Wedding Bells

Hi Guys!
Guess what? My brother is engaged!

 

We are so happy and excited; they are just perfect for each other. =)  

But you know what that means? There will be a wedding! With pictures.  And I don't want to look/feel fat. :-/

SO I guess I'm gonna have to start getting serious about losing these last 10-15 pounds.  I don't know why I've struggled SO MUCH with them.  I'm just not motivated, even though I desperately want to be at my goal weight.  It's seems like a total oxymoron, huh?

For me it seems like I have to adopt the All or Nothing attitude when it comes to dieting.  If I just "go with the flow" then I end up eating too much of the stuff that isn't good for me, and the weight doesn't come off.  I have to focus entirely and restrict myself completely in order for it to work.  And, that is hard!  

I feel like I lack enough willpower to do it.  But at the same time if I would JUST DO IT then I'd feel so much better.  

I am not sure what the scale will say tomorrow.  I wouldn't be surprised if it's back up to 145.  My cycle this month has been crazy and weird and it's not helping anything.  But I'm hoping that now that I have a goal in mind, something to count down to (well, they haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in the near future) that maybe it'll help??

MB-I've totally noticed your absence and wondered where you went!! I'm glad you came back.  I like hearing from you, even if you don't feel like you're doing it perfectly yourself.

So my plan is to attempt the 17 Day Diet, and stick to it the right way.  I know it's going to be hard and take dedication and I need to JUST DO IT.

I also need to get back on track with my water intake. My kiddos lost my new water bottle =( so I got sort of off track with that.

But here's to new beginnings and to success! 

Hi Guys,
I'm here and I'm well.  I am still working on getting in sufficient water every day; it's so hard for me! I did buy some instant tea to help flavor the water, so hopefully that'll help.

My eating has been...pretty good.  Far from perfect, but not totally overboard, either.  I will weigh on Thursday.

I've been really emotional and had bad cramps and bloating, but that is being resolved as we speak. ;-)

Not much else to report.  Talk to you soon!

Keeping On

So, I guess I need to stop saying I'm following the 17 Day Diet... cuz I'm not.  But I am cutting way, way back on carbs and sugar.  And it's working.

I weighed in this morning at 144.0 and that's what I'll record for this week.

I also was successful getting in all my water!! Over 70 ounces between water, green tea and coffee. 

In the evening Liz and I were majorly wanting to pig out.  And I have crunchy Cheetos in my cupboard.  And ice cream in the freezer.  And other bad-for-me food.  But instead we  made wraps with romaine leaves, turkey and tomatoes.  And then made  a pot of decaf coffee and enjoyed it on the back porch in the evening with the twinkle lights on once the kids were in bed.  Talk about bliss! =)

So things are going well; I am working to cut back on my carbs/sugar even more because yesterday for example, I had 4 bites of lemon cheesecake (totally delicious!!) and a few crackers and cheese.  But overall I'm cutting back on calories and eating less carbs and sugar, so moving in the right direction.

Here's to keeping it up and seeing 130 on the scale soon!

The First Day Was... Ok

I did okay yesterday; not perfect but not terrible.

I felt like I had food poisoning and my stomach was so queasy after I drank my coffee.  I ate 2 eggs and then felt sick for hours afterward.  So in the afternoon I ate one handful of Bugles (sooooo deliciously salty!!) and stopped at that. Major victory. ;-) I also had 1/4 of a quesadilla.

I also had an americano with flavor, and realized later it was totally full of sugar. I never order sugar-free, so it didn't even occur to me. Oops.

Then later I had chicken salad on lettuce leaves and wrapped in smoked turkey breast and it was soo soo soo good. I also ate 3 small pieces of organic milk chocolate.

Was it perfect? No.  But it was a good start, and I am feeling good about continuing on today.  I stepped on the scale and got numbers ranging from 144.4 to 145.6 :-P  So it's still down, just not sure how much.  I'll probably wait and only weigh once a week and then record that.

I got a new water bottle and my number one focus today is going to be drinking enough water. I have been seriously, seriously, SERIOUSLY lacking in that area and I know it's not helping anything.  My goal is to drink 70+ ounces today, between green tea and water.

Thanks for your comments and encouragement!

I need YOU!

 

To help hold me accountable.

Here's the deal, folks.  I weighed this morning.  It wasn't pretty.  It was downright disgusting.  Clearly, I can't do this on my own.  I need you guys to help keep me accountable.  I need you to tell me not to cheat, that it's worth it to stick it out, that I CAN DO THIS.

Cuz, guys.  I'm not doing it.  I'm failing, miserably.  I weighed in at 146.2 this morning.  Bleh.  Now,  I know part of the weight gain is water retention because my time of the month is coming.  But not all of it. Not even close.

So.  Today I start (DON'T LAUGH!!!!!) the 17 Day Diet.  Again.  Again.  Again.  AGAIN!  I don't know if I'll follow it 100% strictly because quite honestly I'm not prepared. I don't have the groceries I need.  I don't feel mentally ready.  But something has to change, and it's starting today.

I ate 2 eggs for breakfast, and I boiled a whole bunch more.  I don't have any salad.  But my plan is to eat low/no carb and low fat, and high lean protein and veggies.  So even if I have to eat only egg whites today, I will do this.

Realistically speaking, this is the worst time possible to try to start the diet again.  I have PMS.  PMS + Me = Need for insane amount of chocolate and salty food.  And that's absolutely not allowed on the diet.  I'm also stressed; just busy in general.  Stress + Me = Need for insane amount of chocolate.  Again, not allowed on the diet.

But here goes.  I have to do something.  I don't want to get 3 months down the road and be ballooned back up to 150+ just because I couldn't/wouldn't take control of my eating.  So today it stops.

But I need your help.  I can't do it on my own.  I need to be held accountable.  So my goal is to blog daily.  I will only weigh once a week, but I want/need to blog to keep myself accountable to you guys and to myself.

So here we go.  Lord help us all. =)

Not Giving Up

Hi Guys, and Happy Monday to you. =)

I just want to put it out there that I am NOT giving up. I'm not.

Is it hard? Yes.  Am I struggling? Yes.  Have I gained weight? Yes. Is my life stressful? Yes. Whose isn't!?

BUT I AM NOT GIVING UP!!!

I am going to focus on healthy eating, consuming lean proteins and fruits and vegetables as much as possible.

I got a break yesterday; Josh took the kids so I could go shopping.  I got 2 new shirts and a skirt, although I think I'll take the skirt back.  I'm not sure I like it enough to wear frequently.  Then we got to watch a movie in the evening, came home by 8:00 and sat on our back porch drinking wine and eating cheese and crackers.  It was sooooo nice.  I feel refreshed and ready to tackle this weight thing again.

So I'm out of the quicksand. :-D  But not out of the woods.  I still have work to do.  And I'll do it.

I'll weigh in again on Thursday and post it here.

Quicksand

 

THIS is how I feel.  I am struggling and struggling, fighting and kicking and yet, I just keep sinking deeper.

I don't know what to do.

I weighed yesterday. 144.4  Yes, One hundred forty four pounds.  Yikes.

I feel like if I try to do the 17 Day Diet, then I get all freaky about being so restricted and go way overboard.  And then I lay in bed, every night, feeling bloated and gross and vowing to myself that the next day will be better.  And then the next day comes and it's stressful and busy and I'm exhausted and by the end of the day all I want to do is sit and watch my show and shove candy into my mouth.

That's the thing.  I'm not eating tons of junk food during the day.  But at the end of the day, me and candy... we go overboard.  And it's showing on the scale.  

I feel like these two women are inside of me and are constantly warring.  The fat one NEEDS food to cope, to destress, to manage to squeak by.  The thin one is also fighting, telling me how much better I'll look and feel if I'm healthy.  Wanting to be a good example to my daughter.  Wanting to feel good about myself and not allow food to have power over me.

It is totally and utterly exhausting.  This struggle goes on all day, every day.  And clearly, the fat lady is currently winning.

So this is my plan for now.  I am going to follow the 17 Day Diet, BUT I will allow myself to have ONE SERVING of candy at night.  And not one serving of each kind, cuz  let me tell ya, I have a veritable candy store in my cupboard.  One serving of one type.  And that's all.  Eat it slowly and enjoy it.  And make sure I eat healthy during the day. 

I hope it works.  I need/want to see the scale go back down.  I don't feel good about myself.  I don't have any energy.  My sleep is horrible; I have weird dreams, wake up and can't go back to sleep, feel drugged all day due to sheer exhaustion.  This is not okay.

So I am once again, for the 3rd time, going to pick myself back up and try to start the diet again.  Try to learn healthy, lifelong habits that will stick.  Learn to live in moderation, so I don't feel deprived and yet I don't allow myself to go overboard either.

I am trying to find my way, and I'm sorry I'm not the Golden Girl success story that some other bloggers perhaps are.  But I'm not going to give up.  I'm not.  I will conquer this and I will be healthy and happy. Amen!