Hi all,
Sorry for the short hiatus... I went away with my husband to celebrate our 7th wedding anniversary. =)
I've been doing fairly well. I gave up cutting out wheat since it didn't really seem to affect my weight and it was starting to really stress me out.
Today as I was going to pick up Kate from school, I was just struck with the thought, "I am so blessed." My life really is so rich. I have so much to be thankful for. I have wonderful family and friends. WONDERFUL. I have 3 healthy, amazing children. Yes, they are going to turn my hair gray by the time I'm 35 and yes they are a handful, but they are healthy and they love me and I love them. I am so BLESSED!
I have an amazing husband. Really, words can't even explain how amazing he is. You'd just have to meet him, and those of you who know him have a small taste. I am so BLESSED!
The last 7 years of our marriage have been rough. I've been sick for the majority of it. Really sick. Sick and pregnant or sick and nursing. :-P Hormonal doesn't even begin to cover it. We've been through so, so much. And in spite of it all, he still loves me. Really, truly, passionately, compassionately loves me. I am so BLESSED!
And I love him, more than I even thought it was possible to love someone. All the hardships and ups and downs have only served to bring us closer together. I love him completely, I trust him completely, and he completes me. :-P Sorry, I had to throw that in there. ;-) I am so BLESSED!
And so, as I sat there in my van, I realized that the number on the scale is insignificant. It really is. Why am I beating myself up over a number on the scale?? It doesn't make sense.
I thought of you, Dawne. Of your struggle to get to that number on the scale. And yet, you are so much MORE than that stupid number! You aren't a failure just because you haven't seen a certain number. You run. You eat clean. You've made huge and lasting life changes. You are so BLESSED!
In regards to my weight I feel sort of non-plussed. I know I'm not at the end of my journey. I know I'd still like to lose a few more pounds. But it's not worth worrying and stressing over. I'm going to take it slow. Watch what I eat. See if I can fit in some exercise.
But for the most part, I am so BLESSED. And that is far more important than a number on the scale.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Still here... And still on the wagon
Hi Folks,
Sorry for the long delay in posts. I've been busy and don't have much to say.
I'm still going strong being wheat free, with one slight, unintentional slip up. We had meatballs last night and I ate 4 of them before reading the ingredients and realizing they had wheat in them.
I haven't been weighing myself every day, because my weight wasn't dropping, in fact it was going up. I really wanted to give myself a full 7 days to see if cutting out wheat would do anything, so I haven't weighed since Friday or Saturday. Well, today I decided to step on the scale, confident I'd be down at least 2 pounds.
Nope. Down 1 pound. And I'm 99% sure that is gone only because I started my period and always lose a bit once that happens. So, I don't think I'm going to be so hardcore about cutting out wheat, as clearly my body isn't dropping any pounds quickly from not eating any. To me that means I don't have an allergy to it that causes me to retain water and/or gain weight.
I have felt a bit better emotionally, however. So my plan going forward is to not restrict myself from eating wheat, but also not to eat a ton of it all the time. Cut out breads where I can, but if I'm served something or want one serving of something with wheat, that's okay.
My current weight is 139, so it's still definitely UP. :-( I don't feel like I've been eating a lot of calories, and I feel like for the most part I've been making healthy eating choices. The last 2 days I have had a couple pieces of Norwegian chocolate each day (a gift from my BIL) but other than that I've been eating healthy meals and not snacking as much. But still no drop in weight. Bleh.
I'm sort of blase about it currently because I don't have the energy to expend on doing anything more. I find it tedious and unpractical to try to count calories. I'm too tired to exercise. And honestly, although I don't/won't allow myself to keep gaining, if I maintain between 137 and 139 I'm okay with that. It's not optimal; I'd love to stay right at 136.2 which was the lowest I ever saw. But that ain't happening.
In other news, I'm going away with Josh for our anniversary this weekend! We've been married 7 years and are going to the eastern part of the state where it's currently snowing. It'll be fun and cozy; we both love to read and play board games so it's right up our alley to be snowed into a cabin. =)
I'll try to report in more, but I just haven't had much to report/say.
Hope you're all well!
Sorry for the long delay in posts. I've been busy and don't have much to say.
I'm still going strong being wheat free, with one slight, unintentional slip up. We had meatballs last night and I ate 4 of them before reading the ingredients and realizing they had wheat in them.
I haven't been weighing myself every day, because my weight wasn't dropping, in fact it was going up. I really wanted to give myself a full 7 days to see if cutting out wheat would do anything, so I haven't weighed since Friday or Saturday. Well, today I decided to step on the scale, confident I'd be down at least 2 pounds.
Nope. Down 1 pound. And I'm 99% sure that is gone only because I started my period and always lose a bit once that happens. So, I don't think I'm going to be so hardcore about cutting out wheat, as clearly my body isn't dropping any pounds quickly from not eating any. To me that means I don't have an allergy to it that causes me to retain water and/or gain weight.
I have felt a bit better emotionally, however. So my plan going forward is to not restrict myself from eating wheat, but also not to eat a ton of it all the time. Cut out breads where I can, but if I'm served something or want one serving of something with wheat, that's okay.
My current weight is 139, so it's still definitely UP. :-( I don't feel like I've been eating a lot of calories, and I feel like for the most part I've been making healthy eating choices. The last 2 days I have had a couple pieces of Norwegian chocolate each day (a gift from my BIL) but other than that I've been eating healthy meals and not snacking as much. But still no drop in weight. Bleh.
I'm sort of blase about it currently because I don't have the energy to expend on doing anything more. I find it tedious and unpractical to try to count calories. I'm too tired to exercise. And honestly, although I don't/won't allow myself to keep gaining, if I maintain between 137 and 139 I'm okay with that. It's not optimal; I'd love to stay right at 136.2 which was the lowest I ever saw. But that ain't happening.
In other news, I'm going away with Josh for our anniversary this weekend! We've been married 7 years and are going to the eastern part of the state where it's currently snowing. It'll be fun and cozy; we both love to read and play board games so it's right up our alley to be snowed into a cabin. =)
I'll try to report in more, but I just haven't had much to report/say.
Hope you're all well!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Sweet Slumber
Howdy Folks!
I didn't post on Friday because I was very, very busy cleaning my house from top to bottom.
This morning a miracle happened. No, little elves didn't come and stock my fridge with healthy and nutritious food, we didn't win the lottery and I didn't magically lose these last 15 pounds. ;-)
But what happened was even better than all of that.
My boys slept until SEVEN O'CLOCK!!!!!! SEVEN!!!!!!
I woke up singing praises to the good Lord and grinning gleefully at Josh because we'd both gotten a good night's sleep for the first time in a very long time.
It makes such a huge difference!
Josh sent me to a youth retreat for the morning, I got to have coffee with Jen, was very encouraged by God's Word and have been resting since I came home.
Yesterday was my first full day of being wheat free since before Valentine's Day. I felt good all day, but then ended up getting very ill and throwing up at bedtime. I think I overdid it, because I seriously accomplished SO much housework, and didn't eat enough calories.
I had a handful of almonds, tuna fish with veggie chips and avocado, and then rice crackers with cheese. And a 20 ounce americano. And lots of water. Oh and an Almond Joy.
Today I'm doing well, as far as wheat free goes. I'm giving it a full week this time to see how it affects my weight. I'm also doing well with my water intake, but need to stick with it throughout the week.
I don't feel any better; in fact I feel fairly awful. I have a pounding headache and no energy. I'm hoping my body is just detoxing and that I'll start to feel amazing real soon. :-)
As you can see, I'm clearly focusing on cutting out wheat but not so much sugar. I'll work my way up to that.
I'll be back in the morning with a weigh-in.
Happy Saturday!
I didn't post on Friday because I was very, very busy cleaning my house from top to bottom.
This morning a miracle happened. No, little elves didn't come and stock my fridge with healthy and nutritious food, we didn't win the lottery and I didn't magically lose these last 15 pounds. ;-)
But what happened was even better than all of that.
My boys slept until SEVEN O'CLOCK!!!!!! SEVEN!!!!!!
I woke up singing praises to the good Lord and grinning gleefully at Josh because we'd both gotten a good night's sleep for the first time in a very long time.
It makes such a huge difference!
Josh sent me to a youth retreat for the morning, I got to have coffee with Jen, was very encouraged by God's Word and have been resting since I came home.
Yesterday was my first full day of being wheat free since before Valentine's Day. I felt good all day, but then ended up getting very ill and throwing up at bedtime. I think I overdid it, because I seriously accomplished SO much housework, and didn't eat enough calories.
I had a handful of almonds, tuna fish with veggie chips and avocado, and then rice crackers with cheese. And a 20 ounce americano. And lots of water. Oh and an Almond Joy.
Today I'm doing well, as far as wheat free goes. I'm giving it a full week this time to see how it affects my weight. I'm also doing well with my water intake, but need to stick with it throughout the week.
I don't feel any better; in fact I feel fairly awful. I have a pounding headache and no energy. I'm hoping my body is just detoxing and that I'll start to feel amazing real soon. :-)
As you can see, I'm clearly focusing on cutting out wheat but not so much sugar. I'll work my way up to that.
I'll be back in the morning with a weigh-in.
Happy Saturday!
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Half Dead
I'm half dead. I can't really function like this, but there doesn't seem to be an end in sight.
I need to sleep. Uninterrupted. For more than 3 hours. And not start my day at 5:30a.m. day after day after day after day.
After my high and holy post yesterday I totally bombed and ate rice crackers and cheese for lunch. In copious amounts. I even ate chocolate peanut butter ice cream, and I don't even care for ice cream! The stress is getting to be too much. I'm going crazy.
I weighed 139.6 today and I can't even be bothered to care. All I can think about is sleep. How can I sleep, when can I sleep, where can I sleep.
I know that I'm in my PMS week, which doesn't help anything, and I know part of my weight gain is water retention and bloating.
I'm taking a mental health day. My mom and sisters are coming over. I'm sending the kids outside to run off some energy. I'm making boiled eggs so I have an easy protein snack to grab. I'm throwing away the ice cream. And I'm thanking the good Lord above for a) Xanax so I don't turn into a total she-wolf and b) that Josh comes home tonight.
Until tomorrow....
I need to sleep. Uninterrupted. For more than 3 hours. And not start my day at 5:30a.m. day after day after day after day.
After my high and holy post yesterday I totally bombed and ate rice crackers and cheese for lunch. In copious amounts. I even ate chocolate peanut butter ice cream, and I don't even care for ice cream! The stress is getting to be too much. I'm going crazy.
I weighed 139.6 today and I can't even be bothered to care. All I can think about is sleep. How can I sleep, when can I sleep, where can I sleep.
I know that I'm in my PMS week, which doesn't help anything, and I know part of my weight gain is water retention and bloating.
I'm taking a mental health day. My mom and sisters are coming over. I'm sending the kids outside to run off some energy. I'm making boiled eggs so I have an easy protein snack to grab. I'm throwing away the ice cream. And I'm thanking the good Lord above for a) Xanax so I don't turn into a total she-wolf and b) that Josh comes home tonight.
Until tomorrow....
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
The Mommy Syndrome
Today I was driving around, taking Kate to school, taking the dog to the groomer, etc... And I noticed something. Many moms driving mini-vans, just like me. Except, the majority of these moms filled up the whole entire front seat of the van. Their stomachs reach the steering wheel. The seat belt is stretched across them.
And it made me sad. And it made me think. I don't wan to become a victim of the Mommy Syndrome.
You know, we're all just trying to do what's best for our kids. So that means cooking and baking. And then we eat what we've cooked and baked, sometimes finishing the food on our kid's plates. Then, once the kids are a little older, and maybe they are in sports/ballet type activities... Which means constant driving to/from practices and games/recitals... which means no time for cooking so we turn to fast food/take out.
And then there's the ever present, looming, black cloud called FATIGUE. If you have multiple kiddos they rarely all sleep well on the same night. So no more uninterrupted sleep. And we combat THAT with coffee drinks.
And all this adds up to FAT. We aren't even trying to be fat; we're trying to be good moms. And in the process, we get fat. We're too tired, busy, stressed and all of that adds up to FAT! Cortisol, produced when we're stressed, causes us to gain weight around our stomachs. Being tired causes us to eat and drink things to help keep us awake and give us the energy we need to run all our errands, keep up with our houses, meet the needs of our children.
It takes a conscious effort to not allow LIFE to make us FAT!!! It takes exercise! It takes planning and preparation and meal planning and schedules.
It is not easy.
But I don't want to fall prey to the American lifestyle that is causing so much obesity and fatigue and general overall unhealthiness. It seems so overwhelming to combat it, but it's something that I just have to do. Me, personally. I want to be a good example to my children of a healthy person, living a healthy lifestyle. I don't have hours in the day to spend at the gym, I don't even have the energy to go to the gym right now. But I can make healthy choices. I don't have to bake scones every day. ;-)
I can make healthy meals, even though it does take time, energy and money. I can do the best I can. In fact, that's ALL I can do.
So that's what I'm working on today. Learning healthy habits, including making sure I get enough sleep and don't fall back on convenience foods. Inevitably things come up. Life isn't perfect. I don't have a nanny, maid, personal chef and trainer. I have kids who get sick and wake up at night needing some TLC, I have kids who think it's okay to wake up before the sun is up, I have a body that doesn't fall asleep or stay asleep very well. But that doesn't mean I can't be healthy, that I have to succumb to obesity.
I will not be a hapless victim of the Mommy Syndrome. I will not fill up the entire front end of my van. I will choose to make good choices, even though it's hard and lots of work and takes time and energy, both of which are very precious and scarce commodities around these here parts.
In other news, I didn't weigh again today. I just simply forgot. Although I did go to bed early-- 7 pm, people! And I did take my melatonin (a natural sleeping aid) and I was asleep by 8:15pm... Christian was up at 3:30 coughing and had a fever. So I gave him his inhalers, Tylenol and cold medicine. We got back to bed around 4:15 and I had both boys in my bed at that point. Owen was up at 5:30 for the day so I got up and settled him in with a bagel and the movie Cars. Then Kate was up a little after 6 and I didn't sleep anymore after that.
So when I got up I once again stumbled blindly to the coffeemaker and didn't even think to weigh until later. Oh well. Today I'm working on drinking water and eating protein.
I should add that I'm not anti-coffee. At all. It helps me a lot. But I don't want to HAVE to buy an espresso or energy drink every single day for years just to make it through the day. I do need coffee these days. As in *need* it. Not an option. But I also want to work to make healthier eating choices, making sure I drink enough, and even trying to get some exercise in for some natural energy boosters.
I feel like I'm rambling now, so I'm just going to post this. :-P
Happy Hump Day!
And it made me sad. And it made me think. I don't wan to become a victim of the Mommy Syndrome.
You know, we're all just trying to do what's best for our kids. So that means cooking and baking. And then we eat what we've cooked and baked, sometimes finishing the food on our kid's plates. Then, once the kids are a little older, and maybe they are in sports/ballet type activities... Which means constant driving to/from practices and games/recitals... which means no time for cooking so we turn to fast food/take out.
And then there's the ever present, looming, black cloud called FATIGUE. If you have multiple kiddos they rarely all sleep well on the same night. So no more uninterrupted sleep. And we combat THAT with coffee drinks.
And all this adds up to FAT. We aren't even trying to be fat; we're trying to be good moms. And in the process, we get fat. We're too tired, busy, stressed and all of that adds up to FAT! Cortisol, produced when we're stressed, causes us to gain weight around our stomachs. Being tired causes us to eat and drink things to help keep us awake and give us the energy we need to run all our errands, keep up with our houses, meet the needs of our children.
It takes a conscious effort to not allow LIFE to make us FAT!!! It takes exercise! It takes planning and preparation and meal planning and schedules.
It is not easy.
But I don't want to fall prey to the American lifestyle that is causing so much obesity and fatigue and general overall unhealthiness. It seems so overwhelming to combat it, but it's something that I just have to do. Me, personally. I want to be a good example to my children of a healthy person, living a healthy lifestyle. I don't have hours in the day to spend at the gym, I don't even have the energy to go to the gym right now. But I can make healthy choices. I don't have to bake scones every day. ;-)
I can make healthy meals, even though it does take time, energy and money. I can do the best I can. In fact, that's ALL I can do.
So that's what I'm working on today. Learning healthy habits, including making sure I get enough sleep and don't fall back on convenience foods. Inevitably things come up. Life isn't perfect. I don't have a nanny, maid, personal chef and trainer. I have kids who get sick and wake up at night needing some TLC, I have kids who think it's okay to wake up before the sun is up, I have a body that doesn't fall asleep or stay asleep very well. But that doesn't mean I can't be healthy, that I have to succumb to obesity.
I will not be a hapless victim of the Mommy Syndrome. I will not fill up the entire front end of my van. I will choose to make good choices, even though it's hard and lots of work and takes time and energy, both of which are very precious and scarce commodities around these here parts.
In other news, I didn't weigh again today. I just simply forgot. Although I did go to bed early-- 7 pm, people! And I did take my melatonin (a natural sleeping aid) and I was asleep by 8:15pm... Christian was up at 3:30 coughing and had a fever. So I gave him his inhalers, Tylenol and cold medicine. We got back to bed around 4:15 and I had both boys in my bed at that point. Owen was up at 5:30 for the day so I got up and settled him in with a bagel and the movie Cars. Then Kate was up a little after 6 and I didn't sleep anymore after that.
So when I got up I once again stumbled blindly to the coffeemaker and didn't even think to weigh until later. Oh well. Today I'm working on drinking water and eating protein.
I should add that I'm not anti-coffee. At all. It helps me a lot. But I don't want to HAVE to buy an espresso or energy drink every single day for years just to make it through the day. I do need coffee these days. As in *need* it. Not an option. But I also want to work to make healthier eating choices, making sure I drink enough, and even trying to get some exercise in for some natural energy boosters.
I feel like I'm rambling now, so I'm just going to post this. :-P
Happy Hump Day!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Checking In
Just checking in... I didn't fall off the planet or anything. ;-)
My MIL's MRI results seem to be good... it's a little confusing but the doctors sound pleased, so that's great.
I didn't weigh this morning. I have been eating way too much salt. I am totally addicted to these chips:
I CRAVE them. Like, I could eat a bag of these a day and be done with eating for the day. It's weird. And salty.
So tomorrow I'm going to really focus on drinking all my water, and not filling myself up with Chipotle chips and coffee. Cuz that is one dehydrating combo.
I'm off to bed. I'm exhausted so tonight I'm going to bed with my kids, at 7:00pm. And I'm taking a melatonin to ensure that I fall asleep.
See you on the flip side!
My MIL's MRI results seem to be good... it's a little confusing but the doctors sound pleased, so that's great.
I didn't weigh this morning. I have been eating way too much salt. I am totally addicted to these chips:
I CRAVE them. Like, I could eat a bag of these a day and be done with eating for the day. It's weird. And salty.So tomorrow I'm going to really focus on drinking all my water, and not filling myself up with Chipotle chips and coffee. Cuz that is one dehydrating combo.
I'm off to bed. I'm exhausted so tonight I'm going to bed with my kids, at 7:00pm. And I'm taking a melatonin to ensure that I fall asleep.
See you on the flip side!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Rough Seas
Hi Friends,
How are you? Happy Valentine's Day. I'm not a super big fan of Valentine's Day; it seems like such a made up, commercial holiday. Maybe it's partly due to the fact that our anniversary is also in Feb, and in comparison to our anniversary, Valentine's Day pales considerably.
Anyway, I've been having a rough go of it. Really rough. I feel ill, depressed, overwhelmed. I had hoped that cutting out wheat and sugar would help. I guess I thought I'd magically feel better while at the same time dropping 3 or 4 pounds and it just hasn't happened that way. At all.
Of course, I haven't been very successful at cutting out wheat and sugar completely, either. I did great on Friday and Saturday. Yesterday I ate a scone. Yes, a freaking scone. And then I got super duper sick. I felt like I had the flu. This morning I woke up with a raging headache. It didn't help that my wake-up call was a few minutes before 6:00a.m. My boys are INSANE. We even kept them up til 8:30pm last night in hopes they'd sleep til at least 6:30 this morning. No dice. Up before 6. Bleh.
We get the results of my MIL's MRI today and I just have a sick feeling about it all. I don't think it's good news. I'm overtired and can't seem to catch up on sleep. I miss my husband. I feel unhealthy; like my body is full of toxins. I have an appt in March with a specialist to look at my prolapsed bladder. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it on here, cuz it's kind of embarrassing. But it's one of the rocks weighing me down. It's a burden I carry. My body is only 32 and yet it's falling apart on me. Does this sound familiar? :-P
Anyway, I'm just trying to hold it together for now. I will try to stay away from wheat and sugar as much as I can, but I'm giving myself a pass for today because my handsome hubby left me with a few surprises this morning.
First, there were the hearts on the mirror. We often write love notes to each other on the bathroom mirror.
I purposefully stayed out of the picture. I had just woken up and looked eerily similar to Donald Trump. Except not as rich.
Eeekkk!
Anyway, then I stumbled out to the kitchen where I found this lovely surprise:
Those little heart notes spelled out "I LOVE YOU". I do love my husband. He is very sweet and romantic and thoughtful. And it did brighten my day considerably. We're going to have chocolate fondue tonight with the strawberries, cream cheese danish and some oranges. So clearly I'll be eating wheat and sugar today. But I'm not gonna go overboard. And I'll be back on the bandwagon tomorrow.
I hope you all have a good day!
How are you? Happy Valentine's Day. I'm not a super big fan of Valentine's Day; it seems like such a made up, commercial holiday. Maybe it's partly due to the fact that our anniversary is also in Feb, and in comparison to our anniversary, Valentine's Day pales considerably.
Anyway, I've been having a rough go of it. Really rough. I feel ill, depressed, overwhelmed. I had hoped that cutting out wheat and sugar would help. I guess I thought I'd magically feel better while at the same time dropping 3 or 4 pounds and it just hasn't happened that way. At all.
Of course, I haven't been very successful at cutting out wheat and sugar completely, either. I did great on Friday and Saturday. Yesterday I ate a scone. Yes, a freaking scone. And then I got super duper sick. I felt like I had the flu. This morning I woke up with a raging headache. It didn't help that my wake-up call was a few minutes before 6:00a.m. My boys are INSANE. We even kept them up til 8:30pm last night in hopes they'd sleep til at least 6:30 this morning. No dice. Up before 6. Bleh.
We get the results of my MIL's MRI today and I just have a sick feeling about it all. I don't think it's good news. I'm overtired and can't seem to catch up on sleep. I miss my husband. I feel unhealthy; like my body is full of toxins. I have an appt in March with a specialist to look at my prolapsed bladder. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it on here, cuz it's kind of embarrassing. But it's one of the rocks weighing me down. It's a burden I carry. My body is only 32 and yet it's falling apart on me. Does this sound familiar? :-P
Anyway, I'm just trying to hold it together for now. I will try to stay away from wheat and sugar as much as I can, but I'm giving myself a pass for today because my handsome hubby left me with a few surprises this morning.
First, there were the hearts on the mirror. We often write love notes to each other on the bathroom mirror.
I purposefully stayed out of the picture. I had just woken up and looked eerily similar to Donald Trump. Except not as rich.
Eeekkk!
Anyway, then I stumbled out to the kitchen where I found this lovely surprise:
Those little heart notes spelled out "I LOVE YOU". I do love my husband. He is very sweet and romantic and thoughtful. And it did brighten my day considerably. We're going to have chocolate fondue tonight with the strawberries, cream cheese danish and some oranges. So clearly I'll be eating wheat and sugar today. But I'm not gonna go overboard. And I'll be back on the bandwagon tomorrow.
I hope you all have a good day!
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