Peace

Yikes!! How has it been almost a month since I last posted?? :-O

I really need to learn how to post from my phone; I'd be able to keep up much better that way.  Consider it on my to-do list. :)

Lots has happened in the last 4 weeks.  I had a fantastic weekend with the ladies in my church. It's an annual retreat and is always a really good time.  This was one of the occasions I was stressing about being "fat" at, an I am so happy to say that my weight didn't affect me at all.  AT ALL!!!!!!  Keep in mind that I am the biggest I have ever, ever been.  In my entire life.  And there are LOTS of skinny mothers that come to this retreat; quite a few who have had babies AFTER me and are back to their slim, trim selves again.

But, it didn't affect my joy.  Or my self-confidence.  My weight does NOT define who I am.  I can't even begin to express the freedom I've experienced.

And to prove it, God tested me.  Within a span of 4 or 5 days I had not one, not two, but THREE different people comment about my weight.  One lady offered me a 30 day trial to Curves, insisting that I'd feel SO much better about myself if I started working out.  Another lady offered me a pair of pants; size 18/20.  And a third, total stranger that I met in the pediatrician's office let me know she is a life coach for Take Shape for Life and she'd be happy to give me info on it.

And none of it moved me! I didn't fall into a depression.  I didn't cry.  I didn't get mad or sad or offended.  I laughed at it! LAUGHED!!!!

If that's not freedom, I don't know what is. 

I'm actually looking into the Take Shape for Life thing.  They have meal replacements and a specialized plan for nursing mothers.  One lady I know lost 100 pounds on it, and the lady from the ped's office has just 15 pounds to go to get to her pre-pregnancy weight.  She's lost between 1-2 pounds a week, while nursing, without working out.

Honestly, I don't have the time, energy or stamina to work out currently.  I think it'll be much easier when I get some of these extra pounds off. 

I've had the flu for 4 days now, and the good thing about that is I've lost some weight. ;-)  I'll take it, as it's the only good thing to come from this wretched flu.  My brother-in-law gets married this Saturday, so I'm hoping to be back to good health by then. 

I'll look into updating from my phone so there won't be such looooong silences between my posts. :)

Happy

Hi Friends!
How have you been?  I've been doing well; really well.  :)

My new found freedom is awesome.  I know things will change when the weather warms up and I have to wear less clothes ;-) but for now I am enjoying not having that black cloud over me at all times.

I'm wondering if I have mono or something?? I am so.tired.  Like, all the time.  Last night Josh put me in bed at 7:15 and I instantly conked out.  I woke up for an hour and a half with Nora at 4, then fell back asleep and could barely drag myself out of bed at 8:30.  That's not normal, right?  I don't know, maybe all the sleep deprivation is catching up with me. ;-) 

I saw this quote on Pinterest and I really like it.

 

I know it's not the case for all situations, but it's a good reminder.

How do you like my new background? I felt like it was time for a change. :)  I also made lots of little changes around my house.  I am no interior decorator, that's for sure. ;-) But the other night I was waiting up for Josh to get home from one of his fundraising events, and I got the itch to DO something.

I added strips of burlap to the tops of my window frames, because it looked so incomplete/unfinished before.  

 

I also made this little arrangement over the desk where we keep all our art supplies and games.

 

The sign says:

FAMILY RULES

Help Each Other

Be Thankful

Know You Are Loved

Pay With Hugs and Kisses

Try New Things

Be Happy

Show Compassion

Be Grateful

Dream Big

Respect One Another

Laugh Out Loud

I love, love, love, LOVE it. :)  

Then I bought some material because I was going to make a valance for over my kitchen window.  But I am a complete sewing novice and I had them cut it the wrong direction; so all the birds were going sideways and upside down. :-P  So I put on my creative hat and came up with this, instead:

 

Ugh, sorry it's blurry.  You can't even tell what it is, LOL. Oh well, I'm leaving it in there. ;-)

Anyway, that's what I've been up to around here.  I will leave you with this; I am not sure why, but I find it HILARIOUS!!

 

Poor drunk flamingo, LOL! 

Happy Thursday!

 

 

Free

Hi Friends!
How are you? How was your Valentine's Day?  Mine was AWESOME.  Josh surprised me by taking the day off, which was exactly what I needed.  We spent the whole day together, I got a new pair of (desperately needed) shoes, he got me a gift card to my favorite coffee place.  It was divine.

I've come to a conclusion. 

I'm letting myself off the hook.  I'm taking the pressure off.  I'm freeing myself.

 

Don't get me wrong... I'm not letting myself go.  There's a difference.

I will do what I can in regard to losing weight, i.e. not eat after 7pm and watch what I eat during the day.  But as far as actively trying to lose weight... Well, I'm putting that on hold.  For now I will focus on Nora, nursing her.  I will focus on being healthy.  Adding in walks where I can.  Serving healthy meals and snacks.  But I'm not going to stress or beat myself up over losing/not losing weight.

When Nora is done nursing, then I will dedicate myself to losing the extra weight.  But not right now.  And you know what? IT IS SO FREEING.  Not because I can gorge or eat whatever crap I want.  But the massive heavy weight that has been riding around on my shoulders is gone.

Will I be "fat" for the wedding? Yes.  Will I be "fat" during the women's conference at church that is coming up? Yes.  Will I be "fat" this summer by the pool? Probably.  Is it the end of the world? NO.

This is just a blip in time.  A season.  I had a really good talk with my daughter, Kate, yesterday.  I was looking through a tub of clothes that are too small for me, and Kate asked why I wasn't wearing those clothes. I responded that they were too small right now, and she said, "Oh yeah, because you're big" while patting my booty.  Then she got all embarrassed and afraid that she'd hurt my feelings.  But lo and behold, it was not hurtful for me.  I just said, "Yep, I'm bigger than usual right now because my body is working to make milk for Nora."  And we both smiled at each other and moved on.

I really want to instill a healthy mindset in my girls when it comes to weight.  The goal is to be healthy.  Not a certain number on the scale, not a certain size in clothes.  Healthy.  And more importantly, happy.

I realized that NO ONE cares what size I am, except for me.  My friends love me for WHO I am, not for what SIZE I am.  My husband finds me just as attractive now as he did when I was 40 pounds lighter.  My kids love me and don't care what the scale says; they just want me to be there for them, nourish them, nurture them, love them.  And I can do that!! Even at a higher weight than I'd like to be.

So, yes. I will work on making good, healthy choices.  I will work on not eating after 7pm, even though that is when Josh and I usually try to watch our show and have snacks.  I will work on my attitude/outlook.  But right now, I'm feeling tremendously freed.  Free as a bird. :)

I'm also extremely tired.  No idea why.  But this sounds pretty good right about now:

 

Happy Friday!!

 

Checking In...

Hi Bloggy Friends!
Sorry (AGAIN) for going MIA.  Life sometimes gets the better of me.

I had one kiddo with pneumonia, one with double ear infections, one cutting teeth and one who had cabin fever in exponential amounts. 

It was busy. ;-)

Everyone is on the mend now, so here I am checking in.

HCG.....  Le sigh.  So not happening.  I just can't seem to do it.  I am not sure why, exactly.  But I just can't seem to stick to it.  Maybe it's because I'm nursing.  Maybe it's because I'm very sleep-deprived.  Maybe I just don't have enough self-control.  Whatever it is, I haven't been able to do it for any length of time.

I was doing okay until I had a day where I was super faithful to stick to it. I had made zucchini bread, chicken parmesan, garlic bread, etc... and did not have even one crumb.  I drank over 72 ounces of water.  And the next day I gained weight.  It took all the wind out of my sails.  I think if I would have just stuck with it, I would have had a drop, but I just couldn't keep going on.

I know I can't give up, because I absolutely can't be at this weight for the rest of my life.  But I also have to figure out a smart way to lose the weight, so that I don't lose my mind in the process. ;-)

For now, I'm just kind of trying to watch what I eat.  In the back of my head, I kind of have this feeling that once Nora stops nursing, the weight will come off a lot easier.  For now, my body is being ridiculous and just wants to hold onto every ounce of fat it can get.  Sometimes I'm tempted to get really angry that I can't be like the majority of other women, who burn fat from nursing, and drop the baby weight pronto.  But, that doesn't accomplish anything.  At all.

My desire to lose weight is soooooo strong, but not strong enough to wean Nora.  I don't think it's fair to her, and I don't feel right about it.  So for now, I'm working on being content, being thankful, and working through my vanity issues.  Cuz that is what it boils down to.  I'm vain.  I want to look good.  Yes, I also want to be healthy, but the overriding issue is vanity.

So.  Kinda dumb.  I feel like I keep reporting "non" things.  Failures.  But, this is real life, and this is where I am at.

If you have any great ideas, please feel free to pass them on to me! :)

Sicky McSickerton

Hello Friends and Family!
How are you? I'm pretty good; although I'm sick.  We all are.  THANKFULLY we don't have the flu.  Just a nasty cold that has us coughing, sneezing, and blowing our nose all day and night.  Thank the good Lord for Puffs Plus with Lotion!

I've been doing HCG and it's going well.  Today is only my second day on low cal but I feel good about it.  I've lost 4 pounds so far.

Just wanted to check in and say THANK YOU for the comments you've left! They have totally brightened my day and encouraged me to stay on track.

If this round of HCG fails, I can always fall back on Plan B...

 

Hee hee, just kidding.  I think I'll be able to stick to it.  Especially because since I'm nursing, I've been able to cheat a tiny bit and still lose.  Cheating is coffee with creamer and extra protein, by the way. :-P

Hope you all have a fabulous weekend!

MB-Look for an email very soon.

I packed up all my skinny clothes

I've been in a mood.  A purging mood.  I've gone through my cupboards.  I've gone through my CD's and DVD's.  I've gone through all of the kids' clothes.  And now, I've gone through my own clothes.

Friends, it's brutal.  I took out everything that didn't fit.  Some of it I gave to Goodwill, some of it I gave to friends, and other stuff went into bins for when I am thin enough to wear them again.  A lot of it went into bins.

I have, like 7 items in my closet now.  I'm not exaggerating.  I literally have pretty much nothing to wear.

I've been struggling.  Hard core.  I know that comes as no surprise.  I've been trying to get back in the game, get to "that place" where I'm motivated enough to do what needs to be done.  I started a couple times.  But I wasn't there yet.  I think I am now.

Today is the first of my 2 binge days.  We are sick.  The kids are sick.  I don't feel well.  But I'm doing this.

I hope I can stick to it this time.  I really, really hope so.  Otherwise come the end of the year or whenever, and I'll be the same.  Or bigger.  That's a scary thought.

I decided to have a loose goal for myself.  By the time Nora is 1, so on June 10th, I hope to have lost all the baby weight.  I think that's fairly reasonable.

Apparently your hair changes color as you get thinner?? ;-P

I know that thin person is inside me.  She's just stuck in layers of fat, currently.  But she will once again shine.  I can NOT believe I used to think I was fat... This is me when I was like 5 minutes pregnant with Nora.

 

I will get back there.  I will.  

 

Can I get an AMEN!?!? 

Hi

Hello, my friends...

Sorry I've been M.I.A.  Things have been so crazy around here.

The holidays were awesome, but very busy.  We are blessed to be able to share Christmas with both my family and Josh's, plus we squeezed in some celebrations with good friends as well.  Over the New Year we were at a church retreat, but before we left we had to move every.single.piece.of.furniture we own into the garage and dining room, because we had new carpet installed.

It is so so crazy how much the carpet has changed the house! I am so thankful we were able to replace the original stuff that probably shoulda been taken to the dump a couple years ago.  Anyway, so that was a huge undertaking, between packing and moving furniture.

Then from the retreat we went straight to the coast for a family get-away while the carpet was being installed.  We got to ride on Uncle Tim's boat and we all had a fabulous time, despite the fact that I almost got dumped right into the freezing water.  ;-)  Anyway, then we came back from the hour long car ride, hopped out... and had to put all the furniture back.  With 4 grumpy/tired kids.  And a cold house cuz we'd turned the heat off.  Yeah, probably not our smartest idea ever.

AND on top of all THAT... my dear, sweet, precious Nora has forgotten how to sleep at night.  Like, she doesn't even FALL asleep until anywhere between 1 and 3 in the morning.  I've tried going in and soothing her... she just cries and cries and cries.  For hours.  I've tried letting her cry it out.  She just cries and cries and cries.  For hours.  I know she is dry, fed, medicated with Tylenol in case her teeth are hurting.  Nothing helps.  Only me holding her.  Then she's happy as a clam. Good thing she's cute, huh?! (And WHERE has the time gone????? 7 months already? Really!?!?!)

But mama is TIRED.  Tired actually doesn't even come close to covering it.  More like a zombie.  I'm so tired that I'm at the point where I can't even think of what to do next.  What to try next.  Because, my friends, this is going on 3 weeks now.  I talked to her pediatrician about it at her check-up and he thinks she is just overstimulated from the holidays/moving around.  But we've been home for over a week and it's still just as bad.

So I am toast.  And as you've probably figured out, I fell off the HCG wagon.  Hard.  Like, they probably felt the reverberations from my fall in China hard.

It's taken me a long time to get my head back in the game.  I've been fluctuating between FREAKING about how large I am and FREAKING about how hard dieting is.  It was not a pretty cycle, believe you me.  And it was affecting my entire family, because I was so down on myself and was drowning in depression and failure and hopelessness.

I don't know what changed, but suddenly I'm ready to tackle it again.

So today is the first of two binge days.  I'm making sure to drink my special breastmilk booster recipe, as well as eat some "lactation cookies".  It really helped last time.  I didn't notice a decrease in my milk last time, but better safe than sorry.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to trimming down, and then at some point getting back into actual exercise.  I actually enjoy spinning, so I may find a class around here.  I also have this weird, deep-seated longing for running.  I don't know why.  I don't have good form.  It hurts my joints.  But it's like my body longs for it.  So I'm hoping once I get these extra pounds off that I can work my way up into some kind of running routine.

Basically, this is it to a T:

:-D

So that's where I'm at.  I'm thinking I'll keep track of my weight loss every day on my calendar at home and then report in maybe once or twice a week here on the blog.

Hope you all are well and I'll do my best to be better about consistently updating you all.

Have a great Monday!