Transformation

I've never seen the movie, but I hear Nanny McPhee goes from being a hideous person, to being normal looking.

That's the before.  Obviously.

It's also how I feel.  Over the past few days/two weeks, I've slid into a slump.  I feel gross.  I look gross.  Maybe not THAT bad, but still.

We've had swim lessons every day for the past two weeks, and while the kids LOVED it, it was such a stressful time for me.  Having to be up and out by a certain time, with kids who were not cooperative, despite the fact that they wanted to go, and then throw in a really grumpy baby who usually naps right at that time... Well, yeah.  It was stressful.

Josh is under a lot of stress, too.  That makes two of us.  And when we are BOTH stressed, there isn't the ability to talk each other down.  So we are both being high strung and emotional and sensitive.  More stress.

And I've been eating.  And eating.  I weighed this morning and I'm up 3 pounds.  Not the end of the world horrible, especially for how I've been stuffing my face, but still.  It's crazy how much 3 pounds actually SHOWS. I have more back fat and my face is rounder/more double-chinney.  That's a word.  

ANYWAY, I think I'm at the bottom.  Rock bottom.  And there's nowhere to go but up.  Next week we'll be staying at our church resort part of the week, and I'm actually looking forward to it. It's taken me a good 3-4 days to work through some issues I had, that came out of the blue.  But I've worked through it and am looking forward to the time with my little family.

I think I'm going to pull a "Sherah"... Some of you may know her. :)  Anyway, I think I'm going to eat a lot of watermelon while out there.  When it's so hot, it is so refreshing, it helps clean things out and will give me a clean slate to start the next part of my journey. Whatever that may be. 

The gym isn't going to work right now.  Josh just has too much work and is out too late/up too early.  I need to stop talking and start doing.  As in, stop talking/thinking about looking up arm exercises and actually do them.  Starting Monday we are implementing a new schedule/chore system, and I'm going to give myself chores as well.  Reading the Bible, some kind of exercise, etc...

So that's where I'm at.  I probably won't post again for a bit, but never fear, I'll be back. ;-)

Still Here!

Hi All!
I'm still here, and I haven't ballooned up to 400 pounds. ;-)

I've been trying to work out what my plan is, which direction I'm going to take, what I can sustain, what is important and what's not.

Thank you for your comments on my last post; they really, truly helped!!

I think I'm between "How do I do it?" and "I'll try to do it". 

I am 90% certain that I won't/cant try HCG again.  I know it works, and it works fast... if you do it right.  I'm just not sure if I can do it right. 

 

 I've really been thinking about spinning again.  I actually enjoy it.  A lot.  And it burns a lot of calories.  And if I did that, I could still eat, just in moderation.  I'd have to learn what that means for me.  I haven't ever really learned how to count calories, etc... But the idea of exercising and eating sounds good to me. ;-)

 

Turtles are wise.

So I've been off HCG for 10 days or so, and I haven't even gained 2 pounds back.  Which is exactly how it's supposed work; HCG resets your metabolism, and for me, it seems to have worked.  Cuz I have not been dieting in any way, shape or form. 

So to sum it up: Losing weight is REALLY HARD (for me).  Maintaining my weight is REALLY EASY (for me).

So then I think, "Gosh Ruth Anne, you should just suck it up and do HCG to lose these pounds cuz then you'll be done!"  And then I'm all "But, but, but... I love to eat!!"  So who knows.  I still don't even know what to do, so I'm just in a holding pattern for now.

 

Can I get an Amen!?

I think I'm going to try the exercise and diet route... As a wise friend once said, "Eat Less, Move More".  :-D

 

Paralyzed

You guys.

I'm struggling.  So hard.  I am paralyzed with indecision.

I can't do HCG.  I can't NOT do HCG.  I have to stop eating.  I can't stop eating.  

I kept cheating on HCG, so I just quit.  Cold turkey stopped taking the drops, started eating whatever I felt like.  I'm up 1.5 pounds.  Not horrible, but I am not in a healthy place.  Plus, I've still got 40 pounds to drop.

I don't know what I'm going to do.  I know HCG works, if I do it correctly.  But it seems I've lost my ability to do it correctly.  I know diet and exercise works, but who has the time and energy for that???

I'm in a busy stage of life.  The summer is here, the kids are out of school, and they are all needy.  Emotional.  Keyed up from being at school so many months, from getting up early and working to be good students.

Owen is defiant and bored and stubborn.  Oh my, is he ever stubborn.

Nora is pretty cute and mostly happy.  She just turned a year. A YEAR.

Do you know what that means? It's been twelve months since I had her, and I'm still carrying around massive amounts of baby weight.  Insert hysterical crying, wailing and weeping.

I am miserable.  Absolutely miserable.  It's affecting my ability to see anything beyond my weight.  It's even affecting my ability to read the books I want/need to read.  I've got Love Hunger right now, and even just from reading the first few pages, it's clear I've got food issues.  But, it's like I don't have the energy to delve into that right now.  To get to the root of the problem.  But if not now, then when? When I'm 300 pounds and a contestant on Biggest Loser?

Ugh.  I need help.  If you pray, please pray for me.  I need to work through these issues.  I need to be healthy in mind, body and spirit.

I'm not sure what to do.  I don't feel mentally ready to tackle HCG yet.  I feel like all my energy and attention is on the kids right now, as it needs to be.  But somewhere in there I've got to find time and energy and attention for my own needs/health.

I never dreamed it would be this hard to lose the weight.  I feel trapped in a prison of fat.  But I won't stay trapped forever, because, quite simply, I can't.  I CAN NOT.  My husband and my children and my sister and my friends deserve a better me than the person I am right now. I deserve a better quality of life.

So something will be done.  I just don't know what, yet.

Nothing worth having comes easily...

Hi friends!
How are you all?  MB, how is your mom doing? Divad-Thanks for the comments and encouragement!!

I am still sick.  I'm wondering if maybe it's allergies? I'm not really sneezing, but I am coughing a lot.  And I just feel "bad".  Headaches and achy joints.  It's been going on for a while and not really getting any better, so I have no clue.

I keep plugging on.  I have ended up cheating every day. :( I am trying to get it under control.  Trying to GAIN control, is more like it.  I decided I need to eat more on plan, like I've mentioned.  Today I had some "chicken salad" (shredded chicken, a splash of Worcestershire sauce, yellow mustard, minced onions and a few craisins) on lettuce leaves and it was pretty good.  Besides coffee, that's all I've had so far.  I need to eat an apple.

My weight is slowly, slowly creeping down.  I am so tempted to give up, because it is SO HARD.  But I keep reminding myself that I don't want to weigh the same 3 months down the road! If I just keep at it, the weight will go down. 

So, I'm pressing on, even though it's tough. 

I am planning to implement some kind of summer schedule.  I am going to make a big chart, or maybe get a large whiteboard, and I'm going to assign all of the kids (well, not Nora) ;-P a couple of chores.  Making their bed and one household chore for sure.  Maybe another one thrown in there.

I also need to come up with A Plan for summer.  Sitting around doing nothing in my backyard sounds like an amazing idea to me, but my kids... not so much.  They need direction and something to do, otherwise they dissolve into basket cases, screaming and fighting and yelling and crying.  It's not pretty.  Or fun.

So that's on my agenda to get done.  Figure out some activities we can do at home, plus some places we can go.  The 17th-27th they have swim lessons every weekday, so that'll be good.  If you have any ideas, throw them at me!!

June Challenge

Hi friends!
How are you?  I'm still fighting some virus/bug.  I have headaches, body aches, chills, upset stomach, and am so incredibly exhausted.

I haven't been eating much, and have therefore lost 1.4 pounds.  Happy about that, but looking forward to feeling normal/good/healthy!

I'm going to challenge myself in June.  I have a goal to lose 10 pounds this month.  I'm not sure if it's possible, but I'm going to try my darndest. 

I plan to drink A LOT.  Water, Talking Rain, the occasional pop.  I also plan to eat fruit and salad.  I found some calorie free, fat free salad dressing.  Yes, you read that right.  CALORIE FREE.

 

I've tried the ranch and the caesar.  The ranch tastes NOTHING like ranch.  It's kind of sweet.  Not bad, but definitely not ranch. The caesar is pretty good.  I haven't tried the Asian or Italian.  But it makes eating salad so much easier, because it doesn't  have to be dry.  

It's made out of natural stuff, too.

 

I am still struggling with eating out of boredom, stress, emotional distress, etc...  But, I am working on it.

I don't mean to get all preachy/religious, but for me personally, this is more than just a quest to lose weight.  It's a lesson in moderation.  I am waiting on a couple books that I ordered to get here.  

 

 

 

 

These books were recommended to me by two good friends.  Some of you  may remember Dawne; she was inspired by the Woman of Moderation series.  And a woman I know on Facebook who has lost 60 pounds with HCG and kept it off recommended the other two.

I'm excited to get to the bottom of my eating issues, and to learn to turn to Jesus for comfort.  He is supposed to be my best friend, after all, and is always there for me.  

So, my goal for June is a 10 pound weight loss.  I'm looking forward to this month and what I can accomplish!