Monday, August 19, 2013


Hi Guys :)

So, here I am.  Still blogging.  Still struggling.  With life.  With my weight.  With basic hygiene.  Wait, what?

Yeah.  This just happened.

I'm in the shower (cue angels singing and God Himself applauding this decision).  I'm washing my hair.  It's crazy tangled.  I don't know why, but I open my eyes.  Soap gets in.  OUCH.  Dang, I forgot how bad that stings!! Anyhoo, moving forward.

I rinse the shampoo out, coat with conditioner and move on to scrubbing my body.  Soap flies in my eye.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I mean, come on! What are the odds??  I blindly shave my legs.  No idea if I got it all, but meh.  Good enough.

I move on to brushing my teeth.  You know what's coming, don't you? Toothpaste.  In my eye.  Don't even ask.  I couldn't make this up if I tried.  And you know what? Toothpaste in the eye hurts real, real bad.  By this time I'm questioning my own hand-eye-brain coordination.  Luckily I make it through the rest of my shower without getting anything ELSE in my eyes.

That's kind of how life feels right now.  One thing after the other, and how did this happen in the first place?!

There's my sweet, sweet mother in law.  You guys.  Seriously.  She is the best.  Ever.  Just ask any of her 16 children, or the myriads of people who have been blessed by her.  She is on steroids and is doing well at the moment, but we know it's just borrowed time.

Please pray.  Pray that if it's her time to go, that God takes her quickly, and peacefully in her sleep.  Pray she doesn't become so incapacitated that she loses her dignity.  Pray for her younger children, who are still at home.  And hug your loved ones.

I can't even put into words the underlying stress/sadness/sense of doom that I/we live with day and night.  We know she is going to Heaven, and we know she will be out of this body that is so broken.  But still.  We love her and we don't want her to go.  It's not easy, that's for sure.

My kiddos.  They are, shall we say, spirited.  Times 10000.  They wake up and immediately declare war on each other.  I'm talking full on wrestling, hitting, kicking, punching, throwing to the ground of persons.  Do I allow this? NO! Have I ever allowed it? No.  I don't know why they think it's okay all of a sudden.  It's not.  It's also extremely tiring/draining/exhausting getting on their case to stop wrestling, hitting, kicking, punching and throwing to the ground of persons.  I'm counting the days until school starts. (16 for the older two.  23 for Owen.)  Bless their teachers.

Then there's my health.  I'm headed to Dr. Ray soon.  Josh convinced me to go.  I resisted at first, because I'm dumb like that.  It'll be a short 24 hour trip, but hopefully it will help.  I'm hoping to get my hormones and the brain chemicals balanced like I did the last time I was there... 3 years ago??

My weight is just being a meanie head.  I'm the farthest from thin I've ever been.  I got the results from my adrenal stress test back.  Turns out my cortisol is low.  Low?? Does that mean my body really isn't very stressed, since it puts out cortisol as stress increases?  Nope.  Cortisol doesn't go from normal to low.  It goes from normal to extremely high and then burns out and drops to where my levels are now.  Extremely low.  So I'm getting on some supplements to help my body produce more cortisol.

My immune system is also severely depressed.  (Insert sad immune system here, hardy har har) Normal ranges from 25-60 and mine was less than 5.  Meaning it couldn't be detected at all on the test.  Sigh. So I'm starting supplements for that as well.  

And lastly my diet.  I'm supposed to eat a hypoglycemic diet.  Essentially... Atkins.  I've never done Atkins, but I know it focuses on lots of protein, and very little carbohydrates and sugar.  Just what my body needs to repair itself, apparently.  So I'll be doing some research on Atkins friendly recipes and meals.  It all feels overwhelming right now.  So much going on.

I can't exercise.  I've been forbidden by the Adrenal Stress doctor.  My body can't handle it when it's so burned out already.  But carrying around this much weight is taking it's toll.  I saw a picture of myself and wow.  Talk about spiraling into a pit of depression.  It was real and raw and horrifying.  I have to do something. I am suffocating under all this fat.  My stress is through the roof and I can't afford for it to be.  So I'm really hoping the Atkins helps the weight come off.

I know all you exercise fiends out there would probably disagree with that statement, and say that running, a good work-out, lifting weights, etc... is the best.  But I am in wholehearted agreement with Anthony Trollope.

Well, friends, it's late.  I need to get to bed.  I just wanted to check in and jot down my thoughts/plans.

If you have any good Atkins friendly recipes, send them my way!

1 comment:

  1. Sorry something weird is happening with bloglovin (my blog reader of choice). Post are showing up days later and comments that I have made are disappearing.
    So now I don't know if you are still blogging, giving it up or are gone.
    Please know if you post I will be here waiting.
    Hope all is well, miss you.