How are you? How was your Valentine's Day? Mine was AWESOME. Josh surprised me by taking the day off, which was exactly what I needed. We spent the whole day together, I got a new pair of (desperately needed) shoes, he got me a gift card to my favorite coffee place. It was divine.
I've come to a conclusion.
I'm letting myself off the hook. I'm taking the pressure off. I'm freeing myself.
Don't get me wrong... I'm not letting myself go. There's a difference.
I will do what I can in regard to losing weight, i.e. not eat after 7pm and watch what I eat during the day. But as far as actively trying to lose weight... Well, I'm putting that on hold. For now I will focus on Nora, nursing her. I will focus on being healthy. Adding in walks where I can. Serving healthy meals and snacks. But I'm not going to stress or beat myself up over losing/not losing weight.
When Nora is done nursing, then I will dedicate myself to losing the extra weight. But not right now. And you know what? IT IS SO FREEING. Not because I can gorge or eat whatever crap I want. But the massive heavy weight that has been riding around on my shoulders is gone.
Will I be "fat" for the wedding? Yes. Will I be "fat" during the women's conference at church that is coming up? Yes. Will I be "fat" this summer by the pool? Probably. Is it the end of the world? NO.
This is just a blip in time. A season. I had a really good talk with my daughter, Kate, yesterday. I was looking through a tub of clothes that are too small for me, and Kate asked why I wasn't wearing those clothes. I responded that they were too small right now, and she said, "Oh yeah, because you're big" while patting my booty. Then she got all embarrassed and afraid that she'd hurt my feelings. But lo and behold, it was not hurtful for me. I just said, "Yep, I'm bigger than usual right now because my body is working to make milk for Nora." And we both smiled at each other and moved on.
I really want to instill a healthy mindset in my girls when it comes to weight. The goal is to be healthy. Not a certain number on the scale, not a certain size in clothes. Healthy. And more importantly, happy.
I realized that NO ONE cares what size I am, except for me. My friends love me for WHO I am, not for what SIZE I am. My husband finds me just as attractive now as he did when I was 40 pounds lighter. My kids love me and don't care what the scale says; they just want me to be there for them, nourish them, nurture them, love them. And I can do that!! Even at a higher weight than I'd like to be.
So, yes. I will work on making good, healthy choices. I will work on not eating after 7pm, even though that is when Josh and I usually try to watch our show and have snacks. I will work on my attitude/outlook. But right now, I'm feeling tremendously freed. Free as a bird. :)
I'm also extremely tired. No idea why. But this sounds pretty good right about now: