Thursday, April 29, 2010

One Step Forward, Twelve Steps Back

Hoo Boy.

So Kate ended up throwing up yesterday. All over me. I was holding her on the couch and all of a sudden she just... spewed. Not a super great way to end the evening. ;-)

After having 8 kids in the morning, then putting my kids down, then Kate feeling ill, I didn't work out. Instead I read my book, ate some peanut butter M&Ms and baby carrots and just chilled.

Today I woke up not feeling well. So no gym again.

Honestly, I feel very overwhelmed with the whole working out thing. I thought I'd just dive right in, love the way it felt to move and exercise. But instead I feel sort of crushed. It was way harder than I expected. It wasn't fun. It hurt. It wasn't pleasant.

That doesn't mean I'm going to stop. I'll continue to go, once we're better. It's just not the flying leap I was imagining I'd take into the world of fitness.

Part of it is I have to overcome my negative mindset. I struggle with really believing it's possible for me to lose this weight. I don't have a will of steel. I can't force myself to eat only salad. I can't force myself to go to the gym and work out like a madwoman. I'm too lazy! Seriously, the past week I've really been thinking that it's not so bad, this weight/size I'm at. Only because it takes such an incredible amount of work, dedication, exercise, etc... to lose weight.

But deep down, I'm not satisfied. I want to see these fat rolls disappear. So I'll keep at it. Maybe not as zealously or intensely as other people, which means I won't get results as fast. But I don't care. I have to do what works for me, so I don't burn myself out and go off the deep end.

So although this week has been NOTHING like what I thought it was going to be, the bottom line is I'm not giving up. This (chubby) turtle is going to continue on toward the finish line. :0)

1 comment:

  1. Hi there! We all have a different pace....and that pace gets altered depending on what is on our plates for the week. (eeeew on the peanut butter m-n-m's with carrots.....btw...those seem to be foods that are best not eaten together...LOL)

    Find what works for you at the gym. What you are doing just might not gel well with where you are right now. Maybe try something totally different....a class you had never through to try...or yoga....or a 20 minute free weight routine. Change it up...find what suits you (mentally and physically) It is different for everyone.

    I have enjoyed the "kenpox" day on P90X which is a martial arts sort of I would have never just picked on my own. It is really fun, tho....kicking and blocking and punching.... Good stress relief. There are lots of fun things out there. If you are not smiling a bit when you do it...then find something else. You deserve to enjoy your exercise.