Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Stomach Issues

Oopsie, I forgot to post yesterday. I have been really limiting my computer time, because I get sucked in way too easily and then my family suffers. So I've been getting on the net at night, after the kiddos are tucked away in bed. Except last night Josh and I watched some tv together and I forgot.

In the last two days I've lost 2.4 pounds. I have 2.6 to go to get into the 140's, and I'm really hoping I see that by this weekend. =)

The only negative thing right now is something is going on with my stomach. I have such excruciating pain that it makes me nauseous. I was up off and on all night last night from the pain. I've had stomach pain in the past (not on the HCG diet) and the doctors never figured out what it was. I'm sipping some Diet Dr. Pepper right now, hoping the carbonation will help a little. So far, it hasn't. =(

I thought maybe the pain this morning was actual hunger pangs, but it hurts so bad that I get nauseated and don't feel like eating. Oxymoron much? :-P

Other than the stomach issue I'm doing very well. The diet seems much easier this time. Of course, I'm only in my first week, so things could change. But I do feel I have more resolve to stick with the program and I think that will help. Branching out and trying to substitute stuff just makes me want to eat "normal" food and that doesn't help anything.

I even managed to bake 38 banana bread muffins yesterday without caving! And let me tell you, they smelled DIVINE. Just like heaven. I adore the recipe I use for banana bread, and it always turns out wonderful. So to not have even taken a nibble of the crunchy part around the edge is nothing short of an Armageddon victory! :)

I am off to visit a friend this morning, and another one tomorrow. So, yep, I'll be taking my little baggie of food. Luckily, they've both had experience with the diet before either through me or another friend of ours, so they know a little about it. I just feel bad, but they don't seem to care so much. =)

Oh! Dawnie asked what my goal weight is... at this point it is 130. That is what I weighed for years before marriage and babies. In my head, I'd like to try to get down to 125 or even 120, but I will be quite happy with 130. =)

I hope you all are well!

PS Mary Beth- Can you email me at and I'll answer your questions? I can't figure out how to find your email address. :-(

Monday, June 28, 2010

I'm Baaaacckkk, Didja miss me?

Hello Bloggies!

How are you all? I'm doing much better, thank you. =)

The trip was a bit hectic, but the end result was well worth it.

I flew out on Thursday... on a tiny torture chamber. I HATE SMALL AIRCRAFT. I hate planes, period. I get so incredibly sick on airplanes. I think I need to buy stock in Dramamine or something. So I started the trip incredibly sick, trying to hold it together so I wouldn't throw up on the plane, which I was successful at doing.

I arrived in AZ and nearly melted straight away. It was 110 degrees and I was sitting on a bench on a concrete slab with no shade waiting for the airport shuttle. It was so hot! The wind felt like fire on my skin. But I was soaking it up, for a minute or two anyway. ;-)

Once I got to my hotel room, I was basically stuck. I had no transportation or way to get food. Besides room service. Luckily I did have a suite with a kitchenette, including a mini fridge. So I ordered room service; there was a $20 minimum order, so I ordered a pizza and a salad. Those were my options... pasta, pizza or salad. I knew salad would get slimy after a day or so and I was there for 2 full days. So I ordered an 8" pizza and a pasta salad. It was sooooo good. To the tune of 3 pounds gained in 2 days. :-O

Anyway, I did get to see the doc and he chuckled to himself after seeing how far off my hormones were, saying he knew why I felt like I was going crazy. I was. It sounds funny, but it was just really nice to have a confirmation that there was something chemically wrong. Sometimes I doubt myself and wonder if I'm blowing things out of proportion or if everyone feels like that but can handle it better. But when I see with my own 2 eyes that my hormones are whacked out, it helps.

Anyhoo, like I said above, I subsisted on pizza (margherita... mozzarella, fresh basil and tomatoes. So delicious!!!) and a salad with sun dried tomatoes, kalamata olives, and more mozzarella cheese. I wasn't surprised to have gained so much weight. I was eating wheat and cheese, and basically nothing else. I also was having some major, erm... waste management issues.

Anyway, I made it home safe and sound (albeit sick again from the ding dang plane exhaust, heat, etc...). I was so glad to see my kiddos again! Josh was off on a trip with our church youth group so I didn't see him til late Sunday evening. It was 6 days we were apart, the longest we've ever been away from each other. So I was real glad to see him too. =)

Oh, I also asked Dr. Ray about the HCG diet; whether or not he was familiar with it. He chuckled again and said, "Oh yes, we do it out of our office all the time!" In fact, while I was there a lady was in having her original consult! I asked if the diet (since it does use hormones) could have made me go off the deep end. He thinks that it could make a marginal difference; for example if my hormones were already heading out of normal territory, or were already out, that the drops didn't help anything. But he did say if I continue to take my drops from him (that help my hormones stay in balance) as well as my digestive enzyme and antioxidant, all will be well.

SO I started my HCG again. Saturday and Sunday were supposed to be binging days, but since I had already gained 3 pounds I didn't go all out by any means. I did have some chocolate and cheese and chips, blended coffees, etc... I was very scared to see the scale today, but I was rewarded with this:

How I went from 157.0 yesterday to 154.8 this morning is beyond me, besides the fact that I didn't eat wheat.

I'm very happy to be starting my second round at the same weight I ended my first round. We'll see if it affects my ability to lose weight; the fact that I didn't really binge on the right days. I figure, I *DID* eat quite a bit of fat on Thur and Fri, so that should count. ;-)

Anyway, I'm back and feeling much better. I'm excited to lose more weight; I can not wait to be in the 140's. I'm hoping to be there by the end of this week. We'll see how it goes. I don't plan to substitute this time, like I did last time, in hopes that the weight will come off a bit quicker. I've had an apple, 3.5oz chicken and 3.5oz broccoli so far today, as well as almost 2L of water. So far, so good! Keeping my fingers crossed.

We are going back down to my family AGAIN this weekend. Actually, we're going to our church conference center for a family vacation week. I'll be a single mother again since Josh has to work, so it will be interesting. I'm already baking and freezing my chicken and hamburger for the time I'm there, so it will be easy to grab and go. I will be taking my laptop, so I'll be able to post daily... or so. =)

I'm off to check a few blogs and then finish my laundry. Hope you all are doing well!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


I woke up to a pleasant surprise this morning; I was down to 154.8! So I'm back at my ending weight, just in time to start the HCG drops again on Saturday. I got them in the mail yesterday and I'm super excited to start them again.

Someone asked about an email address... I just created one for this blog: If you send me an email to that address, just leave me a note saying you did. I may not remember since it's a new account and my brain isn't all that great these days. ;-)

Tammy gave me 5 more "interview" questions... so here you are!

1. What is one (or more) of your favorite movies?
You know, I'm really not into movies. I'm more into books. ;-) But my old stand by classics include: Twelfth Night (with Kenneth Branagh and Emma Thompson), French Kiss with Meg Ryan and Notting Hill with Julia Roberts. Um, yes. I'm totally into chick flicks. :-D

2. Tell me about your house/apartment. Do you rent, own, what? Do you have a "dream home" or even just a "next home" in mind for when it's time to move on? :)
We currently own a house in one state and rent in another. We had just purchased our first home after 5 years of apartment living, and then 7 months into being a homeowner Josh was transferred for his job. :-P I don't have a dream home in mind, necessarily, but I would LOVE LOVE LOVE it if our next house has a sunroom and a front porch big enough for sitting out on and sipping tea or coffee.

3. What is your biggest struggle as a mom right now?
Being a "hands on" mom, as far as little projects and crafts go. I'm SOOO not that way, by nature. I don't enjoy crafts, am not artistic and it's a real stretch for me to do things like that with my kiddos. Also, learning to deal with my oldest daughter's attitude and working with it in a good way. I just never expected a 5 year old to have so much "spirit"!!

4. When you need a moment of quiet, what is a good toy or activity that entertains your kids at their ages right now? Or do you have to get a babysitter to have a moment of quiet? :)
Coloring and movies. My kids will color or draw for quite a while; also, they LOVE stamps but that is a lot messier and has the potential to be disastrous if they start stamping walls, furniture, etc... We have Netflix so the older two will often times watch something on the computer during their quiet time. They also LOVE play-doh, but we have carpet in our dining room, so we don't get it out that often.

5. Speaking of babysitters, do you ever get them, and if so, what do you do during? A date? Or something else? :)
Before we moved we lived within 15 minutes of both of our families and had LOTS of girls from our church who were willing to babysit. Now, it's much harder since we have no family near by and moved to a much smaller sister church. If we are so lucky to get a sitter, we always go on a date. My husband loves the movies, so we will go see something in the theater if there is something good showing (even though I hate spending money on movies!) or else we will go out to eat, go shopping, whatever. It's just nice to spend time together without the littles needing something every 5 minutes. =)

Well, folks, I'm off to sunny Arizona. Well, first I'm going home to drop my kiddos off with my MIL and visit my SIL but THEN I'll head on out. I'm taking my scale with me. It's packed in my suitcase as I speak. I hope I don't get any grief from the airlines about it. I took the battery out and put it in a baggie, which is what I read to do on the TSA website.

I'm not taking my laptop, so it will be quiet around here for a few days. I'll be back on Monday for a weigh in and recap, though!

Monday, June 21, 2010

Coffee and Crumpets

Good Morning Everyone!

I had a really good weekend. I had the pleasure of having my husband home the entire weekend, and we didn't have ANY plans. You have to understand; this is rare. VERY rare. So it was so nice to just *be* together and putz around the house, doing little projects. We had a really great Father's Day.

I thought FOR SURE I was going to be up a lot today. I really didn't curb my eating at all yesterday. I made an omelet with sweet baby peppers, pastrami, cheese, and egg whites and I also made some toast out of Challah bread I had made earlier in the week. I smothered the Challah with butter and honey and enjoyed it with my coffee... with full fat, full sugar creamer. Then later we went out as a family and Josh took me to this specialty coffee house.

Oh my stars and stripes, they made their coffees with chocolate syrup. They looked at me like I had just sprouted 7 heads when I asked if they had sugar free white chocolate flavoring. It was like a specialty chocolate place and they used full on liquid chocolate in their drinks. It was like drinking melted chocolate with a bit of coffee mixed in. It was very good, but SOOO sweet. I didn't finish it all.

Then I snacked on some trail mix and we had chinese for dinner. SO, needless to say after all that food, I thought I'd be fasting today for sure. But, to my surprise, this is what the scale showed me this morning:

And the reason I was so shocked to see this number (besides the obvious copious amount of calories I consumed yesterday) was that on Saturday I was up to 156.2. So I actually LOST weight from the day before.

Anywho, the diet has definitely taken a back seat to my health right now, and I'm just very glad to be maintaining so well. I go to Arizona this week, and I start my next round of HCG drops on Monday (or maybe Saturday, if they get here in time) as well.

I will NOT be binging like I did last time. Don't get me wrong, I'll eat what I like, but I won't be going out of my way to eat insane amounts of calories like last time. It bugs me to no end that I could be 2 pounds lighter if I hadn't gained them during my binge days. Besides, I am almost up 2 pounds from my ending weight, so that counts, right? ;-)

I'm not sure if I'm going to lug my laptop with me to AZ, so I may or may not be posting. I leave tomorrow to take my kids back to my family as they are going to care for them while I'm away until Josh can get off work and take over.

I'll catch ya on the flipside!

Oh, and for the record... I've never had a crumpet before. I just like the word. :-D

Friday, June 18, 2010


Good Morning!

I want to start off by apologizing... I have SERIOUSLY been lacking in responding to comments and also reading/commenting on your blogs. Forgive me.

MaryBeth-My sister is doing the HCG diet (same as me) and she did start at a higher weight. Dr. Ray helps me with my blood and hormones. He checks live blood cells; last time I had heavy metal, undigested fats and sugars in my blood, the red blood cells were squished flat and stuck together and the white blood cells were undersized. He gave me a digestive enzyme and antioxidant to take, and the next time I saw him ALL of those issues were resolved.

He also does hormone therapy. I don't understand how it works, but he runs a scan of your body, reading the electrical energies and can see which hormones are out of balance. Which, for me, is almost all of them. My thyroid included, and many others that I don't even know what they are. Over the past 30+ years he and his business partner have created a treatment plan that brings the hormones all back into balance. It's individualized for each person, because each person's chemical make up is different.

It has helped me tremendously in the past, and I need to go again because over time some hormones stay in balance while others get pulled out again.

I have had many people ask me if they think the diet had anything to do with my relapse, or whatever you want to call it. Honestly, I don't think so but I can't be sure. My life over the last 2 months has been extremely stressful with the move and everything. The diet was stressful in it's own way, but things had already been building up for quite a while.

I am supposed to take the digestive enzyme and antioxidant and I had run out and not ordered more. I was also supposed to be taking the drops charged with my chemical formula and I have been off of that for probably 3 months. I had started taking lots of Vitamin D and that helped a lot. But I couldn't take it on the HCG diet, so it's been 6 weeks of NOTHING. So, in a way, the diet probably didn't help anything.

But I definitely need to go be "re-set". And get more enzymes and antioxidants. I'm planning on doing another round of HCG and actually I ordered the drops today. When I get back from AZ it will be time to start the HCG drops again, and I'm excited about it. I'm ready to get these last 24 pounds off and be done with it. I've been maintaining really well.

I did fast yesterday because I thought I might be up another pound, which would put me at the 2 pound mark. I fasted all day, drank more than 2 liters of water and then ate steak for dinner... following the protocol laid out in my packet. Well guess what? I lost half a pound. ;-P So dumb, but I'm not complaining. It seems like my body should have let go of more, for sure, but I am holding steady at 155.4, which is not a full pound gained. And I did have a S'mores the other night. Not last night, but the night before.

Anyway, I'm ready to start actively losing again, I'm ready to start feeling better. It turns out my husband won't be joining me on this trip. We were trying to make a vacation out of it, but there just wasn't enough time. It would have only ended up being 1 full day together and for over $800 it wasn't worth it. So we're saving his air fare for a real vacation sometime later. I, however, am still VERY much looking forward to sun, sleep, and reading. Ahhhh, BLISS!!!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Holding Steady

After a very weird experience this morning with Google and my email being disabled, which in turn disabled my blogs because they are connected, I was left feeling uneasy.

I finally got it back up and running, and found out it had been disabled due to "suspicious activity" and in order to get it back up and running I had to change my password. This just gives me the heebie jeebies because they said most likely someone was trying to log into my account.

I know the world wide web is just that... world wide. And public. But that is just scary and very unsettling. I am not even really sure what to do; I don't know how to prevent it from happening again (besides changing my password to something much more difficult/harder to crack). On top of that, several people in my address contacts received an email from "me" with a link to Canadian Viagra! Talk about embarrassing!!!!

Anyway, I guess I'll just keep plugging along and if it happens again perhaps shut everything down and start over????

I enjoyed my S'mores last night. I laid a graham cracker on a baking sheet, sprinkled it with milk chocolate chips, and then added little pieces of marshmallow on top. Then I broiled it on low until the marshmallow was toasted and the chips were melted. It was delicious!!!! Even Josh had one and agreed. He tried to convince me to make it in the microwave, but I just thought that might make the graham cracker soft and mushy, which would ruin the whole thing.

I have fasted all day today because I sort of suspect I'll be up another pound tomorrow, which would put me at the 2lb mark. And that 2 pound gain would necessitate a fast. So I am hoping to nip it in the bud and fast today. Crossing my fingers it works. You're supposed to have steak for dinner, and I do have some leftover steak from dinner 2 nights ago, so I'll probably eat that. But I'm also contemplating a repeat performance of the S'mores. ;-)

PPD wise, things are still really rough. I'm hanging in there by the skin of my teeth, counting down the days until I can get help. Which, thankfully, is next week. Mid week I'll be traveling down to be spend time with my friend Jen, and then headed out to the doc. And the sun. I can not wait to see the sun and just relax with a good book. It looks like Josh is going to be able to go with me, which is just the icing on the cake. This will be only the 2nd time in our 6 year marriage we'll be alone together on vacation in a warm place. The first time was our honeymoon.

We've definitely been blessed with mini vacations for the weekend, but never to a place with sunshine that we can lounge in, soaking up the rays and vitamin D. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to it. And I know my hard working husband needs a break too. So that is a very bright spot on the horizon. And knowing that Dr. Ray has been able to help me SO MUCH in the past helps a whole bunch too.

I'm thinking I'll order more HCG drops so I can begin taking them again when I get back from AZ; it'll be the right time frame, as far as being on maintenance for 3 weeks.

Want to know something crazy spectacular? My sis, who is on Day 2 of the diet... Yeah, she is down EIGHT POUNDS!!!!!! In 2 days!!! I am so so so so happy for her. She deserves it, and I can't wait for her to feel good about the beautiful lady she is.

Not much else going on here. I'll keep you posted as to what the scale says tomorrow. And I'll post a picture on Monday of the number that pops up.

Here's to mental, physical and emotional health! Cheers!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Good Evening

Just checking in real quick like here...

Today was better than yesterday. Staying off the computer helps a lot, so I will continue with that. I am scheduled to see Dr. Ray next week, thank the good Lord in heaven.

My diet is going well. I haven't lost the pound I gained, but I haven't gained anymore either. I even had 2 honey butter rolls last night, and still didn't gain another pound so that was fun. Although, I really do need to steer clear of wheat. Tonight, though, I'm totally having a S'mores. I have been craving one for days now, so tonight I'm gonna indulge. I can't wait. =)

I'm definitely excited to get started on my next round of drops. My sister is doing the diet and she lost 4.2 pounds today!!!! Totally motivates me.

I think the next time I do it, I'll try to go as long as I need before I hit my goal weight of 130. It says in the packet you have to do it a minimum of 21 days, but I think you can do up to 40 days if you want. I'm not sure I'd ever last that long, but if I'm close to my goal maybe an extra week would do the trick. We'll see; I have 24ish pounds to lose and if I'm strict and don't do any substitutions perhaps I can see that number in 4 weeks doing the HCG drops.

I may start back up sooner than the 3 weeks maintenance; it all just depends on my mental health and how fast I can get that back in control. That's the key here, and the most important thing right now.

I hope you're all doing well!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Changing Things Up

Good Morning =)

Usually I get up in the morning with my children, get them settled in with breakfast and then hop on the computer to check my blog, facebook, email, etc...

But I've noticed that I end up staying on the computer far too long and ignoring my kiddos. So I'm switching things up and I'll start posting at the end of the day instead. I really have no self control when it comes to the computer and can browse and browse and browse and literally spend hours here. That's not fair to my kids, my housework or myself!

So, I'll be touching base at the end of the day, so I make sure my children are my first priority and I'll be able to keep up with the housework more, too.

I haven't mentioned this, but I'm also going through a pretty severe relapse with my postpartum depression. I've had to start taking Xanax again just to make it through the day and it feels like everything is spinning out of control. It's been getting progressively worse over the last couple of weeks, so I need to step back and make sure I get my mental health back on track.

I kind of don't know what to do because I've tried basically all the hardcore drugs that are available, and they all work for a while and then stop. I need to go back to Dr. Ray in Arizona, but the logistics of that are much more difficult to work out now that we don't live near any family to help with the child care.

So anyway, those are the big things going on in my life that I need to focus on and will be working to improve.

Monday, June 14, 2010

A New Beginning

Hello All!

How are you guys? I'm doing well. I had a really, really nice weekend. We stayed with Josh's sister and her family and it went amazingly well. We're already planning a repeat performance for later in June. :-D

I'm on the maintenance phase of my HCG diet now, and Dr. Simean suggests doing an Atkins type diet. I've never done Atkins, but I understand it basically cuts out almost all carbs. So I've been attempting to do that.

Over the weekend I did indulge in a few non-Atkins things... creamer with sugar/carbs in my coffee, dark chocolate M&Ms, trail mix, celery with peanut butter, etc... But no weight gain!!! One day I did gain a pound, but I can't remember which day it was and then I lost it the next day without fasting or trying anything different.

Yesterday on the drive home I ate a LOT of trail mix (peanuts, M&Ms and raisins) and chex mix; two kinds of chex mix. Josh's grandma has a tradition of making original chex mix and sweet chex mix; it's made with brown sugar and butter. Both batches were delicious. I ate a LOT. I thought FOR SURE I'd see a two pound gain today and have to fast.

But, this is what the scale showed me this morning:

I took it with my phone camera so it's not the best quality, but it shows 155.4 which is not even a full pound gain.

Now, obviously I'd like not to gain and lose a pound the whole time I'm on maintenance. Apparently, if you do Atkins correctly you can continue to lose weight even during the 3 week maintenance phase. I don't know how hard core I'll be, though. I am definitely steering clear of major carbs/wheat like bread and crackers.

I don't know enough about Atkins to be able to do it with my eyes closed; you're supposed to limit your total carbs to 20g a day. But I can be conscious of how many carbs I'm taking in while I'm at home and can read the labels.

I need to get to the store today to get some staples, because our cupboards and fridge are pretty bare at this point. I didn't buy anything last week because I knew we'd be gone over the weekend.

Anyway, so far so good! I'm really excited it hasn't been a tremendous struggle with constant fasting to stay at the weight I ended with. I'm also looking forward to my next round of HCG to get down even more. I've contemplated doing a THIRD round, but I think I'll be good with 2. We'll see how much I lose the next time around. I start my drops and 500 calorie regime on the 29th. So I have 15 days of maintenance left.

All in all I feel very good, I feel like the HCG diet was a success and I'm happy to do it again. Especially now that I know about diet root beer and Crystal Light type products that can help keep my tummy feeling full. ;-)

The reason I titled my post "A New Beginning" is because over the weekend we heard news that a young man in our church was killed in a car accident. He was only 21 and fell asleep at the wheel, they think. It has really hit me hard and made me realize that life is a precious gift.

I don't want to waste this precious gift of life by being all consumed with diet, food, body image, etc... I want to use the time I have on earth to enjoy my family, my friends, my children, and be conscious of the blessings God has given me.

So although I'm in a time of life where I *am* focusing on losing weight and getting to a healthy weight and mindset, I won't allow myself to become all consumed by it. This is hard to do, because it does take a lot of effort and concentration when you're trying to lose weight. It's not easy. But it's also not the most important thing in life.

So that's what my aim is... to live a conscious life, to be aware of my blessings, to live each day as if it were my last. Because it just may be my last one, and no one is going to care if the scale says 155.6 or 130.0. I want to live a life that blesses and encourages others, I want to be a mother that has fun with her children and I want to be a wife that causes the heart of my husband to rejoice.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Easing into food

So getting back to eating isn't going quite as smoothly as I'd hoped.

For one, my digestive tract is in turmoil. For two, I gained a pound in one day. I know this is normal, simply from actually having food in my system, but it doesn't seem like 1 piece of toast with butter and cinnamon, 4 pieces of lunch meat and 6 crackers with cheese should equal a pound.

Anyway, today I'm taking it easy. Dr. Simiean suggests going on an Atkins like diet in the 3 weeks following the HCG drops. So this morning I had egg whites and 3 turkey sausages for a total of 2 carbs. I also ate a veggie burger, which is fairly high in carbs; 7 I think?

I was shopping for our trip this morning and wandered down the snack aisle. I was there for quite some time before I decided not to get anything and just go. WHY would I indulge in potato chips or cookies or nuts when it's not necessary and is sure to cause weight gain? It's not worth it. I'll take my apple instead. ;-)

It's going to be very interesting, these next 3 weeks. I am determined not to gain weight; well, more than the 1-2 they say is normal. What is the point of just having to re-lose them when I start my drops again? There is no point, so I am going to be diligent to make good choices.

I can see already wheat/gluten is going to be a biggie for me. I must get to Costco for some of those Mary's crackers. I also need to research Atkins for some easy snack ideas. Boiled egg, anyone? :-P

I am all packed and ready for our trip, the house is clean, and my children are all slumbering peacefully before we hit the road so I thought I'd come and update a bit before I leave.

Today my weight was 155.2 (yesterday it was 154.4). I am taking my scale with me; if I gain more than 2 pounds in a day (or if I'm up another pound tomorrow, which would be a total of 2 pounds) then I will fast during the day and eat steak for dinner. I plan to bring my calorie free peach tea with me, as that really helps me drink and not feel hungry all day if I do need to fast.

I hope you all have a really wonderful weekend!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Bodies Don't Lie

Well, yesterday I had a freak out moment. Or, rather, freak out moments. These last 3 days of 500 calories without the drops have been the hardest yet. I think it's because I'm so close to NOT having any restrictions; well, I'll have restrictions. I just won't be limited to chicken and broccoli.

In any case, I made homemade pizza for dinner last night. It was huge and delicious; think New York style pizza. Yes, I ate 1.5 pieces. And half a cookie. And 5 chips. It all sat in my stomach for about 5 minutes before reappearing. I got so violently sick. It was like my body was saying, "Take THAT, you abuser!" I learned my lesson. Gluttony gets me nowhere. I have to do what is best for my body and for my health.

So, although I'm sure I'll have those foods in the future, it will be very occasional and not a lot at one time. For now, I'll be easing back into food instead of throwing myself at it.

Today I am really shaky and weak. I am not sure if it's because I'm not taking the Weight Aid drops or what, but I haven't felt like this the whole time I did the diet. I did lose 4oz today, which was nice. I wasn't sure after that binge fiasco.

The good thing about that binge fiasco is that today I have no desire to shove food mindlessly into my mouth. It was a wake up call, that just because I've somehow been able to restrict myself to 500 calories a day for the last 3 weeks, my journey isn't over. I still need to learn to have a good, healthy relationship with food. Cuz you know what? I was stressed yesterday. And what did I do? Shove food in my mouth. SO not the answer.

So, in a way, I'm glad for that little experience I had yesterday. I'll be aware of the feelings I'm having and how to work through them. I'm learning to eat when I'm hungry and make healthy choices. Fun does not have to include food.

I'm looking forward, so much, to being able to eat more than chicken and broccoli, but at the same time I'm also really looking forward to my next round of HCG. Because it works, quickly. I can see the results. I'm down 14 pounds in 22 days.

I'm headed south again this weekend to celebrate some graduations in our family, so I'm not sure when I'll post again. However, I will be back for sure on Monday with a scale picture. =)

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

No More Drops

Ok, so I emailed Beth, whom I bought the HCG drops from, regarding continuing the drops during the maintenance phase. That woman is a bit infuriating, because she constantly gives me "non answers". When I emailed to ask about continuing the drops, this is the response I got back:

If you have drops left, it would only be for a couple of days and that is not an issue...........
Blessings, Beth

SO, does that mean that it IS an issue if you continue taking the drops more than a couple of days? If so, then WHY ON EARTH does it say right in the packet that it's ok to take the drops during maintenance for further weight loss???

Anyway, I took the last of my drops and won't start a new bottle during maintenance. I found the drops MUCH cheaper on eBay; exact same stuff for a fraction of the price.

3 more days of 500 calories and then I can start eating what I'd like. I'm going to have to practice some self control, as we'll be celebrating some graduations this weekend, and my grandma always makes chex mix, caramel chex mix, and they always take us out for dinner. I could easily go overboard, but I am going to do my best not to.

Just because my 21 days of drops and 500 calories is over doesn't mean my healthy eating habits need to be. I'm still on a journey learning to eat healthy, in moderation, not out of boredom or emotions. So I'll continue to work on those key things.

I'm not sure if I'll continue to drop weight on maintenance. I'll be happy if I maintain, and then in about a month I'll start my second round of HCG.

I am wearing my new jeans today and feel great in them! They fit just right; they don't fall off and they don't squish my fat into submissive muffin tops. ;-)

I drank WAY too much coffee yesterday; like 4x what I normally drink. I think all the caffeine made me a bit dehydrated, because I didn't lose a single ounce today. I weighed exactly the same as yesterday; I'm glad I didn't gain but today I'm focusing on not drinking any caffeine (or diet root beer, as it has quite a bit of sodium in it) and getting in the full amount of water to help flush out some of my water retention. We'll see if it works.

Happy Tuesday!

Monday, June 7, 2010

Refreshed, Renewed, Rejuvenated

Hey Guys!
How are you? I had a WONDERFUL weekend. It was soooooo nice. I am so blessed with amazing friends and family. So blessed.

I went away with two of my sisters, my sister in law and 3 really great friends. We had a blast! And yes, there was LOTS of yummy food there. I only got one picture, of the first spread of the weekend. ;-)

And then there was cake. Ohhhhhh, the cake!!! The bottom layer was chocolate cake with oreo mousse filling (SWOON!) and the top layer was carrot cake with pineapple cream cheese filling. And that amazing little sun? That was a rice krispy treat!

We had lots of healthy, yummy snacks and of course some yummy not so good for you snacks as well, like brownies and Jelly Bellys. =) I stayed on track the whole time, with the exception of 3 bites of that heavenly chocolate cake. It was soooo divine!!!!

Here is my weigh in for this morning (and a pic of my do-it-yourself pedicure):

Not too shabby, eh? The weight, I mean, not the french tips. ;-)

Yesterday was the first day that I really had no appetite. Today is my last day that I'm supposed to take the HCG drops, then 3 days of 500 calories and then maintenance. Meaning, eat what you want but weigh yourself every day. If your weight goes up more than 2 pounds in a single day, you have to fast all day and then eat a steak for dinner.

I'm emailing Beth again today to ask what's up with being able to take the HCG drops while on maintenance and how that works.

If any of you are thinking to do this diet, here's the advice I have for you: DO NOT SUBSTITUTE. It seems, logically, like it shouldn't matter if you're matching calories and fat grams, but it really does matter. Dr. Simeon, who created the diet, researched extensively to come up with the precise formula of food. I didn't know this until this weekend, which would explain why I'm only losing 1/2 a pound every two days instead of a pound every day or two.

I am most definitely planning to do another round of HCG and I'm looking forward to it. I am starting to see the difference in my body now. We went shopping this weekend and I bought a pair of size 11/12 pants. All my 14s are definitely too big now; even the Levi's that run small actually fit me right now. I can see that my stomach is flatter... it's NOT flat, don't be deceived! ;-) But it is less poochy.

I feel good. My brain is definitely, no doubt about it, clearer. I'm getting my smarts back! We told riddles this weekend and I was SMOKING! I was figuring them out left and right, which is not something I could have done with a foggy brain.

All in all I had a lovely, wonderful, fantastic weekend. I hope you did too!

Friday, June 4, 2010

Diets Make People Crazy

Ok, I know I've said this about a bajillion times before, but I have to say it again. This is the first time ever in my life I've had to diet to lose weight. And I can say, without a shred of doubt, that diets make people crazy.

I was talking with one of my very best friends today (HI Jen!) who just so happens to also be my sister-in-law. =) I was telling her that I didn't realize what a huge part food played in my life, until I couldn't have it. For example, this weekend I'm heading out to help my sister celebrate her 30th birthday. And my excitement over the weekend is just a wee bit tainted or diminished by the fact that I won't be able to eat.

It is stressing me out!!!! Up to this point in my life, I've had a fairly healthy relationship with food. I do head straight for the chocolate come PMS time, and I do tend to eat out of boredom. However, I was pretty good about limiting my chocolate consumption to the week of my period, I never ate ice cream every night, I wouldn't eat bags of chips or entire boxes of Wheat Thins in one go. ;-)

But since I've been on this diet, ALL I THINK ABOUT IS FOOD. And THAT, my friends, is NOT healthy. Now, most people who have done the HCG diet lose their appetite. They don't go around hungry all day. For some reason, I am rip roaring hungry still. And since I can't go get myself a snack of cheese and crackers, I have turned to diet root beer.

I think "diet" products are evil!!! All those chemicals can't be good for you, but they are an option to consume ZERO calories while still enjoying something sweet. I guess I'm mainly talking about diet pop here. As I told Jen, I literally have consumed more Diet A&W in the last 2 weeks than in the past 6 years. I'm not kidding or exaggerating. I've never been a big pop drinker. It's too sugary and fattening and I just never really liked it. But when you can have a can of pop for zero calories and there are no other options... Well, by golly, I drink that pop!

Anyway, after dieting for the past 3 weeks, I can clearly see how people who have yo yo dieted for a good portion of their lives can very easily be screwed up by it. It makes food, getting food, eating food your number 1 priority instead of just being something you use to fuel your body and occasionally indulge in just for the taste of it.

I am going to use these last 7 days to really work on my attitude towards food, so that once I begin the maintenance phase and can begin introducing regular food back into my diet, I don't go all crazy psycho please-don't-kill-me-freaky-Jason on myself with the food. ;-)

The scale says I lost another 2 oz today. I don't know what the H-E-double hockey sticks is up with me losing a few ounces at a time, BUT I did notice today that my clothes are definitely fitting different. I do expect my period this week, so maybe some of the bloating is diminishing, but I am wearing a pair of Levi size 12 jeans that, in my opinion, run small. I haven't been able to wear them in I don't know how long, and today they easily zipped and buttoned.

I also put on a vest that I've worn, and before it really made me have a strong resemblance to a sausage in a casing. But today it zipped up with ease and didn't pull around my mid section. SO those are great victories and very encouraging!!

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I know I will, DESPITE not being able to snack on all the yummy goodies (or cake! No birthday cake!) :'( Because I am going to enjoy the company of my friends, enjoy the respite from my kiddos and use the time to learn good eating habits and patterns.

Happy Friday, my good friends!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

A little deviation from weight loss

One of my good friends is participating in a blog "interview" meme type thing, so I told her I wanted to participate. Here are the "rules":

If you want to play along:

1 - Leave a comment with your blog URL, saying you want to be interviewed.
2 - I will respond; I'll ask you five questions.
3 - You'll update your blog with my five questions, and your five answers.
4 - You'll include this explanation.
5 - You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.

And here are the 5 questions she asked me:

1. why do you want to loose weight so bad when clearly it's trying so hard to stay on and you are beautiful and your husband keeps saying he loves you no matter your size? (ok if this is too personal skip it OK!)

It's not too personal and it's an excellent question! I guess the reason I am so desperate to lose this weight is to get back to the healthy, full of energy, self-confident young lady I once was. I have had at least 20 extra pounds since the day I got married (I gained them during our engagement) and 40 extra since I had Owen and went through a serious case of postpartum depression.

At the moment I am striving to get back to health: mentally and physically. Part of that is getting down to a healthy weight that allows me the energy to play with my children, the self-confidence to be "sexy" for my husband (sorry, I can't think of any other way to describe it) and the self esteem I need to be the best me.

This is the first time ever in my life that I've had to work to lose weight and it's hard!

I know my husband loves me unconditionally, so this is something I'm doing for myself.

2.What's your daily routine like?

I get up whenever I roll out of bed. ;-) Some days it's 5:30 other days it's 7:30. It depends on when my kiddos come in and ask for breakfast. I don't have any in school yet, so there is no hard and fast schedule. I usually make a warm breakfast for the kids and then blog/read blogs while they watch a bit of tv.

I make lunch, put Owen down for naps, get Kate and Christian settled in for quiet time and then usually clean. Sometimes I read a book, but I usually make the most of the time my kids are in their bedrooms to tidy up the house.

I make dinner, we eat anytime between 5:30 and 6:00 depending on when Josh gets home and the kids go to bed between 7:30 and 8:00.

Some days we go grocery shopping or to the library. Some days we go for a walk. It depends on the weather, how tired the kids are and how tired I am.

I fit laundry in wherever, but I must say that Josh is a HUGE help in that department. It's my least favorite job and he helps me a lot by switching the loads and then we fold it together while watching a movie or tv.

I end up in bed anytime between 9:30 and 11:00.

Basically, we have no set schedule! LOL

3.what things do you enjoy doing to make your home a cozy place to be?

CANDLES. I love candles. I know they aren't practical when you have little ones running around. My youngest is 2.5 but seems rather mature and has never been one to get into drawers or cupboards, etc... So I'm able to have candles burning, and most days I have at least one going all day.

I also like to use cleaning products that smell good, so it smells clean and fresh. In the winter I'll often times just boil a pot of water with cinnamon and nutmeg in it all day.

I also like to vacuum. It makes everything seem so much cleaner just seeing those vacuum lines in the carpet.

Also, music. I often have BMM or soothing music playing... usually at the end of the day while I'm making dinner and trying to get the kids to begin settling down for the evening.

4.Where would you live if you could choose to live anywhere in the world and why?
Hmmmm, well I loved being close to my family. Both sides of our family. If I took my family/church out of the equation I would love to live in a warm, tropical place. Maybe Maui. I love the beach and it would be amazing to wake up to the sand and sun and sea every day.

5.How do you feel about moms who have difficult kids?
I sympathize with them! I know that each child is born with their unique personality and sometimes those personalities are difficult. I don't view it as a reflection of the mother or her parenting styles. My first born daughter has the most difficult personality of my 3 children. She was an "aggressive" baby. She rarely bit, but she definitely hit, pushed, shoved, and was a bit of a bully. So I know what it's like to be THAT parent, lol!

If you'd like to participate in the interview, leave me a comment and I'll post 5 questions on your blog for you to answer. =)

Today saw a loss of 2 ounces. Whoop de freaking do. ;-)

I did realize today that I am not supposed to eat or drink for 10 minutes after taking the drops, which I had absolutely not been doing. Since they are homeopathic they have to have time to work before introducing anything else into your system. So I will be much more vigilant about that part of it.

I also read that it's safe to continue taking the drops even when on the maintenance phase, which is confusing to me since I thought that the point of only eating 500 calories a day was to not balloon up. I thought the drops opened the fat cells, which is why you can have zero fat. But apparently I misunderstood. I'm going to research it some more and then perhaps continue taking the drops once I begin maintenance, which will be next Friday.

I'm going out of town for my sister's 30th birthday, but I'll be back Monday with a scale shot!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Finishing what I start

Good Morning!

I lost a pound today, despite eating a handful of popcorn yesterday. Yep, you read that right. I totally ate a handful of homemade popcorn yesterday.

This diet is NOT for people who have an active social life that involves food. In the last week I have taken my food to a friend's house no less than 4 times. It makes me feel like a persnickety, over the top, extreme dieter. I mean, our family is invited for dinner and I show up with my own food in a little baggie? EMBARRASSING!!!!

But I had to. It wasn't like I was on a "normal" diet and could have taken smaller portions of just certain items. I have to eat my weighed, fat free, no oils added chicken and vegetables.

It got to be a little too much, which is why I had a handful of popcorn yesterday. I was so tired of having to tell people I'm on a diet and therefore I can't have such and such.

My grandparents came up to visit us yesterday and we went to Applebee's. And I had to sneak in my chicken and fat free salad dressing. Luckily they offer a salad and steamed veggies combo, so I ordered that and didn't mess with my chicken and dressing. But still. Everyone was all, "Here, have a mozzarella stick!" And they had no idea I wanted to cram every single one of those deliciously cheesy, fried sticks in my mouth. But no. I had to, once again, be the girl on the diet.

I guess I don't like being the girl on the diet. It's so stereotypical. I've never dieted before. Ever. This time in my life (the last 6 months or so) are the first time I've had to actually WORK to lose weight, besides one stint of Weight Watchers I did shortly after Owen was born.

It's hard. I don't like it. But I will finish what I start. Losing that pound today was a BIG help. I was losing my motivation and sliding down the slippery slope to throwing the towel in yesterday. But I have renewed determination today.

The thing is, I still feel hungry. Not "my stomach is eating itself I'm so hungry" levels anymore, but I definitely still have an appetite. I have never lost the urge for food, as some of the people on this diet have experienced. So it's a daily struggle to eat my apple, chicken and broccoli, apple, chicken and asparagus each day. And nothing more. It's a good lesson in self-control, but it has only gotten marginally easier.

Don't get me wrong. The diet has been successful. I'm down 11 pounds in 15 days. I will do at least one more round when my 3 weeks maintenance are up. This will be the method I use to get back to 130 before I start using the gym to tone and get in shape. But it's not all sunshine and roses. I thought I'd be losing a pound a day or every other day, and it hasn't been that way. There have been more days than not that I lose only a few ounces. So the motivation and excitement I expected to carry me through hasn't been there like I thought it would.

I feel good today. I'm wearing jeans that, according to my husband, make my bum look good. I am smaller, I can see it in the mirror. I don't feel a huge difference in my clothes, but there is a slight difference. My size 14's are not going to stay up much longer. Already when I walk they start sliding right off. There's a good 2-3 inch gap between the waist band and my stomach. So that is encouraging and exciting. :0)

Anyway, I have a house to put back together after having guests the last 5 days. It will be a good distraction from food. ;-)

Happy Wednesday!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Apples to Apples

GRRRRR, I'm very frustrated today. It seems like my body is averse to losing weight. I mean, YES. I have lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. But more often than not I'm not losing weight or I'm losing a few ounces. How can this be when I'm consuming 500 (or less) calories a day????????????

I had started substituting a veggie burger occasionally; it has 50 calories less than the chicken. So it seems, if anything, it would guarantee I lose weight, but that hasn't been my experience.

So it's back to the hardcore plan. After I eat apples today. ;-)

I'm a little surprised the weight is coming off so slowly, and I might end up needing to do it 3 times. I hope not; it's not particularly fun or easy. But we'll see. If it's the vehicle that gets me to my goal weight, I'll ride that uncomfortable ride.

All in all I'm doing well. We had a busy weekend with Josh's brother and his family here, plus visiting other friends too. My grandparents are coming in for a visit today and I'm not sure how long they are staying. So I need to get up and get the house ready for a second round of guests.

Hope you are all doing well!