Be Nice

That is all, for now. :)

Good Bye for now

I'm closing my blog down for a bit.  Not deleting it, so it'll show up as private or whatever.  I may or may not blog privately for myself, but not sure yet.  I hope to be back once things have settled down.

I'll shut it down tomorrow.  Hope you all are healthy and happy!

Happenings

Hi Guys :)

So, here I am.  Still blogging.  Still struggling.  With life.  With my weight.  With basic hygiene.  Wait, what?

Yeah.  This just happened.

I'm in the shower (cue angels singing and God Himself applauding this decision).  I'm washing my hair.  It's crazy tangled.  I don't know why, but I open my eyes.  Soap gets in.  OUCH.  Dang, I forgot how bad that stings!! Anyhoo, moving forward.

I rinse the shampoo out, coat with conditioner and move on to scrubbing my body.  Soap flies in my eye.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I mean, come on! What are the odds??  I blindly shave my legs.  No idea if I got it all, but meh.  Good enough.

I move on to brushing my teeth.  You know what's coming, don't you? Toothpaste.  In my eye.  Don't even ask.  I couldn't make this up if I tried.  And you know what? Toothpaste in the eye hurts real, real bad.  By this time I'm questioning my own hand-eye-brain coordination.  Luckily I make it through the rest of my shower without getting anything ELSE in my eyes.

That's kind of how life feels right now.  One thing after the other, and how did this happen in the first place?!

There's my sweet, sweet mother in law.  You guys.  Seriously.  She is the best.  Ever.  Just ask any of her 16 children, or the myriads of people who have been blessed by her.  She is on steroids and is doing well at the moment, but we know it's just borrowed time.

Please pray.  Pray that if it's her time to go, that God takes her quickly, and peacefully in her sleep.  Pray she doesn't become so incapacitated that she loses her dignity.  Pray for her younger children, who are still at home.  And hug your loved ones.

I can't even put into words the underlying stress/sadness/sense of doom that I/we live with day and night.  We know she is going to Heaven, and we know she will be out of this body that is so broken.  But still.  We love her and we don't want her to go.  It's not easy, that's for sure.

My kiddos.  They are, shall we say, spirited.  Times 10000.  They wake up and immediately declare war on each other.  I'm talking full on wrestling, hitting, kicking, punching, throwing to the ground of persons.  Do I allow this? NO! Have I ever allowed it? No.  I don't know why they think it's okay all of a sudden.  It's not.  It's also extremely tiring/draining/exhausting getting on their case all.day.long to stop wrestling, hitting, kicking, punching and throwing to the ground of persons.  I'm counting the days until school starts. (16 for the older two.  23 for Owen.)  Bless their teachers.

Then there's my health.  I'm headed to Dr. Ray soon.  Josh convinced me to go.  I resisted at first, because I'm dumb like that.  It'll be a short 24 hour trip, but hopefully it will help.  I'm hoping to get my hormones and the brain chemicals balanced like I did the last time I was there... 3 years ago??

My weight is just being a meanie head.  I'm the farthest from thin I've ever been.  I got the results from my adrenal stress test back.  Turns out my cortisol is low.  Low?? Does that mean my body really isn't very stressed, since it puts out cortisol as stress increases?  Nope.  Cortisol doesn't go from normal to low.  It goes from normal to extremely high and then burns out and drops to where my levels are now.  Extremely low.  So I'm getting on some supplements to help my body produce more cortisol.

My immune system is also severely depressed.  (Insert sad immune system here, hardy har har) Normal ranges from 25-60 and mine was less than 5.  Meaning it couldn't be detected at all on the test.  Sigh. So I'm starting supplements for that as well.  

And lastly my diet.  I'm supposed to eat a hypoglycemic diet.  Essentially... Atkins.  I've never done Atkins, but I know it focuses on lots of protein, and very little carbohydrates and sugar.  Just what my body needs to repair itself, apparently.  So I'll be doing some research on Atkins friendly recipes and meals.  It all feels overwhelming right now.  So much going on.

I can't exercise.  I've been forbidden by the Adrenal Stress doctor.  My body can't handle it when it's so burned out already.  But carrying around this much weight is taking it's toll.  I saw a picture of myself and wow.  Talk about spiraling into a pit of depression.  It was real and raw and horrifying.  I have to do something. I am suffocating under all this fat.  My stress is through the roof and I can't afford for it to be.  So I'm really hoping the Atkins helps the weight come off.

I know all you exercise fiends out there would probably disagree with that statement, and say that running, a good work-out, lifting weights, etc... is the best.  But I am in wholehearted agreement with Anthony Trollope.

Well, friends, it's late.  I need to get to bed.  I just wanted to check in and jot down my thoughts/plans.

If you have any good Atkins friendly recipes, send them my way!

Update

Hey there.

How are you? How's your summer?  Mine?  Hectic.  Crazy.  Emotional.

My weight-loss is a no-go.  I can not lose this *#@ weight.  It will not go.  I recently completed an adrenal stress test, which indicates... I'm in adrenal stress.  Womp womp.  My cortisol levels are super high (happens from stress) which inhibits weight loss.  I have absolutely no energy.  Each day I have to decide whether I want to shower, clean the house, do something with the kids or make dinner.  One thing.  I can't manage more, really.

I'm on a treatment plan, but it's very long term.  Stressful.

The other thing is that my mother-in-law's tumor came back.  With a vengeance.  It's diffused throughout her brain.  Surgery, chemo and radiation aren't options.  She can't travel to any of the specialists.  The doctors say she has months left.  Months.  I can't even begin to describe what it feels like to have someone you love given such a short timespan.

So yeah, life has been extremely stressful.  I'm looking forward to school and routines and schedules.  I feel like once the kids are back in school I'll have a chance to catch my breath and figure out what to do about my weight.  I absolutely can not stay this fat.  It's not an option.  HCG isn't either, because part of the treatment plan for the adrenal stress is taking cod liver oil and other supplements that are not conducive to HCG.

So that's where I'm at.  Prayers are very very much appreciated.  I'll pop in from time to time, and may get back to regular blogging once September rolls around and the kiddos are in school.  We'll see.

Hope you all are well!

Closing down for a while...

Hi friends,
So, things have gotten pretty chaotic/stressful in real life around here.  I am going to take a break from blogging.  I need to focus on my family and myself for a bit.  I'm closing down the blog, but hopefully will open it again when things have settled down.

Have a great summer!

Transformation

I've never seen the movie, but I hear Nanny McPhee goes from being a hideous person, to being normal looking.

That's the before.  Obviously.

It's also how I feel.  Over the past few days/two weeks, I've slid into a slump.  I feel gross.  I look gross.  Maybe not THAT bad, but still.

We've had swim lessons every day for the past two weeks, and while the kids LOVED it, it was such a stressful time for me.  Having to be up and out by a certain time, with kids who were not cooperative, despite the fact that they wanted to go, and then throw in a really grumpy baby who usually naps right at that time... Well, yeah.  It was stressful.

Josh is under a lot of stress, too.  That makes two of us.  And when we are BOTH stressed, there isn't the ability to talk each other down.  So we are both being high strung and emotional and sensitive.  More stress.

And I've been eating.  And eating.  I weighed this morning and I'm up 3 pounds.  Not the end of the world horrible, especially for how I've been stuffing my face, but still.  It's crazy how much 3 pounds actually SHOWS. I have more back fat and my face is rounder/more double-chinney.  That's a word.  

ANYWAY, I think I'm at the bottom.  Rock bottom.  And there's nowhere to go but up.  Next week we'll be staying at our church resort part of the week, and I'm actually looking forward to it. It's taken me a good 3-4 days to work through some issues I had, that came out of the blue.  But I've worked through it and am looking forward to the time with my little family.

I think I'm going to pull a "Sherah"... Some of you may know her. :)  Anyway, I think I'm going to eat a lot of watermelon while out there.  When it's so hot, it is so refreshing, it helps clean things out and will give me a clean slate to start the next part of my journey. Whatever that may be. 

The gym isn't going to work right now.  Josh just has too much work and is out too late/up too early.  I need to stop talking and start doing.  As in, stop talking/thinking about looking up arm exercises and actually do them.  Starting Monday we are implementing a new schedule/chore system, and I'm going to give myself chores as well.  Reading the Bible, some kind of exercise, etc...

So that's where I'm at.  I probably won't post again for a bit, but never fear, I'll be back. ;-)

Still Here!

Hi All!
I'm still here, and I haven't ballooned up to 400 pounds. ;-)

I've been trying to work out what my plan is, which direction I'm going to take, what I can sustain, what is important and what's not.

Thank you for your comments on my last post; they really, truly helped!!

I think I'm between "How do I do it?" and "I'll try to do it". 

I am 90% certain that I won't/cant try HCG again.  I know it works, and it works fast... if you do it right.  I'm just not sure if I can do it right. 

 

 I've really been thinking about spinning again.  I actually enjoy it.  A lot.  And it burns a lot of calories.  And if I did that, I could still eat, just in moderation.  I'd have to learn what that means for me.  I haven't ever really learned how to count calories, etc... But the idea of exercising and eating sounds good to me. ;-)

 

Turtles are wise.

So I've been off HCG for 10 days or so, and I haven't even gained 2 pounds back.  Which is exactly how it's supposed work; HCG resets your metabolism, and for me, it seems to have worked.  Cuz I have not been dieting in any way, shape or form. 

So to sum it up: Losing weight is REALLY HARD (for me).  Maintaining my weight is REALLY EASY (for me).

So then I think, "Gosh Ruth Anne, you should just suck it up and do HCG to lose these pounds cuz then you'll be done!"  And then I'm all "But, but, but... I love to eat!!"  So who knows.  I still don't even know what to do, so I'm just in a holding pattern for now.

 

Can I get an Amen!?

I think I'm going to try the exercise and diet route... As a wise friend once said, "Eat Less, Move More".  :-D