However, when I started thinking about her as the nickname, it totally clicked. We don't tell until they are born so... only about 133 day until the big reveal. :-P

In other news, I'm going away this coming weekend with my sister and mom! We're going to a lakehouse at the beach and I positively can't wait! There is a big outlet chain there and I plan to get my shopping on for Baby Girl. I have coupons to Carters and Motherhood. I found some adorable outfits at Target last night, but resisted the urge to buy them yet because I want to see what the outlets have to offer, and Target will ALWAYS go on clearance at some point.

I am LOVING the tiny, pink, girly stuff!

I did find some things for me while at Target. 2 thin, long sleeve shirts, a cute sweatshirt, some new undies and a new water bottle. Hopefully that'll encourage me to drink more water; I still struggle with that.

I have been craving salads lately so I've had some delicious ones with rotisserie chicken, carrots, cucumbers, feta cheese, tomatoes and avocadoes on them. Actually, I'm gonna go make one now. :-D

What's new with you guys?

Pain

2012-01-27T10:06:00.000-08:00

Hi guys!
How are you all? We're doing very well. Christian is pretty much 100% recovered. No crying blood or hamburger eyes to be seen! It looks like he has a burst blood vessel on the outside corner of his eyes, but otherwise is completely normal. He's going back to school today. :-D

I, on the other hand, am having some issues. I started pool therapy on Wednesday, and although I didn't feel like I overdid it, by that evening I couldn't walk. I went to my other physical therapy appt last night and it turns out my hips/pelvis were crooked 3 different ways! No wonder I was in pain! So she fixed it, but I woke up this morning and felt like my pelvis was going to crack in half. It usually hurts the day after it's adjusted, but it is just getting worse.

And I still have 20 weeks to go. :-O Not really sure what to do about that. Hopefully the pool therapy, physical therapy and maybe some chiropractic care will help. I'm a tiny bit worried about the last weeks, and making sure my pelvis is aligned correctly so the baby can get through the birth canal, but I'll figure that out when I get there.

In other news, I think we've narrowed it down to 2 names. Although they didn't jump out at us as THE ONE, they are growing on me. We'll probably go to the hospital with both names and then choose when she's here. That'll be a first for us, usually we have the name picked out long beforehand.

Well, I have a long weekend ahead of me... all the men in our church are having a retreat this weekend, which means all the moms are left with all the kids. ;-) I'm trying to conserve my energy so I can make it through the weekend without getting sick.

Hope you're doing well and have a fabulous Friday!

Christian's Eye Surgery

2012-01-25T16:36:00.000-08:00

Christian's surgery was today, and it went very well!

He came out of the anesthesia just fine, no screaming or being violent or anything like that. But then he was in so much pain. :,( He kept saying, "It hurts!!!" and squeezing his eyes shut. He couldn't open them because it was too painful. There was a little bit of blood around his eyes, but nothing horrific. We got him some Tylenol and once that kicked in he felt a lot better.

Here he is, drugged up watching cartoons and waiting to go the OR:

And here we are, before surgery:

Once we got home we both crashed. We'd been up since 6 and were TIRED. I had to get up and go to my first pool therapy session. It was really nice, and I look forward to continuing my therapy there. They gave me some exercises to do in the water to strengthen my core.

When I got home, Christian was up and feeling much better. He had his eyes open and was eating. I tried to snap a good picture, but he just looks goofy. :-P

His eyes are still a little swollen, but only bloodshot on the outer corners, so far. Nothing like what I was expecting. We'll see if it gets worse tomorrow, but so far I'm very pleasantly surprised. And so SO glad it's done and over with!!!

Tereza's Wise Words

2012-01-24T12:12:00.000-08:00

My good friend Tereza left me this comment after my post yesterday, and I think what she said is really, really good. So I'm posting it here for everyone to read. I'm glad she persevered and kept trying to comment even when she lost it the first 2 times!

Thank you, Tereza. It was just exactly what I needed to hear.

Third time typing this cause I keep loosing the comment!!!!! But I really wanted to tell you this so here we go..hopefully third time is the charm:)
Dearest Ruth!!!
The surgery sounds so scary but I'm happy to hear that he is in the care of really good doctors who know what they are doing!
About the weight gain....everyones situation and body is so different and frankly I am so tired of the way one type of feminine body is the only acceptable look!! Seriously...God made everyone unique and gave the unique beauty to go with it!!!
I hereby release you of all depressed feelings about how you look, all comparing, all wishing and wanting and even THINKING that you are supposed to be something other than what you are right at this moment...January 2012!! You are where you are supposed to be in life...you are growing a brand new LIFE and you situation renders you somewhat imobile!! Therefore you are not even supposed to be thinner and you are supposed to gain weight!!!! Think of it that way...total acceptance of your new beautiful body...all its rolls of extra fat storage...doing their job...getting you ready for months of nursing baby and rushed days where you wont have time to sit and munch!!! It's storing up reserves. Learn to appreciate this wonderful survival mechanism!!!!! LOVE your body!!
THEN with this new mind...cut down white foods to just half if you wish...dont deprive yourself but think of it as feeding your beautiful, wonderful, functioning body (its not broken for being chubby and gaining!!!! its doing what its supposed to do...hell with what society thinks!!)....the half of whites you don't eat...replace with good nourishing foods such as crunchy veggies of all color, fruit of many kinds, and healthy grains made into delicious...low sugar breads and treats. Treat yourself with utmost care...your body is a QUEEN right now!!!
Also...why not go shopping and dress this lovely, life giving body in beautiful clothes!! Dont wait to be smaller before you treat yourself to well fitting, stylish clothes that make you feel happy and give you that boost! You'll see how much easier it is then to eat healthy and appreciate yourself when you feel pretty and have plenty to choose from in your closet for any occasion!

thats my advice...to sum it up
1. shut off your mind to how you think you are supposed to look cause you already look it!
2. reverse your thoughts to think of yourself as a beautiful unique woman with and awesome life giving body!!! Think of your rolls as something your body is doing for you to help you in the future...think of your rolls and bumps as lovely round, full curves instead!!
3. Eat healthy..NOURISH your body for you and your baby...but dont deprive yourself of treats...slowly crowd out the unnourishing foods with colorful, nourishing ones!!
4. Buy yourself LOTS of clothes...make your closet sing!!!So you can sing when you open it:):) You deserve it...your body deserves it for being so awesome and doing its job so well taking care of you and housing your spirit!!

Sorry this was so long:) I just had to!!
PS: spelling sucks...I'm in hurry...kids everywhere!!

Brutal Honesty

2012-01-23T16:32:00.000-08:00

Hi All!
I had a super duper busy weekend. It basically started at 6:30a.m. on Saturday and didn't stop until 8:30pm Sunday night.

My brother got married and it was wonderful and fantastic. I did well all day, and so did the kids, for the most part. Josh did end up taking them home early, but I got to stay til the end.

I had my follow-up appt with the OB today, and he said the ultrasound report looked great! The baby is completely healthy and whole, and is 100% girl. :-D I can't even put into words how relieved and thankful I am. I have been on Zoloft this pregnancy, which is a first for me, so I was always afraid there would be some kind of deformation. Cleft lip, heart abnormality, brain cysts, something. But everything looks just as it should, and she is measuring right on track!

I have so much to be thankful for that I feel kind of dumb airing my grievances, but they are very real too.

The thing is, it's really hard to gain weight. When you've worked hard to lose it, it's hard to see the scale go up again. I've gained about 12 or 13 pounds and it's killing me. This is definitely the most I've gained so soon with any of my pregnancies. My first two I only gained 12 pounds TOTAL!! My last I gained 20. Of course, a healthy baby is the absolute most important thing. Weight is inconsequential compared to that.

But that doesn't mean it's not hard to see the scale go up, and see my butt/thighs getting bigger. My stomach isn't all that big.

This is me today, at one day shy of 20 weeks:

Ha, after saying that Kate looks at the picture and says, "WHOAH! YOUR STOMACH IS BIG!!!" :-P

Anyway, my butt and thighs... yeah, they are expanding. And the cellulite is out of control. And it makes me want to cry. Because here's the kicker. I can't exercise. Not even walk!

I have issues with my pelvis and back and SI joint. I'm in physical therapy for it, and every week I go and she readjusts my pelvis to be back in alignment. I also am starting pool therapy. Woo hoo. Not. Now is like, the worst time EVER to be in a bathing suit. But I'll do it because my back pain is excruciating. So even walking aggravates it. So, no walking videos, or even taking walks outside. I'm hoping I can do SOMETHING in the pool, but I'm not sure when I'll even be able to go!

So basically, I'm kind of ballooning up like a heifer, and then in June/summertime I"m going to look like a deflated ballooned up heifer. ARGH!!! I really want to find some arm exercises and maybe some leg exercises that I can do. Not sure about the leg thing, since it will affect my back. But I guess what I'm saying is I kind of feel hopeless. I feel like I'm destined to be fat and I know how hard it is to get the weight off.

Does anyone have any tips or exercises I can try? I've thought about cutting out carbs; at least all the white stuff. Bread, rice, etc... And I probably could do that, but I honestly don't feel like I eat all THAT much. And I'm also TERRIFIED of having a big baby. Owen was my biggest baby and he was only 7 pounds and 4 ounces. But I was literally dying in pain at the end. So I feel like if I'm already gaining weight then I'm gonna have a big baby and I just can't handle that. I'm not even sure if I can physically carry a big baby!

I have a short torso and my stomach doesn't stick out super far. So my babies are all under my rib cage, crushing my lungs and other organs.

Also, Christian has eye surgery on Wednesday. And although we have the best surgeon in the state who has been the ONLY one recommended to us by the pediatrician and eye therapist, I'm still nervous. I talked to a lady in the waiting room today and her son had the surgery last year. She said to not be freaked if he cries BLOOD afterward, and the whites of his eyes will look like raw hamburger and be swollen over his irises. *cue light-headedness and vomiting*

Anyway, that's what's been on my mind lately. Any tips/suggestions/encouragement/suck-it-up-girl-you're-pregnant peptalks are welcome!

We're having a...

2012-01-19T13:14:00.000-08:00

Healthy!!!

Baby Girl!!

I am so over the moon right now. I was really worried/had this deep-seated feeling that something was going to be wrong. But everything looks good and baby is measuring right on track!

I will get the official report from the doctor on Tuesday, but the ultrasound tech said everything looks great! She had to try for a long time to get all the views of the heart, because Baby Girl is down really low and was facing down, not up. So she was pushing the ultrasound wand really far into my belly, and had me get up and jump around a little to see if she would move. Nope, nada! I think baby was sleeping though because the heart rate was only 120, which is fairly low.

In any case, I am so excited that we're getting another girl and that Kate will have a sister!! Hooray!

Send In Back Up

2012-01-18T10:26:00.000-08:00

Hi Guys!
Ugh, I am SO SICK of being SICK!!!!!!!

Today I am sick again. Actually, I've kinda been ill for the last 5 days or so. Just feeling cruddy, nauseated, not sleeping well, etc.. I'm sure part of it has to do with the stress of getting ready for a wedding, the stress of wondering how I'm going to get through the day. We have to be there at 8:30a.m. for pictures, the wedding doesn't start til noon and then we have a long reception after that. EEEKKKK!!!

It also hasn't been helping that Josh has had SO MANY meetings to go to.

Anyway, I'm not trying to complain, it's just the way it is. I feel yuck and can't seem to shake it. Today I have a bunch of people coming over to make cakeballs for the wedding. Hoping I feel better before they get here.

In AWESOME news, my ultrasound is tomorrow!!! Can't wait to find out what we're having, and hopefully see a healthy baby!

Hope you're doing well; I'll check in again once we know the gender but then I may not post again til after the wedding is over and I've recuperated. ;-)

King Martin Day

2012-01-16T08:30:00.000-08:00

The other day Christian informed me that today was King Martin Day, and he didn't have to go to school. He also told me that King Martin ruled the world before Jesus did. :-D

We spent a little bit of time at dinner last night talking about Martin Luther King, Jr and what he did and stood for. It was so refreshing to see the kids with their wide-eyed innocence. They simply could not comprehend why people would be forced to use different bathrooms or drinking fountains just because their skin was a different color. I grew up in the deep south, and I must say my mom did a wonderful job because I've never understood racism either. We are all PEOPLE. God made us all. Who cares what color our skin is?

Christian's teacher taught it in a very smart way, I think. She said, "What if I just decided that anyone who had a different haircut than mine couldn't have recess today?" Well, that sure got everyone's attention cuz first of all it basically eliminated all the boys as her hair is shoulder length. And most of the girls don't have gray hair, so, LOL. :)

Anyway, I'm glad to raise my children to view everyone equally and I hope I can continue to instill empathy and compassion in them towards all their fellow men.

Today is a busy day for us! I have so many errands to run... birthday present shopping, baking 12 cakes for cakeballs for my brother's wedding, exchanging Kate's shoes and a pair of pants, taking Kate to the birthday party, bathing the stinky dog because the groomer got stuck in the snow (?? We have like one inch!) and can't do it til next week, then a lingerie shower tonight.

My ultrasound is Thursday, so that's super fun to look forward to! MB-I actually love the name Noelle, but since the baby will be born in June and not anywhere near Christmas it doesn't seem to fit.

I'm gonna go cuz I have lots to do AND because my computer is being wonky and keep deleting letters, skipping all over the page, deleting paragraphs and just generally being a pain.

Happy Monday!

Things are better

2012-01-13T09:47:00.000-08:00

Hi all,
Thanks for your love and comments on my no good, horrible, very bad day the other day. I ended up going to the hospital for IV fluids again.

I only got stuck twice, but she ended up putting the IV in my hand, which is a much smaller vein and makes the whole process take WAY longer. I was there from 11:15 to 3pm. And I had forgotten to bring a book or anything, so I was soooo bored and antsy. They gave me two different drugs for my headache, and while it helped right away initially (although it BURNED going in my IV!), by the time I left my headache was back and I was super weak and shaky. Most likely cuz I hadn't eaten all day.

So I went to bed at 5:30 and hoped I'd wake up the next day feeling better. Wishful thinking. I woke up with another headache, but once I got up and moving around it got much better. We celebrated my niece's 2nd birthday at my house, and my family totally took care of everything! The house was cleaner when they left than when they arrived! So nice, and so very appreciated.

Today I am just laying around all day. I had a PT appt last night, and I'm glad I went because my pelvis was seriously crooked and made my back hurt super bad. So she straightened that and then massaged my lower back. It was so nice!

This weekend will be busy. The kids have a popcan drive that they are doing, I have to find my clothes and the kids shoes for the wedding (but I'll get to shop ALONE while they are at the can drive!), Kate has a birthday party to go to, etc... But overall I'm feeling so much better.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

When it rains, it pours

2012-01-11T10:20:00.000-08:00

Goodness. I am not feeling well. At all.

I've had a really bad headache, bordering on migraine, for 3 days. It hurts so bad I've been throwing up, which is causing me to be extremely dehydrated. In addition, I've been under more stress than usual, which is manifesting itself by cold sores all over my lips.

This morning I've just cried and cried. I am so tired, my head hurts so bad, my lips are cracked and peeling and stinging and burning from the cold sores. My brother is getting married on the 21st and I don't want to have a mouth full of cold sores!!

The boys are being insane; fighting (like physically punching each other, which is so NOT allowed), screaming, crying. Kate is having major attitude issues and from the time she gets home from school until she goes to bed, she is yelling, stomping her feet, crying that nothing in her life is fair.

Josh has been extra busy, which means he's been gone more often than usual. He's had meetings or other commitments 3 out of the last 5 nights. (Stop laughing, Tereza, I know Rob is gone way more than that!) ;-)

I need to go grocery shopping in a major way. We have bread and peanut butter and milk, and that really is basically it. I need to take back some jeans I bought for Kate that don't fit and exchange them, and I have to do it by tomorrow. The dog stinks and needs a bath. Christian has a doc appt today in preparation for his surgery, and I have to get both kids out of school early in order to make it. We need to go order glasses for Owen. I need to find shoes for Kate and Owen for my brother's wedding, as well as something for me to wear. The boys tracked mud all over the carpet yesterday that I need to clean up, and I also see now that they smeared mud on the couches. Luckily they are leather and should wipe right off. I have no more shampoo or conditioner, so I used the kids body wash and now my hair is frizzy, dry and just generally a laughing stock.

Anyway, today I just feel totally and absolutely drained. No reserve left. No energy. I don't know how I'm going to accomplish everything that needs to be done. I kind of just want to curl up into a ball and cry, and then sleep for several days straight. :-P

I know this too shall pass, I know it's just a stage and most likely I'll feel 50% better, just getting fluids (which is happening today; I called the doctor crying and they are sending me in). I guess maybe I just needed to get it all off my chest so I can breathe and move on.

In good news, my ultrasound is in 8 days! My SIL who is due the week before me found out she's having a girl. :) I really am so excited to find out who's in there, and will be so excited whether it's a boy or girl. I have no clue anymore!

I hope you all have a good day, and I hope this post wasn't the Debbie Downer Post of the century. ;-) I'll report back soon, and hopefully will be feeling much better!

Pregnancy Pictures!

2012-01-06T12:13:00.000-08:00

First of all, thank you so much for your prayers for Owen! MB-Don't fret! I don't want to cause you anxiety or worry. I did some research after a friend suggested something it could be. After looking at lots of pictures online, it looks like he has something called Nummules Eczema. I'm still waiting for OHSU to call and schedule the biopsy, although we did get the prior auth done. So I'm hoping it's something as simple as a weird strain of eczema! I'll keep you posted for sure.

I took a couple pictures of myself, but they aren't good quality cuz I took them with my cell phone.

This is me at 17 weeks, in the morning:

But look at the difference by the end of the day!!

This is the next day, at night:

Holy Baby Belly, Batman!!

I need to go get some maternity shirts, but because I'm so short-waisted most of them are HUGE bags on me, and the smalls don't quite cover my expanding hips. :-P All my weight has mostly gone to my bum and hips. Yay. Not.

Anyway, I'm feeling much better about Owen's weird skin thing, I'm enjoying the baby moving tons every day, only have 13 days til I find out if it's a girl or boy!!

Hope everyone is well!

Prayers, Please

2012-01-04T08:57:00.000-08:00

Hi Friends,
I have a prayer request for you today, or if you're not the praying type, if you'd send good thoughts this way it would be greatly appreciated!

About 6 months ago I noticed a big blister on Owen's arm, near his elbow. It popped and then came back at least once or twice. There was no injury or anything, it just showed up. Ever since then he's had a patch of weird, raised scaly skin at that spot. At his 4 year check-up I asked the doctor about it.

His doctor had never seen anything like it, so he took a picture of it and sent it to the dermatologists at OHSU, one of the big hospitals in our area. The dermatologists there looked at it and requested that two tests be done: a fungal swab and a bacterial swab. We did both and today I got a call from the doctor himself. He said both tests came back negative, and with that being the case the doctors at OHSU want us to come up so they can do a biopsy.

Of course my mind is jumping to the worst possible conclusion: Cancer. I am so, so, so scared. My heart is racing, my palms are sweaty and I can hardly breathe. He is my baby! I can't lose him. I just can't.

I know there could be lots of other explanations... I just don't know what they would be. I am trying to calm myself, and remind myself that God is in control. He always has been and He always will be. But man alive, this is my little boy we're talking about!

So anyway, if you could send up a prayer for my Owen, that everything will be okay and it won't be anything serious, I'd be indebted to you forever and ever. I'll be sure to update as soon as I can. OHSU will be calling me to schedule the biopsy and I'll let you know when it is.

Thanks so very much!

Happy New Year!

2012-01-03T09:43:00.000-08:00

Hello Friends!

How are you doing? How was your New Year? Mine was great! I was in bed by 9:30, but not before doing tons of fun things with the kiddos.

I never make resolutions. I don't know if it's because I know by Jan 15th I'll have fallen off the wagon, or if I just care too little or what. I don't have any HUGE changes I need to make, like quitting smoking or drinking or drugs. ;-) Mostly I need to focus on being healthier; exercising however I can and making healthy choices. But that's an ongoing work.

I had a very nice time with my husband while he was off from work, even though we got all of ONE project completed. :-P I was just too sick and he was buys taking care of me, the kids and the house. It's okay, there's still time for those projects. Maybe that's what I'll resolve to do in 2012; get my house projects done. :-D

The kids started back to school today, and I have to say I am so glad. They love it, they need that social interaction and stimulation of their brains. And I'm glad for the routine to be back in place, and a designated nap time. ;-) I love sleep. It seems these days I simply can't get enough of it.

All in all we're doing well. As I sit here typing I can feel the little bean moving around in my belly. I never get tired of feeling those movements!! My ultrasound is in 16 days; so excited to find out what we're having and to see if everything is healthy. Then two days after that my brother gets married!! Fun times ahead. :)

There are some days where I can't believe I'm really pregnant, and just sit in wonder that I get to experience this again. I really didn't think I'd be able to have more kiddos after Owen. So to be pregnant and feeling the baby is a dream come true. It's all so exciting! I started a wishlist on Amazon, because we have zero baby things left. I gave them all away, thinking I'd never need them again. It's so fun to think about all the tiny baby things! And once I find out the gender, the shopping will well and truly begin. :-D

Anyway, it's been a fun and full holiday season, and now I can tell I need to rest up and take it easy. I'm super dehydrated, despite my efforts to stay hydrated. I have to give blood on Thursday for routine bloodwork and I'm nervous that A) they won't be able to get a vein and B) that I'll faint again! I also start my physical therapy again this week AND have Owen's appointment with the eye specialist. So I need to be very careful to eat well, drink lots and get my rest.

I hope you all had a wonderful New Years!

Best. Husband. Ever.

2011-12-28T14:29:00.000-08:00

Hey, Friends!

I just have to shamelessly brag for a bit, okay?

I have the best husband. Ever.

He was supposed to have this week off, on vacation. Only things keep coming up and he was gone both Monday and Tuesday. Well, I may be a bit hormonal and I may have gone a bit overboard and kinda freaked out. Cuz I miss him and I thought he was gonna be here, you know?

So today he got up with the kiddos (including my niece) and let me sleep in. And sleep in I did. Until 11:30. :-O I don't know if I've EVER slept in that long. Apparently my body needed that sleep!! And when I woke up the house was perfectly still and quiet. I texted him to say thanks for letting me sleep and wondering where he was. He had taken all the kids to the indoor playground, so I got another hour of quiet to eat breakfast and drink coffee and peruse Pinterest. So nice.

He came home, Kate went to Brooklyn's house for a playdate (THANKS, Jen!!), Owen and Savannah went down for naps and Josh took Christian out for a daddy/son date. He had promised him a smoothie if Christian was brave for the eye doctor, cuz he kinda freaked out a little when he heard he was going back. He HATES having his eyes dilated. So anyway, he *was* brave, so he got to go with Josh and get a smoothie at the coffee shop. :)

So it's been a super nice, laid back day and just what I needed.

Sunshine Mama-HI!!! How are you? How is your pregnancy going? I'm doing well; I'm due 6-12-12. :) The kiddos' last day of school is the 12th, I think, so I'm telling the baby he/she can come anytime AFTER I see Christian's kindergarten graduation. :-D

Hope you're all well!

Is it time for school to start yet?

2011-12-27T08:57:00.000-08:00

Hi Guys!

How are you all? How was your Christmas?

We had a really grand time. We went to my family's on Christmas Eve and had a yummy dinner and good time opening gifts. Christmas morning we opened gifts with our kiddos, complete with the fake fire movie on the TV from Netflix. :-D The kids had a blast. We got them lots of smaller gifts this year instead of a big gift, and they seemed to really enjoy it. At one point when Owen was opening his Spiderman suit he yelled, "NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" ha ha, that kid cracks me up.

Josh and I still have our Christmas money to spend. I've bought a cozy pair of thermal pants and a SUPER yummy smelling candle for myself.

Then Christmas afternoon (after a glorious 2 hour nap) we went to Josh's family's house and had a really great time. It was so much fun to see everyone, so nice for the kids to be able to play with their cousins and the food was delicious.

A very nice time all around. :) This week Josh has off, although he'll be in and out with different meetings and such. It's so nice to have him here. My sister made us framed silhouettes of all 3 of our kiddos, so we're going to hang those up in our bedroom, hang up the new curtains and other art that has been sitting on the floor of our closet waiting to be hung since the room got painted. Can't wait to have the room start to be more finished.

Last Friday I had to go get IV fluids, and I was really dehydrated. It took them five tries in five different places to finally get the IV in. Ouch. They tried twice in one arm, once in the other arm, and once in each hand. IV's in hands hurt MUCH worse than in the arm. Both my hands are really bruised and sore still. But the IV worked it's magic and I felt much better and was able to enjoy Christmas, so I'm glad.

I feel the baby moving all the time and it is SO fun and reassuring. I am counting down the days until we get to find out if we're having a boy or girl. (23 days!) Mostly I'm praying for a healthy, whole baby. I'm a little nervous that there is going to be a defect of some sort--cleft lip or something-- because I've stayed on my Zoloft this pregnancy. I know the OB and my therapist both reassured me it was safe and okay, especially since I'm on the lowest dose, but I still see these commercials stating how I'm able to sue if I was on Zoloft and my baby was born with a defect. It's a little worrisome, but then I just give it to God and pray, knowing that it's all in His hands anyway.

Is it just me, or does it seem like an avocado is smaller than an orange?? (From up top where it says how big my baby is now) And it's really creeping me out how all the foods I'm craving are the same thing that the baby is the size of. Did that sentence even make sense? LOL ;-)

Well, I hope you're all well and had a fabulous Christmas!!! I did... and now I'm ready for school to start again. :-D My kids ask every day if they can go back to school yet, and I'm right there with them. They love, love, love school and I am soooo not the homeschooling type mom who has projects and what not for them to do. They play, and have things to entertain them, but not like educational learning type stuff. So we are all excited for school to begin again. ;-)

Food

2011-12-21T08:31:00.000-08:00

Hi guys!
How are you? I'm doing well. Josh and I got to go on a date last night. We went to visit an older couple that have been friends of the family for years, along with another young couple that we are good friends with.

We had SUCH a nice time, even though I had to be the party pooper and leave at 9 so I wouldn't be deathly ill for Christmas. But while we were there, it was fantastic!

The hostess set out a serious spread of delicious food. And I purposefully didn't fill up on dinner so I'd have room for goodies. :-P She had baked brie, a southern dip that was DELICIOUS (I grew up for 10 years in Texas and can appreciate pimento!) veggies with a delicious curry dip, grapes and pineapple, and huge, soft cookies from a gourmet bakery. As the English would say, it was LUSH!

They are such a sweet older couple and have really taken my mom under their wing, and encouraged her in just the right ways. They even gave them a turkey for Christmas, because they knew that my mom and stepdad have been on unemployment for far too long and don't have money. SO sweet.

Anyway, today I've just got food on my brain. ;-) I have a delicious sounding recipe for two things that I'm dying to make, but up to this point haven't felt well enough.

The first thing is for a spinach artichoke dip. I've been craving it for weeks and weeks and now I have all the ingredients for it. I think I'm going to make it tomorrow and share it with my sister, who has the day off from work, and we'll eat it while watching A Christmas Story.

The second thing I'm going to make, hopefully today during naptime so the kids can enjoy it when they get up, is homemade apple fritters. They sound surprisingly easy and they are one of my fave doughnuts.

I'm still eating oranges like they're going out of style, which makes me kinda feel weird since my baby this week is supposedly the size of... an orange! :-D

This year Josh and I decided to do something different for Christmas. We each got a certain amount of money and we're going to spend it on whatever we want for Christmas. Basically, we're buying our own gifts. And for some reason, I am totally giddy about it!! Josh already picked out a new pair of running shoes that he's going to get. I'm going to go on a shopping spree at Ross and maybe Target. But again, I have to wait til I feel up to it. I'll make sure and post all the goodies I get!!

I better go. Today is going to be busy, as I have my 3 kiddos home from school AND I'm watching 2 of my nieces. :)

The Good and The Bad

2011-12-19T12:28:00.000-08:00

The Good: All the kids are napping.
The Bad: It took Herculean efforts to get them all in bed.

The Good: We had a fabulous church Christmas party on Saturday.
The Bad: I stayed up waaaay too late and have been sicker than sick ever since.

The Good: I've figured out what helps me feel the best.
The Bad: It requires an extra early bedtime and basically being on bedrest.

The Good: My Christmas shopping is done.
The Bad: I still have to wrap everything. And I'm terrible at wrapping.

The Good: I have an amazing husband.
The Bad: Sometimes I take him and all his help for granted.

The Good: The kids played all morning with minimal fighting.
The Bad: The house now looks like a war zone and guess who gets to clean it up? Me. While trying to keep the contents of my stomach IN and not OUT.

The Good: The baby moves around a lot, and I love feeling those movements.
The Bad: There is absolutely nothing bad about this one. :-D Ask me again in 4 months when I'm in excruciating pain from the baby being stuck in my ribs and I may be singing a different tune. ;-)

The Good: I can lay down with all my kiddos.
The Bad: The house won't magically clean itself.

The Good: My family is healthy.
The Bad: If you don't count pregnancy sickness. :-P

The Good: Christmas is this weekend!
The Bad: Christmas is this weekend! Have I mentioned how I have to wrap everything still? And how I'm terribly bad at it?

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas!

14 Weeks

2011-12-13T16:59:00.000-08:00

Hi guys!

First of all, HI DAWNIE!! Yes, please use my due date as inspiration! I'm due June 12th. But promise me you'll encourage me once June comes and you're all fit and trim and I'm just starting the journey, ok??

I had a doctor's appt today. I'm 14 weeks today and really feeling the baby move a lot. I ate powdered doughnuts yesterday and the child went WILD. I'm not sure if it was the sugar or if they were just saying, "Hey Mom! I really liked those doughnuts!!" But whatever it was, it definitely got a reaction out of the little babe.

I'm feeling pretty good. I basically have to do nothing. Literally. I mean, I can load the dishwasher and make the kids meals and that's about it. Then I collapse in bed and conk out. My kiddos go to sleep between 7 and 7:30 and if Josh is here, he puts them to bed. Otherwise I stick em in bed at 7 and let them talk and play until they fall asleep.

If I do too much, I inevitably end up in the hospital for IV fluids. Like, I wouldn't be surprised if I end up having to go this weekend or early next week. This week is busy. I had a doctor's appt today, Christian has an eye appt in a big city an hour away tomorrow (he is having surgery to correct his eyes in January most likely), Thursday the kids have a moms and tots Christmas get-together and a choir practice for our Christmas program, maybe another practice on Friday, the church program is Saturday and we're supposed to get together with my in-laws on Sunday. I can see myself not being able to make it to that, which makes me so mad and sad because I love my in-laws and it's a special time with the older ones.

Anyway, all that may not seem like that much, but my dumb body can't really handle anything. So I'm trying to take it easy, keep myself hydrated and hope for the best.

The baby's heartbeat was nice and strong; my OB didn't say how fast it was. I have my ultrasound scheduled for Jan. 19th to find out if it's a boy or girl. I honestly can't wait to find out, and will be happy with either. I just am praying everything is healthy and whole. This is the first time I can honestly say I don't have a preference on gender; in the beginning I really wanted a girl, and then the last few weeks I've been thinking about how sweet boys are and wanting one more boy. Now I just want the baby to be healthy and it's so exciting to find out whether it's a boy or girl. I can't wait, and I'll share here for sure what it is.

I have to give blood for more tests on the 5th and I'm so nervous I'm going to faint again! I have never done that in my life, so I'm really going to try to eat some protein beforehand so I won't be so woozy and lightheaded. I've had two IV's since then, and the needles for that are much larger and been fine. So keeping my fingers crossed the fainting episode never happens again. ;-)

I hope you're all doing well!! Thanks for checking up on me. :)

Life is Good

2011-12-08T16:13:00.000-08:00

Hello, Hello!

How is everyone? How is your Christmas shopping coming along? I have barely started mine... SOOOO much more to do.

Although, the good thing is, I am really starting to feel so much better. Ever since I stopped having to take my progesterone supplement and my last IV fluids, I've been remarkably better. I'm so thankful!!!

I still have to be in bed early. I'm talking, EARLY. Like, 6:30 or 7:30pm. If I'm up past 8pm I am usually sick the next day. So that kinda sucks, cuz I've missed all 3 of my future SIL's bridal showers cuz they were all in the evening. And I had to miss Josh's work Christmas party (although, honestly I wasn't THAT sad about it. The only good thing about it is the free lemon drop drinks, and since I can't have alcohol I didn't even have that to look forward to.) ;-) I'm also missing my sister's work Christmas party, and I was supposed to be her date. And I'm sad about missing it because they are having a talent contest and she and one of her co-workers are dressing up as Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton and singing Islands in the Stream. Which should be nothing short of hysterical. If they win they get $250 each!!

But since dinner doesn't start til 7pm and the show is after that... it's just too late. Which is totally ridiculous! But it is what it is. If I am up too late I am sick the next day, probably for the whole next week and it usually ends in a trip to the hospital for IV fluids. So I have to take care of myself.

The past few days I've really been second-guessing my gut feeling that this baby is a girl. We have had a name picked out, well narrowed down to 2 names, and neither one of them are feeling "right" anymore. However the boy name we have picked out we both LOVE, and it feels like it fits perfectly. Guess we'll just have to wait and see! And we keep the names a secret, so you'll have to wait until June to find out what they are! ;-)

Well, I need to go pick up the house a bit. Josh has been gone for 2 days and is coming home at some point tonight. And I've kinda let the housework slide since he's been gone. :-P

Hope you all are well!

Faceplant

2011-12-06T09:12:00.000-08:00

Howdy, folks!
How are you? Have you started your Christmas shopping? What's on your Christmas wish list?

On Saturday we went and cut down our tree. We actually had a really fun time, although we may have gone a wee bit overboard. We bought a Groupon for $10 that was good for $20 toward a tree. The lot we went to has over 15,000 trees. Any Douglas is $20, no matter how big. In the past we've gotten nobles, but they are harder to decorate with little kids. So we went looking for the Douglas, but ended up with a Grand. They are a mix of something, but I don't know what.

ANYWAY, we were traipsing around the woods looking for the perfect tree. All the trees were really nice and shaped well and full. Finally Josh decided he'd found the perfect tree, we all inspected it and agreed. ;-) We could tell it was big; it was a good three feet taller than Josh and he's 6 foot. Josh proceeded to cut it down and then we had to carry that sucker through hither and yon back to where we paid.

Can I just say that a 9 foot tall and 5 foot wide tree is HEAVY!!!?? I mean seriously. Like over 100 pounds, probably. Josh has the heavy end, I've got the "light" end and we're weaving through all the trees. Now, Josh has legs that are like twice as long as mine. And he's in front, just walking away, which means me and my short, stumpy legs are basically running to keep up. And I'm not the most graceful person in the world, even under the best circumstances. And these were far from the best circumstances. ;-)

So I end up tripping over a stump and totally faceplanting RIGHT into the tree. I'm talking full on falling, face first, without my arms to break my fall, right smack dab into the tree. Luckily it was soft and I thought it was hilarious. I just sat there laughing forever because I was totally sprawled across the tree, with pine needles going up my nose.

We finally managed to get it out to the parking lot (after lots of breaks cuz did I mention the tree was HEAVY? And I'm 3 months pregnant and way out of shape?) and got it on top of the car. Another minor miracle, but we did it.

Then we got it home. Oh my gosh, we both cracked up laughing. The tree is GIGANTIC!! It looks like we have a forest tree in our living room.

We have high, vaulted ceilings and this sucker almost reaches the top. The picture is bad cuz I took it with my cell phone. I did take some with my new camera, but I have to find the cord to download it onto the computer.

Here is the tree after the lights were on and the kids decorated it. All the ornaments are on the bottom half. ;-) I've since redone all the ornaments so they are even. I'll try to find my cord and post a good pic of it.

Yep, we needed an 8 foot ladder to be able to reach the top! So crazy. This is by far the hugest tree we've ever had. ;-)

Anyway, I hope you're all doing well! I feel the baby moving more and more and it is sooooo fun and exciting. I talk to my babies; like, when I feel her moving around I always say (in my head) Oh! HI, baby!!

Oh, and Tereza, we don't know for sure if it's a girl yet, but *I* think it is :-D We find out next month.

I promise to look for my camera cord and upload some recent pictures. :)

It could be worse

2011-12-02T19:24:00.000-08:00

Today I went in for IV fluids. There was a mix-up and the front lady didn't check me in all the way, so the people in back didn't know I was there. Long story short, I sat for an hour waiting before I realized something was up. And in that time, I came to the realization that I have it VERY good.

The infusion clinic shares the same waiting room as the oncology department. I saw so many people. Cancer survivors, cancer fighters, other sick people who needed fluids or wound care. And I thought to myself, "You know, self, you are here for the BEST possible reason!"

I'm not dying. In fact, I'm carrying new life. So what that I'm sick and don't feel well. My life isn't hanging in the balance. I'm not withering away. I have a tiny baby in my stomach, and apparently she's super happy and healthy in there, thus the sickness for me!

I got weighed while I was there and I weighed 149.5 with my clothes on. I figure I weigh around 147 without them. So up 2 pounds from my starting weight.

I wish I could say I felt a million times better, but I actually have a headache and don't feel so great. I'm hitting the hay soon, so hopefully we can have a good time getting our tree tomorrow. I'm sure after a good night's rest I'll feel better.

I hope you are all good and that you have a great weekend!

MB-Oh my, your dog sounds like a handful!! You should invite some of your friends over and have a decorating party so you don't have to do it all by yourself. ;-) How was Paris????

Tiny Blessings

2011-12-01T09:45:00.000-08:00

Hi Friends,
Sorry for my absence. I haven't been feeling well, and frankly, I'm sick and tired of only coming here to complain how hard it all is.

Recently I've started to feel the baby move and that has helped me SO much. To remember that the whole reason I'm going through this is for the tiny person inside. It's not just a sickness, it's not just feeling half-dead. I get a baby out of it! A BABY!!

Even though it still feels like June is forever away, it's becoming more real. And it is worth everything. Absolutely all of it.

I'm pretty sure I'll be heading to the hospital for another round of IV fluids either today or tomorrow. I've been so down and out this week, and we're getting our Christmas tree this weekend and I want to be present for that. Not just dragging my sick arse around the lot, but enjoying it with my family. And IV fluids is a sure fire way to be able to do that.

I think the kids and I will decorate the house tomorrow. Every year we make snowflakes out of coffee filters and it's a much loved activity. So we'll be doing that, pulling out our Christmas decorations, setting up the nativity and then on Saturday decorating the tree.

So all in all, I'm doing well, even if physically I'm still sick. It IS getting better, though. I'm able to keep more down, even if my appetite has decreased. I haven't weighed in forever, mostly because I just can't be bothered. There's not really anything I can do at this point, so why stress about it?? I'm just doing the best I can for now, and that's all I can ask of myself.

Hope you all are doing well and that the holiday cheer has arrived at your house!

One. Day. At. A. Time.

2011-11-20T09:29:00.000-08:00

Matt, thanks so much for your kind and wise words. I do need to just take it one day at a time, and not look at the whole, huge picture. I can almost feel myself deflate when I think about being pregnant for another 6.5 months.

On Friday I had to go to the hospital for IV fluids because I was so dehydrated. I didn't realize how bad it was until after I got the fluids and proceeded to use the bathroom at least 4-5 times in the next few hours. I've been going to the bathroom once, maybe twice a day. Oops. It's just so hard to keep anything down.

They also gave me phenergan in my IV, which is an anti-nausea. Oh my word, that is a nasty drug!!! I felt high. My tongue was swollen and I couldn't form words, I couldn't focus my eyes, and it made me intensely sleepy, but every time I started to doze off I'd have these weird full-body cramps that gave me the heebie jeebies. So weird. And so not fun.

Josh came down and sat with me, and I was thankful for that. I was so, so, so cold, so he wrangled up some warm blankets, a heating pad, and rubber gloves filled with hot water that I held onto. I had to get 2 liters and it took 2 hours or so, so we were there quite a while.

Thankfully, my sister was able to watch my kiddos. Normally, once I've received the fluids I feel better right away. I'm not sure if it was the phenergan or what, but this time I felt just as bad and basically came home and slept the rest of the day.

The zofran didn't help, so the OB gave me a prescription for another anti-nausea but guess what? It's for phenergan and now I'm scared to take it after the reaction I had at the hospital! I did take one pill yesterday, and ended up sleeping all day long. And then I threw up horribly. So not sure if it's worth it, especially because during the week I don't have the luxury of staying in bed all day! :-P

Josh has been so incredibly amazing through all of this. I think we both kind of forgot how sick I really get; or maybe I just haven't been this sick since being pregnant with Kate. I try not to think about it too much, otherwise I'll sink into depression and despair. I just don't understand why my body doesn't like pregnancy. But whatever, it doesn't, and I can't change that.

Anyway, I'm trying to take it one day at a time, not think about the future, not think about how many more days of nausea/throwing up/headaches I have in front of me. At this point I can't even focus on the new baby I'll get in the end, because it all just seems too far away.

So I'll take it one day, one hour at a time. Try to figure out something, anything that helps me not feel like death warmed over. Try to be a good mom and wife. And know that, this too shall pass. :)

Smoothies

2011-11-15T08:42:00.000-08:00

Hi All,
I apologize for my spartan posting. I just am so sick, that I rarely can get on the computer for long, and I don't want to just come on and whine. :-P

Yep, pregnancy is NOT my friend. I really don't understand it. I mean, weren't women MADE to carry babies!? So why does my body react so negatively to pregnancy?? My sister had a breeze of a pregnancy. But not I.

I've actually already had semi-panic attacks because I really don't think I can live like this for the next 6.5 months. That's a long time to feel like utter crap and try to take care of a family. I've been having lots of conversations with God, but it seems this is my lot, for now. Not even the prescription drug helps me. So I just focus on one day at a time, and getting through today.

I've been having real issues with getting any protein in. Meat = YUCK. So yesterday I was languishing in bed, trying to figure out what to eat that would stay down, and I got an idea. I have protein shake mix, so I whipped up a smoothie and it was actually really good.

I used:
Milk
Chocolate protein powder
Flax Seeds (ground)
Strawberries
Metamucil (ha.)

And it tastes really good, keeps me full for a looooong time, and it stayed down! I just have to make sure I sip it slowly. I made another one this morning, and I'm hoping it helps me feel better.

I basically have to graze all day long in order not to be sick, and almost exclusively on carbs. This is so not good for weight gain or constipation (which I have a horrible, horrible, horrible case of). I stepped on the scale at one point last week and I was up 4 pounds. Gulp. Not additional, but total. Which isn't an insane amount, but I have never gained weight in the first trimester before. So despite not being able to keep much down, I'm still gaining weight. Yippee! :-P

I'm not super worried about the gaining weight part. I know it's part of pregnancy, and a healthy baby is the only thing that matters. BUT what I am very worried about is a "big" baby. I say "big" with quotation marks because Owen was my biggest baby at 7.4 pounds. Which, really, isn't big. But for me, for my body, it was too big. I was in agony at the end of my pregnancy. Literally could NOT get comfortable; I couldn't sit, I couldn't stand, I couldn't lay down. My back was giving out so I couldn't walk. I took Vicodin. VICODIN!!! I went very nearly insane, I was in sooooo much pain all the time.

Today I have my first appt with my OB, so I plan to talk to him about that today. I don't want to be induced early because I've seen too many babies/mamas have problems from being induced early. But I want to know if he has any ideas/tips/suggestions on what to do to not feel sick, but not have to eat carbs like they are going out of style, in the hopes that my baby won't be so big.

Anyway, that's the latest with me. We get to see the baby again today, and if I can figure out how I'll post a picture of the u/s picture. :)

MaryBeth- OH. MY. GOODNESS!!!!!!!! Paris!?!?! Have a wonderful, fantastic, spectacular trip!!! And hold on tight to that sweet husband of yours. Eat a pain au chocolat for me!! The Eiffel Tower is truly amazing... and FREAKY at the top when it sways in the wind! Enjoy yourself immensely, my dear! And Happy Birthday!!

To everyone else- THANK YOU for being my friend, for reading what I write and for taking the time to comment. You are sweetie pies!!!

Birthday Girl

2011-11-08T13:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my birthday and boy howdy, was I ever spoiled!!

Josh took me to the coast for the weekend and we had a super nice, relaxing time. We did absolutely nothing, except go to lunch with his parents on Saturday. The rest of the time we seriously laid around. And we were in bed by 8:30pm both nights. Are we old fogeys or what!? :-D

My sister watched the kiddos all weekend, and then once we got back Josh took Monday off and painted our room! It's something that's been on the to-do list for a while, but we never could pick a color and there is so much MORE we wanted to do, that we just kind of put everything on hold. I love the color and the way it turned out, and now we're both wanting to actually buy bedroom furniture. :) That'll have to wait though, cuz we're not made of money!

I also got a camera!!!! From Josh and my sister, so hopefully soon I can take a proper picture of my bedroom and post it.

Yesterday was a baddish day, health wise. I simply can not figure out what the trick is. So far, this is what I've come up with:

*I have to go to bed with a FULL stomach.
*I have to take a whole Unisom pill every night, and ALL my other vitamins.
*I have to get up first thing and drink water with my ginger root pills and B12.
*I have to keep moving.

It seems like if any of those things don't happen, then I am one sick puppy the next day. And it really sucks, cuz not even the prescription Zofran (anti-nausea med) helps. :( BOO.

Anyway, TODAY has been great so far. I finally swept my kitchen floor, which hadn't happened in seriously 2 weeks. :-O And I even ran the dishwasher, started a load of laundry, showered, and made lunch and breakfast. Go me! ;-)

All in all I'm doing well. I go back to the doctor next week and get another ultrasound, so that will be fun. Mostly I'm just trying to take it one day at a time, and make today count.

I hope you're all well and enjoying the fall!

8 weeks and ... puking

2011-11-03T10:06:00.000-07:00

Hello, Hello!
First of all, thank you so much for your congrats, warm wishes, and support!! It means the world.

So I had been feeling really, really good. And now... now I'm back to puking. HA.

It's okay, though, It's not the worst I've been and I can still function a little. Like, I get up and immediately take my pills and eat some kind of carb. Then I sit on the couch until they kick in. Then I'll get up and stick a load of laundry in. Then sit on the couch "recuperating" for 20 minutes. ;-)

So, things are moving slowly, but at least I'm not bed ridden, I haven't had to go to the hospital for IV fluids and I can patch-work help my little family.

Yesterday was Owen's birthday. He turned four. FOUR! :-O

We had a very low key family party and now I'm listening to the unending sounds of the motorized cars we got him. Hoping those batteries run out soon. ;-) hee hee

Just thought I'd check in and make sure you all know how grateful I am for your comments!

I didn't weigh this morning because I was too sick, but when I do I'll fill you in. :)

My Personal Miracle

2011-11-01T09:56:00.000-07:00

Hi Guys!
So, I thought I'd just give you a tiny bit of background.

I was pregnant 5 times in 2.5 years, which resulted in my 3 littles and 2 miscarriages. My hormones got really messed up, and after I had Owen I got really severe PPD. It was untreated for 7 months because I didn't know what it was, and thought I just needed to pull myself up by my bootstraps and get on with life. One day it was all just too, too much and I knew I needed help. So I got it. I was put on Lexapro and my life turned around 180 degrees for the better within 24 hours. No joke!!

However, as time went on the Lexapro wasn't working as well, and due to insurance changes my therapist got switched as well. Due to a combination of factors, I decided to go off the hardcore meds, as they weren't helping anyway, and try to go a natural route. I saw a naturopath, started taking herbs, and hoped for the best. Unfortunately, it didn't work. I was back at square one and scared out of my mind, because I didn't know what to do next. I felt like I'd tried everything and nothing was working anymore, and there was no way I could live like this.

So I prayed with an elder in our church, and realized that I had actually lost hope for my life. Just realizing that, and choosing to believe that Jesus loves me and was watching over me helped. But it didn't solve all the problems. Shortly after that my aunt told me about a bio-nutritionist in Arizona and I started seeing Dr. Ray. His treatment really helped, but after a while it felt like it too was becoming ineffective.

Then I found out that he also can treat chemical imbalances in the brain and THAT is when my life really turned around. It made the biggest difference, and it stuck. I also started seeing a new therapist and was put on Zoloft, which helped tremendously.

Since before Owen was born I had told Josh I couldn't ever do this again... meaning, be pregnant. I was in SOOOO much pain that I was taking Vicodin, I couldn't walk because my back was so bad, I couldn't get out of bed, much less take care of 3 children all under 2.5 years!!!! It was a horribly hard time, and I just never, ever wanted to be pregnant again. Especially after going through PPD and struggling for close to 3 years to find an answer for that.

But slowly, as time went by, I started feeling a tugging in my heart. I'd always felt there was someone missing. Even when Owen was an infant, I'd look around, wondering who was missing, but all 3 of them were there. I just *knew* someone else was supposed to be here with us. And for a while I couldn't even think about it, because I didn't think I'd EVER be able to handle pregnancy again.

Fast forward 3 years, and I've got some answers and for the first time in 5 years I actually felt like myself! I enjoyed life. I enjoyed my kids; like, really truly ENJOYED them. And then the thought creeped into my mind... what about the one who was missing? For close to a year Josh and I talked... we talked with each other, we talked with my doctor, we talked with my therapist, exploring if pregnancy was an option. What would happen regarding my PPD? How would we keep a handle on that and treat it? Would it be safe to continue taking my Zoloft during pregnancy?

We took it slow and prayed and talked for many, many months. And eventually we both had full faith and peace that yes, a pregnancy was viable, we could do this. It wouldn't be unrighteous or unfair to the children we already have. Zoloft is safe to take during pregnancy, especially since I'm on the lowest dose. So we prayed that if it was meant to be, I'd get pregnant.

And, I did! We were so excited, and yet nervous at the same time. Cuz once it's done, it's done, you know!? And then... the sickness started. Oh man, the sickness. I was sick all day, every day. The nausea was unending, the headaches were intense. I couldn't do anything but lay in bed or be in the bathroom throwing up. Josh had to pick up ALL the slack. The dishes, the laundry, the meals, the kids. Everything. And he did so with a smile and a kiss on the forehead for me, as he tucked my hot water bottle into bed with me because I was constantly freezing. <3

But, I couldn't live like that. So I prayed. I had a little chat with God, and asked Him if He could please help me. Help me not be so sick. Help me so I could take care of my home and my family, and not rely on Josh so heavily. And then someone told me about ginger root and B12 and seabands. I started using all 3 and noticed a significant improvement almost right away. I was wearing the seabands 24/7 and I think I overdid it, as they started to hurt really bad (they use accupressure to relieve nausea, and I had bruises on my arms from them). So I stopped those, but continued the ginger root and B12, as well as all the rest of my vitamins.

And day by day, things got better. To the point that I thought the baby must have died, because I have NEVER felt this good while pregnant. And then I had some really bad cramps, so bad they woke me up from a dead sleep. And I just was sure the baby was gone, because how could I have so little nausea and such bad cramps and still have a good outcome!??? So I went in for an ultrasound, and there was my little baby love!! Heart beating away at 156 beats per minute, measuring right on track!! Nothing short of a miracle.

And now, as the days continue to go by and I continue to feel SO GOOD, I have to just trust God that everything is going okay. That He has chosen to perform this miracle for me, personally. I am usually sick the entire 9 months, so sick that I have to go to the hospital for IV fluids, am on Zofran or some other anti-nausea med, and just generally am a member of the walking dead for those months. But this time is so different. I feel so good; I forget I'm even pregnant because I feel... NORMAL.

I have another ultrasound in 2 weeks, and although there is a part of me that is fearful, that I have to really work with to be in rest and trust God completely, I hope to see that little bean's heartbeat still going as strong as ever.

So this pregnancy is kind of a big deal. ;-) And we're so thankful for it, so thankful we get to welcome the missing little person who is meant to join our family. I am convinced it is a girl. Kate wants a girl. Christian wants a boy. And Owen just wonders how the baby got in there, how it's going to get out, and how I'm not eating the baby since it's in my tummy. :-D

Anyway, that's the back history for anyone who is interested. I'm excited to be on this journey and can't wait to hold my little bundle of love in June!!

The Scoop

2011-10-30T19:16:00.000-07:00

Hi my friends!
How are you? I'm good. Really good.

Did you notice? Some of you may have noticed straight away. Others may be scratching your head wondering what I'm talking about. ;-)

I'M HAVING A BABY!!!!!! :-D

I'm almost 8 weeks and sick as all get out, although it DOES seem to be getting better. Keeping my fingers crossed, but usually I'm sick the entire 9 months. I told God I really couldn't be that sick this time, as I have a family to take care of, a home to keep, and other various commitments I've made for church fundraising etc... And it seems like He's answering!

I had some major cramping on Thursday night. It woke me up from a dead sleep it hurt so bad. I had an ultrasound on Friday and baby was doing well and measuring right on course, so we decided to tell our kiddos on Saturday morning.

It was so fun!! We were all eating breakfast and Josh said I had something to say. So I said, "You know how mommy has been really sick lately?" And they all said yes, because HA, I've been throwing up a LOT. Anyway, I said it was because there was a new little baby in my tummy.

Kate got a look of wonder and total excitement on her face and couldn't stop grinning from ear to ear. She immediately said she wants it to be a girl. ;-) Christian wants a boy. Owen just wonders how the baby got in there, and how it's going to get out, LOL! :)

It's so fun that they are old enough to really "get" it and be excited about it. I'm due June 12th.

Anyway, that is partly the reason why I gained those 3 pounds. I've been sick, and lost some of it. I plan to weigh tomorrow and see what the scale says. I can't drink coffee at all. In fact, Josh had to move the coffee pot out to the garage because the smell makes me sooooo sick!!!

I am so excited. It was a long road to get here, over a year process. But I'm so thankful, so grateful. I've always felt like someone was missing, even from when Owen was a baby. I just knew there is supposed to be someone else here. And sure enough, there is a little bun in the oven. :) Just one, thank goodness! ;-)

Anyway, this blog will obviously focus more on the pregnancy and gaining healthfully instead of losing weight. And now I'll have a LOT to talk about. :-D

Howdy

2011-10-24T11:46:00.000-07:00

Hi guys :)
How is everyone? I'm hanging in there.

I weighed myself this morning and I'm down 1.5 pounds, so that's good. I still have 1.5 more to lose before I'm back to what I was. :-P

Can I just say that I hate Halloween!?!? I hate all the gory gross decorations. I do love the candy ;) but the hanging, bloody "bodies" and other decorations I can do without. Yuck.

It's a beautiful day here today, perfect fall weather. I'm opening my windows and getting that fresh air circulating through my house. It tends to get stuffy when the heat is one and the windows are closed.

Anyway, that was a lot of nonsense about nothing. :-D Hope you're all doing well!

Still here

2011-10-19T09:56:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone :)
How have you been? I'm doing pretty good. Still busy as all get-out, but hanging in there.

I am so constipated, so I've started taking my Metamucil again. I hope it helps cuz I'm bloated and retaining water too.

I've been doing pretty good on my eating. Now that fall is here I've been making lots of crockpot meals, which are so easy and delicious. I'm making chicken noodle soup for tonight and it smells sooo good already.

Not much else to report on. I'm hanging in there, and my weight is staying steady. Not going down, but hopefully once the Metamucil kicks in that'll change. ;-)

Happy Wednesday!

Stressed

2011-10-14T07:26:00.000-07:00

Hi guys,
Sorry I've been MIA. I've been busy.

We have a huge project at church that I've been working on, and then the programmers at the online company made a mistake and erased everything! :-O So I spent 6 hours one day working on getting all the info back in, and when I was done, I didn't want to even look at the computer. And since then it's been problem after problem that needs to be solved, so yeah. I haven't been on the computer for fun in a while.

All this stress has led me to stress eating. I'm up 3 pounds. :-( Things are starting to get under control (I HOPE!!) so I can focus on eating healthy and not from stress/just trying to cope.

I hope the scale will go down next week. I'm also constipated, which doesn't help matters.

Anyway, I'm here and I'm alive. I've been better but I'm not doing toooooo bad, besides the out of control eating. ;-)

I hope you're doing well!

Holding Steady

2011-10-07T08:35:00.000-07:00

Hi Guys!
So I did weigh yesterday, and I'm holding steady at 145. I was down to 144, then gained to 145.4, then went back down to 144.8 and when I weighed yesterday I was 145.

I'm actually surprised it's not more, as I've been eating a lot more baked goods recently. I plan to curb that. ;-)

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! I'm cooking for a rental group at our church retreat tomorrow at 6:30a.m. and then we have nothing else planned for the day. I'm looking forward to just hanging out with my little family! Maybe we'll go to a pumpkin patch.

I saw this and thought it was hilarious:

Yikes!

2011-10-04T10:13:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone!
I see time got away from me... a whole week with no post?? Unacceptable. I slap my own wrist. ;-)

I'm doing good, just very, very busy. I recently was given some responsibility for a project in our church and it's requiring lots of hours online. Once I'm done with that, I sort of don't want to be on the computer anymore. ;-)

My boys have also been sick and not sleeping. Christian was up all. night. long. two nights in a row, coughing and coughing and coughing. I tried everything under the sun: cough medicine, cough drops, breathing in hot steam, drinking lemon/honey water, 2 different types of inhalers, we even shot 1T of whisky down his throat. Nothing helped.

To make matters worse, Owen has been getting up before 6a.m. every morning; and is grumpy as a bear. He is trying to transition from 1 nap a day to none, but is right smack dab in the middle. If I give him a nap, he isn't quite ready for bed when the other 2 are. And then he wakes up early. But if I don't then he is a holy terror by the time dinner rolls around, and then he STILL wakes up early. Ugh, trying to figure out what to do. It doesn't work to let him sleep for one hour and then wake him up, either.

Anyway, all that to say I've been busy with *life* trying to figure out what's best for my kiddos.

I weighed last week and was down 1/2 a pound. I haven't weighed this week but plan to on Thursday. If I remember. That's the other problem; I wake up and hit the ground running and usually have had coffee or chai and then remember I was supposed to weigh. :-P

It's definitely fall out west, and I love it! I've made so many good crockpot dinners, have my mulled cider candle burning all the time, and have started baking. Banana bread and scones, granola bars, monkey bread, etc... For the most part I've done very well not overeating. The monkey bread was an exception, but in my defense ;-) I hadn't eaten all day long and when it came out of the oven at 2pm I was starving. It also was perhaps the best batch I've ever made.

I'm working on eating a good breakfast and not mindlessly eating. I don't think it's wrong to enjoy good food, I just have to work on MODERATION. :-D

I hope you're well and I won't be away so long next time. Sometimes it's just hard to figure out what to say cuz nothing life-shattering is going on, I'm not doing hardcore exercise or dieting, you know?

Anyway, hope you're having a fabulous week!

Back on Track

2011-09-27T14:16:00.000-07:00

Hi Friends!
So the past week I sort of got off track, eating wise. In a big way. I started baking and eating and just sort of threw caution to the wind.

I weighed 1.5 pounds more this morning than my last weigh-in, which if I'm being perfectly honest, isn't as bad as it could have been.
So today I'm working on getting back on track. So far, so good.

I'll weigh in on Thursday and see if I was able to lose what I gained.

MB-Welcome back! I hope you had a nice vacation. :)

Other than that, not much to report. Loving the fall weather we're having, but not loving the CRAZY that has come out in my kids. Seriously. I am not sure what is going on, but half the time I don't recognize the whining, tantrum-throwing, angry little beings they are. I'm hoping it's just the adjustment to school???

I feel like I'm coming down with something. My throat hurts, my head hurts, it's hard to breathe. I'm taking vitamin C and hoping I can stave off any sickness.

Hope you all are well! I'll be back Thursday with my weigh-in.

Weigh In

2011-09-22T13:06:00.000-07:00

Hi all,
We're busy as bees over here, but I wanted to check in and let you know things are still going well.

I was down to 144.0 today, and I'm very happy with that. I hope it continues to go in this direction. :)

Be back later, hopefully if I have more time for a post with more content. ;-)

Happy Monday

2011-09-19T08:15:00.000-07:00

Hi guys!
How is everyone? I'm doing well. I've been sticking to my "diet" pretty well. I think I found the key for me.

Focus on something else. :-D

It seems if my mind is occupied with something else, if I keep myself busy with my home and my kids, then I'm less likely to mindlessly eat or sit around thinking about food.

Now, I still have the urge to bake. The rainy weather has set in and all I want to do is bake... pumpkin bread, zucchini bread, banana bread, cinnamon rolls, etc... But so far I've only made one batch of pumpkin bread and eaten only one small piece.

We'll see what the scale says on Thursday, but I'm feeling a lot better and I can tell my clothes are fitting better.

Hope you all are doing well!

Mary Beth-Where are you? Are you okay?

It's slow, but it's progress

2011-09-15T07:28:00.000-07:00

Hi guys!
How are you? I'm doing well. Getting settled into our school routine. The weather has been cool and fall-like, I've had my mulled cider candle going for days, the crockpot has come out. :) I. LOVE. FALL. It's my favorite season!! So cozy.

I weighed in today at 145.6. The scale is going down, albeit very S-L-O-W-L-Y, but at least it's going down and not up!! I'm happy for that.

Now to make sure I can reign myself in when it comes to the baking. The fall weather just makes me ITCH to bake. Zucchini bread, pumpkin bread, scones, etc... None of it diet friendly, really. :-P I know one is fine, but I tend to bake like every day or every other day. And when I'm trying to LOSE weight, it's not really the best combination.

Anyway, I'm happy with the way things are going, happy that I'm not such a stressbucket about it, that we seem to have settled into a doable routine. *knock on wood*

Hope you all are doing well! I'm off to clean my house then get coffee with my sister and mom. It's almost time for the Pumpkin Spice Latte to be back! (maybe it is already??) and THEN... EGGNOG LATTES!! And White Chocolate Peppermint!!! YUM.

Bring on the cool days, the warm coffee, the snuggling-up-on-the-couch with a blanket and good book!!!

Good Things

2011-09-12T08:02:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone!
How are you? I'm doing well. This weekend was great, eating-wise. I am cautiously excited. I weighed this morning and I was down to 146.0 down from 147.6 last week so something is working.

I feel like I'm getting closer to finding "It" like Tammy mentioned in her post; whatever it is that needs to click in your head for you to be successful. I feel less stressed and more determined than I have in a long time.

I hope you're doing well, too! I plan to weigh in on Thursday and post that weight. Hopefully I'll be able to keep at it, even with Josh gone and things a little more stressful during the week.

I hope you had a fabulous weekend, and I'll catch you on the flip side. =)

Alive and Kicking

2011-09-07T11:34:00.000-07:00

Hi All!
Sorry (again) for the long delay in posts; it's been a busy week. Today was the first day of school in these here parts, for my little Kate.

I can't believe she'll be gone all day now; from 9:15 to 3:30. It seems like an eternity! And already this morning I have been so discombobulated, feeling like there is someone missing. I don't even want to think about what it's going to be like when Christian starts! He goes in tomorrow for his assessment and then starts next Tuesday for good. It's going to be SO WEIRD only having Owen (and Savannah) here.

Anyway, I'm doing well. =)

Erin-I just got your email this morning; I haven't been on the computer. I will email you back, but I also am going to address some of your concerns here because it's possible others have the same concerns. =) Thanks for your love and care.

Things are going well. I think I've pretty much decided to do the 17 Day Diet, and if I feel I absolutely need a scone, then I'll have one. And call it good. I desperately need to get some groceries, as our cupboards are pretty bare currently. So I plan to stock up on fruits and veggies, lean protein and Talking Rain. I've come to love the stuff and it's so much easier for me to drink than water.

When I mentioned earlier that I was fasting and drinking coffee and water, I didn't mean I was doing a coffee fast, or using coffee like a laxative. Most days I have max 1 cup of coffee (regular, home brewed). Sometimes I get a 16oz iced americano, but I very rarely finish it. I meant that I was drinking liquids only (mostly water, with a cup of coffee) until dinner time. I'm sorry if it came across otherwise.

On HCG- I know it's a highly debatable and controversial topic. For me, it worked. I lost weight faster and easier than I ever could have with diet and exercise. Yes, it messed up my hormones. But my hormones are wack anyway. Every little thing sets them off. They got way out of wack from me being pregnant 5 times in 2.5 years, and it took a long while to get them back to normal range. That is the only reason I'm not doing HCG again. If it didn't affect my hormones, I would do it. The amount of time and energy it takes to diet and exercise to lose the same amount of weight is INSANE. I'm impatient. I want results fast, and HCG gives them to me. Yes, you only eat 500 calories a day, but the HCG is pulling the fat out of your body's reserves and using it for energy. I know some people think it's hokey, think it's a bad idea, think it's a fad and that is totally fine. For me, I loved it. And I'd do it again. Except for the fact that FOR ME, it messes up my hormones.

SO, since that isn't an option, I need to figure out something else. And I think it's going to be the 17 Day Diet simply because trying to track calories doesn't really fit into my lifestyle. And knowing what I can eat is a lot simpler for me.

My sleep--I've noticed that if I have a glass of wine, then I have very unrestful, fitful sleep with bad dreams. I rarely drink, but I've definitely noticed a correlation here. If I happen to have caffeine, either coffee or pop late in the day, it affects my sleep too. (Duh.) I've been sleeping much better lately, with just the rare episode of insomnia. Now that school has started I think an earlier bedtime is in order for all of us.

I think most bloggers don't share EVERYTHING that's going on in their lives, and neither do I. So there's more to the story than just what I share here. But I do love and appreciate your input and comments and ideas and support.

Losing weight is hard. For me, it's both physical and emotional. It's a bumpy road to travel, as I find what works for me in all the different seasons of life. We're coming into fall and I adore baking. I like having homemade goodies for my friends and family, so that is going to bring new and different trials when it comes to dieting.

Sorry for the long ramble, but I just didn't want people to have the wrong impression of me or what I'm doing. I am trying to learn to be healthy. I may take 2 steps forward and 3 steps back, but I'm still moving. I'm not giving up. I won't give up until I find a rhythm that works for me; a lifestyle that is healthy and moderate.

Weigh In

2011-09-02T22:53:00.000-07:00

So I fasted all day yesterday until dinner and drank over a gallon of water. This morning I weighed in at.... 147.6 BLAH!!!!!!!

Before I left for the beach I weighed 148.2, and I know I prob gained a little at the beach, but still. I'm disappointed and frustrated.

Anyway, still haven't figured out exactly which way to go, diet-wise. It's a work in progress and each day is so different. I'm looking forward to school starting and there being more of a routine. I think it will help. I hope it will help.

I have a full weekend helping my sister move (maybe I'll burn some calories!) so I better hit the sack. Hope you have a lovely Labor Day Long Weekend!!

Hello, Hello

2011-09-01T13:00:00.000-07:00

Hi Friends!
How have you all been? I've been fantastic! We had a super duper fun time at the beach with our insanely large family. Josh is one of 16 children (no multiples!!) and every single one of them (and their spouses/children) were there, save the oldest daughter who lives in Canada.

It was a blast, but also a LOT of work. And also there was a LOT of food. And I think I gained a LOT of weight. I was too scared to step on the scale this morning. I'm not even joking. My clothes are super tight and when I look in the mirror, I see a person looking back that I haven't seen for a while. I am starting to resemble what I looked like at my heaviest. And it's scary.

So today, I'm fasting. I'm drinking water and coffee, and nothing else in an attempt to lose some water retention that I've got going on. I plan to weigh in tomorrow and post the honest to goodness truth of what I see. Even though I know already it's going to be cringe-worthy.

I seem to have gotten out of control and have been eating and drinking like crazy. I *feel* out of control, and I don't like it. I can't decide what my next step should be.

Part of me wants to get on SparkPeople or The Daily Plate or something and do a calorie restriction plan. But the problem with that is I have ZERO idea how many calories are in things, so all day I'm constantly running back and forth to the computer to find out. And if I make a meal, I'm stumped trying to figure out how many calories exactly I am consuming.

The second idea is (DO NOT LAUGH) to start the 17 Day Diet again. This is a little more do-able because I can have as much protein as I want, don't have to count calories, and just have to stay within the food guidelines. BUT I tend to freak out because this diet basically cuts out ALL carbs and sugar, and some days I just want to have a scone and coffee.

So I'm not sure what to do, but I do know SOMETHING has to be done. My brother is getting married, probably in December and I don't want to look the way I did 2 years ago at my brother-in-law's December wedding. I can't even BELIEVE how big I was. Almost 170 pounds at 5'4". :-O

I think I'm hovering around 150 right now. =( At my lowest ever (for like one day) after HCG I got down to 136. So that's quite a gain, and boy howdy I can feel it. I need to come up with a doable plan because do you know what's coming?

Fall. I love fall. LOVE IT. It's my favorite season. But I love to bake during those crisp fall days, and then I like to eat it. So I have to figure out a lifestyle change, a "diet" that I can stick with through the holidays and the treats that comes with that. School starts next week and I am hoping to figure out some type of workout routine. I'm not sure if Christian has AM or PM kindergarten yet; if he has AM I'm tempted to join a gym and go after I drop the kids off at school. I'll still have Owen and my niece Savannah, but I could make it work.

At the same time, I know myself and the chances of me actually getting dressed and going to the gym are kinda slim.

ANYWAY, it's a work in progress. If you have any ideas or suggestions, I'm all ears. :-)

Something's Gotta Give

2011-08-25T07:21:00.000-07:00

Oh, ya'll.

Where oh where do I even start?

Okay. Let's just get it over with. The weigh in. I weighed in at a hefty 148.2 today. Cue screeching horror film music and my jaw dropping to the floor. :-O

But here's the thing. I've been up since 3a.m. this morning. I never fell back asleep so I got up at 4, weighed myself, then went and did my grocery shopping. And usually when I wake up and weigh, and then weigh a little later my weight is down a bit. And the other day I weighed in the middle of the day with my clothes on and I was 148. So I'm hoping it's water weight/ a fluke and that I don't really, truly weigh that much.

So yeah, back to the insomnia thing. Still happening. It was interesting shopping so early; I kind of liked it because I could take all the time I wanted (my sister was here with the kiddos) and there wasn't really anyone else in the store. It was peaceful and quiet. And on the way home the sun was shining SO BRIGHT in my rearview mirror that I thought it was police lights or something. I saw the sunrise! The only thing that could've made it better was if I was sitting on my porch sipping coffee while I watched it. :-D

Also, it's been stressful around here. The kids one day were literally bouncing off the walls due to a little experiment I did with them. I let them each sip my blended coffee to see if the caffeine would calm them down or hype them up. Clearly, it had the latter effect. I just wanted to see if they had ADHD and would maybe respond to meds, but I sure got that cleared up in a hurry!

Also, this SHOULD be the last time Josh has to travel weekly for work. For 7 months he traveled 3 days a week out of state and for the last month and a half or so it's been 1-2 days. I can not WAIT for this to be over. Well, he'll still have to travel, but only twice a month instead of Every. Single. Week. That in itself will relieve a lot of stress, and also improve the kiddos' behavior. They are much happier and calmer when they get their daddy time.

Clearly I'm still struggling with learning moderation. I don't FEEL like I'm overindulging, but the scale says otherwise. I do enjoy my treats still; a scone, a doughnut, whatever. But I'm not eating 3 or 4 a day or anything!! I'm not stuffing myself.

So something has to give before it's the chair I'm sitting on! I don't want to gain any more, but I also just can't seem to be sooooo strict and restrict myself. I have never been able to lose weight that way. HCG is the only time it's worked, and I can't do that method now. Rather, I'm not willing to because it messes with my hormones and I'm in a very good place in my life.

It's a work in progress. This weekend and into the next week is our annual Family Beach Trip. I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am! There will be food and lots of snacks and I am going to do my darndest to make good choices. And then once we get back I think I'll maybe try a little more hardcore dieting. We'll see.

Anyway, that's that.

I hope you're doing well and succeeding in your endeavors! I have a TON of housework, laundry and other preparations to get ready, so I best be off.

Have a wonderful day!

Busy Bees

2011-08-23T09:47:00.000-07:00

Well, it's the end of summer but things aren't slowing down yet! We don't start school until September around these parts, and we have a vacation at the beach this weekend that we're looking forward to. :-D

Things are going. They are going. I'm trying each day to make good decisions. There are times when I eat out of stress, but I'm trying to consciously work on that. I know there will be good food and good times at the beach with my extended family, and I am prepared to enjoy my time, enjoy the company, enjoy the food but NOT overdo it. It's possible, I know it is. I just have to find my way there.

This should be the LAST WEEK Josh has to travel out of state for work. I am so pumped! I hope it actually pans out, but for now I'm just glad it's on the horizon. He'll still have to go twice a month or so, but it sure beats 2 days a week, every week! I love that guy, and I like having him around. ;-)

My kids are all discombobulated. Out of whack from the long church camp we just had, of shuttling back and forth every day, of no routine or schedule. But soon enough we'll be in school mode and that all will change.

So it feels like I'm sort of floating along, not really actively TRYING to lose weight. Not restricting myself hugely. But just trying to learn moderation. I feel like I've been trying to learn that for a long time.

But I'm doing well. The days can get stressful, the kids can go bonkers, but all in all I'm very happy and content. I have a good life. I have a wonderful husband, great friends, good kiddos. I have lots to be thankful for and nothing to complain about. I am blessed. =)

I hope you all are doing well!!

Same

2011-08-18T09:44:00.000-07:00

My weight was the same this morning. Better than gaining but not as great as losing. Although, I really haven't been strict in any way, so I guess I should just be thankful.;-)

We're off to our church retreat for the day, so I'll catch you all later!

Det er ikke de verst....

2011-08-17T13:30:00.000-07:00

That there is a little Norwegian for you. ;-) It means, "It's not the worst" basically.

Today as I drove along in my van with my own 3 littles and my niece (whom I basically consider my own), the sun was shining, the kids were laughing and talking and I just thought... "You know what? It's not the worst thing in the world to carry around 10 extra pounds. Or even 15."

And it's TRUE! The fact that I weigh a bit more than I want is NOT the end of the world. It doesn't even come close! Yes, I have some extra flab, I have some unwanted rolls and "fluff", LOL, but if that's the biggest thing in my life that's stressing me out, then I have it pretty good. Really good, actually.

And so I decided not to let it stress me out anymore. Am I going to keep working on it, keep trying to make good choices? Absolutely! But I'm not going to stress and worry and fuss about it. I'm not going to let it rule me. I'm not going to let it affect my happiness.

Because I have so much to be thankful for. I have a good, happy life. And 10 or 15 pounds doesn't change that.

Amen. :-D

I'm here

2011-08-16T08:42:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone!
I only have a sec, but wanted you to know I'm here and I'm well. =)

It's a 2 week conference/vacation week at church and I've been super busy with my 4 kiddos (I have my niece all day/night), shuttling back and forth. So no time to be on the computer.

I'm doing well. Still struggling with the desire to lose weight, but not wanting to commit to what it takes. Right now it's so busy I can't even really think about it, beyond making good choices during the day. And I'm trying to do just that. =)

I hope you are well and I'll try to check in again before the end of the week. I do plan to weigh on Thursday, but don't expect any change. Hopefully my weight hasn't gone up! :-P

Have a great day, my friends!

This. Is. So. Hard.

2011-08-11T18:41:00.000-07:00

UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH

I am struggling so so so so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I weighed in at 145.4 today, so up a whole pound. :-(

And then I sort of had a mini freak out session this morning, before the day even started, because I could feel all the pressure, the stress, the elephant sitting on my chest, KNOWING that I need to diet, but not wanting to, and in the midst of it all, feeling really gross and down with how I look.

It's like I'm totally schizophrenic. Half of me wants to diet and lose this weight for good, and the other half is digging in her heels and stressing to the MAX over having to diet. I need help, clearly.

It is SO easy for me to gain weight, and SO hard for me to lose it! It takes so much work and dedication and restriction. I honestly don't know what to do. Should I just be content with where I am, thankful for the pounds I've been able to lose, and call it good even though it's clear there are a good 10-15 pounds of extra flab hanging around?

Or should I just MAKE myself do it, despite the stress and anxiety and pressure, but end up (hopefully) thinner??

Ack. And the thing is, I'm not eating horribly. I'm not pigging out. I'm not bingeing. I am not downing huge quantities of food. Granted, it's not clean or even all healthy. But I *feel* like I'm eating in moderation.

For example, last night we had a dinner celebration for my brother and his fiancee. I had 1 chicken enchilada (corn tortilla, chicken, onion, cheese, green sauce, sour cream), 1/4c of this turkey salad that had grapes and other stuff in it, 4 chips with 2T guacamole. And then later I had 4 bites of pie/ice cream and 1/2 cup of this strawberry cream cheese dessert. And I did eat too much of that; by about 4 bites. I felt overly full.

And earlier in the day I hadn't eaten a ton... for breakfast I had 1/2 c Kashi Go Lean Crunch with 1/4 c milk (2%) and for lunch I had 2 slices of Dave's Killer Bread (each slice has 9g of protein!!) with real butter and homemade strawberry jam.

I know I'm eating too many carbs, but that's the thing I start to freak about when I try to do the 17 Day Diet; the fact that I absolutely positively can not have even a tiny bit of bread in any form.

Plus, you actually have to grocery shop quite a lot in order to have your fridge stocked with all the fresh veggies and fruits you can have. And well, I just don't have the time, energy, or even money to be going to the store that many times a week! And if I try to stock up it all ends up going bad. =(

So anyway, this is where I'm at. Totally struggling, trying to find my way, trying to find what works for me. Trying to figure out if I should fight myself and diet or be happy with where I am, even though it sucks to get dressed and see the extra fat rolls and not have my clothes fit quite right.

If only I could do HCG!!!!! That is a sure-fire, absolutely iron clad, proven diet that works for me. Unfortunately, I'm in the small percentage of people that it wreaks havoc on my hormones, and I just can not do that to myself or my family. :-/

Today I ate:
1/2 c scrambled eggs with cheese and 1 slice Dave's Killer Bread, 1 cup coffee with cream
24oz iced Americano with flavor and a splash of cream
Half a bun with turkey, lettuce, cheese, mayo and mustard
Handful of tortilla chips with bean salsa (recipe to follow)
1/2 a kids cone from McDonalds
1/2 c Kashi Go Lean with 1/4 c milk and a few tablespoons of raw oatmeal sprinkled in.

So yes, it's too heavy on carbs, but it's not like I'm eating excessively. Or am I????? I mean, today was a pretty good day. Yesterday I had a cinnamon roll and some Good & Plenty. But again, not mass quantities!

Any help, advice, thoughts are appreciated. I'm trying to take it one day at a time, and make good choices for that day. It's hard because this week especially has been crazy busy and hectic, Josh is gone and I'm worried because the man has not been sleeping (literally) and drives long distances, I don't go to bed or sleep well when he's not here (last night I wasn't in bed until 2a.m. and my kids were up at 6:30 this morning, and the night before it was almost as bad). So there's lots going on, lots of factors.

Oh! I just remembered my friend sent me a workout you can do with just your body weight, so I'm going to look at that. I do think I need to add in some physical activity of some sort. And keep working on eating healthy for the most part, and if I want a treat then keep it small.

Hope you guys are doing well!! And that you have some advice for me! :-D

Here is the bean salad/salsa recipe. It is so good, and if you make it the day before you need it, the flavors get much richer and bolder.

32 oz frozen corn
2 green peppers, diced
2 red peppers, diced
1 orange pepper, diced
1 yellow pepper, diced
(Or any combination of bell peppers you want)
2 cans black beans, drained and rinsed
1 can garbanzo beans, drained and rinsed
2 bunches cilantro, finely chopped
1 16oz bottle ZESTY Italian dressing

You just chop everything up and mix it all together and refrigerate until you want to eat it. It really is so good. I don't even like black beans or garbanzo beans, but the flavors from the cilantro and dressing mask it well. SO GOOD! This also make a fairly big batch, so you could easily cut it in half.

Wedding Bells

2011-08-10T14:16:00.000-07:00

Hi Guys!
Guess what? My brother is engaged!

We are so happy and excited; they are just perfect for each other. =)

But you know what that means? There will be a wedding! With pictures. And I don't want to look/feel fat. :-/

SO I guess I'm gonna have to start getting serious about losing these last 10-15 pounds. I don't know why I've struggled SO MUCH with them. I'm just not motivated, even though I desperately want to be at my goal weight. It's seems like a total oxymoron, huh?

For me it seems like I have to adopt the All or Nothing attitude when it comes to dieting. If I just "go with the flow" then I end up eating too much of the stuff that isn't good for me, and the weight doesn't come off. I have to focus entirely and restrict myself completely in order for it to work. And, that is hard!

I feel like I lack enough willpower to do it. But at the same time if I would JUST DO IT then I'd feel so much better.

I am not sure what the scale will say tomorrow. I wouldn't be surprised if it's back up to 145. My cycle this month has been crazy and weird and it's not helping anything. But I'm hoping that now that I have a goal in mind, something to count down to (well, they haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in the near future) that maybe it'll help??

MB-I've totally noticed your absence and wondered where you went!! I'm glad you came back. I like hearing from you, even if you don't feel like you're doing it perfectly yourself.

So my plan is to attempt the 17 Day Diet, and stick to it the right way. I know it's going to be hard and take dedication and I need to JUST DO IT.

I also need to get back on track with my water intake. My kiddos lost my new water bottle =( so I got sort of off track with that.

But here's to new beginnings and to success!

2011-08-08T12:29:00.000-07:00

Hi Guys,
I'm here and I'm well. I am still working on getting in sufficient water every day; it's so hard for me! I did buy some instant tea to help flavor the water, so hopefully that'll help.

My eating has been...pretty good. Far from perfect, but not totally overboard, either. I will weigh on Thursday.

I've been really emotional and had bad cramps and bloating, but that is being resolved as we speak. ;-)

Not much else to report. Talk to you soon!

Keeping On

2011-08-04T10:48:00.000-07:00

So, I guess I need to stop saying I'm following the 17 Day Diet... cuz I'm not. But I am cutting way, way back on carbs and sugar. And it's working.

I weighed in this morning at 144.0 and that's what I'll record for this week.

I also was successful getting in all my water!! Over 70 ounces between water, green tea and coffee.

In the evening Liz and I were majorly wanting to pig out. And I have crunchy Cheetos in my cupboard. And ice cream in the freezer. And other bad-for-me food. But instead we made wraps with romaine leaves, turkey and tomatoes. And then made a pot of decaf coffee and enjoyed it on the back porch in the evening with the twinkle lights on once the kids were in bed. Talk about bliss! =)

So things are going well; I am working to cut back on my carbs/sugar even more because yesterday for example, I had 4 bites of lemon cheesecake (totally delicious!!) and a few crackers and cheese. But overall I'm cutting back on calories and eating less carbs and sugar, so moving in the right direction.

Here's to keeping it up and seeing 130 on the scale soon!

The First Day Was... Ok

2011-08-03T09:21:00.000-07:00

I did okay yesterday; not perfect but not terrible.

I felt like I had food poisoning and my stomach was so queasy after I drank my coffee. I ate 2 eggs and then felt sick for hours afterward. So in the afternoon I ate one handful of Bugles (sooooo deliciously salty!!) and stopped at that. Major victory. ;-) I also had 1/4 of a quesadilla.

I also had an americano with flavor, and realized later it was totally full of sugar. I never order sugar-free, so it didn't even occur to me. Oops.

Then later I had chicken salad on lettuce leaves and wrapped in smoked turkey breast and it was soo soo soo good. I also ate 3 small pieces of organic milk chocolate.

Was it perfect? No. But it was a good start, and I am feeling good about continuing on today. I stepped on the scale and got numbers ranging from 144.4 to 145.6 :-P So it's still down, just not sure how much. I'll probably wait and only weigh once a week and then record that.

I got a new water bottle and my number one focus today is going to be drinking enough water. I have been seriously, seriously, SERIOUSLY lacking in that area and I know it's not helping anything. My goal is to drink 70+ ounces today, between green tea and water.

Thanks for your comments and encouragement!

I need YOU!

2011-08-02T09:25:00.000-07:00

To help hold me accountable.

Here's the deal, folks. I weighed this morning. It wasn't pretty. It was downright disgusting. Clearly, I can't do this on my own. I need you guys to help keep me accountable. I need you to tell me not to cheat, that it's worth it to stick it out, that I CAN DO THIS.

Cuz, guys. I'm not doing it. I'm failing, miserably. I weighed in at 146.2 this morning. Bleh. Now, I know part of the weight gain is water retention because my time of the month is coming. But not all of it. Not even close.

So. Today I start (DON'T LAUGH!!!!!) the 17 Day Diet. Again. Again. Again. AGAIN! I don't know if I'll follow it 100% strictly because quite honestly I'm not prepared. I don't have the groceries I need. I don't feel mentally ready. But something has to change, and it's starting today.

I ate 2 eggs for breakfast, and I boiled a whole bunch more. I don't have any salad. But my plan is to eat low/no carb and low fat, and high lean protein and veggies. So even if I have to eat only egg whites today, I will do this.

Realistically speaking, this is the worst time possible to try to start the diet again. I have PMS. PMS + Me = Need for insane amount of chocolate and salty food. And that's absolutely not allowed on the diet. I'm also stressed; just busy in general. Stress + Me = Need for insane amount of chocolate. Again, not allowed on the diet.

But here goes. I have to do something. I don't want to get 3 months down the road and be ballooned back up to 150+ just because I couldn't/wouldn't take control of my eating. So today it stops.

But I need your help. I can't do it on my own. I need to be held accountable. So my goal is to blog daily. I will only weigh once a week, but I want/need to blog to keep myself accountable to you guys and to myself.

So here we go. Lord help us all. =)

Not Giving Up

2011-07-25T09:28:00.000-07:00

Hi Guys, and Happy Monday to you. =)

I just want to put it out there that I am NOT giving up. I'm not.

Is it hard? Yes. Am I struggling? Yes. Have I gained weight? Yes. Is my life stressful? Yes. Whose isn't!?

BUT I AM NOT GIVING UP!!!

I am going to focus on healthy eating, consuming lean proteins and fruits and vegetables as much as possible.

I got a break yesterday; Josh took the kids so I could go shopping. I got 2 new shirts and a skirt, although I think I'll take the skirt back. I'm not sure I like it enough to wear frequently. Then we got to watch a movie in the evening, came home by 8:00 and sat on our back porch drinking wine and eating cheese and crackers. It was sooooo nice. I feel refreshed and ready to tackle this weight thing again.

So I'm out of the quicksand. :-D But not out of the woods. I still have work to do. And I'll do it.

I'll weigh in again on Thursday and post it here.

Quicksand

2011-07-22T08:22:00.000-07:00

THIS is how I feel. I am struggling and struggling, fighting and kicking and yet, I just keep sinking deeper.

I don't know what to do.

I weighed yesterday. 144.4 Yes, One hundred forty four pounds. Yikes.

I feel like if I try to do the 17 Day Diet, then I get all freaky about being so restricted and go way overboard. And then I lay in bed, every night, feeling bloated and gross and vowing to myself that the next day will be better. And then the next day comes and it's stressful and busy and I'm exhausted and by the end of the day all I want to do is sit and watch my show and shove candy into my mouth.

That's the thing. I'm not eating tons of junk food during the day. But at the end of the day, me and candy... we go overboard. And it's showing on the scale.

I feel like these two women are inside of me and are constantly warring. The fat one NEEDS food to cope, to destress, to manage to squeak by. The thin one is also fighting, telling me how much better I'll look and feel if I'm healthy. Wanting to be a good example to my daughter. Wanting to feel good about myself and not allow food to have power over me.

It is totally and utterly exhausting. This struggle goes on all day, every day. And clearly, the fat lady is currently winning.

So this is my plan for now. I am going to follow the 17 Day Diet, BUT I will allow myself to have ONE SERVING of candy at night. And not one serving of each kind, cuz let me tell ya, I have a veritable candy store in my cupboard. One serving of one type. And that's all. Eat it slowly and enjoy it. And make sure I eat healthy during the day.

I hope it works. I need/want to see the scale go back down. I don't feel good about myself. I don't have any energy. My sleep is horrible; I have weird dreams, wake up and can't go back to sleep, feel drugged all day due to sheer exhaustion. This is not okay.

So I am once again, for the 3rd time, going to pick myself back up and try to start the diet again. Try to learn healthy, lifelong habits that will stick. Learn to live in moderation, so I don't feel deprived and yet I don't allow myself to go overboard either.

I am trying to find my way, and I'm sorry I'm not the Golden Girl success story that some other bloggers perhaps are. But I'm not going to give up. I'm not. I will conquer this and I will be healthy and happy. Amen!

17 Day Diet... Take 3

2011-07-18T10:03:00.000-07:00

Sheesh. Here we go again. ;-)

I had a lovely vacation, but am so glad to be home. There's no place like home. =)

My sister and I are starting the diet together today. We both want/need to lose more weight and for various reasons don't want to do a round of HCG at this point.

I need to get some more groceries; fruit, yogurt, lean protein, salad, etc... I plan to boil a bunch of eggs because I can eat those pretty regularly without getting tired of them.

You're also supposed to do 17 minutes of exercise a day, so we'll see what I am able to do. Josh is gone out of state til Wednesday, so my sister is staying here with me. We may take a walk if it's not raining, or else maybe we can do a video together. Or yoga. We'll see.

I'll weigh in on Thursday and post my weight. I'm not looking forward to that. :-P But I just want to be done with actively dieting. I'd like to get down to 130, which means I need to lose between 10 and 12 pounds, probably. Very doable, I just have to DO IT. And the 17 Day Diet was working, before I lost my motivation. So hopefully it'll do the trick.

I'll keep you posted! The next few weeks are less busy than the previous few have been, so hopefully I'll have more time to post.

Happy Monday!

New Motivation

2011-07-15T15:40:00.000-07:00

Hi Guys!
Just taking a break in the middle of the day... the sun is intense! So I came inside and decided to do a little post. =)

The good news is, I'm starting to feel more motivated to lose weight again. Like, I'm happy with where I am but would still like to improve. I just want to deal with these last 10-12 pounds and be done for good. And I think I'm going to do the 17 Day Diet to get rid of them.

I also recently discovered honey flavored greek yogurt, and WOW. It is so good! Not intensely honey flavored, but just lightly sweet and so delicious. So I've been eating that at least once a day.

I have had LOTS and LOTS of chocolate. I'm talking LOTS. Too much. Yesterday, especially. But now I feel like I got it out of my system and can carry on as usual, LOL! ;-)

MB-If you try hypnosis, let me know how it works. ;-)

Not much else to report; I'll start posting regularly again next week, hopefully. At least once a week. I haven't weighed in a LONG time; I think I'll have a wake up call waiting for me next week. :-O

Hope you are all doing well and enjoying your summer!!

Vacation

2011-07-14T07:00:00.000-07:00

Hi there!
Sorry for the super duper long silence. We're on vacation and I haven't really had time to post. =)

I'm doing well; I haven't weighed or anything since last week. I'm a little afraid to, actually. :-P I haven't been overeating, but I also have been having lots of treats. Also, sorry if this is TMI, but my monthly cycle has been brutal this month! I'm not sure what is going on, but it's really heavy and I have NO energy. I feel very lethargic and tired.

Other than that things are good. I've been feeling this deep, intense longing to walk/jog lately. Like, my body is craving it. So maybe once we're back home I can figure out how to do that.

Hope you are all well, and I just wanted to check in and let you know I'm alive and well! =)

My Other Blog

2011-07-06T11:42:00.000-07:00

MB, I have another blog where I write about family stuff and daily life stuff. =)

Here is the link:
http://www.deliciouslydisheveled.blogspot.com/

I will continue blogging there throughout the summer.

I also don't plan to just "give up and let go" this summer, as far as diet is concerned. I'm going to make healthy, conscious decisions and I think I'll try to post at least once a week with my weigh-in weight.

So I'm not disappearing or anything like that. ;-)

Blogging Break... Perhaps?

2011-07-05T09:38:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone. =)
How are you all? I'm good. We had a great 4th of July. Went to a big picnic at our church, swam, played games, the kids got their faces painted, we were gifted a cake from the cake auction, and fireworks. Oh. And the food. :-D Super yummy and I am very happy to say I did NOT overeat at all. I had one Hebrew National dog with mustard and relish, 1/2 c of homemade potato salad (my first attempt and it's delicious!) 2 different kinds of salad; one pasta and one vegetable, and then a little bit of this cherry dessert that was pretty good.

Anyway, I'm thinking about taking a blogging break because I just don't really have all that much to report and we're busy enjoying the summer. ;-) I've been contemplating going back on the 17 Day Diet, but feel so wishy washy about it. And since this is supposed to be a weight loss blog, I feel I just don't really have anything to talk about. And frankly, it stresses me out. To always have to come up with something to say, yet not be actively working on it.

Anyway, I'll blog as I have time and something to say, LOL, but it's probably going to slow down A LOT during this summer.

I'm doing well and loving life, so that is good. =)

Hope you all are doing well, and feel free to stay in touch, either via comments or my skinnyturtle email acct. If you email me, just leave me a comment to let me know, as I rarely check that email acct.

Happy Summer!

Hi =)

2011-07-01T13:03:00.000-07:00

Hi Friends!
How are you today? I'm doing well. We had a super busy morning with swim lessons (they finished up today) and then went to Costco with the entire rest of the state, all getting ready for the 4th of July. ;-)

I have SO MUCH housework to do. I really slacked off this week and it shows. So today I'm buzzing around getting it all done. Laundry, dishes, vacuuming, sweeping, cleaning out my fridge, cleaning out the art cabinet and recycling the used paper, etc...

I'm feeling really bloated today, as TOM should be starting next week, but my insatiable hunger is waning, so that's good. I think I ate pretty well yesterday, but honestly can't remember everything I ate. I didn't binge or overeat, that much I know.

Today I had a bowl of shredded wheat and granola for breakfast and an iced coffee. I need to get some protein in to help me power through all my housework.

Overall I'm feeling very good and guess what? THE SUN IS SHINING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Best thing ever. :-D

I think I'll get back to the 17 Day Diet soon. But for now I'm trying something else out; eating the 17 Day Diet way during the week, and then taking the weekends off. Now, that doesn't mean I can go overboard and eat all manners of junk on the weekends. But if, for example, Josh asks me to make scones like he requested for tomorrow, well then I'll go ahead and eat one. And if I get full before it's gone, then I'll stop. And eat mostly lean protein, vegetables and fruits the rest of the time.

I'm so happy with all the fruit that is in season right now! I got nectarines that are PERFECTLY ripe, apples, blueberries, bananas, and I still have some strawberries. I'm just going to wash everything and put it in a big bowl on the table and let the kids and myself have at it. =)

Hope you all have a super weekend and celebrate our freedom on Monday!!!

Weigh In

2011-06-30T07:42:00.000-07:00

Bleh. I weighed in at 140.2, which is almost 2 pounds up from last week. :-/ I knew it would be up, though. I'm also bloated from my TOM, but I need to focus on eating better, too.

Yesterday I fasted, although half way through the day I started getting really irritable and shaky, so I ate 2 hardboiled eggs and then had another one a few hours later. For dinner I had a salad with chicken and then I had some honey roasted peanuts as a snack. That's all I had, and I did drink quite a bit, but not enough.

I'm not really sure where to go from here. I think I need to get back on the diet. But it feels overwhelming and I start getting freaky about it when I'm hungry (from TOM) and can't eat. I don't know, I need to figure it out.

I'm going grocery shopping today so hopefully having a lot of food in the house will help.

Not much else to report. Josh gets home tonight, and then we have the 3 day weekend to look forward to, YAY! =)

Help

2011-06-29T08:07:00.000-07:00

Man alive!
I am struggling, you guys. I'm sorry if this is TMI, but it seems like PMS affects me for a full 2 weeks every month. And by "affects me" I mean I'm irritable, moody and HUNGRY. Hungry like a starving person. Like my stomach is a bottomless pit. Frantic for food. It's so weird.

Yesterday = EPIC FAIL. Total and complete, no two ways about it. I ate all day long and none of it was good. Cookies, crackers, and then taco salad for dinner. BBQ chips and cereal. Ugh, at the end of the day I felt sooooo gross. I did forget to take my Zoloft yesterday, which usually cuts my appetite down a bit, so maybe that had a tiny bit to do with it???

Matt-So nice to hear from you!! I am seriously considering adjusting my goal weight; I think you are on to something there.

MB-How are you, dear? Did you see the doctor?

Today I feel constipated and toxic so I'm going to try to fast until dinner and really get a lot of liquids in. I need to get back in gear with the 17 Day Diet, because it was really working. I just got tired of the meat and salad, and then PMS and my chocolate cravings hit and I was sunk. Because I didn't have the resolve to stick it through.

So I do plan to weigh tomorrow and it will definitely be up from last week's weight. :-/ But it's my own fault, and I'll just work to be better from here on out.

I hope you are all doing well and I'll check back tomorrow!

Lost and Found... Maybe

2011-06-27T09:15:00.000-07:00

Whew, over the weekend I totally lost my motivation to lose weight. Totally. And I ended up eating things that were definitely not on my diet.

*strawberry shortcake
*chocolate
*strawberry scone
*toast with butter and homemade strawberry jam
*Licks of my kiddos ice cream cone

Can you tell it's strawberry season!? :-D We went and picked fresh berries and I made jam with it and shortcake and scones and we're still eating them fresh, too. The good news is that I didn't overeat. For example, I only ate half my shortcake and scone, because I got full. But those carbs and sugar are definitely not allowed on the diet.

Over the weekend I was totally NOT motivated to lose weight. I felt fine where I am at and it also was extra hard because I KEEP running out of salad and chicken. We've BBQ'd in the last week so I had BBQ chicken and hamburgers, but I keep running out of salad. And then I'm at a loss as to what to eat.

Anyway, last night I got my motivation back and went for a vigorous 20 minute walk using hand weights. It wasn't a huge workout or anything, but better than nothing. I felt like I was ready to tackle this thing again. But then this morning I woke up... and no motivation. I made crepes with the fresh strawberry jam for the kids and it looked SO good and I just wanted to eat it. But instead I ate my greek yogurt with strawberries. :-P

Anyway, I'm trying to stick to it, because I really would like to lose these last 10-15 pounds. Some days I think about it and I'm totally fine with how I look. Happy, in fact. But then I realize that 10-15 pounds is basically half the weight your supposed to gain if you were pregnant, and wow. I'm not pregnant and don't want to be carrying around that much extra weight! So we'll see. I'm going to try my best to stick to it. I need to go grocery shopping AGAIN. I've been loving boiled eggs because I like them and they are easy to transport. But I'm down to my last 4 and I don't want to go shopping until Thursday, which is pay day. I *could* go before then, but I am working really hard to stick to the budget we created. It's been a good lesson in self-control for me. I'm so used to just going and getting what I want/need. It's eye opening how much money I can blow through that way.

So that's where I'm at. Sticking with it, but struggling. I plan to go for another walk tonight; you're supposed to do 17 minutes of exercise on the diet each day. We live in a very nice, quiet neighborhood and I can walk up hills and pump my 2 pound hand weights. ;-) It was a nice workout last night, and I'm looking forward to going by myself tonight.

I'll keep you posted and I'll weigh in on Thursday, hopefully.

It's working!

2011-06-23T12:35:00.000-07:00

I weighed today and I am down to 138.4!! Hooray!

I started taking my Metamucil again (I'd really neglected taking it for quite a while) and it helped with my constipation issue. So now I'm adding it to my lemon juice in the morning, since I don't always finish my coffee.

Yesterday I ate:

Greek yogurt with strawberries
Salad greens with roasted turkey breast, one hard boiled egg, and ranch
1 bottle of Diet Green Tea
Salad greens with BBQ chicken, one hard boiled egg and honey mustard
Not enough water, but close

I didn't eat my second serving of yogurt/fruit again because we got too busy. I think maybe I already relayed all this to you yesterday???? Man, my brain doesn't work. :-P

One other thing I'm doing, that I learned about from my sister who read the 4 Hour Body... When I'm done with my shower, I turn the water to ice cold and stand there for as long as I can tolerate it. It's not long. ;-) But it supposedly revs up your metabolism and helps burn fat. So what I do is gradually turn the hot water down, in increments. Toward the end it's REALLY cold. Like. Really. My palms turn bluish and I'm hyperventilating a little bit and the towel actually feels WARM even though it's just room temperature.

It's not fun or comfortable, but it's just a short time of pain and if it helps, then it's worth it. ;-)

I hope you're all doing well!!

Day Three

2011-06-22T15:09:00.000-07:00

Hi guys!

So far the diet is going extremely well. Yesterday I had:

Glass of water with lemon juice
Cup of coffee with Vanilla Nut creamer
Greek yogurt with fresh strawberries x 2
Salad greens with chicken, hard boiled egg and honey mustard dressing
BBQ'd chicken on salad greens with ranch
70+ ounces of water
1 bottle of diet green tea

I weighed myself this morning and I was 139.0, however I'm mucho constipated. Sorry, TMI, but it's really severe. Weird, considering all the fiber I'm eating and water I'm drinking, but it's totally painful. Anyway, I'll have access to a scale tomorrow and I'll see if that number has gone down anymore by then. Hopefully! =)

I find the hardest part of this diet is the absolute lack of carbs and anything sweet (besides fruit) allowed. That's what I want to munch on! It's my weakness, but so far I've stuck to the diet and not cheated.

I do find that I get physically hungry more often, which again is weird because I'm eating lots of fiber and protein. Today I didn't have a chance to eat my second serving of yogurt OR fruit (because you're supposed to eat them before 2pm) because we had swim lessons and then the consult with the eye surgeon for Christian.

He has a lazy eye and has since he was born. The surgeon told us he can stop wearing his glasses (YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and see how he does through the summer. He thinks his brain will correct it gradually over time, and then they can do surgery down the road. But if his eye goes out more than 50% of the time or starts to bother him, we can do it sooner. He also said it won't interfere with his school work (one of our main concerns) because he is able to focus and keep his eyes straight when looking at and reading things up close. So, good news all around! SOOO glad we don't have to shell out anymore money for those glasses!

It is FREEZING cold here. I am so perplexed. Is it not JUNE 22!?!?!? Where is the sun!? Where is summer!? What is going on????

MB, I'm sorry you are having health problems, and I hope they all get resolved quickly! When you're ready, I think the 17 Day Diet would be a good option because you can eat as much protein and vegetables as you want, so you can keep yourself full. Not being able to eat sugar is gonna be really hard, though. At least, it is for me. :-/

Anyway, still doing good and going strong! I'll weigh again tomorrow and post then.

Happy Hump Day!

Day Two

2011-06-21T15:33:00.000-07:00

Hello, hello!

How is everyone? I'm doing pretty good, all things considered. =) My kiddos woke up extra early today... like at 5:30 and 6:15. :-O And then they didn't nap. :-O :-O But they've been playing fairly well, so I'm thankful.

Swim lessons are going well; the kids LOVE them and ask all morning long when is it time to go!?!? I think that's part of why they woke up super early today. They couldn't wait to go back. Anyway, with the lessons comes a new schedule of sorts. We get up and eat breakfast, putz around the house and then at 9:45 leave for lessons. We get home a little before 11 and the kids are STARVING so we eat as soon as we get home, and then they all take a rest. And hopefully sleep. ;-) During this time I've been either cleaning or sitting in the sun. Super nice. Then they wake up and if it's nice we play outside until dinner.

Anyway, my point with all of that is that I don't have as much time in the morning to blog. So most likely I'll be posting in the evenings.

The 17 Day Diet is going much better this time. I was 99% on track yesterday, and the only reason I wasn't 100% was because I forgot to drink my water with lemon juice in the morning. I ate both servings of fruit and yogurt, had a big salad with greens, yellow pepper, boiled egg, chicken and dressing for lunch, and then I ate another salad for dinner. AND I drank all my water!!!

Today is going well, too. I drank my lemon juice and water, had greek yogurt with fresh strawberries for breakfast (SO delicious!), had some grapes for a snack and then had another big salad for lunch. For dinner I'm grilling some BBQ chicken and planning to eat more salad and raw veggies with dip. And I've also gotten most all of my water in already. WOOT!

Anyway, it's going well. My sis is spending the night tonight so I'll weigh tomorrow. I won't have a scale the rest of the week, so even though it's early and I'll only have been on the diet 3 days, tomorrow it will be, and I'll record it for the week.

Hope you're doing well! MB, did you call your doctor???? ;-)

The 17 Day Diet, Take Two

2011-06-20T08:35:00.000-07:00

Hey Ya'll.

Sorry for the delayed absence. I got a killer migraine that lasted 2 days and couldn't really get on the computer. Then we headed to the beach, and now here I am again. =)

On Saturday I got a chance to weigh myself and I was 139.6, so that is what I am posting for last week's weight.

I'm starting the 17 Day Diet again today, (and I think my mom is joining me, too!). I've gone back and forth about wanting to do it. I have probably 10-15 pounds that could still come off, especially going according to all the "charts" that are out there. For a person 5'4" like me, I'm supposed to weigh anywhere between 102 (!!) to 130. So yeah, I could lose some more. But, here's the thing.

I'm happy where I'm at. I feel good. We went shopping this weekend and I'm solidly in a size 8. 10's are definitely too big. At Loft I even fit into a size 6, but I hear their sizing is a little off, in favor of people fitting a smaller size than usual. I feel comfortable in my skin and clothes, even though I could definitely tone up, and I don't "love" the way I look in a bathing suit. But really, I've NEVER loved the way I looked in a bathing suit, even before kiddos.

So I'm in a bit of a conundrum. Because I am so content, it makes it hard to restrict myself. But on the other hand, if I could lose 10-15 pounds, that'd be great! And the 17 Day Diet seems very doable, so I'm going to give it a shot. We'll see what happens.

I have some chicken baked up and I'm marinating some turkey tenderloins too, which I'll grill either tonight or tomorrow. I also plan to get a rotisserie chicken and eat the breast meat.

Other than that, things are going well. We had a nice time at the beach and now it's back to the daily grind. My kiddos start swimming lessons today for 2 weeks, so we're off to do that soon.

Hope you are all doing well and had a great Father's Day weekend!

Sick... Again

2011-06-15T10:29:00.000-07:00

Ugh, I think I have food poisoning! My stomach is cramping like crazy and I have diarrhea and just feel ill. =(

The rest of my family is fine and we've all eaten the same stuff, so I'm not sure what's going on. But I definitely feel under the weather. I hope it passes soon, because I'm supposed to be going to the beach this weekend with my sister and our kiddos.

MB-Yep, people refer to me as RA, mostly in writing. And YES. The Zoloft totally cut my appetite down AND helped with cravings. My appetite has come back up a bit, but still not what it was, and usually the cravings are gone as well. I still get them during PMS but other than that, sugar/sweets don't even sound good. Call your doc and good luck!

Not much else going on. I still plan to start my diet once I have all the food. I need to bake a bunch of chicken and turkey and stock up on more yogurt, fruit and vegetables. Right now I'm not even eating much because my stomach is in such torment. I have the chills and just want to get in a hot bath and read. Too bad I've got 4 rambunctious kiddos that I'm in charge of. ;-) But come nap time, I think I'll take a long, hot soak with lavender bubbles.

Sorry for the short, pointless post. ;-) I'll be back tomorrow with a weigh-in.

Have a great Wednesday!

Do Over

2011-06-14T10:51:00.000-07:00

Ummmm, so I have to call a Do Over for my diet. :-P

I was doing fine yesterday, but then got really busy and didn't eat my second portion of yogurt or fruit before I ran out of time. You're supposed to eat both the probiotic and fruit before 2pm. Then I was STARVING and hadn't cooked my chicken yet. I made eggwhites, but YUCK. For some reason they tasted like there was soap or perfume in them. :-O So gross.

So I ended up eating 3 mini Snickers and a mini Twix, and a slice of pizza for dinner. Whoops! I have to say, the chocolate seriously calmed my very frazzled nerves, though!

So I am going to wait to start the diet until I go to the store and can stock up on turkey breast and rotisserie chicken breast.

So, yesterday I ended up eating:

4 oz greek yogurt with strawberries
baby carrots with 1T fat free ranch
red grapes
3 mini Snickers, and 1 mini Twix
1 slice of pizza
3 bites of ice cream

I will most likely start again on Friday, because I plan to shop on Thursday. Sorry for the blip in the diet. :-P

Mom-I totally want to talk to you about the diet; maybe we can do it together. =)

Otherwise I'm doing very well. Yesterday was really rough, but I realized half way through the day I had forgotten to take my Zoloft. I took the kids to the park (cuz you're supposed to exercise 17 minutes a day on the diet) and it ended up being a 20ish minute walk and they played for a while. They were hungry and grumpy so we came home, which is when I ate the candy.

Overall I *know* I can do the diet, I just need to be prepared with the right food ingredients. So I'll just start a few days later than I was originally planning.

I hope you're all doing well! I have a day of housework ahead of me, and I am determined to stick to it until it's done. I'm tired of living in a half clean, half messy house. I just need to pick it up and enjoy my home and then sit in the sun with the kids, if it ever decides to bless us with it's rays. Will summer EVER come to the west coast????????

17 Day Diet, Day 1

2011-06-13T08:48:00.000-07:00

I'm starting the 17 Day Diet today.

I feel a little frazzled and unprepared because I desperately need to do some grocery shopping, but I think I have the basics to get me through until I can make it to the store.

For breakfast I had 4oz greek yogurt with strawberries. No granola. I also am drinking Lipton Diet Green Tea; I can't stomach hot green tea, so I'm hoping this will suffice.

Whitney, if you're reading and have time to reply... Do you drink the cup of hot water with lemon in the morning? And also, how many grams of sugar are in your strawberry Chobani yogurt? I haven't seen any sugar-free greek yogurt and the regular kind with strawberries has 13 grams! :-O

Other than that I'm doing pretty well, besides being extremely tired. I have been having very bizarre dreams every night. On Saturday I woke up at 1a.m. and didn't fall back asleep until after 5a.m. So I was dragging all day. Today I feel drugged and can't wait for rest time so I can lay down with the kids.

I will weigh once a week, on Thursdays, as that is when I will have a scale.

I started typing out everything you're able to eat, but then I thought maybe that's copyright infringement???

Anyway, this diet is absolutely doable for me, and I will post every day what I ate. =) Ideally I'll post at the end of the day, but I may be posting previous day's meals if I don't get on the computer again.

Here's hoping it works for me as well as it has for my girl, Whitney! =) She's getting married this month and has lost over 70 pounds this past year in preparation to look gorgeous at her wedding!!!!

Late Post

2011-06-09T19:28:00.000-07:00

Hi All =)

Sorry for the late post; today was a busy day. Thursdays usually are. We have this tradition, my sisters, mom and I, that we get together on Thursdays. My sister Liz doesn't work that day and we spend it together, usually. Not everyone every time. Today it was me, Liz and Sarah. We sat out in the sun, the kiddies played in the pool, Liz and I got our eyebrows threaded, then we sat out in the sun some more.

I just cleaned up my house... mostly. The kitchen still needs work, but I've folded 4 loads and the washer and dryer are both humming and I vacuumed all the bedrooms and hallways.

ANYWAY, my point is that I was busy so I'm just now sitting down to post. =)

I weighed in at 140.8 this morning, which is fine with me. I am bloated and ate lasagna for dinner last night (it was Liz's birthday, if you remember) and I also had a small slice of lemon cheesecake. OH MY WORD. The cheesecake is divine. There is a large piece of it sitting in the fridge and I haven't even taken a nibble all day. Go me!

I also read through the 17 Day Diet book and it seem super doable. I plan to start on Monday; I have to go buy some ingredients and will do that over the weekend when I don't have to drag my (insane, lately) munchkins around with me.

I'm excited and am looking forward to the scale going down. I've been saying that a lot lately, huh? Oh well, it's true.

I will not be buying anymore Rice and Bean chips. I crave them and tend to eat them in place of meals. They are very salty and not a meal in any form. So those will not be bought for a while here.

The first phase of the diet you can eat unlimited protein (chicken, turkey and tilapia is what I'll be eating), unlimited vegetables (certain non-starchy ones), 2 portions of probiotics (greek yogurt for me) and 2 servings of certain low sugar fruits. Totally doable, right!? Right.

So Monday I'll start that and keep you posted. There's a chance I'll get my scale back this weekend and I'm contemplating weighing every day vs. once a week. The drop will be bigger if I just see it once a week, as opposed to seeing it every day. Well, it won't actually BE bigger but it will feel that way. So we'll see. I want to move my ticker down; I moved it up to reflect the current weigh in weight.

I hope you've had a good week. I'm looking forward to the weekend; no real plans but sleep is definitely on the agenda. =)

BIG DAY!

2011-06-08T12:44:00.000-07:00

Today is a very special day for two reasons.

1) It is my sister Liz's birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LIZ!!!!!!!!!!

We are only 18 months apart and, for the most part have been great friends our whole lives. There was a period of time where I may or may not have bullied her, which I regret and apologize for. I'm sorry, Liz. Please don't hold it against me. I won't tell about how you tried to convince me you magically found a package of grape gum under the tree in our backyard, when I knew full well you stole it *gasp* from the Corner Market. ;-)

2) Kate graduated from Kindergarten today! Oh my it was so cute! They performed lots of songs and dances and then even had tiny caps and gowns! So sweet. I can't believe I have a 6 year old who is going to be in first grade! So crazy.

Even more special is that her great-grandparents got to be there, as well as both grandmas. I'll post some pictures when I get them. I also took video, but for some reason that I couldn't figure out, it was SUPER blurry. :-(

Anyway, we are preparing for a birthday celebration tonight for Liz, so I've gotta run. I did get my 17 Day Diet book yesterday, but haven't had a chance to read through it yet. I plan to try to do so before the weekend and start.

I hope you're all having a great day!!

Dawnie-Ummmm, I may have to adopt your family that's moving to S. Carolina so I'll have a reason to go visit. ;-)

June Challenge

2011-06-07T10:04:00.000-07:00

I was doing GREAT! Until I wasn't. :-P

The last two days, I can safely say I failed at eating well. PMS-that's who I am blaming. I have been craving sweets and salts. Yikes.

Yesterday was especially bad. My sweet mom brought doughnuts over. I love doughnuts. With a passion. I ate 1.5 with my coffee. Then when the kids were down for their rests I ate some Good & Plenty candy. I love black licorice. Then later, I ate.... I can almost not say it because it's so horrible... 5 Chips Ahoy Reeses PB cup cookies. Five. FIVE!!!!

Oh my word. If that isn't horrible I don't know what is. And I felt it, too. I was sick and impatient and lethargic and it was horrible.

So today I vow to do better. I haven't eaten anything yet, because I don't feel hungry. When I do, I'll eat my greek yogurt with granola.

My 17 Day Diet book is scheduled to come in tomorrow, YAY! I can't wait to read it, buy the ingredients and get started.

Also, Ms Aunt Flo is showing up today, so hopefully by Thursday the water retention will go down and I'll have 2 days of good eating under my belt.

On a completely different topic... Mary Beth. The reason I love the Carolinas so much? 3 words:
Dorothea Benton Frank

I love her books. More than I love doughnuts, and that's saying something. They are FANTASTIC and they are set in S. Carolina.

So that's where my love for the Carolinas stem from. =)

I hope you're all doing well today!

Summer Days

2011-06-06T09:39:00.000-07:00

The sun is finally beginning to make an appearance, and I think it's safe to say the entire state is ecstatic. :-D

We've seen enough of the rain and the clouds and the fog to last us well into October, when it may then get cool again so we can start baking apple and pumpkin pies. =)

I ordered my 17 Day Diet book, and it should be here by Wednesday. I'm excited to read through it and start. I plan to weigh again on Thursday when my sister is here and I can use her scale. I don't really expect to see a number lower than 139.4 (my last weigh in) because my period is supposed to come any day and I usually retain water and gain weight.

So, we'll see. I'm not too worried, but I am excited to begin the diet and hopefully be at 125 sooner rather than later. =)

Mary Beth-I don't usually eat right before bed, although last night I did have a bowl of greek yogurt with strawberries and granola before bed AND I had really vivid weird dreams. So you may be on to something there!

I'm doing well otherwise. Loving the sunshine and being able to be outside in the fresh air.

I also started up my vitamin regiment again. I take a lot of supplements. A LOT. I have to take them at night otherwise they make me super nauseated and I end up throwing up. So I got one of those pill holders that old people use and by golly, that thing is chock full of the vitamins that will hopefully make me healthier and help me feel better!

Here is a rundown:

1 multivitamin
1 antioxidant
3 Icelandic Kelp
1 B-12
3 Calcium and Magnesium
3 Vitamin D
2 Fish Oil Omega 3

I think that's it. I also take a digestive enzyme with each meal. I was forgetting to take all those pills, which is why I decided to just put them in the pill organizer; that way I can dump them out all at once and take them before bed, instead of opening 7+ jars of vitamins every night.

Interesting, huh? :-P

I am having a really, really hard time getting my water in. I just don't think to drink it, and if I drink too much at once I get sick. But I'm working on it. Because it's really important, I think.

I've been doing well with the June Challenge of eating well. I have had my fair share of treats; we had company on Saturday for a BBQ and I made strawberry shortcake with homemade whipped cream and it was divine. I also made the Caribbean Chicken Salad... which is not nearly as good in the low-fat version. =( It doesn't have such a full, robust flavor as when I use full fat mayo and sour cream. I think the next time I make it I'll use regular mayo and non-fat sour cream. I'll report back. =)

Anyway, as I said, I've had my share of treats, but I've been really careful to eat in moderation and stop when I don't feel hungry. It's so easy to just mindlessly keep plowing through the goodies. But then I end up sick and fat. So, that's not good. ;-)

So far today I've had one pancake with whipped cream and strawberries, and 1/2 a cup of coffee with cream. Yum. =)

I need to get off my fanny and do my chores, so I'll see you on the flip side. =)

Ruby

2011-06-03T09:36:00.000-07:00

First off, here is what I ate yesterday:

1 crepe with 1tsp sour cream and 1 tsp jam
1 turkey sausage
12 oz americano with cream and white chocolate caramel flavoring
2 oz rice and bean chips with 1/4 c lentils
1 slice pepperoni pizza and 2 breadsticks

Water... I failed miserably. I'm shooting for 70 ounces today, but it's so hard for me to get it down! :-P

So far today I've had 1/2 a cup of coffee with cream and some rice and bean chips. Yes, I ate them for breakfast. And they were delicious. ;-)

Have any of you seen the show "Ruby"?

I recently found it on Netflix and have been watching it. I like it. Although, I don't understand how she's not losing weight faster when she's only eating 1500 calories a day and is so overweight. But anyway, I like the show. Partly because I'm slightly obsessed with North and South Carolina. ;-) I have only seen a few episodes, so don't anyone ruin anything for me! =)

It's interesting to see the emotional struggle, and I am so intrigued why she can't remember a big chunk of her childhood. And her modge podge support group is just awesome. =)

Anyway, I like it and it gives me something to do when Josh is gone.

Also, has anyone read the book French Women Don't Get Fat?

I'm in the process of reading it, and it's also very interesting. VERY. The whole culture difference, and taking time to really enjoy and savor food... It's a different way of thinking than most Americans, for sure.

I sort of feel like I have a personal French tutor telling me what to do and how to do it, because that's how Mireille writes.

Anyway, not much else to report. It's Friday, which is great! But I'm bone dead tired. I keep waking up at 5a.m. after not falling asleep til between 10 and midnight usually. It's not enough sleep and in the mornings I feel like I physically can NOT get out of bed. My body feels like a sack of rocks. I'm going grocery shopping tonight and I'm picking up some Unisom.

I used it when I was pregnant to prevent morning sickness, but it's actually a low grade sleeping pill. So I figured I may as well use it for what it's intended to be used for. ;-) I take half and it helps me fall asleep faster and sleep with less weird/creepy dreams. Lately I've been having so many bizarre dreams, and so has Josh. Very odd.

ANYWAY... all that to say I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! Check out that show and/or book if you haven't. They are quite interesting!

Weigh In

2011-06-02T14:15:00.000-07:00

I weighed in this morning using my sister's scale and I was at 139.4, which made me very happy. =)

A little over a month ago I was up to 147, so I'm very happy to be in the 130's, and I hope to keep moving lower. I am ordering the book off Amazon, but waiting for some Swagbucks to come through first. So once I get it and read it, I'll start.

For now I'm just working on making conscious eating decisions and not eating out of boredom. I need to stock up on more greek yogurt and granola. I think I'd like the greek yogurt better if it was flavored; even just vanilla. But nonetheless, I like it, it keeps me full and it's not super high calorie.

I'm also enjoying the Rice and Bean chips from Costco; they didn't have them for a while, but now they do. I don't know what it is about them, but I just love them; I crave them. I ate them with some lentils my mom brought over today and it was good; like chili.

I need to stock up on more fruits and veggies. I'm loving red grapes right now, and will probably make that Caribbean chicken salad again.

I'm joining Dawne's June Challenge.

Or, it looks like maybe someone else started it, but I saw it on Dawne's blog and am jumping aboard this bandwagon. =)

I haven't read the rules, but for me I am going to challenge myself to... well, to eat WELL. For me, that doesn't mean no treats. But it DOES mean eating in moderation, not to excess and making sure I get enough lean proteins, veggies and fruits in. I'm looking forward to it! Especially now that more fruits are coming into season. I can't wait for the strawberries; I'm going to make strawberry freezer jam. YUM.

So I'll keep you posted on when I get my 17 Day Diet book and maybe I'll post what I eat each day in June. So far today I've had:

1 crepe
1 turkey sausage
12oz americano with cream and caramel flavoring
2oz rice and bean chips with 1/4 cup lentils

I also really, really, really need to work on my water intake. Yikes, that has really fallen to the wayside and currently my lips are so chapped they are almost falling off my face. =( So I'll work on getting in at least 70 ounces of water a day.

I think I'll weigh in on Thursdays and post it on my sidebar to the right.

Here's to a wonderfully successful month of June, and creating new, healthy habits!

New Clothes

2011-06-01T09:48:00.000-07:00

I got to go shopping over the weekend, and it turned out to be a surprisingly fun experience! I love Ross Dress For Less. I almost always find good deals there, if not for me, then dresses for Kate (for under $10) and stuff for my house.

Well, over the weekend Josh and I got to go on a date and we hit up Ross. I got a pair of black capris (size 10), two shirts and a sweatshirt (all size Small). And I feel really good in them! I also tried on a pair of Calvin Klein gray capris, size 10, but they were too big???

I'm excited for my new clothes, and just need the weather to warm up so I can wear them! :-P Seriously, it's JUNE and it's supposed to rain this whole week. =( When will summer ever come???

I really want to weigh myself, and I think my sister is bringing her scale so I can do so. Yesterday my jeans were falling off my rear all day. But then they'd get stuck on my hips and create muffin top. Yuck. I really don't think I can fit into the next size down, but maybe? I'm going to go to my favorite store for jeans (Maurice's) and try them on just to see. Maybe if they are smaller and fit at my waist they won't slide down and create the muffin top.

I emailed Whitney (hi, Whitney!!!) and she emailed me back about the 17 Day Diet and I'm definitely going to do it. I'm heading over to Amazon to buy the book as soon as I'm done writing this post. I'm so excited, because I would LOVE to see 15 pounds gone and be able to fit into a size 8. Actually, I don't care what size I wear as long as I don't have lots of lumps and rolls. The scale number and the size tag on my clothes are sort of superfluous if I feel good in my own skin.

I am happy to report that I'm still doing really well on the Zoloft. It's made such a huge difference, and I am so thankful. I haven't had to take any Xanax for anxiety, although there are days/times of the month when I can tell I'm more stressed/uptight. But that's totally normal, and Jen (hi, Jen!!!!) found these things called Chill Pills (no, really. That's what they're called!) at a health food store. I think I'm going to buy a bottle of them for the days when I need to, well, chill out. :-D

Lately I've been having Light & Fit Vanilla yogurt with organic granola for one, sometimes two meals a day. On the 17 day diet you're allowed two servings of yogurt a day, so that's nice. I love it. It's light but filling. I haven't bought greek yogurt in a while because all I can find is unflavored, non-fat. And I haven't really acquired a taste for it yet. Maybe I'll start mixing it with my vanilla yogurt and then slowly phase out the sugary yogurt in favor of the greek.

All in all I'm doing really well and I'm super excited/motivated to start losing weight again. This *IS* a weight loss blog, after all. ;-)

Mary Beth-HI! Just wanted to say hello, cuz it's been a while. ;-) If you don't like spices that much I wouldn't recommend making the Caribbean Chicken Salad. Do you like Thai food? I love yellow curry, and it has the same flavor as the curry used in the salad.

Not much else going on here. I hope you're all doing well, and I hope to have some weight loss to report soon!

I had changed my ticker a while ago to my goal weight being 135, but today I'm changing it back to 125. I'm not sure if I'll end up there or if my body will naturally settle somewhere between 130-135, but that's what I'm going to shoot for. I'll also start recording my weight weekly again, but I have to get my scale back first.

Happy Hump Day! ;-)

What day is it?

2011-05-31T12:05:00.000-07:00

The Memorial Holiday totally has me all messed up. I keep thinking it's Monday, but it's Tuesday! Best thing ever. =) Also. Josh doesn't have to go out of state tonight, and usually he does. Bestest thing ever!

I am just hanging out. I still don't have my scale back, and my sister forgot hers over the weekend. So I don't know how much I weigh, but I'm guessing I'm still hanging out right around 140. I would really like to lose 15 pounds. I did some research on the 17 Day Diet and I think I'm going to buy the book, depending on how much it is. It's only available online. I just checked it out and it's only $15.00. I need to discuss with Josh, but I think I'll do it. Basically you do 4 "cycles" that are each 17 days, eating only specific things per each cycle.

I found out about it through someone's blog... Whitney at Slimming Down for the Gown. It seems to be working for her, and she only has 10 pounds (less now) to get to her goal weight. So I'm going to email her and see what she really thinks of it, and then I'll probably try it out.

I wish I could just do a round of HCG because I *know* that works and I know I'd lose the weight I want, but it just messes up my hormones too much. And we don't have the hundreds of dollars it costs for me to go visit Dr. Ray. Last time I went it was over $500 between air fare, hotel and the actual visit. Yikes.

Anyway, I'll let you know what I decide, and of course I'll blog about it while I do it. =)

Hope you had a great weekend!

Friday 'Fess Up

2011-05-27T09:25:00.000-07:00

I confess:

*The last two nights I haven't been in bed/asleep until after midnight. And that just doesn't work for me. I'm a person who needs sleep to function. And since my kids have been waking up earlier than usual, this is not such a good time to be staying up late. :-P

*I am super excited for the long weekend. We don't have any specific plans, but just the fact that Josh will be home with us is reason enough to be giddy!

*It appears I absolutely can not drink alcohol. The last 3-4 times I've had one drink (and I'm talking a wine cooler-nothing crazy) I've thrown up.

*I made Caribbean Chicken Salad yesterday and it's super delicious and can easily be made low fat. Here is the recipe:

Caribbean Chicken Salad
2 c diced chicken (I always use Rotisserie chicken for the flavor and simplicity)
1/4 c diced celery
1/2 c red grapes, halved
1/2 c mayonnaise (you can use fat free)
1/2 c sour cream (again, you can use low fat or fat free)
1/2 c mango chutney (I've found it at Safeway and Fred Meyer here on the west coast)
1/2 T curry powder, or to taste

Mix the mayo, sour cream, chutney and curry powder first so the flavors can start melding. Cut up remaining ingredients and then toss with the dressing. Cover and chill for 30 minutes or longer. It tastes even better the next day. We eat it on croissants or with crackers.

*My kids are still acting whackadoodle. Going on week 3 now. Help.

*I haven't weighed myself because my scale is still on loan. But I want to check in and see where I'm sitting at. So I'm going to use my sister's scale this weekend. Riveting, I know.

*In the past 2 weeks I've come across two different diets that I want to research more: The 4 Hour Body and The 17 Day Diet. Has anyone heard of either of these? I'm still researching them to see if it's something that I want to do or may work for me.

*I need a new TV series to watch with Josh. Any suggestions? Comedy is good. Dark or dramatic is not.

*All 3 of my kiddos need haircuts. Badly. They are total ragamuffins.

*This weekend we are cutting down two HUGE trees from our front yard. Well, WE'RE not doing it. Some friends of ours are, because they want the wood for firewood. I'm really excited because it's going to open up our yard so much more, and one of the trees is dead anyway and looks really scraggly.

*We can not decide on a paint color for our bedroom. And I just want it painted already!

*I love owning our own home so we can do whatever we want to it.

*We could literally mow our lawn twice a week with all the rain we're getting. The grass is growing like crazy! My strawberry plant, on the other hand, is not. Every day we check for strawberries, but so far no luck.

*I love you guys. =)

*The End.

On the mend!

2011-05-25T10:01:00.000-07:00

Phew!

I'm on the mend and feeling much, much better. My stomach is still a little iffy/queasy but I have been able to keep food down for 2 days now. Progress. =)

I even got myself a coffee today, and although I've only taken a few sips... it's still really good and hopefully won't turn my stomach.

I feel like I should be doing some type of intense workout to get ready for summer. Some kind of diet or something. But, I just can't. I don't have the energy or willpower at this point. Yes, I'd like to lose about 10 more pound (15 would be even better!!) but I don't know how realistic that is.

Josh and I happened upon the finale for the Biggest Loser last night and it is SO CRAZY how fast those people lose weight!!! The winner lost 125 pounds in 5 months. WHAT?!?!?!?! How is that even possible??? And she (and her sister) didn't even have loose skin. I don't get it, I really don't.

Anyway, I'm feeling sort of stuck in a rut, but with no OOMPH to do anything about it. Hmmmm. Lazy, much? :-P

All in all I'm doing well and although I have an ongoing desire to lose weight, it's sort of taken a back seat for now.

I hope everyone else is doing well and staying healthy and hopefully seeing some SUNSHINE!

Sick

2011-05-23T12:54:00.000-07:00

Whoooo boy. We've got some kind of bug and it's wreaking havoc in our house.

We had a lovely vacation, which I'll recap later.

But for now I'm just trying to keep myself and my kiddos hydrated. We're spending far too much time in the bathroom. =( Cramping stomachs/intestines, headaches, body aches, chills, etc...

So I'm alive but I'm NOT well. :-P

Hope to be back soon.

SHEESH!

2011-05-17T11:53:00.000-07:00

Man. I feel like the most lazy person in the world. Like a sloth. Like a sloth with mono.

I AM SO TIRED.

I was chatting with Jen today about how tired I am. Maybe my iron is low or something?? But I feel like I don't have energy for anything other than taking care of my kids and house. Those exercises I was going to squeeze into each day? Not happening.

I want it to happen. I want to lose some more weight and tone up. But I just can not seem to make myself do anything extra right now.

I haven't weighed in a few days. Mostly because I've been eating salty potato chips and don't want to see the scale go up. ;-) But I think I'm hanging out right around 140, give or take a pound or two up or down. My jeans are fitting really loosely, so that's good.

I don't have anything else to report really. We're taking a little family vacation Wed-Fri of this week, so I'll not be posting during that time. Don't worry, I haven't fallen off the wagon or anything. ;-)

I go through these phases where I feel like blogging and can come up with stuff to blog about, and then other times where I'm just MEH. I don't feel like logging on and writing out all the mundane details of life. You know? I'm not gonna quit anytime soon, but right now it's a "down" time. I'm not particularly inspired, haven't done anything weight-loss related that's noteworthy.

But I'm here. I'm around. =)

Game Plan

2011-05-13T13:17:00.000-07:00

Today I was down a pound to 140.2; which is great! Cuz I did nothing to deserve it. ;-)

But I've been thinking; although it would be nice to lose 5 or 10 more pounds, I'm pretty happy with where I am, but definitely need to firm up. So I'm going to try to do 50 push-ups (the girl kind, or the wall kind), 50 tricep dips and 50 squats a day. Spread throughout the day, cuz I'm very out of shape and can't do them all at once. Hopefully that will help tone my muscles a bit. We'll see.

That's my plan and I need to MAKE myself do it. Otherwise I keep postponing it and then it's the end of the day and I've done... nothing.

My appetite is being weird again. Nothing sounds good to me. Especially protein. But then I go all day eating maybe 1 piece of toast and am all shaky and weak, which is not good. So I'm working on getting more protein in. I had turkey sausage for breakfast, but to be perfectly honest... I had strawberry dessert for lunch. It was really good, but um, not nutritious. ;-) Still a work in progress, I guess.

The other thing that is wonky is my period. For the last 3 months it's come a week earlier each month. So, originally I'd start on the 28th. Then I started on the 21st. Then the 14th. And this month I started on the 7th! So strange!!! I haven't done anything to mess it up, so it's weird. It's also really heavy (sorry for the TMI) but it makes me soooooooooooooo tired. Like I was telling Jen today, it feels like I have sandbags tied to me, weighing me down. I move in slow motion and in the morning can NOT wake up. I'm wondering if my iron is low or something.

Anyhoo, that's just a lot of randomness from me on this Friday. ;-)

I hope you have a splendid weekend!!!

Ding Dong Ruth Anne is Dumb

2011-05-12T10:38:00.000-07:00

Last night I couldn't fall asleep. I laid there awake for hours. I twitched. I tossed. I turned. And then it hit me.

Josh wasn't home. The nights I don't sleep well are the nights that he is gone.

Can I get a "DUH!!!!!!"

Ha, ha! When I think back it totally correlates to the nights when sleep eludes me. Granted, there have been a few times that even when he is in bed next to me that I can't fall asleep. But generally, if he's there, I sleep well.

So. Now we just have to wait until he doesn't have to go out of town anymore and then I'll be sleeping like a baby! :-D

As I laid there last night I was all, "Hmmm. The Skinny Turtle has really stopped being about weight loss. Mostly I jut ramble about my life. I wonder if people find that interesting?"

So, do you?

Or are you all, BOOOOOORRRRIINNNGGG! ?

You can be honest. =)

Settling Down

2011-05-11T11:52:00.000-07:00

Phew!

I think I'm done with most of my medical appointments, besides my ongoing physical therapy. I actually only went to therapy 3 times because we found out all of it was being applied to our deductible and we weren't sure if we could swing it, financially. But we talked about it and decided it's something that needs to be done, so now I'm scheduled to start up again.

I'm happy to be done with all that running around! We're using my brother-in-law's Tahoe right now and it's costing us about $80 a week to drive it. :-O

Anyway, not much else to report. My sister brought her scale over so I weighed myself this morning and I weighed 141.2 which is good. I had been up to 147 at one point, so I'm glad it came back off. When I was at the ENT on Monday I weighed 145 in the middle of the day with my clothes on, so I think I weigh a little less than 141; but we celebrated Christian's birthday yesterday and I had a LOT of strawberry dessert. ;-) I also had 2 doughnuts. Oops.

I'm really super tired today, so I'm going to go nap with my kiddos. Ahhhh, the joys of being a stay at home mom. :-D

I'm weird... but you already knew that ;-)

2011-05-10T11:48:00.000-07:00

SO, I saw the ENT yesterday and turns out I'm weird. hee hee!

I have some cysts in my sinuses and the lining is much thicker than normal. BUT it isn't inhibiting my breathing, or causing infections or causing me pain. He also doesn't think that would be the cause of my headaches. So no surgery.

I also have some weird mastoid stuff (something to do with my ears) going on; it looks like they were damaged when I was younger from ear infections. I only remember having one infection, but it was a doozy and while we were on a road trip from Texas to California and we couldn't get antibiotics. I have some hearing loss in my left ear; it's on the very lowest side of "normal". But again, no surgery as it wouldn't be the cause of my headaches.

So basically I'm sorta back to square one, as far as figuring out the cause of the migraines. I tend to believe they really were exacerbated by stress and lack of sleep because just being on Zoloft has decreased the number of headaches I've had. The ENT doctor also said a lot of antidepressants/anti-anxiety drugs actually have the side effect of preventing migraines.

I'm still staying away from the other med I was prescribed, for helping me sleep and preventing migraines. I seem to be doing okay without it and don't want to be so incredibly drugged. I know I could cut it down, but if I don't NEED it then I don't want it in my system.

Other than that, I'm doing really well! Today is Christian's birthday. He is FIVE!!!! He is so cute and has been so excited all day. He got a new "racing bike" and has been speeding around on it all morning. We're having a party tonight and he can't wait. =)

I hope you're all well and healthy!

ENT Consult

2011-05-09T08:18:00.000-07:00

I have an appointment with the ENT surgeon today to see if he thinks I need surgery or not. My doctor said he may want to prescribe another round of stronger antibiotics to see if that will clear up the fluid behind my ear and the thickening in my sinus cavities. We'll see what he has to say.

All these appointments are EXPENSIVE. EEEKKKKK! We have a $1,000 deductible, so we've been paying out of pocket for the MRI, CT Scan, MD visits, therapist visits and physical therapy. Wow, it is expensive. But worth it, to be healthy. We'll just be eating lots of beans and rice in the next few weeks. ;-)

I'm feeling well; I only took the medicine that was supposed to prevent migraines once because it knocked me out. I was so sleepy for 24 hours afterward that I didn't even want to chance it by cutting it in half. I'm going to talk to my doc to see if there is something else, or if we should just wait for now. I got a really bad headache yesterday that made me throw up, but that's the first one I've had in a long while since starting the Zoloft. And it came after a busy weekend, so there you go.

I'm also feeling much less "drugged" and "numb" from the Zoloft and my appetite is returning more to normal. Overall I'm very happy with how it's working for me.

Not much else going on around here. I had a lovely Mother's Day, we celebrated Josh's birthday on Saturday and Christian's birthday is tomorrow. Lots going on! But I don't feel overwhelmed, so that's good.

Have a good day!

Pip Pip Hooray!

2011-05-06T09:04:00.000-07:00

My youngest son, Owen, says Pip Pip Hooray! instead of Hip Hip Hooray! It's cute. ;-)

I'm excited it's Friday. I haven't seen Josh since Tuesday and I can't wait to see him tonight when he gets home.

I got the results from my CT scan back, and there is thickening in the lining of my sinuses; the ones under my eyes by my cheeks. I also have fluid behind my left ear. So I'm being sent to the ENT surgeon for a consult on Monday. Wheeee! Not. Yeah, I'm 32 and I just said Not. Deal with it. =)

I feel a little overwhelmed at all the appointments I've been to and all the new medicine I'm on. My doc finally prescribed me the pill that prevents migraines and helps me sleep. Boy howdy! I took it last night at 8pm and still feel drugged right now. I think I will be cutting those babies in half from now on, or else taking them earlier. That's what she suggested I try. Cuz it's not fun trying to function in this thick fog!

In actuality I'm only on 2 prescription drugs, the Zoloft and the sleeping stuff, but it still feels like a lot. It's chemicals, and drugs, you know? The Zoloft is staying, because it's made a clear and distinct difference for me, but I'm going to see if I can maybe not take the other one. I have had significantly fewer headaches since I started the Zoloft. I'm thinking that maybe since I'm less stressed the headaches are coming less often?? I don't know, we'll see. It's not something you can start and stop willy nilly.

I seem to jinx myself on this blog. :-P For example, after I wrote that I could get my rings off in the morning and at night, the next two mornings I couldn't get them off! Then I said everything was hunky dory and life was great... and then yesterday happened. Total chaos and stress all day long. Oopsie.

But overall, in the whole scheme of things, everything is much greatly improved. My kiddos are finally getting better. Christian was the last one and it seems like he is much better today. He is eating and not as lethargic and has been really fighting with the other kiddos. And that's exactly what happened once the others started feeling better. They got the energy to bicker again. ;-)

I plan to take it easy today, but not let the house fall apart. Luckily I'm caught up on my laundry, just have one load to fold. My kitchen is also pretty clean; just need to empty the dishwasher and reload the breakfast dishes. Tonight I'm making pizza for dinner, but I'm gonna let my bread machine make the dough. =)

So all in all things are still going really well. I'm very thankful!!!

I hope you have had a good week and I hope you all have a very nice weekend!

C is for CT Scan

2011-05-04T13:47:00.000-07:00

I had my CT scan this morning; it was so fast! I was in and out in less than 5 minutes literally. The drive there and the wait was what took so long. ;-)

The doctor should be calling back with the results and whether or not I have some blockage in my sinuses. Since she told me about it I have noticed that I do have pressure there, but I think there was too much going on for me to really notice it and single it out. Since I've been feeling better and more calm, I notice that the pressure is actually there most of the time. So we'll see.

The only other thing that isn't peachy keen ;-) is my inability to fall asleep. SOOOOOO Frustrating! It takes me 2-3 hours every single night to fall asleep, even if I don't consume any caffeine at all during the day. And I tried taking Tyelnol PM twice and it did absolutely nothing. Nada. Zilch. It still took me over two hours before I finally fell asleep.

I'm hoping that once the doc sees my CT scan and calls me back with what to do next that we can discuss it. She originally was going to prescribe me migraine prevention medicine, which also was a sleep aid. But now that my migraines may be due to blocked sinuses and not just stress/insomnia I don't know if that changes anything.

Other than that, I'm really good. The Zoloft is really working wonders. Life is so enjoyable now, and I treasure and cherish each of my children, instead of just feeling like they are burdens/extra work. Don't get me wrong, they still have their attitudes and temper tantrums and opinions, but it's like I can see past that to the individuals they are and they are so special! I'm so thankful for them. And my husband? A gem. For real. I love him so much and things are looking really good with the job switch so he won't have to travel every week. And to top it all off the SUN has been shining!!!!!

I hope you all are doing well!!

How longer pants equals weight loss

2011-05-03T09:06:00.000-07:00

Good day, folks!

I'm super excited today. Josh has a meeting with the owner of the company he works for and they are *hopefully* cutting a deal where he won't have to travel out of state for work every week!!!!!! I can not even begin to tell you how happy and excited this makes me. Just picture me with a permagrin.

In other news, my pants are getting longer. ;-) I think it's because I'm losing a little weight, so my pants fit lower on my hips. I don't have my scale back, so I don't know if I've lost some pounds or inches. But it feels nice to not have to stuff myself into my jeans. ;-)

I also can easily slip my rings on and off my finger, even first thing in the morning and late at night. Before, my fingers would swell at those times so I couldn't get them off. But now, it's no problem. Another indicator that I think I may have lost a bit of weight.

I really like using means other than the scale to gauge my weight loss. Because, if I stepped on the scale and it said I was down just one pound, I'd be like, "Aw man. That's a bummer." But since I don't know the actual number, and I just see the changes in other ways, it feels like it could be a significant amount of weight. I think I'm probably back down to 140ish or so. I had been up as high as 146.

Anywho, that's how longer pants equals weight loss in my book. ;-)

I'm doing well otherwise. The Sickness continues in our house, but we are on the mend. Only sweet Christian is still struggling to get over it.

I had an appointment with my therapist yesterday and she was very pleased with how the Zoloft is working. I also haven't been as nauseated since I stopped taking the penicillin, which I'm very thankful for.

I have lots of housework to do, including washing all the bedding to hopefully get rid of any lingering sick germs. So I'm off to do that. Hooray. ;-)

Hope you have a good day!

The Sick House

2011-05-02T09:58:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

I am back from Arizona, but came home to a house full of sick kiddos. We've caught some sort of bug that makes us throw up and have diarrhea and fevers. It's not been pleasant, but the kids have been super duper cuddly and mellow. ;-)

I had a good trip to AZ, although it was very quick. I was only there less than 24 hours actually. But I did get to sit in the sunshine for half an hour, and that was heavenly. Dr. Ray was quite pleased with my hormones and chemicals. They weren't too far off, which is great progress! He also gave me something to help with this extreme fatigue I've been experiencing. I took it yesterday and it did seem to help. Not sure what it is exactly, but it's not ephedra or anything like that.

I haven't caught The Bug myself, but have definitely been under the weather. Not eating much, feeling a little nauseated, no energy. I am finally done with the penicillin so I'm hoping that most of those symptoms will go away now.

Despite the kiddos being sick I had a really great weekend. Because of the all the illness we were forced to slow down and just hang out around the house as a family, and it was nothing short of wonderful. We all sat on the couch together, watching movies. Occasionally someone would throw up, but they got quite good at just keeping a bowl near them so clean up was easy. ;-)

Yesterday it was really beautiful weather and the kids seemed to be feeling better so we went to the park for a bit and then came home and worked in the yard. Well, ok, Josh worked in the yard while I sat in the sun and the kids went in the sprinkler. But we overdid it and the kids sort of relapsed into wet noodles. It was so nice to see the sun, though! I sat out in it all afternoon, and being the really smart gal I am, did not put on sunblock. So now I'm sunburned; but only on one side of my face, because I was sitting sideways to the sun. Fabulous.

All in all it was a lovely weekend, despite the sickness. The kids are still moving really slow today and aren't quite 100%. I'm not complaining. I've really enjoyed cuddling with them and having these really slow, lazy days.

I see my therapist today to report back on how the Zoloft is working. I think it's working well, but I want to see how I do in the next few weeks to figure out if my nausea, lack of appetite, etc... was from the Zoloft or penicillin.

All in all I'm doing well and feeling much better. I am enjoying my life, despite it's imperfections. I feel happy and content, not anxious or frazzled. I have so much to be thankful for.

I'll leave you with the one picture I took while in AZ. ;-)

MRI results

2011-04-25T10:21:00.000-07:00

I don't have any brain tumors or any other abnormalities in my brain. WOO HOO! :-D

I do have some nasal/sinus congestion so I'm on penicillin for that and then I go back for a follow up MRI to see if it's cleared. If it hasn't that means it may need to be cleared out via surgery. When I told my mom about the congestion, she mentioned that both my grandma and uncle had the surgery because their nasal passages were so clogged it gave them headaches!

So, so, so thankful nothing major is wrong in my noggin! It doesn't explain the migraines or the nausea or sheer exhaustion, but I'm just thankful that we ruled that out.

I've been doing fairly well otherwise. Still having trouble with no appetite, so I don't eat and then I get really weak (and more headaches) because I haven't fueled my body properly. Working on it, though. The penicillin and Zoloft make my stomach very queasy and I get nauseated quite easily when I eat. So it's a tricky balance.

I head to Arizona this week to see Dr. Ray and I'm very much looking forward to feeling better, emotionally. I'm excited to see how long I feel good when I'm not messing with my hormones. ;-) I'm not sure if I'll stay on the Zoloft, or if I'll switch to something else. I also still am having lots of trouble sleeping. I wake up for no reason and don't fall asleep for a couple hours. Last night I woke up a little after 2a.m. and didn't fall back asleep until after 4a.m. My eyes are burning and feel like they might fall out of my head, but it's a restful, easy day around here so all is well.

I had a very nice Easter Day with my family and am so thankful for all the blessings in my life!

Hanging in there

2011-04-21T12:03:00.000-07:00

Howdy Folks,
I've been on the Zoloft for 4 days and so far I've experienced:

A drastic decrease in my appetite. As in, I eat basically nothing and don't feel hungry. One day I had half a small yogurt with 2 T granola and two pieces of toast with butter. And one cup of coffee. And that's been fairly typical. I know this isn't healthy and I'm working on making sure I get enough good food in. It's hard though, because NOTHING sounds appealing.

I have a mini Snickers sitting in my cupboard that, under normal circumstances, would've been gone before you finished reading this sentence. And yet, there it sits. Totally not tempting me.

Protein is especially unappealing, which is not good. So, I'm working on it.

I weighed myself today using my sister's scale and I'm down 2 pounds from the last time I weighed which was last Tuesday, I think.

I don't really care about my weight right now. Ha. It's the last thing on my mind, really.

Speaking of minds, yesterday I had my MRI.

It was LOUD. Very loud. They give you earphones to wear and pipe in music, but when the machine turns on you can't even hear it!! I also had a panic attack for a few seconds as I was being slid into the tube... FREAKY. It was a little like a coffin. And they have this mask that goes over your face and they strap your head down. But overall it wasn't bad at all. I did feel the pull of the magnet (MRI stands for Magnetic Resonance Imaging) and it felt really weird. But not painful.

I haven't heard back the results, and I'm taking that as a good sign. No news is good news, right? I'm sure my doctor will call to tell me the results and if they were normal then there is no hurry. Right? Right.

In other news, the Zoloft seems to be working....but I sort of feel like a zombie. Like everything is faded.

I don't feel sad or depressed or anxious or angry. But on the other hand I don't feel cheerful or happy or content. I just feel sort of numb.

I go back to see the therapist in 2 weeks so I'll see how I'm doing then and reassess. If I have to choose, I would choose numb over the anger any day of the week. It's helped me slow WAY down and appreciate my children and be able to spend moments with them just being. Sitting next to each other with our arms around each other. Snuggling.

The house is a total, absolute, epic disaster. And it has been all week. And I just don't have the energy to do anything about it. I am so tired. Exhausted. Usually if the house is messy I will clean it up at the end of each day. Not this week. The kitchen has been dirty all week. I just can not make myself go in and clean it up. Dishes aren't piled in the sink, because I have been rinsing them and putting them in the dishwasher (for the most part) but the counters are scattered with stuff. And I haven't swept.***EDITED: I just walked in the kitchen and there are TOTALLY dishes piled in the sink. Oops.***

But we're all alive and healthy... well actually 2 of my 3 kids had strep earlier, but have been on antibiotics for 3 days now and are better. So we're all still alive. :-D And tonight, FINALLY Josh comes home!!!

So, overall, we're doing well. Hope you are too!

Atlas

2011-04-19T08:54:00.000-07:00

This is how I feel.

I am nauseated, dizzy, exhausted, weak. I feel like everything is weighing down on me. My husband is gone for the week, and I really don't know how much more of this I can take.

I am taking my kids in for strep tests this afternoon. Their throats hurt and I think they have sinus infections on top of it. They are grumpy and don't feel well.

I have approximately 12 loads of laundry piled up in my bedroom, waiting to be folded and put away. My house needs to be vacuumed and swept. The dog needs a bath. I need a shower.

And yet, just thinking about it all makes me so tired that I just want to find a dark hole and hibernate. Or else drink a 5 Hour Energy Drink. ;-) Except those things make me super jittery and in my current state I don't think that's even remotely wise.

I am taking it easy, and not expecting too much of myself. Really, I'm not expecting anything of myself besides taking care of physical needs like food and sleep.

I am sorry to be such a downer, but I don't want to just pretend everything is hunky dory when it's really not. But at the same time I don't want it to be a complainfest either.

So I'm keeping my head up, taking it slow and easy, lowering my expectations and just aim to get through this day in one piece. =)

A Brighter Tomorrow

2011-04-18T16:14:00.000-07:00

I had my appointment with my new therapist today. Although I cried through the whole appointment, it was good. I really like the therapist and I feel confident in her skills. She prescribed me Zoloft for my anxiety/panic attacks and also gave me a new prescription for Xanax.

I took my first Zoloft this afternoon when I picked it up, and I'm hopeful that it will work. In the past I have been switched from different meds to different meds to different meds and nothing really worked. I'm hoping that between my visits to Dr. Ray and the Zoloft I'll have some semblance of normal life. Whatever that is. :-P

Speaking of Dr. Ray, I will be going to see him at the end of the month. It'll be a very short trip, but that's fine with me. I just need him to work his magic and then I'm ready to head back to my family. =)

I also am waiting to hear back from my regular MD regarding my migraine medicine; I've been getting one a day so I am very anxious (ha! There's Zoloft for that) ;-) to get started on the medicine that will prevent them. I have my MRI on Wednesday and I'm just looking forward to having it behind me.

I feel like I've accomplished a lot in the past few weeks; maybe not counting calories and dropping pounds, but at least my children and I are still alive, healthy and (relatively) happy. That's what is most important to me anyway.

I won't complain if the Zoloft reduces my appetite (a possible side-effect) and I drop some pounds, but mostly I look forward to feeling GOOD. Being HAPPY. Being CONTENT. Being CALM. ENJOYING my family and my life. I look forward to that so very, very, very much.

It takes 4-6 weeks for it to fully get in my system, but today is the first step, the first day to a better tomorrow. A brighter, happier, cheerier tomorrow!

I'll keep you posted. =)

TGIF !!

2011-04-15T07:47:00.000-07:00

It's Friday, Friday, yesterday was Thursday and tomorrow is Saturday... :-P Hee Hee That song has the dumbest lyrics EVER! However Rebecca Black is cute and has a good voice for only being 12. Or 13 or whatever.

But. I am happy it's Friday. Sorry I didn't post yesterday. Thursdays are crazy around these here parts and I had a meltdown and had to take my 2nd to last Xanax. Eeekkkk!!

Anyway, about my doc appt last week. First off, I LOVED the doctor. She was hilarious and quirky and honest and blunt and I trust her completely. She was compassionate, and even came right out and asked if I was afraid I had a brain tumor. And then she didn't laugh or make me feel dumb when I said, "Well, actually, yeah. I am afraid of that." She said it's completely normal for people to wonder if there's something wrong in their noggin when there is excruciating pain, especially if it changes your eyesight and you have other physical changes.

After asking me lots of questions about the severity, frequency, type of pain etc... and performing some neurological tests, she told me she is 99% certain I DON'T have a tumor. :-D But she is ordering an MRI anyway because there is that 1% chance and she likes to cover all her bases and she wants me to have that concrete proof also.

Next Wednesday I'll have the MRI.

And she is also 99% certain that all the pain, vision changes, nausea, etc... is being caused from migraines. Migraines induced by lack of sleep and extreme stress. And she, being the supersmart doctor she is said there are certain medications that are non-addictive that prevent migraines AND help you sleep! So she is prescribing some for me.

But first we are trying to get the records from the kooky doctor I saw in WA who didn't get any background info on me before she saw me. They want to know what she prescribed me for migraines because it didn't work and also find out what the deal was with the positive HPV result from my pap. Because the chances of me actually having HPV are very, very, very slim.

So HOORAY all around! ;-) I feel very comfortable with this doctor; I feel like I can be completely honest with my symptoms and she takes them seriously. She is extremely thorough and knows her stuff. I trust her so completely that at the end of my appt I even asked if it was necessary if I have the MRI, since everything she said made sense and relieved my fears of a brain tumor lurking in there. But she said she wanted to order it anyway, just so we're both 100% sure. And I'm good with that!

I have a super busy day and weekend ahead of me, so I'd best be off.

Have a wonderful weekend!!!