Hello, Hello

Hi Friends!
How have you all been? I've been fantastic! We had a super duper fun time at the beach with our insanely large family.  Josh is one of 16 children (no multiples!!) and every single one of them (and their spouses/children) were there, save the oldest daughter who lives in Canada.

It was a blast, but also a LOT of work.  And also there was a LOT of food.  And I think I gained a LOT of weight.  I was too scared to step on the scale this morning.  I'm not even joking.  My clothes are super tight and when I look in the mirror, I see a person looking back that I haven't seen for a while. I am starting to resemble what I looked like at my heaviest.  And it's scary.

So today, I'm fasting.  I'm drinking water and coffee, and nothing else in an attempt to lose some water retention that I've got going on. I plan to weigh in tomorrow and post the honest to goodness truth of what I see.  Even though I know already it's going to be cringe-worthy.

I seem to have gotten out of control and have been eating and drinking like crazy.  I *feel* out of control, and I don't like it.  I can't decide what my next step should be. 

Part of me wants to get on SparkPeople or The Daily Plate or something and do a calorie restriction plan.  But the problem with that is I have ZERO idea how many calories are in things, so all day I'm constantly running back and forth to the computer to find out.  And if I make a meal, I'm stumped trying to figure out how many calories exactly I am consuming.

The second idea is (DO NOT LAUGH) to start the 17 Day Diet again.  This is a little more do-able because I can have as much protein as I want, don't have to count calories, and just have to stay within the food guidelines.  BUT I tend to freak out because this diet basically cuts out ALL carbs and sugar, and some days I just want to have a scone and coffee.

So I'm not sure what to do, but I do know SOMETHING has to be done.  My brother is getting married, probably in December and I don't want to look the way I did 2 years ago at my brother-in-law's December wedding.  I can't even BELIEVE how big I was.  Almost 170 pounds at 5'4". :-O

I think I'm hovering around 150 right now. =(  At my lowest ever (for like one day) after HCG I got down to 136.  So that's quite a gain, and boy howdy I can feel it. I need to come up with a doable plan because do you know what's coming?

Fall.  I love fall. LOVE IT.  It's my favorite season.  But I love to bake during those crisp fall days, and then I like to eat it.  So I have to figure out a lifestyle change, a "diet" that I can stick with through the holidays and the treats that comes with that.  School starts next week and I am hoping to figure out some type of workout routine.  I'm not sure if Christian has AM or PM kindergarten yet; if he has AM I'm tempted to join a gym and go after I drop the kids off at school.  I'll still have Owen and my niece Savannah, but I could make it work.

At the same time, I know myself and the chances of me actually getting dressed and going to the gym are kinda slim. 

ANYWAY, it's a work in progress.  If you have any ideas or suggestions, I'm all ears.  :-)

Something's Gotta Give

Oh, ya'll.

Where oh where do I even start?

Okay.  Let's just get it over with. The weigh in. I weighed in at a hefty 148.2 today. Cue screeching horror film music and my jaw dropping to the floor.  :-O

But here's the thing.  I've been up since 3a.m. this morning.  I never fell back asleep so I got up at 4, weighed myself, then went and did my grocery shopping.  And usually when I wake up and weigh, and then weigh a little later my weight is down a bit. And the other day I weighed in the middle of the day with my clothes on and I was 148.  So I'm hoping it's water weight/ a fluke and that I don't really, truly weigh that much.

So yeah, back to the insomnia thing. Still happening.  It was interesting shopping so early; I kind of liked it because I could take all the time I wanted (my sister was here with the kiddos) and there wasn't really anyone else in the store.  It was peaceful and quiet.  And on the way home the sun was shining SO BRIGHT in my rearview mirror that I thought it was police lights or something.  I saw the sunrise! The only thing that could've made it better was if I was sitting on my porch sipping coffee while I watched it. :-D

Also, it's been stressful around here.  The kids one day were literally bouncing off the walls due to a little experiment I did with them.  I let them each sip my blended coffee to see if the caffeine would calm them down or hype them up.  Clearly, it had the latter effect.  I just wanted to see if they had ADHD and would maybe respond to meds, but I sure got that cleared up in a hurry!

Also, this SHOULD be the last time Josh has to travel weekly for work.  For 7 months he traveled 3 days a week out of state and for the last month and a half or so it's been 1-2 days.  I can not WAIT for this to be over.  Well, he'll still have to travel, but only twice a month instead of Every. Single. Week.  That in itself will relieve a lot of stress, and also improve the kiddos' behavior.  They are much happier and calmer when they get their daddy time.

Clearly I'm still struggling with learning moderation.  I don't FEEL like I'm overindulging, but the scale says otherwise.  I do enjoy my treats still; a scone, a doughnut, whatever.  But I'm not eating 3 or 4 a day or anything!!  I'm not stuffing myself.

So something has to give before it's the chair I'm sitting on! I don't want to gain any more, but I also just can't seem to be sooooo strict and restrict myself.  I have never been able to lose weight that way.  HCG is the only time it's worked, and I can't do that method now.  Rather, I'm not willing to because it messes with my hormones and I'm in a very good place in my life.

It's a work in progress.  This weekend and into the next week is our annual Family Beach Trip.  I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am! There will be food and lots of snacks and I am going to do my darndest to make good choices.  And then once we get back I think I'll maybe try a little more hardcore dieting.  We'll see.

Anyway, that's that.

I hope you're doing well and succeeding in your endeavors!  I have a TON of housework, laundry and other preparations to get ready, so I best be off.

Have a wonderful day!

Busy Bees

Well, it's the end of summer but things aren't slowing down yet! We don't start school until September around these parts, and we have a vacation at the beach this weekend that we're looking forward to. :-D

Things are going.  They are going.  I'm trying each day to make good decisions.  There are times when I eat out of stress, but I'm trying to consciously work on that.  I know there will be good food and good times at the beach with my extended family, and I am prepared to enjoy my time, enjoy the company, enjoy the food but NOT overdo it.  It's possible, I know it is.  I just have to find my way there.

This should be the LAST WEEK Josh has to travel out of state for work. I am so pumped! I hope it actually pans out, but for now I'm just glad it's on the horizon. He'll still have to go twice a month or so, but it sure beats 2 days a week, every week! I love that guy, and I like having him around. ;-)

My kids are all discombobulated.  Out of whack from the long church camp we just had, of shuttling back and forth every day, of no routine or schedule.  But soon enough we'll be in school mode and that all will change.

So it feels like I'm sort of floating along, not really actively TRYING to lose weight. Not restricting myself hugely.  But just trying to learn moderation.  I feel like I've been trying to learn that for a long time.

But I'm doing well.  The days can get stressful, the kids can go bonkers, but all in all I'm very happy and content.  I have a good life.  I have a wonderful husband, great friends, good kiddos.  I have lots to be thankful for and nothing to complain about.  I am blessed. =)

I hope you all are doing well!!

Same

My weight was the same this morning. Better than gaining but not as great as losing. Although, I really haven't been strict in any way, so I guess I should just be thankful.;-)

We're off to our church retreat for the day, so I'll catch you all later!

Det er ikke de verst....

That there is a little Norwegian for you. ;-)  It means, "It's not the worst" basically.

Today as I drove along in my van with my own 3 littles and my niece (whom I basically consider my own), the sun was shining, the kids were laughing and talking and I just thought... "You know what? It's not the worst thing in the world to carry around 10 extra pounds.  Or even 15."

And it's TRUE!  The fact that I weigh a bit more than I want is NOT the end of the world.  It doesn't even come close!  Yes, I have some extra flab, I have some unwanted rolls and "fluff", LOL, but if that's the biggest thing in my life that's stressing me out, then I have it pretty good.  Really good, actually.

And so I decided not to let it stress me out anymore.  Am I going to keep working on it, keep trying to make good choices? Absolutely!  But I'm not going to stress and worry and fuss about it.  I'm not going to let it rule me.  I'm not going to let it affect my happiness.

Because I have so much to be thankful for.  I have a good, happy life.  And 10 or 15 pounds doesn't change that.

Amen.  :-D

I'm here

Hi everyone!
I only have a sec, but wanted you to know I'm here and I'm well. =)

It's a 2 week conference/vacation week at church and I've been super busy with my 4 kiddos (I have my niece all day/night), shuttling back and forth.  So no time to be on the computer.

I'm doing well.  Still struggling with the desire to lose weight, but not wanting to commit to what it takes.  Right now it's so busy I can't even really think about it, beyond making good choices during the day. And I'm trying to do just that. =)

I hope you are well and I'll try to check in again before the end of the week.  I do plan to weigh on Thursday, but don't expect any change.  Hopefully my weight hasn't gone up! :-P

Have a great day, my friends!

This. Is. So. Hard.

UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH

I am struggling so so so so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I weighed in at 145.4 today, so up a whole pound. :-(

And then I sort of had a mini freak out session this morning, before the day even started, because I could feel all the pressure, the stress, the elephant sitting on my chest, KNOWING that I need to diet, but not wanting to, and in the midst of it all, feeling really gross and down with how I look.

It's like I'm totally schizophrenic.  Half of me wants to diet and lose this weight for good, and the other half is digging in her heels and stressing to the MAX over having to diet.  I need help, clearly.

It is SO easy for me to gain weight, and SO hard for me to lose it!  It takes so much work and dedication and restriction.  I honestly don't know what to do.  Should I just be content with where I am, thankful for the pounds I've been able to lose, and call it good even though it's clear there are a good 10-15 pounds of extra flab hanging around?

Or should I just MAKE myself do it, despite the stress and anxiety and pressure, but end up (hopefully) thinner??

Ack.  And the thing is, I'm not eating horribly. I'm not pigging out.  I'm not bingeing. I am not downing huge quantities of food.  Granted, it's not clean or even all healthy.  But I *feel* like I'm eating in moderation.

For example, last night we had a dinner celebration for my brother and his fiancee.  I had 1 chicken enchilada (corn tortilla, chicken, onion, cheese, green sauce, sour cream), 1/4c of this turkey salad that had grapes and other stuff in it, 4 chips with 2T guacamole.  And then later I had 4 bites of pie/ice cream and 1/2 cup of this strawberry cream cheese dessert.  And I did eat too much of that; by about 4 bites.  I felt overly full.

And earlier in the day I hadn't eaten a ton... for breakfast I had 1/2 c Kashi Go Lean Crunch with 1/4 c milk (2%) and for lunch I had 2 slices of Dave's Killer Bread (each slice has 9g of protein!!) with real butter and homemade strawberry jam.

I know I'm eating too many carbs, but that's the thing I start to freak about when I try to do the 17 Day Diet; the fact that I absolutely positively can not have even a tiny bit of bread in any form.

Plus, you actually have to grocery shop quite a lot in order to have your fridge stocked with all the fresh veggies and fruits you can have.  And well, I just don't have the time, energy, or even money to be going to the store that many times a week! And if I try to stock up it all ends up going bad. =(

So anyway, this is where I'm at. Totally struggling, trying to find my way, trying to find what works for me.  Trying to figure out if I should fight myself and diet or be happy with where I am, even though it sucks to get dressed and see the extra fat rolls and not have my clothes fit quite right.

If only I could do HCG!!!!! That is a sure-fire, absolutely iron clad, proven diet that works for me.  Unfortunately, I'm in the small percentage of people that it wreaks havoc on my hormones, and I just can not do that to myself or my family. :-/

Today I ate:
1/2 c scrambled eggs with cheese and 1 slice Dave's Killer Bread, 1 cup coffee with cream
24oz iced Americano with flavor and a splash of cream
Half a bun with turkey, lettuce, cheese, mayo and mustard
Handful of tortilla chips with bean salsa (recipe to follow)
1/2 a kids cone from McDonalds
1/2 c Kashi Go Lean with 1/4 c milk and a few tablespoons of raw oatmeal sprinkled in.

So yes, it's too heavy on carbs, but it's not like I'm eating excessively.  Or am I?????  I mean, today was a pretty good day.  Yesterday I had a cinnamon roll and some Good & Plenty.  But again, not mass quantities!

Any help, advice, thoughts are appreciated.  I'm trying to take it one day at a time, and make good choices for that day. It's hard because this week especially has been crazy busy and hectic, Josh is gone and I'm worried because the man has not been sleeping (literally) and drives long distances, I don't go to bed or sleep well when he's not here (last night I wasn't in bed until 2a.m. and my kids were up at 6:30 this morning, and the night before it was almost as bad).  So there's lots going on, lots of factors.

Oh! I just remembered my friend sent me a workout you can do with just your body weight, so I'm going to look at that.  I do think I need to add in some physical activity of some sort.  And keep working on eating healthy for the most part, and if I want a treat then keep it small.

Hope you guys are doing well!! And that you have some advice for me! :-D

Here is the bean salad/salsa recipe.  It is so good, and if you make it the day before you need it, the flavors get much richer and bolder.

32 oz frozen corn
2 green peppers, diced
2 red peppers, diced
1 orange pepper, diced
1 yellow pepper, diced
(Or any combination of bell peppers you want)
2 cans black beans, drained and rinsed
1 can garbanzo beans, drained and rinsed
2 bunches cilantro, finely chopped
1 16oz bottle ZESTY Italian dressing

You just chop everything up and mix it all together and refrigerate until you want to eat it.  It really is so good.  I don't even like black beans or garbanzo beans, but the flavors from the cilantro and dressing mask it well.  SO GOOD!  This also make a fairly big batch, so you could easily cut it in half.