Well, now what?

So I didn't even last half a day on Medifast.  I wish I was kidding.

It's made with soy lecithin as it's main source of protein, and I hate the taste of it, and also don't feel it's very healthy.  I couldn't choke down the food, so there was no way I'd be able to stick to it.  Sad day.  :(

So I packed it all up and sent it back.  Hopefully we'll be getting our refund soon.

But... now what!?!?  I really don't think I can do HCG at this point; I think probably because I have SO MUCH to lose that it'll require several months of HCG and I don't think I can last that long.

For now I've decided to eat healthy.  I went shopping today and instead of buying cookies/crackers/chocolate I bought fruits/veggies and nuts.  I also bought salad makings, with feta cheese, craisins, rotisserie chicken, etc... because I really like it, so I'll eat it.

 

I also have been talking with one of my sisters-in-law about doing a spinning class with her.  That is something that I *can* do, and enjoy.  I need to check into a gym membership and see what their spinning schedule is like.  I'm actually pretty excited about it, so that's good.

 

I don't run, but I thought this was funny.  And if I *DID* run, this would be true.

Nora is 10 months old today!! 

 

 

 

Sorry the pictures are blurry.  It was either blurry or small. :-/

Hope you all are well.

MB-How is your mom? I owe you an email...

Day One

So, I started today. 

I had the Maple Brown Sugar Oatmeal for breakfast.  It was gross. :-(  They add soy protein to it, and I don't like the taste of it.  I could get it down, but I definitely won't be ordering more of it.

Later I had a carmel nut bar, and THAT was good. ;-D

I weighed this morning and am using it as my starting weight, despite the fact that I hadn't nursed.  I figure it'll just make the weight loss more dramatic, lol.  I would like to lose 50 pounds; that'll put me at 10 pounds less than where I was when I got pregnant with Nora.

I am so looking forward to shedding these pounds.  It kind of feels like an uphill, insurmountable battle.  Like, why should I even start because it's soooo far to go and so much work.  BUT. It *is* worth it.  And it will be a good lesson in perseverance and endurance.

Lately I've been thinking so much about how, for me anyway, it's a spiritual battle too.  I turn to food instead of turning to God.  So I'm going to really be awake and vigilant to look out for those situations.  And go to Him instead of to my chocolate bin.

Nora still doesn't sleep through the night; the first of my four kiddos that hasn't slept through the night by 4 months.  She is up multiple times, for no apparent reason.  So I'm extremely sleep deprived overall.  My brain doesn't function very well.  Or, at all. ;-)

I've also decided to make two big changes for my family and the food I fix for them.

1) I will start buying organic, grass fed, hormone free chicken and beef.
2) I will start buying organic fruit.

Both of these things are pretty expensive, but it's worth it to me.  I want to try to find some orchards and berry fields this summer that are pesticide free so I can stock up and freeze some berries and apples.  We eat a LOT of berries and apples, so it's important to me that they not be full of pesticides and other junk.

I've also started trying to avoid High Fructose Corn Syrup at all costs, thanks to some research done by my bestie Jen.  That stuff is POISON.  And it's in EVERYTHING.  Pretzels? Yep.  Crackers? Yep.  All beef kosher hot dogs? Yep.  Jellies, syrups, spreads? Yep.  Cereal? Yep.  Seriously, if you start looking, it is INSANE how many products it is in.

I don't know if any of you have been following the Monsanto issues in the news?  Here is a good, concise article I found:
 http://www.care2.com/greenliving/the-evils-of-monsanto.html

"Ninety percent or more of all US-grown corn, soybeans, canola, and sugar beets are genetically modified versions, which means that virtually all processed food items contain at least one or more genetically modified ingredients."  :-O

Anyway, I'm on a quest.  A quest for better health and nutrition for myself and my family. I feel like there is SO MUCH information to wade through, but once I've figured it out, it will get easier.  I hope.

Happy Monday!

Medifast

Hi Folks!
Long time, no update.  Again.  :-/

Tomorrow I start Medifast/Take Shape for Life.  It's basically a meal replacement system, with the food delivered to your door.  It was completely overwhelming and stressful for me at first, because it's pretty expensive.  Really expensive, actually.  I was afraid I wouldn't like the food, wouldn't stick to the plan and then would have wasted our hard earned, precious pennies.

But the food actually look really good!  I can tailor it to fit my nursing mother needs, as well.  Basically I'll eat 2 "Lean and Green" meals a day; lean protein and non-starchy vegetables, and then I'll also have 5 of the Medifast "meals".  I put it in quotes because they are really snacks.  Shakes, bars, cookies, pretzels, oatmeal, etc...

I'm hoping it works.  I seem to have tipped over the edge; meaning I have gained weight and lost some of that peace I had experienced.  I think it has to do with the fact that my fat clothes don't fit. :-O

I am so ready to shed these pounds. It's been almost 18 months (from pregnancy to now) and I am ready to be thin and healthy again.  Not feel so heavy.  Not be so uncomfortable all the time, rearranging my clothes as best I can to hide my rolls, my back fat, etc...

Nora is still going strong with the nursing; it's nothing short of a miracle.  But I am ready to discipline myself and start actively working on losing weight and being healthy.  I don't want to be fat and uncomfortable come summer time.

My sister works with someone who is on the same program, and she has lost 33 pounds in 3 months.  I think I need to lose around 50 pounds; I haven't stepped on the scale in a while.  Tomorrow I weigh in, take measurements and before pictures.  I would LOVE to be done with this weight loss in the next 4-5 months.  Even if I'm not back to pre-pregnancy weight, at least I'll be significantly smaller come June/July/August.

Anyway, that's what's up with me.  Hope you all are doing well!

Peace

Yikes!! How has it been almost a month since I last posted?? :-O

I really need to learn how to post from my phone; I'd be able to keep up much better that way.  Consider it on my to-do list. :)

Lots has happened in the last 4 weeks.  I had a fantastic weekend with the ladies in my church. It's an annual retreat and is always a really good time.  This was one of the occasions I was stressing about being "fat" at, an I am so happy to say that my weight didn't affect me at all.  AT ALL!!!!!!  Keep in mind that I am the biggest I have ever, ever been.  In my entire life.  And there are LOTS of skinny mothers that come to this retreat; quite a few who have had babies AFTER me and are back to their slim, trim selves again.

But, it didn't affect my joy.  Or my self-confidence.  My weight does NOT define who I am.  I can't even begin to express the freedom I've experienced.

And to prove it, God tested me.  Within a span of 4 or 5 days I had not one, not two, but THREE different people comment about my weight.  One lady offered me a 30 day trial to Curves, insisting that I'd feel SO much better about myself if I started working out.  Another lady offered me a pair of pants; size 18/20.  And a third, total stranger that I met in the pediatrician's office let me know she is a life coach for Take Shape for Life and she'd be happy to give me info on it.

And none of it moved me! I didn't fall into a depression.  I didn't cry.  I didn't get mad or sad or offended.  I laughed at it! LAUGHED!!!!

If that's not freedom, I don't know what is. 

I'm actually looking into the Take Shape for Life thing.  They have meal replacements and a specialized plan for nursing mothers.  One lady I know lost 100 pounds on it, and the lady from the ped's office has just 15 pounds to go to get to her pre-pregnancy weight.  She's lost between 1-2 pounds a week, while nursing, without working out.

Honestly, I don't have the time, energy or stamina to work out currently.  I think it'll be much easier when I get some of these extra pounds off. 

I've had the flu for 4 days now, and the good thing about that is I've lost some weight. ;-)  I'll take it, as it's the only good thing to come from this wretched flu.  My brother-in-law gets married this Saturday, so I'm hoping to be back to good health by then. 

I'll look into updating from my phone so there won't be such looooong silences between my posts. :)

Happy

Hi Friends!
How have you been?  I've been doing well; really well.  :)

My new found freedom is awesome.  I know things will change when the weather warms up and I have to wear less clothes ;-) but for now I am enjoying not having that black cloud over me at all times.

I'm wondering if I have mono or something?? I am so.tired.  Like, all the time.  Last night Josh put me in bed at 7:15 and I instantly conked out.  I woke up for an hour and a half with Nora at 4, then fell back asleep and could barely drag myself out of bed at 8:30.  That's not normal, right?  I don't know, maybe all the sleep deprivation is catching up with me. ;-) 

I saw this quote on Pinterest and I really like it.

 

I know it's not the case for all situations, but it's a good reminder.

How do you like my new background? I felt like it was time for a change. :)  I also made lots of little changes around my house.  I am no interior decorator, that's for sure. ;-) But the other night I was waiting up for Josh to get home from one of his fundraising events, and I got the itch to DO something.

I added strips of burlap to the tops of my window frames, because it looked so incomplete/unfinished before.  

 

I also made this little arrangement over the desk where we keep all our art supplies and games.

 

The sign says:

FAMILY RULES

Help Each Other

Be Thankful

Know You Are Loved

Pay With Hugs and Kisses

Try New Things

Be Happy

Show Compassion

Be Grateful

Dream Big

Respect One Another

Laugh Out Loud

I love, love, love, LOVE it. :)  

Then I bought some material because I was going to make a valance for over my kitchen window.  But I am a complete sewing novice and I had them cut it the wrong direction; so all the birds were going sideways and upside down. :-P  So I put on my creative hat and came up with this, instead:

 

Ugh, sorry it's blurry.  You can't even tell what it is, LOL. Oh well, I'm leaving it in there. ;-)

Anyway, that's what I've been up to around here.  I will leave you with this; I am not sure why, but I find it HILARIOUS!!

 

Poor drunk flamingo, LOL! 

Happy Thursday!

 

 

Free

Hi Friends!
How are you? How was your Valentine's Day?  Mine was AWESOME.  Josh surprised me by taking the day off, which was exactly what I needed.  We spent the whole day together, I got a new pair of (desperately needed) shoes, he got me a gift card to my favorite coffee place.  It was divine.

I've come to a conclusion. 

I'm letting myself off the hook.  I'm taking the pressure off.  I'm freeing myself.

 

Don't get me wrong... I'm not letting myself go.  There's a difference.

I will do what I can in regard to losing weight, i.e. not eat after 7pm and watch what I eat during the day.  But as far as actively trying to lose weight... Well, I'm putting that on hold.  For now I will focus on Nora, nursing her.  I will focus on being healthy.  Adding in walks where I can.  Serving healthy meals and snacks.  But I'm not going to stress or beat myself up over losing/not losing weight.

When Nora is done nursing, then I will dedicate myself to losing the extra weight.  But not right now.  And you know what? IT IS SO FREEING.  Not because I can gorge or eat whatever crap I want.  But the massive heavy weight that has been riding around on my shoulders is gone.

Will I be "fat" for the wedding? Yes.  Will I be "fat" during the women's conference at church that is coming up? Yes.  Will I be "fat" this summer by the pool? Probably.  Is it the end of the world? NO.

This is just a blip in time.  A season.  I had a really good talk with my daughter, Kate, yesterday.  I was looking through a tub of clothes that are too small for me, and Kate asked why I wasn't wearing those clothes. I responded that they were too small right now, and she said, "Oh yeah, because you're big" while patting my booty.  Then she got all embarrassed and afraid that she'd hurt my feelings.  But lo and behold, it was not hurtful for me.  I just said, "Yep, I'm bigger than usual right now because my body is working to make milk for Nora."  And we both smiled at each other and moved on.

I really want to instill a healthy mindset in my girls when it comes to weight.  The goal is to be healthy.  Not a certain number on the scale, not a certain size in clothes.  Healthy.  And more importantly, happy.

I realized that NO ONE cares what size I am, except for me.  My friends love me for WHO I am, not for what SIZE I am.  My husband finds me just as attractive now as he did when I was 40 pounds lighter.  My kids love me and don't care what the scale says; they just want me to be there for them, nourish them, nurture them, love them.  And I can do that!! Even at a higher weight than I'd like to be.

So, yes. I will work on making good, healthy choices.  I will work on not eating after 7pm, even though that is when Josh and I usually try to watch our show and have snacks.  I will work on my attitude/outlook.  But right now, I'm feeling tremendously freed.  Free as a bird. :)

I'm also extremely tired.  No idea why.  But this sounds pretty good right about now:

 

Happy Friday!!

 

Checking In...

Hi Bloggy Friends!
Sorry (AGAIN) for going MIA.  Life sometimes gets the better of me.

I had one kiddo with pneumonia, one with double ear infections, one cutting teeth and one who had cabin fever in exponential amounts. 

It was busy. ;-)

Everyone is on the mend now, so here I am checking in.

HCG.....  Le sigh.  So not happening.  I just can't seem to do it.  I am not sure why, exactly.  But I just can't seem to stick to it.  Maybe it's because I'm nursing.  Maybe it's because I'm very sleep-deprived.  Maybe I just don't have enough self-control.  Whatever it is, I haven't been able to do it for any length of time.

I was doing okay until I had a day where I was super faithful to stick to it. I had made zucchini bread, chicken parmesan, garlic bread, etc... and did not have even one crumb.  I drank over 72 ounces of water.  And the next day I gained weight.  It took all the wind out of my sails.  I think if I would have just stuck with it, I would have had a drop, but I just couldn't keep going on.

I know I can't give up, because I absolutely can't be at this weight for the rest of my life.  But I also have to figure out a smart way to lose the weight, so that I don't lose my mind in the process. ;-)

For now, I'm just kind of trying to watch what I eat.  In the back of my head, I kind of have this feeling that once Nora stops nursing, the weight will come off a lot easier.  For now, my body is being ridiculous and just wants to hold onto every ounce of fat it can get.  Sometimes I'm tempted to get really angry that I can't be like the majority of other women, who burn fat from nursing, and drop the baby weight pronto.  But, that doesn't accomplish anything.  At all.

My desire to lose weight is soooooo strong, but not strong enough to wean Nora.  I don't think it's fair to her, and I don't feel right about it.  So for now, I'm working on being content, being thankful, and working through my vanity issues.  Cuz that is what it boils down to.  I'm vain.  I want to look good.  Yes, I also want to be healthy, but the overriding issue is vanity.

So.  Kinda dumb.  I feel like I keep reporting "non" things.  Failures.  But, this is real life, and this is where I am at.

If you have any great ideas, please feel free to pass them on to me! :)