Friday, December 28, 2012


So HCG was going really well... until Christmas Eve.  I held out all day.  Didn't indulge in the feast put on by our friends.  But you know what brought me down? A doughnut.  I LOVE DOUGHNUTS.  It's ridiculous how much I love them, really.  So I ate a mini doughnut.  And then one more.  And then had 2 fancy Norwegian almond cookies.  And then I decided I was going to give myself Christmas Day to just eat what I wanted.

So I did. I didn't go hog wild or anything, but I did eat lots of good food.  I planned to go right back on HCG the day after Christmas.  I tried.  And I failed.  I ended up really overdoing it.  And again the next day.  For two days I was fine all day, then would get absolutely ravenous at night and I would eat.  And eat.  And eat.  It wasn't pretty.

I gained 1.8 back.  Today is my second successful day back on program.  I lost 1.6 this morning. 

So I'm still here, and I'm back in the saddle. ;-)

We will be on vacation for the next week, so posting will be sporadic. 

Hope you all had a very Merry Christmas!

Saturday, December 22, 2012


I lost 2 more pounds today, and I'm very happy with that.  We were at a holiday party last night and although I stuck to fruit, the only options were pineapple, grapes and cantaloupe, which I don't think are technically allowed.

I also drank some ginger ale.

That weight loss was also before I nursed Nora, so it may be slightly more, but I'm grateful for the 2 pounds. :)

Friday, December 21, 2012

On the way down

I lost 2.4 today, which I'm happy about. 

I was really, really hungry last night but I didn't cheat.  I ate my orange, I drank some tea.  I found this kind that tastes like apple cider:

Today I've made 3 batches of different flavored scones, gingerbreadmen cookies, macaroni and cheese with NO cheating and haven't had ANY coffee.  Consider me impressed.  With myself.  ;-)

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Day One: Low Calorie

Hi Friends,
Today I start the low calorie portion of the HCG diet.  So far it's gone very well.  It's 1:45 in the afternoon and I haven't felt deprived or hungry. 

I had a cup of coffee with 1T creamer this morning, then ate some Italian seasoned chicken and cucumber sprinkled with salt for a late lunch.  I've also been drinking a lot of lemon water, and I've actually been enjoying it.

I'm giving myself a little freedom with the diet, since I'm trying to maintain my milk supply, and if it works I will continue to allow myself to have 1 cup of coffee a day with creamer.  I also plan to up my protein if necessary, and cut out one of the fruits/veggies if needed. 

I didn't actually gain that much weight from my binge days, despite eating a TON of fatty, high calorie foods.  A huge burger from Red Robin, Butterbraid, candy, fries, etc... 

We'll see what the scale has to say tomorrow.  I've set my goal weight lower than the weight I was at when I got pregnant with Nora.  I may stop before I get there, if I feel good about where I'm at.

I'll try to post every day with the weigh-in information, at least.

For now, I'm off to nap with my kiddies.  They are all home from school and we had a late night last night.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012


Oh guys.

The shootings in Connecticut... there are no words.  I saw this today and had to re-post it.  I love it.  Mostly because, I believe it's true.  Those children are up in Heaven, dancing and laughing and not in any pain.  I will continue to pray for all the mothers, fathers, siblings, grandparents, left behind.  I can't even fathom their grief.

Twas' 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38 when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven's gate.

their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air, they could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there

They were filled with such joy, they didn't know what to say they remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day.

"where are we?" asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse. "this is heaven." declared a small boy. "we're spending Christmas at God's house."

 When what to their wondering eyes did appear, but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near.

He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same. then He opened His arms and He called them by name.

and in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring those children all flew into the arms of their King

and as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace, one small girl turned and looked at Jesus' face.

And as if He could read all the questions she had He gently whispered to her, "I'll take care of mom and dad."

then He looked down on earth, the world far below He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe

then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand, "Let My power and presence re-enter this land!"

"may this country be delivered from the hands of fools" "I'm taking back my nation. I'm taking back my schools!"

Then He and the children stood up without a sound. "come now my children, let me show you around."

Excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran. all displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.

And i heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight, "in the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT."

written by Cameo Smith of Mt. Wolf, PA.

Isn't that beautiful!?

In other news... weight loss.  Or gain, as the case may be.  I tried the ViSalus.  I think if I wasn't nursing and had time to concentrate on doing it right, it would totally work.  As it is, I didn't treat it as a meal replacement, which is what it is intended as.  So I never lost weight.

After a lot of thought and prayer, I've decided to do HCG.

I'm still nursing Nora, and I will continue to do so on the diet.  My research indicates that it's safe, and I plan to drink a lot of water and perhaps up the protein I'm eating.  My milk is starting to dwindle on it's own, and I did what I knew to increase it:  I made a Hungarian booster recipe (made of milk, eggs, flour and sugar... drank it and THEN remembered Nora is lactose intolerant.  I may be stupid.  Or sleep deprived).  So the booster didn't go over so well because even though I took lots of Lactaid pills with it, she still got an upset tummy.

I've been pumping and nursing, cutting out oatmeal and always nursing before feeding her fruits/veggies.  I haven't seen a dramatic difference.  Nora seems to be weaning because the few bottles she DOES get, she likes a whole lot better than my boob. :-/

So, it will be interesting, and I'm not giving up easily.  Women nurse while pregnant, and of course the HCG hormone is present during pregnancy.  The amount I will be taking is miniscule compared to what the body produces while growing a baby.  Also, women in Africa and other third world countries are able to nurse with a severely restricted calorie diet.

We'll see how it goes.  When I first decided to do HCG and thought about giving up nursing, I was consumed with grief.  So I prayed, and decided to do everything I knew to do to up my milk supply.  And now I'm giving it to God.

Moving on...
We all have something to be thankful for, no?  I mean, we could use our butts as a shelf for our children to stand on.

I started the "binging days" yesterday. In the past I've been afraid of gaining even MORE weight and haven't binged properly.  This time, I threw caution to the wind and I am ingesting calories like a madwoman.  I had a chicken pot pie for lunch that was 630 calories and had 35 grams of fat. :-O  Readily available on the shelves of the grocery store.  And we wonder why America is obese.

Tomorrow I start the low-calorie portion.  Honestly? I haven't weighed myself.  The numbers on the scale are so staggeringly high that it's shocking/frightening/depressing.  I didn't realize it, but I've totally been avoiding mirrors.  Twice in the last week I caught sight of myself in the mirror.  And Good Lord Almighty, I did not even recognize myself.  My mouth literally dropped open and I just stared at the image that was reflected back at me.  I can't believe it's me.  I can't believe I actually look like this.  It's absolutely daunting, thinking about losing a large amount of weight.

This will be my motto.  Because it's not okay to remain where I am. My back hurts.  I'm embarrassed. I'm self-conscious.  I don't want to leave my house.  Or my pajamas.  

 I will definitely be blogging more frequently.  I need to keep myself accountable.  If you read, and have time, please leave me a comment.  You don't know how much it helps to know that people are following along with me, encouraging me.  

I can not wait to feel healthy again. I can't weight to lose this burden of heaviness that is with me at all times.  In the meantime, I am also going to work on turning to God instead of food.  I think, for me at least, this is just as much a spiritual journey as it is a physical one.  I need to trust in God, lean on Him, run to Him and His Word for comfort/advice/guidance.

I will weigh in tomorrow (YIKES!!!!!) and then update my ticker and begin posting my losses.  I'm contemplating taking pictures of the scale again, but although it's totally shallow, I'm afraid to admit my real weight. So I may just do a generic "XX lost" instead.  

I hope you're all having a wonderful holiday season.  The kids are out of school for several weeks... So I may be making one of these: 

*DISCLAIMER: These are not my children*

I also have plans to drastically reduce the amount of screen time my kids have.  They are turning into electronic junkies, between the TV, Wii, Computer and phones.  They are forgetting how to PLAY.  So we will be doing activities, playing board games, reading, etc...  I kinda wish we had a chair like this to curl up and read together in:

We went to the library and they all got books they are interested in.  Kate is reading the Clementine series, Christian got books on Cheetahs and Owen got whatever books I picked out for him, namely a Gingerbread Mouse book (with a recipe for gingerbread cookies that we are making today) and a book on the history of hot dogs. :-D

Here's to losing weight, being healthy and happy, and loving on the people around us!

 All images via Pinterest

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Still Here

Hi Guys-
Sorry for the extreme lack of posting.  Life is busy and I am really trying to figure out a good lifestyle as far as eating healthy and not stressing out.

I am doing the ViSalus.  I haven't managed to get two shakes in a day.  Usually I have one for breakfast, and then go, go, go all afternoon, skipping lunch, eat dinner and then SNACK after the kids are in bed.  Obviously not the best game plan.

My friend Christan has been coaching me and giving me encouragement with sticking to the program.  I have never understood or realized how extremely important it is to have a mentor of sorts.

She gives me just the right amount of encouragement and kick in the pants to stay with it and not give up.  She reminds me of things I know but tend to forget, like the fact that my past history is that it's extremely difficult to lose weight while nursing.  She reminds me to set SMALL goals, so that I can actually make them, instead of setting lofty goals and failing.

So for now, these are my goals:

1) Drink 2 shakes a day.  Mix them up beforehand if need be.  Eat a small, healthy snack after each shake.
2) Drink 40 ounces of water a day.
3) Eat a healthy dinner.  Allow myself one SMALL snack at night. No grazing, binging, or eating if I'm not hungry.

That's it, for now.  I desperately want to try to add in some exercise somehow.  I think I may just try to do the walking DVD I have.  I can do it at home, it's around 20 minutes long, and I can modify it so I can complete it in my current VERY out-of-shape state.

"No one is useless in this world, who lightens the burden of it for any one else." Charles Dickens