Life

Oh guys.

The shootings in Connecticut... there are no words.  I saw this today and had to re-post it.  I love it.  Mostly because, I believe it's true.  Those children are up in Heaven, dancing and laughing and not in any pain.  I will continue to pray for all the mothers, fathers, siblings, grandparents, left behind.  I can't even fathom their grief.

Twas' 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38 when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven's gate.

their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air, they could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there

They were filled with such joy, they didn't know what to say they remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day.

"where are we?" asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse. "this is heaven." declared a small boy. "we're spending Christmas at God's house."
 
 When what to their wondering eyes did appear, but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near.

He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same. then He opened His arms and He called them by name.

and in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring those children all flew into the arms of their King

and as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace, one small girl turned and looked at Jesus' face.

And as if He could read all the questions she had He gently whispered to her, "I'll take care of mom and dad."

then He looked down on earth, the world far below He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe

then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand, "Let My power and presence re-enter this land!"

"may this country be delivered from the hands of fools" "I'm taking back my nation. I'm taking back my schools!"

Then He and the children stood up without a sound. "come now my children, let me show you around."

Excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran. all displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.

And i heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight, "in the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT."

written by Cameo Smith of Mt. Wolf, PA.

Isn't that beautiful!?

In other news... weight loss.  Or gain, as the case may be.  I tried the ViSalus.  I think if I wasn't nursing and had time to concentrate on doing it right, it would totally work.  As it is, I didn't treat it as a meal replacement, which is what it is intended as.  So I never lost weight.

After a lot of thought and prayer, I've decided to do HCG.

I'm still nursing Nora, and I will continue to do so on the diet.  My research indicates that it's safe, and I plan to drink a lot of water and perhaps up the protein I'm eating.  My milk is starting to dwindle on it's own, and I did what I knew to increase it:  I made a Hungarian booster recipe (made of milk, eggs, flour and sugar... drank it and THEN remembered Nora is lactose intolerant.  I may be stupid.  Or sleep deprived).  So the booster didn't go over so well because even though I took lots of Lactaid pills with it, she still got an upset tummy.

I've been pumping and nursing, cutting out oatmeal and always nursing before feeding her fruits/veggies.  I haven't seen a dramatic difference.  Nora seems to be weaning because the few bottles she DOES get, she likes a whole lot better than my boob. :-/

So, it will be interesting, and I'm not giving up easily.  Women nurse while pregnant, and of course the HCG hormone is present during pregnancy.  The amount I will be taking is miniscule compared to what the body produces while growing a baby.  Also, women in Africa and other third world countries are able to nurse with a severely restricted calorie diet.

We'll see how it goes.  When I first decided to do HCG and thought about giving up nursing, I was consumed with grief.  So I prayed, and decided to do everything I knew to do to up my milk supply.  And now I'm giving it to God.

Moving on...

 

We all have something to be thankful for, no?  I mean, we could use our butts as a shelf for our children to stand on.

I started the "binging days" yesterday. In the past I've been afraid of gaining even MORE weight and haven't binged properly.  This time, I threw caution to the wind and I am ingesting calories like a madwoman.  I had a chicken pot pie for lunch that was 630 calories and had 35 grams of fat. :-O  Readily available on the shelves of the grocery store.  And we wonder why America is obese.

Tomorrow I start the low-calorie portion.  Honestly? I haven't weighed myself.  The numbers on the scale are so staggeringly high that it's shocking/frightening/depressing.  I didn't realize it, but I've totally been avoiding mirrors.  Twice in the last week I caught sight of myself in the mirror.  And Good Lord Almighty, I did not even recognize myself.  My mouth literally dropped open and I just stared at the image that was reflected back at me.  I can't believe it's me.  I can't believe I actually look like this.  It's absolutely daunting, thinking about losing a large amount of weight.

This will be my motto.  Because it's not okay to remain where I am. My back hurts.  I'm embarrassed. I'm self-conscious.  I don't want to leave my house.  Or my pajamas.  

 I will definitely be blogging more frequently.  I need to keep myself accountable.  If you read, and have time, please leave me a comment.  You don't know how much it helps to know that people are following along with me, encouraging me.  

I can not wait to feel healthy again. I can't weight to lose this burden of heaviness that is with me at all times.  In the meantime, I am also going to work on turning to God instead of food.  I think, for me at least, this is just as much a spiritual journey as it is a physical one.  I need to trust in God, lean on Him, run to Him and His Word for comfort/advice/guidance.

I will weigh in tomorrow (YIKES!!!!!) and then update my ticker and begin posting my losses.  I'm contemplating taking pictures of the scale again, but although it's totally shallow, I'm afraid to admit my real weight. So I may just do a generic "XX lost" instead.  

I hope you're all having a wonderful holiday season.  The kids are out of school for several weeks... So I may be making one of these: 

 

*DISCLAIMER: These are not my children*

I also have plans to drastically reduce the amount of screen time my kids have.  They are turning into electronic junkies, between the TV, Wii, Computer and phones.  They are forgetting how to PLAY.  So we will be doing activities, playing board games, reading, etc...  I kinda wish we had a chair like this to curl up and read together in:

We went to the library and they all got books they are interested in.  Kate is reading the Clementine series, Christian got books on Cheetahs and Owen got whatever books I picked out for him, namely a Gingerbread Mouse book (with a recipe for gingerbread cookies that we are making today) and a book on the history of hot dogs. :-D

Here's to losing weight, being healthy and happy, and loving on the people around us!

 All images via Pinterest