Tuesday, December 28, 2010

New Day

I am feeling much better. Life doesn't seem as dismal. I think it's because I have a plan. :-D

My "Plan" is simply to Just Do It. Dan Widen, who coined that phrase, was a smart, smart man. There are SO many excuses, reasons, complaints why I can't/won't/don't want to do something. I could sit around the rest of my life reasoning out all the "why's". But I won't. Because I'd just end up a fat, disappointed, dejected old lady. And that, my friend, is NOT my plan.

The path to health is very simple. Eat Less, Move More (hi, Dawnie!). Exercise and Eat Right. It's not rocket science. I don't have to pay oodles and oodles of money for a private chef and trainer in order to be successful. I just have to set my mind to it and then follow through.

So, my current plan is this:

*Do a round of HCG in January, hopefully losing 10-12 pounds.
*No more HCG until after March, but begin exercising regularly and counting calories.
*After March, see where I'm at and how I'm feeling, and perhaps do another round of HCG.

The reason HCG is included in my current plan is because it works. It's fast. It's the way I've lost the majority of the weight, and I know I can do it. So I'm choosing for HCG to be part of my journey. I know it's not for everyone; I can understand if it seems like the easy way out. But for me, it works.

I do know that I need to learn healthy habits. I need to learn to discipline myself to exercise. I need to learn portion control/watching my calories. I don't intend to count calories the rest of my life, but I would like to get a basic understanding of how many calories are in foods.

Otherwise, the weight will pile back on. I don't want to be a yoyo dieter. I want to just be HEALTHY. That is my goal. Get off this excess flab and be a trim person; a healthy person.

I'm happy to have a plan. I'm excited to see the scale start moving again, in the downward direction. ;-) I'm looking forward to my rolls disappearing, to fitting in my clothes, to getting dressed in the morning and not having a feeling of dread regarding what I look like hang over my head all day. I'm looking forward to being more active, to playing with my kids and riding bikes and jumping on trampolines without feeling like I'll die of a heart attack. I look forward to living to my full potential, living with a strong, fit body.

I know I won't have the most amazing body out there, and that is just fine with me. That's not my goal. I don't need to be ripped or have a swimsuit model's physique. That's not even realistic. But to be the appropriate weight/fat percentage for my body... THAT is my goal.

So look forward to seeing me do my Leslie Sansone Walking video, and working my way back up to Jillian's Shred. I'll see how much exercise I can do while on HCG, but I'm not going to push myself over the edge with it. Exercise will be included in the second phase, for sure.

I'll keep you posted on how this all goes down! Happy 2011 To Me!!!!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Enough is Enough

Ugh. Today is Christmas. Supposed to be a day of joy and laughter, love and peace, bright shining faces, right? *sigh*

My 3 kids all have viral upper respiratory infections and asthma, as I've mentioned. They all get inhaler treatments every 4 hours. They also are coughing and sneezing like no one's business. So that means I get to stay home with them today. I just am not willing to take them to my in-laws and potentially expose either MIL who is on chemo and radiation, or Macy who is just 3 months old, to the germs. I don't know if my kids are contagious, but I would never ever get over it if my children's germs caused someone to get sick.

Owen had RSV when he was just 6 weeks old, and the days we spent in the hospital are not something I'd wish on anyone. I also don't want to be responsible for weakening my MIL's body even more, by introducing germs that can turn into pneumonia or something worse.

So here I sit. With my 3 sick kids. Trying not to dissolve into a puddle of tears. I know it's for the best. In fact, it was my decision. Josh wanted to stay home, but it's his family. And I don't know how many more Christmases we'll have with his mom as healthy as she is right now, so I wouldn't dream of making him miss that. MIL and FIL even said it was fine to come. But I just can't. I would be stressed and worried the whole time, and it's just not worth it.

Also, I weighed myself today. Insert gigantic, melancholy sigh. 147. I can't believe it. But I do know that there are more factors weighing in (ha, I made a pun) than just eating too much. Don't get me wrong, I've been doing that in spades. But it's also my TOM, I'm constipated (as usual), I haven't been drinking water and I have been eating salty foods.

And today, I'm just done with it all. I'm DONE with living for food. I don't feel like I consciously live for it, but these past 3 weeks especially, I've been mindlessly eating. Just putting things in my mouth, chewing, swallowing, grabbing another handful. Repeat ad nauseum. I disgust myself. I have no self-control. No will power.

It's really hard being alone with the kids for so much of the time. Josh was gone 9 out of 13 days the last two weeks. He was home 4 times, and not even full days, except for last Sat and Sun. We don't have a washer and dryer so I've been carting loads and loads of laundry back and forth to my mom's and the laundromat. The kids are sick, extra extra grumpy, malicious to each other. I ran out of my drops from Dr. Ray because I didn't order more in time because I had to wait for Josh to get paid. And now I feel like I'm playing catch-up, except things are worse than normal because it's PMS time which means my hormones are out just from that.

I feel... overwhelmed. Like I'm carrying around a huge sack of boulders on my shoulders. I missed a birthday party for one of my best friends because Josh wasn't back from WA in time. Actually, he did get in around 7:30 and the party didn't start til 9, but I was so incredibly exhausted and the kids were all needing breathing treatments, and I was just on the verge of a breakdown so I didn't go. It wouldn't have been nice for me to crash the party with my sobbing and wailing. But I still feel bad.

I feel...dread. Because nothing is going to get better anytime soon. Josh will continue to be gone 4 days a week until who knows when, but at least the next 6 months. Maybe a year. MIL seems to be doing okay, but I can tell the treatments are starting to wear on her. She's tired and cold. She has no appetite. Her hair is starting to fall out. And I can't bear to see her like that. Yet, there's not really anything I can do. I take her to her radiation appointments sometimes, and chat with her, which is actually really nice for both of us. But I can see her withering away before my very eyes and it's just too much.

I feel...obese. I need to start exercising, but don't know when to do it. I wanted to start jogging in the evenings, except I can't do that now because Josh isn't here. I could do it Fri, Sat, Sun but usually by the time the weekend gets here I have zero energy or stamina left. I guess I'll just have to fit my video in at some point during the day. Yet at the same time I look in the mirror and my heart falls. I'm fat. Really, I am. I can see where the fat is accumulating and the muscles are lost in the mass that is me. My pants are like a tourniquet around my waist. My muffin top is vying for a Guinness World Record. My arms probably cause earthquakes in Japan from all their jiggling.

I feel...unhealthy. I need to improve what I eat. We're pretty much settled in completely now so I can focus on eating more healthfully. I got rid of our microwave, and I haven't regretted it or missed it. I don't buy chicken nuggets or corn dogs for my kids anymore, except on the very rare occasion. I need to eat more salad, but it's hard, especially in the winter when I'm always cold and want warm food. I should just make a huge pot of soup and eat that for a while. I need to start counting calories, but don't even really know where to start because I have to run back and forth to the computer for every. single. food. item.

I want to do HCG, but am really scared it's going to whack out my hormones again. Yet, it's the only way I've been successful at losing weight. It works. It's fast. I could probably get off ALL my excess weight in 3 rounds. I'm going to Europe in March for a women's conference and I don't want to be self-conscious about my weight and how tight my clothes are.

I feel a tiny bit better getting all that off my chest. I'm not looking for sympathy, because I know how good I actually have it. I have a husband who adores me, who helps me more than he has to, who loves me with every single fiber in his being. I have 3 healthy (for the most part) :-P, intelligent, funny children who love me despite all my shortcomings. I have wonderful, amazing, loyal friends and family who support me in whatever way they can.

Sometimes it's just nice to vent. To put into writing everything that I'm feeling and thinking. And that's what this post is. A vent. A rant. I don't want to complain, or end up bitter or resentful. And I don't think it's wrong or unhealthy to write out what I'm feeling and thinking. I don't want to make a habit of it, of always complaining about life and things I can't change. But for today, it was helpful.

Now I'll go hitch up my (way too tight) big girl pants and get back to work. There's housework to be done, and an inner work inside myself going on that needs to be tended and cared for. And I need to figure out a plan of attack for myself. How I'm going to conquer my unhealthy eating habits and conquer my weight. Because I will persevere and I will reach my goal.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Tis the season to be.... sick

Hi guys,
Just wanted to check in here real quick. We've been a bit under the weather. Both my boys have viral upper respiratory infections coupled with asthma. Last night was a night of little sleep, as they were coughing all night. Christian coughed so hard he fell out of bed! He also was choking and broke blood vessels in his face, poor guy.

He had a vicious, racking cough and ended up throwing up. All over me. And my face. And in my mouth. :-O I kid you not, the kiddo projectile vomited all over my face and it leaked in my mouth. The joys of being a parent, right? I couldn't even open my mouth to call Josh to come help. So I did what any sane person would do and just started crying. ;-)

We ended up getting him all cleaned up and tucked back into bed and when he whispered, "I love you, mama." everything was immediately all better and worth it. I have really been cherishing my kids lately. Part of it is the fact that due to the fact that my drops from Dr. Ray are working amazingly well, I feel like for the first time in a LOOOOOONG time I'm able to appreciate and enjoy who these little beings are. I enjoy my role as a mother and wife, and even go so far as to find JOY in it! Who knew!?!?

I am so thankful for my three sweetie-pies, for my wonderful husband (even if he does have to be gone 50% of the time right now for work) and that God has allowed us all to be relatively healthy. Even upper respiratory infections and asthma have treatments and methods to help make the patient more comfortable. And they aren't cancer. Or life threatening.

I'm doing pretty good, otherwise. Didn't weigh myself this morning as I just dragged myself out of bed due to little sleep last night, and got the kids and myself some breakfast before I remembered that I was supposed to weigh. I'll try to do it tomorrow, but don't expect to see much change.

I really need to focus on getting back to drinking lots of water. I lost my 1.5 liter water bottle somewhere along the way, and it was so handy to have sitting out on the counter so I could just take a swig here and there throughout the day. So I need to find another alternative. It usually works just as well for me to have a pitcher and glass sitting out and drink that throughout the day. I'm an oddball and don't like cold water. I can drink way more if it's room temp so it works well for me to just have it sitting out.

Well, I'd better go... My kiddos are in their beds and I have a toilet to unclog, dishes to do and a book to read. ;-)

Hope you all are doing well!!! And having a joyful and merry holiday season!

Friday, December 17, 2010

Heavy Burdens

Hi All,
Sorry it took me so long to write a post. I didn't have internet when I expected to, and then once I got it set up, I didn't have time/energy to blog.

Josh works out of town 4 days a week for now, so I'm a single mom during that time. It's actually gone amazingly well. All I can say is thank the good Lord above for Dr. Ray and his treatments!!

Also, in the last 3 months I personally know 3 people who have either died or been diagnosed with some form of cancer. What is up with that? Seriously, it freaks me out, sets me on edge and is totally unsettling. The latest little girl is only 6 and has a very aggressive form and her dad is good friends with Josh. When her mom was telling me the diagnosis/prognosis my heart just sunk and ever since I've had a vague sense of dread.

Cancer sucks. It can go away, now. What on earth is going on??? It is crazy how many people I know have been affected with it in such a short amount of time. It makes me extremely thankful for my healthy husband and children. I have always taken it for granted before now. Never again. I will consciously thank God that He has kept my children and husband whole and healthy.

Weight wise I'm doing okay. Holding steady at 145, which is 4 pounds up from my "normal" weight. I'm a little worried about it, but just glad it's not creeping higher. I really thought when I stepped on the scale on Monday that I'd be in the 150's. I feel huge and bloated. My pants are tight and I have 4 pounds of muffin top. Seriously, it all went straight to my waist.

I plan to do a round of HCG in January. I'm excited to see how I do now that I am on new drops from Dr. Ray. And I'm ready to be at a healthy weight where I can feel good about myself. For a long time, this weight has been good and fine for me. But I just feel like if I can get these last pounds off then I could get dressed in the morning and not worry about it for the rest of the day. That's what I would like. To not think about my clothes and what I look like. Just be healthy.

I do plan to start attempting to jog/run, but probably not til after my round of HCG,

Mary Beth- I don't really know how to describe Dr. Ray's treatments. On his business card he calls it "bio-nutritional health". I can only describe it as science fictionish. He has this mouse pad type thing that reads the electrical energies of your body and with that he can tell what hormones and chemicals are off. He also does live blood viewing and can tell how your cells are doing. The treatment is "beamed" into you. I don't know how else to describe it. But I do know I have seen tangible results, as have my friends and family.

Hopefully you guys have stuck with me during my long absence. :-D I'm off to try to catch up on you guys now.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

This Is It!!

Well, folks, this is my last blog post from up yonder. The next time I post I'll be amidst the chaos of unpacked boxes, but I'll be in my cheery, warm, cozy living room!

So crazy. I can't even really comprehend it. It still feels surreal. Like I'm dreaming. Weird that I can feel that way, despite the barren wilderness of the house we're in right now. Almost everything is packed, besides the fridge, our toiletries and clothes. And the big furniture like beds, couches and the kitchen table that I couldn't get downstairs by myself.

Hopefully everything goes without a hitch tomorrow. I'm not holding my breath, but it'd be nice. ;-)

We have 3 strapping young lads coming to help load the truck. Josh will drive the moving van and I'll drive the mini van and my bro will follow behind in his car. Funny thing... one of the boys coming to help is currently on the HCG diet. He was so relived when he found out I'd done it, so I could make the right food for him. :-D

I feel bad that all my spices and everything are packed away, so I'm just getting him a rotisserie chicken and a bag of peas. His request. ;-)

The kids are sort of falling apart due to lack of sleep and living in the barren wilderness that this house has become. Plus they are just having bad attitudes in general. It's not so fun, but we're dealing.

This weekend is insanely busy. We get home sometime tomorrow afternoon/evening after traveling +/-4 hours and unpack what we can. Saturday morning we unpack more then at 3pm go to our church Christmas celebration. Sunday at 9:45a.m. Kate has a field trip with the kiddos from church. At 1:00 there is a birthday party for my niece, and I'm supposed to go over at noon to help decorate. Then Monday morning Josh heads back up here for work.


Good thing I'm still feeling so good after seeing Dr. Ray. Praying it continues.

Eating has been pretty good, quantity wise. QUALITY is a whole 'nother beast, but I'm going easy on myself seeing as everything is packed up. I had an orange for breakfast, 2 taquitos and a big salad for lunch, and a handful of chips and one slice of pizza for dinner. Oh, and half a Twix.

I need to get off here. Josh is working til who knows when and I've got kiddos to bathe and a dog to wash and the last few items to pack up. Oh, and hardcore cleaning. Bleh. :-P

I'll check in on Monday, hopefully, and fill you all in on how it went!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

3 days

Good Morning, Folks!

So yesterday... yeah I got nothing done. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Nil. Oops. I was just plumb drained of energy, I sat down and decided that felt pretty nice and just didn't really get up the rest of the day. Oh well, today will be more productive. It has to. We only have 3 days left!

I packed the scale up earlier in the week and this morning it occurred to me that my next weigh-in will be at home. In my lovely home. So weird! Everything happened so incredibly quickly that I don't think it really had time to sink in. As I say good-bye to my friends here it feels like a little piece of my heart is being ripped out. I hadn't realized how close I had become to them. I thought it would be a breeze to move home to my beloved house, my beloved family and my beloved friends. But I didn't count on the friends up here becoming just as beloved.

I am really, really going to miss them. It's not like I'll never see them; I will. But it isn't the same as being able to sit in their homes and drink coffee and chat with them.

Anyway, it's been hard, but it's something I will work through. Without leaning on food for support. Eating has been going okay. I've had a few sugar cookies and some cream cheese danish over the last 2 days. I need to just say no to it, because they are worthless, empty calories and they don't even taste that good.

I did get in 3 liters of water yesterday, so that was good. My tacos were super delicious!

Amy, I just get pinto beans, soak them overnight, rinse and drain them, then fill the pan with clean water 3/4 full. Boil over medium heat for 1-2 hours (or longer, if you want). Once they are tender and soft, I drain and rinse them again, then add a bit of water and salt to taste. That's it! I serve them in a corn tortilla that I've lightly fried in oil, with sour cream and cheese. Simple, but oh, so good. Lucky me there are leftover beans, so I'll be eating it for lunch again today.

My boys are on the rampage so I must go. Sleep deprivation on a 3 and 4 year old is not pretty. Especially when they're already a little off because their house is being packed up and put away around their very ears. Much patience to be gained today!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Posting on the fly

Busy, busy, busy.

Just wanted to post to say I got in between 4 and 4.5 liters of water yesterday. That's between 136 and 153 ounces of water.

I still feel oddly dehydrated. Today it's been much slower going, with the water. I tried to chug it this morning, but got sick so I had to stop. Still working on my first 1.5 liters. Hoping to get in at least 2 liters, which still falls short of what I "should" be drinking. I've heard you're supposed to drink half your body weight, which for me would be between 70 and 73 ounces. Two liters is about 68 ounces.

Anyway, that was a whole lotta nonsense about water.

I hurt my back yesterday. I guess that's what happens when you lug heavy boxes of food and kitchen appliances, solid wood bookshelves, lamps and all manner of other things down two flights of stairs. I couldn't walk last night; my leg kept giving out and I would fall down. I had already packed the ibuprofen, so I went to bed praying it would be better today. It doesn't hurt as bad and I can walk, but I'm scared to carry heavy boxes and the rest of the furniture that still needs to make it's way down to the garage.

I sort of need to, though, cuz Josh is working late tonight, has a work dinner tomorrow and is working late again on Thursday. And Friday morning is when we start loading the truck. Hmmmm. We'll see how it all works out.

I'm making homemade tacos today; as in, making my own pinto beans. They are so incredibly delicious and easy. I kept the oil out, just so I can fry my corn tortillas in it. =) I also made potato soup last night; so so so good. I have tomato soup and grilled cheese on hand, and other than that we'll have to do take out. But I'm pleased with the meals I've been able to scrape together with the unpacked food stuff.

I haven't eaten anything yet today and it's 11:28, so I should get on that. I'm not much of a breakfast person in general. Well, I'm off to get lunch for my boys. They must nap today. Owen was up at 4 yesterday and never really fell back asleep and then didn't nap. Grumpy is the understatement of the year. And when the boys are bickering it is a lot harder to be productive.

Hope you all are doing well!

Monday, December 6, 2010

I'm the Boss

Today has gone well, so far.

I started off by waking up on my own around 6:30. Laid in bed for a bit, then had to go to the bathroom so I got up. Decided to weigh myself. 145.8. Bleh. Hmmmm, interesting; I just typed 154.8; in my mind I'm not out of the 150's I guess. Anyway, didn't worry too too much about the scale, as I did eat (a moderate portion) of salty chinese food last night, and I did have a pretty bad weekend of snacking.

Showered, and then after I got dressed I slid back under the covers and read for a bit. My boys had been up for a while and Josh had them settled in the living room with a movie and cereal, and Kate wasn't awake yet, so I got some blissfully quiet reading time in. Super nice. =)

Then once the kiddos were up, I got up and we got ready for the day. I filled up my 1.5 liter water bottle, got the kids dressed, teeth brushed, hair done, and we were out the door. I dropped Kate off at the bus stop, then the boys and I headed to Goodwill with yet another load of stuff. I have gotten rid of SO MUCH stuff. It feels amazing. I think we've made 4 or 5 trips to Goodwill, and I anticipate at least 1 or 2 more. So super duper nice.

Anyway, on the way I decided that at every stoplight I'd drink some water. And let me tell you, there were a LOT of stop lights. So by the time we got home at 9:45 I'd already polished off a full water bottle. 1.5 liters of water down the gullet! Yay! I came home, started a pot of coffee and enjoyed a cup while reading a bit more.

Now it's lunchtime and I just refilled my water bottle and will drink it up, for 3 liters of water. I'm shooting for a bit more today, so we'll see if I can get it all in. The really weird thing is that I feel dehydrated????? My lips are chapped and my throat is parched. No idea why, as I've been drinking more water the last 3 days than I have in a very, very, very long time. Strange.

Today while driving I had an epiphany. Not an original one, to be sure, but still an "Aha" moment for me.

I am in charge. I am the boss. I am the one with the power to change. If I want to lose weight, by golly I can do it! It doesn't depend on my circumstances, it doesn't depend on the people around me, it doesn't depend on the season of the year. Me. Moi. Myself. That's who is in control, to an extent, of this journey. I decide what to put, or not put, into my body.

I also realized that, for me, this is not just a physical journey. It's a spiritual one. I know Dawne, Amy and Jen can relate to this. I can't do it on my own; I need help from God. Instead of turning to food to relieve my stress, anxiety, fears, etc... I need to turn to Him. So this will be an interesting new path for me to walk.

Even though the scale showed such a high number, I have peace. I know I won't remain at that number. I know I can change. I know I can drink more water and make healthy eating choices. Despite the fact that we're moving in 4 days and I've packed up all my food/baking stuff and we'll be eating out almost exclusively this week. Despite the emotions I'm feeling; feelings of being overwhelmed by the sheer amount of work I've done already and what is left to do. Feelings of deep sadness for the friends I'm leaving behind. Feelings of joy that I'll be near my family and friends. Feelings of cautious hope that maybe, just maybe I've found the answer I've been searching for, for the last 3 years. Food can't help any of that. It doesn't change any of it.

I'm thankful for the empowerment I've gotten, just with that realization. I'm excited for the future. And even though I honestly can't figure out whether to laugh or cry, even though it is so incredibly bittersweet to be moving back, even though I don't know what the future holds, I *do* know that it's not all out of my control. I can treat my body with respect, I can nourish it, exercise it, and take care of it. I can love it. Imagine that!? Love my body? Who would have thought that possible!? When I look in the mirror all I see are the imperfections. The things I wish I could change. But that's a part of my journey as well. Learning to love those imperfections. Learning to not demand perfection of myself. Learning that I am not a failure for not being perfect.

So, the Skinny Turtle is back in the saddle, and is patiently, faithfully, slowly walking this path in front of me. And I can't say how grateful I am for you who follow along and encourage me, who are on similar paths. I'm so glad we have each other.

Sunday, December 5, 2010


Hi guys!

I'm back. I had a pretty great trip. Not much sleep was had, but all in all it was profitable and that's what matters.

I didn't have any snafus with my flight; wasn't running crazily towards the gate, didn't sit next to any creepies (although the lady on the flight back insisted on jabbing me in the ribs the whole time) and since I took Drammamine I was totally relaxed and not sick. WOOT!

And guess what? I totally sat on Santa's lap. Yeah, I'm 32 and I sat on Santa. Now, to be honest, I didn't want to sit on his lap. I assumed I'd stand next to him, like all the other grown-ups. But he patted his knee, so I hopped up. You can't see it, but I'm leaning all my weight on my right arm, which is wrapped behind my back and grabbing onto the arm of the chair, and also on my feet on the stool.

(Sorry for the bad picture; it's a picture of a picture... taken on my cell phone, no less. And that's not a shining orb of light on my shoulder... it's just a reflection of the flash.) ;-)

Ok, he was sorta creepy. He was wearing red lipstick (for the pictures, I assume) and when I told him I wanted an all-expenses-paid vacation to the Bahamas for Christmas he replied, "Only if you take me with you." Ewwwww!!!

Anyway, Dr. Ray is a saint. A full on saint. He came into the office JUST FOR US. He was supposed to be leaving for Vegas, where he was competing in a rodeo. Have I mentioned he is a cowboy? He is. Big, gold buckle, Wranglers, cowboy boots, the whole shebang. Anyway, he came in just for me, my mom and my sister. My grandma and her friend also ended up being seen.

So I got the test done on the chemicals in my brain and when the results showed up, Dr. Ray said, "Holy Smokes!". He explained that the positive numbers were what my body was lacking, and the higher the number the more my body needed/wanted it. He said anything between 1 and 20 is "normal". Well, one of the things was at 172!!!!!!! I don't know what it was, and neither did he. I tried to do some research and all I came up with were some huge medical jargon. I know it has something to do with my eyes (!!) and my nervous system, but don't know exactly what.

Anyway, he "beamed" it into me 3 times; normally it's just once. But he said since it was so high he wanted to give me a lot of it.

He also adjusted my neck and back (he is a chiropractor as well) and did some other laser beam thing that helped with the tension in my muscles in my head and neck.

So that was really helpful for me to see; just confirmation that something was wrong and it wasn't all in my head. My thyroid and serotonin were also off, so he fixed those as well.

I felt pretty good the whole time, despite the lack of sleep and poor eating choices. We ate Mexican food after our appointment. I ordered a chimichanga (basically a deep-fried burrito) but ended up just pulling the shredded beef out of it and not eating the deep fried tortilla. Then we ordered in pizza and I snacked A LOT. Petit Ecolier cookies, Fiddle Faddle, these chai cookies my mom brought, chocolate covered pretzels, etc... I way overdid it on Friday.

Today, however, has been a super star success!!! It's 6:15 and I've already had 3 LITERS of water, you guys!!! GO ME!!!!!! I am super proud of myself. I worked really hard while I was gone to drink water, too, but the tap water in our hotel tasted horrible. So it was hard. I've just decided that my body needs water and I need to drink it. So there. Done and done.

For breakfast I had some scrambled eggs, one turkey sausage and 1/4c of fried potatoes. Lunch was one slice of pizza. I had one ranger cookie and we have some friends coming over for dinner and we're having chinese. I'm pretty full from the water, so I won't overindulge.

I also got a TON accomplished today, moving-wise. I have been packing, carting, cleaning, scrubbing all day long. We have a huge pile of Goodwill stuff, almost everything is packed that can be, and I scrubbed the walls, cupboards and appliances. Phew!

MaryBeth-It is SO insane how many similarities there are between us!!!! So crazy. I carry a lot of my tension in my head, so my scalp does tingle/ache. Josh gives me a headrub every night and oh my goodness, it feels so good. I can feel my tension melting away. If your hair is still falling out and you're getting cold every day I'd definitely have them take another look at your thyroid levels. Sounds like it's off to me.

I'm happy to be back, happy to have some answers (and hoping they'll stick!!!) and happy with my success with water drinking. Little baby steps! Slow and Steady!!

I'm doing this thing. I've found when I keep myself busy (cleaning, packing, etc...) I eat WAY less. Basically just my meals and a snack at the end of the day, usually. But when I sit around on the computer or reading or just piddling around, I get bored and eat. So that's good for me to realize.

Jen-I'll be in touch about the swapping babysitting for running idea. I think I'm going to start out under the cover of darkness at first; and then when I get myself into some form of running and can make it more than 10 feet without passing out, then maybe I'll run during the day. ;-)

Amy-I had no idea you lived in Arizona! I was in Scottsdale; are you close? Maybe we can arrange a visit if you're semi-close, the next time I go down to see Dr. Ray??

I hope you all are well and had a good weekend! We move this Friday, so this week will be busy but I'll check in as I can. I am so thankful for your comments and support!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Getting There

Mary Beth, I HATE having to go to the bathroom all the time, too!!!!! Seriously, I do. And it seems like I get those last few glasses of water in before bed and then I have to pop in and out of bed several times before I can finally go to sleep. So annoying.

Anyway, I did drink a whole pitcher of water yesterday. It's not enough, but it's a good start. I also was doing much better with my eating... until I made Ranger Cookies. Do you know what those are? They have oatmeal, coconut and we put Craisins in them. I ate WAY too many. I was hungry and since I'm trying not to get more groceries before we move, I didn't have any good stuff on hand. And the cookies were convenient. I had an excruciating headache all day, was super grumpy and lethargic. So not worth it.

Today I have done WAY better. I had a banana and peanut butter for breakfast and some Progresso chicken soup with oyster crackers for lunch. And one SMALL ranger cookie for dessert. I've been drinking water and haven't had anything else to eat. Oh,wait, 1 piece of chocolate toffee candy.

I leave tonight for Arizona and I am really hoping and praying that this time we'll find the answer. I have high hopes, as he is going to do the test on my brain to see if the chemicals are in balance. In the past I've only had my hormones tested, which were always off. And boy howdy, are they ever off again!!

Every day around 4:00 I get FREEZING cold. I'm talking bone-chilling. My bones and joints ache, I have to run and put on a couple of pairs of socks and sweatshirts and usually get a cup of something hot--coffee or tea. And my hair is falling out like crazy. It's insane. I'm surprised I have any left.

Anyway, so I know my thyroid is out. Plus the weight gain; granted I've been eating FAR too many calories and exercising FAR too little (none, actually). But this sudden weight gain scared me. I was holding steady for weeks and haven't changed my eating habits enough to warrant a 5 pound gain. I was down a bit this morning to 144.8, so that was good news.

Heading down in the right direction. I think the water helps flush out any sodium buildup and it also helps me not to feel hungry. So I plan to continue with that and will do my best while in Arizona. I'm meeting my grandma and aunt, and my mom and sister are also coming. I'm really looking forward to it. And most of all I am praying that this brain chemical treatment plan will be the answer. It makes sense.

If I take a Xanax or 2 a day, I'm golden. I'm calm, don't react like a fire-breathing dragon, I'm rational. And Xanax deals with serotonin in the brain. SO if I can fix that naturally (because you can't just take 1 or 2 Xanax a day without side effects... addiction, namely) then that would be such a huge answer to prayer and a HUGE stress relief.

So we'll see how it goes. I feel hopeful.

The packing is going well. I've been really trying to do more this week. It's so hard to figure out what to pack when. Like, this week I was just going gung-ho, but then realized that I'd packed up all my spices and kitchen utensils so we basically have to eat out until we move. I have cereal and what not, but most everything else is packed. I dread the cleaning, but I have a good friend coming to help with that part, too.

And I am purging. Boy howdy am I ever purging. It feels so great to get rid of all this stuff! It's not even necessarily junk or crappy items. But it's just surplus and I don't need it or use it. I can't wait to be settled into my sweet little home, with big, bright, open, sunny areas and less clutter. Bliss.

Once I get settled in at home, I plan to figure out some type of exercise program. I don't know what yet, but I look forward to figuring it out.

The funny thing is that there is something inside of me that longs to run. It seems like it would feel sooo good, it would be so refreshing. But when I actually do it, my body rebels. My knees and ankles hurt, I can't get into a good rhythm/cadence. I ran in high school and it got me into shape so fast! So I'm thinking maybe I'll start out slow (HOLLA, Dawnie!!) and just jog/walk around my block a couple of times and then work my way up to running. I'm not fast; I'm more endurance. So I don't expect to break any world records for the time it takes me to run a mile. But it would just be nice to be doing something active.

The idea of running and having some time in solitude to think, to work out my frustrations, to breathe the fresh air... it just pulls at something inside of me. So I'm going to work towards that.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! I'll be back on Saturday, but we have a busy day of moving couches and dinner with friends, so I probably won't post again until Sunday or Monday.

PS If you guys are into style at all, Bryn is having a fabulous giveaway!!!! Super amazing items. Go check it out!! (I got another entry for blogging about it, but I love her blog and her work. Plus, she lives in South Carolina!!!!)

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


I am cuh-razy busy getting ready for AZ tomorrow and trying to pack our house for the Big Move next week. (!!!)

But, I just wanted to come on and say that my MAIN goal today is to drink LOTS of water. Yesterday I did much better than I have in a loooooooong time. I don't know exactly how much I drank, but it was at least 1 full pitcher, plus some tea. I don't know how many ounces this pitcher is.

Anyway, I plan to keep drinking today. I know it can't hurt anything and I desperately need to get in the habit of re-hydrating my body.

Hope you all are doing well!