Friday, February 14, 2014

Hanging On...

Hi guys,
I'm here.  I'm fighting.  I'm emotional. 

I haven't started HCG again, because I already have enough stress in my life and I can't handle more.  And I'm okay with that.  I'm okay with the fact that I'm still so much larger than I ever imagined I'd be when we go to Mexico.  Life is so much more than WEIGHT.

My MIL is doing worse and worse.  She's confined to a hospital bed, has a catheter, needs to be fed.  It's heartbreaking.  I cry a lot.  I know she is going to a far better place, I know she will be free of this broken body, but I'm also going to MISS her.  A lot.  

Josh is gone a ton this month.  We are supposed to leave for Mexico in 12 days.  Honestly? I don't want to go.  I don't want to miss a single precious day with mom.  My children are freaking out. 

None of us have really, truly recovered from the scare with Nora.  We are physically, mentally, emotionally exhausted.  The kids cry.  They scream.  Owen has developed several fairly severe tics.  Anytime Josh is gone, the boys flip out.  Did I mention he's scheduled to be gone 9 of the last 14 days of this month?

Yeah. It's tough.  I'm not giving up.  I've gained 4.5 pounds of what I lost back.  I'm getting stuff for green smoothies, cuz I figure that's an easy and delicious way to get some low calorie, healthy greens in.

I'll keep you posted.  Sorry I haven't been posting as much.  I've just been dealing with life.

Psalm 143:10 
Help me to do your will, for you are my God. Lead me in good paths, for your Spirit is good.


  1. I feel your pain, the more that is heaped on the harder it is to try to do good for yourself. I also know how much you want to be lighter, smaller, thinner but first and foremost you need to do what is best for your state of mind right now.
    It really won't matter what size you are in Mexico, (I know you know this) but it will re-energize you to get thru this tough time. When my mom was waiting for her lung transplant the people at the hospital said don't put off doing things like vacation while waiting, what happens will happen and life will go on without you while you are sitting waiting for something to happen. I know you would be sad if something happens to your mil while you are away but don't you think she would feel awful if you don't go because of her? I know it broke my mom's heart to see me stay with her and suffer.
    I honestly don't know how you are doing all this by yourself. I can't imagine 4 kids, sick mil, dieting and husband away. You deserve a medal for not RUNNING AWAY!!!
    I also know how easy it is to cancel plans but I really don't think you should. You must do something for yourself or you will find you will be the one who needs care before too long.
    Most of all, I just wish you peace of mind, it really is all you need.
    Big hugs to you, xoxo MB

  2. Loved the prove you are not a robot requirement the word was romance, so cute!