Tuesday, March 18, 2014

I am here...

Hi guys,
I'm here and hanging in there.  It's been an incredibly stressful couple of weeks.

Even though we knew and expected Mom to pass, it was still so heart-wrenching when it happened.  Throw in some curve balls (for me, personally) with the funeral and burial, cancelling our much anticipated trip to Mexico (with no reschedule date in sight) and I was just about done in. Coming on the heels of Nora's ICU episode it was just a bit much.

I've been hunkering down, taking it day by day, relishing the friendships I have with my sisters in law and other family members.  Yesterday, I was hit with more horrible news.

A young woman from church, only 24 was killed in a car accident.  She was 7 months pregnant with a baby boy, and the baby died as well.  Her 18 month old daughter was in the car, but was unharmed.

It's just too much to take in.  I can't fathom it.  I have been nauseated ever since I heard; weak and just torn apart for the poor husband.  I know God is in control and I know He doesn't make mistakes.  I don't feel like He causes bad things to happen.  I do know Satan is on a warpath against God's elect, and I refuse to let him win.

I am more determined than ever to make each day count, to live an upright life, and to live for eternity.

My eating/dieting however, has taken a massive nosedive.  I think I've probably gained back all 15 pounds I had lost.  I can't bear to look at the scale right now.  I do know I feel terrible.  I feel frumpy and uncomfortable, my body hurts, I'm way out of shape.  I feel lethargic and sickly.

I am not sure what to do.  I've been tossing around ideas... HCG? Weight Watchers? Atkins? Counting Calories?

I don't know.  I just don't know.  I know I've got to do something, because living every day uncomfortable in my own skin isn't going to fly.

I will persevere.  I don't know what I'm going to do, or how I'm going to lose the weight, but I know I can't give up until I am comfortable in my own skin.  Until I look in the mirror and see "me".  It's going to be a process.  There will be a beginning, middle and end.

Even if "how far I've gotten" is simply NOT giving up...


  1. My heart breaks for you. You really, really, really need to research Trim Healthy Mama. Look at their Face Book page and read the testimonies. It is a bit confusing at first, but RA - it has changed my life. I am satisfied, never hungry, feeling healthy and losing weight. Please just read the testimonies. If you're considering it, pm me your phone number so we can talk. Praying for you...I can't imagine how overwhelming your grief must be.