Why Being Tired Makes Me Fat

I've been doing really well for the most part these past few days, regarding eating.  But here's the thing: my sleep has been horrible/non-existent.  I wake up multiple times in the night, I have bad dreams, my  kids wake up early.  I am tired.  Really tired.

And last night, as I sat watching tv in my sleep deprived state... I couldn't stop eating.  I wasn't hungry.  I wasn't bored.  I was tired.  And I kept munching on cookies.  And munching.  Bleh!  Why didn't I just go to bed, you ask?  Well, when Josh is gone I find that I avoid going to bed. I hate going to sleep by myself.  I lay there and start thinking about how hard he works, how little sleep he gets, how far he drives, how he gets so tired that sometimes he has to pull to the side of the freeway and take a 15 minute nap. (!!)  And then I think about him falling asleep at the wheel and dying and then I start hyperventilating and sobbing.  Yeah, that actually happened on Tue night.  So I was avoiding going to bed and repeating the scenario. 

So I've resolved to keep watch today, and not allow that mindless eating to come back into play. I'm still tired, so very tired.  I am going to try to nap today, but really it hasn't worked so well in the past.  I have 4 children that are supposed to nap at the same time and it's sort of a joke.  My oldest doesn't sleep, but she will color quietly.  My middle son doesn't sleep and won't usually be quiet unless he's watching a movie.  My youngest NEEDS to sleep, but between the time change and him getting a littler older, it's a struggle.  And my niece fluctuates between morning and afternoon naps.  Today she is sleeping in the morning, which makes an afternoon nap questionable.  We only have 3 bedrooms, so unless I double up kids in one room (which guarantees no sleeping and lots of jumping around and NOT being quiet and resting) then there isn't a place for them and myself to all have a space to lay quietly.  It's a work in progress. :-P

So I'm left with a bit of a conundrum.  Because I'm tired and could really use the actual sleep. I always have my kids take a "quiet time" every day.  Usually they color/draw or watch a movie.  But sometimes, like today, I need to sleep and I don't know how to swing it.

And when I can't sleep, I tend to turn to coffee.  Which has calories (because of my creamer) and caffeine (which isn't good for my bladder) and also is more psychological than anything, because I never actually feel more awake after drinking it.  ARGH! What's a girl to do!?!?

So that's where I'm at currently.  I'm glad I'm aware of my tendency to snack when I'm tired, so I can nip it in the bud.  Hopefully.  I also get really stressed when I'm not rested, and it's compounded by my children's behavior because THEY are also tired. 

So, to recap:

*Loss of sleep = stress = snacking = Fatty McFatty

I need to sign off because A) my house is an epic disaster area B) my boys are hungry C) my boys are grumpier than old men D) I need to take a Xanax to make it through this day in one piece E) I need to go look through my cupboards and plan healthy food for the day.  Amen.

I'm alive! And well!

Eeek, sorry it's been so long since my last post.  I just sort of got overwhelmed with blogging and the internet in general, so I took a few days off.  I feel better now. =)

My PT appointment went well.  It's pretty personal and sorta embarrassing so I'm not going to go into details here.  But if you have questions, feel free to email me and I'll be happy to answer them.

One part of my therapy that I will share about is that I have to keep track of what I eat and drink for 3 days.  Apparently diet is a BIG factor in all this.  Who knew!?  For example, caffeine = very bad.  It irritates the bladder, causing you to use the restroom more, which conditions your body to thinking it has to go A LOT and RIGHT NOW.  Interesting stuff.

I'm doing well otherwise.  My log has actually been really helpful; it's basically done away with my mindless eating because I have to record everything!  I think I might try to keep it up even after I'm done with my log for PT.  I don't want to get stuck in a rut or put pressure on myself, but it seems to help me be aware of what is actually going down the ol' gullet. ;-)

I haven't weighed in a long while.  Actually, that's not true.  I weighed on Monday and my dearly beloved scale told me I weighed 124!! HA HA!  Clearly it's not working well.  ;-)  And I haven't stepped on since, because I just don't care.  I was talking to my good friend Jen today, and we both came to the same conclusion.

It's not our top priority. Our weight, that is.  There are too many other, more important things in life that need our attention, and our weight is NOT one of them.  It doesn't matter that summer and bathing suit season is coming.  Both of us are the smallest we've been in years; both of us are smaller than we were at our weddings, pre-kids!!  So we're gonna be thankful for the progress we've made, strive to make good choices and NOT stress it.

Good plan, huh!? Yeah, we're smart. :-D

I think with the coming of summer things will naturally fall into place.  Fruits and vegetables will be readily available and fresh.  The sun will be out (hopefully!!!!!) and there will be a natural draw to play and run in the sunshine.  We're getting a big trampoline this weekend for the kids, and I hope to spend some time on it, too. =)

In other news, I definitely am not doing another round of HCG. I don't feel motivated, I don't want to screw up my hormones any more than they already are, and that's that. =)  I am very happy with this decision, and feel it's the right one at this time.  I may be ready for another round later in the fall, but we'll see.

I hope you're all well!

Physical Therapy

Today I have my first PT appointment for my pelvic floor.  I'm excited to see what they'll suggest and what they think the prognosis is.  It's a teeny tiny bit awkward because I actually worked for this company before I had kiddos.  I didn't work in the branch I'm going to today, so I probably won't know anyone.  But I might.  ;-) "Oh hey, what are you here for?" "Um.... my broken female parts?" "Oh."  Yeah.  Could be awkward.

In other news, I failed miserably at my fast on Wednesday.  I was fine until noon but then I turned into a freaky deaky witch, and that's not fair to my family.  So I ate.  My mom came over and we made cookies and I had one.

Lately it seems like I do really, really well in the morning/early afternoon with my eating. And then the late afternoon/dinnertime comes and I just crash and burn, hardcore.  It's weird, and interesting.  This week has been so crazy busy.  It's my time of the month, so I have lower energy already, and the sleep around here has been very... fleeting.  Between nightmares, kids up in the night, and kids up early in the morning, I am very exhausted.

So I'm just trying to take things one at a time, and find the balance with being good to my kiddos, getting my housework done, and still eating a healthy meal.

I think we may get a Wii so that I can do some exercise on that, and also so my kids can get out some of their ENDLESS energy.  I know the Wii doesn't replace the gym necessarily, but it's still a small baby turtle step towards getting more physically fit and active. =)

It's FRIDAY!!! I am so so so glad.  I've missed my husband terribly and I finally get to see him today.  We have a shopping trip to Ikea planned tomorrow that the whole family is excited about.  I'm just looking forward to strolling along, holding his hand, and enjoying his company.

Well, I have to get ready to go, but I hope you all have a really great weekend!

Fasting

Happy Hump Day!

It's Wednesday already, hooray!

Today I am fasting.  No real reason, other than the fact that I feel bloated, gross, and the thought of drinking lots of water and flushing my system sounds really nice. It helps that my sister is doing it with me. :-D

I meant to address something in my last post, but forgot.  If you look at my sidebar and see my weekly weigh-ins, you might be slightly concerned.  See?  Every week it's been going up.  Which is not good.  But, I'm not worried, and here's why:  I weigh the heaviest on Mondays and Saturdays.  Maybe I should pick a different weigh-in day?  I don't know, it doesn't really bother me. And this last week was especially high because it was right before I started my period; I always weigh more due to water retention and bloating, etc...

But I thought I'd mention it in case some of you saw it and were like, "Whoa, that's not good!" ;-)

Thanks for the comments!! It's always fun to read comments from new people. =)

I don't have an iTouch or a fancy phone in general, unfortunately. =( So no easy calorie counting apps for me.

I've also never tried Senna tea; does it have a strong flavor? I have trouble choking down tea because it's just basically hot water and I find it's either too weak or too bitter. =(

The Metamucil is working fabulously for now.  But it is rather spendy.  So we'll see.

I don't have much to report on.  Although I'd like to lose more weight, it's currently not a huge priority or issue for me.  I sort of feel like since the HCG is being discontinued and is hard to find that maybe my time with that is done??? I don't know.  Summer is coming, which means we'll be able to take family walks/bike rides.  We live near a very nice park; it's probably a 10 minute walk.  So I'll be getting more exercise once the weather warms up.

It's a conundrum. :-D

I need to go to one more local store to see if they sell the HCG and if they do, I will do another round.  If they don't, I think I'll take that as my sign.  There is one place online I can get it, but it's more expensive, so we'll see.

I hope you're all doing well; eating healthy and enjoying life! =)

Floating

Happy Monday =)

I am doing well, but feel like I'm just floating along.  I really wanted to lose these extra pounds before starting HCG on April 1st, but I don't have the energy.  Because I've never counted calories before, it's a huge undertaking for me to count them in order to cut down on how many I eat a day in order to lose weight.  I have to run to the computer to check out how many calories are in things.  For example, we buy turkey sausage from Costco, but recycle the cardboard box with the nutrition info.  So I have to look it up online.

And when I make something from scratch, well it just gets even more complicated.

I guess I don't care enough to do it.  Because if I did care enough, I'd make the effort.  But it just is one more thing on my plate, and meh.  I can't be bothered.  Not a very good attitude, I know. :-P

Mediral, the company that produces the HCG has actually stopped making it.  They said it wasn't "homeopathic" and therefore discontinued it.  So it's harder to find it to do my last round.  I'm actually not sure I'm going to be able to.  Part of me is very sad and part of me just doesn't care.

So we'll see what ends up happening. I will only do it if Josh and I are able to go see Dr. Ray in May after I'm done.  Because HCG *is* a hormone, it does affect my hormone balance.  Since I'm currently already out of balance, I'm not too worried about doing another round.  But when I'm done, well then, I'll need to see Dr. Ray for sure.  Plus, it would just be nice to see the sun.  And even better if my handsome hubby is with me! His birthday is in May so we want to take a trip to celebrate that, as well as getting me back to hormonal/chemical balance. :-D

Since seeing the women's specialist last week, and hearing that I must stop my constipation issues, I've been using this:

It really is flavor and grit free. I've mixed it in with my coffee and with water and although there is a very faint aftertaste, it's not hard to get down at all. I don't choke, gag or even wrinkle my nose. ;-)  If you have issues with regularity, I'd recommend it.  I've been taking it 2 or 3 times a day and it is helping.  (I wasn't paid, nor did I receive Metamucil in exchange for this positive review) :-D hee hee


I hope you had a good weekend!  I did, and I'm excited for the week ahead. It's spring break, so Kate is home from school.  I plan to spend some good time with friends, keep on top of my housework and strive to make good, healthy eating choices.

I started out on a good note, choosing a banana and one turkey sausage over my-favorite-dessert-in-the-whole-wide-world apple pie with crumble topping.  And I totally LOVE having pie and coffee for breakfast.  Like, LOVE.  So, yay me!  Hopefully I can keep from eating the whole thing by the end of the day. ;-)

Success

This morning I ate greek yogurt and granola instead of super duper yummy birthday cake for breakfast! YES! Success!!! :-D

We had a really good day yesterday, albeit a stressful one. Kate is in heaven with the gifts she got. The night before her birthday we were riding in the car and she said, "Mom, all I really want for my birthday is a baby." Which just happens to be what we had gotten her! Score! It came with two outfits, a diaper and diaper bag, baby toy, bottle, blanket, etc... And then my sister got her a bassinet/high chair and stroller. She hasn't stopped playing with it since!

Here is Kate and "Juliette" (what she named her baby) at breakfast yesterday:

I have another busy day ahead of me.  My house is sort of trashed from the family party last night, although my sweet mom and sisters did help me clean up all the dishes!  But I need to pick up, vacuum, do laundry (um, the boys have no clean pants. Oops.) and then figure out what I'm doing for the birthday party tomorrow with her friends.  I have no games, the cupcakes aren't made, and I have a few random assorted things for the gift bags. 

My OCD is going a little berserk. ;-P

I'm doing well otherwise and now I'm just finishing my coffee before tackling my house.  A clean house makes me happy, so it's worth the work. Laundry is NOT fun, but everyone appreciates the clean clothes in their drawers. ;-)

Ok, I'm totally rambling now so I'll sign off.  Happy Friday!

Girl Talk

Hello everyone,
Sorry for the lack of posts. I've found that when I stay off the computer I'm a much better mother, get my housework done and am just more productive in general. So I haven't been on the computer the last 2 days. Also, I've just been really busy! :-P

**Warning!! To all male readers, this post contains references to female anatomy/issues. Consider yourself warned.***

Yesterday I went to see the specialist for my bladder. I was there for 3 hours!! I spent 45 minutes with the nurse going over my medical history, waited for the doc for 45 minutes and then she was with me for 1.5 hours.

She was very thorough and I actually liked her a lot, despite having to wait so long. She knows her stuff and I feel comfortable in her care.

I have a Grade 1 cystocele, which is the most mild form of prolapsed bladder. She referred me to physical therapy and also recommends surgery, as it will only get worse with time. It's a simple surgery, and you go home the same day. They put a thin mesh "sling" under the bladder neck to hold it up and then over the next 6 weeks scar tissue forms around it and holds it permanently in place. But here's the catch; you can only have the surgery if you won't be having any more children vaginally. Because if you tried a vaginal birth, when the baby descends into the birth canal it would rip that scar tissue right out and you'd bleed to death.

So I'm waiting on the surgery for now. She did say you can have a safe pregnancy, but would have to deliver via c-section. I'm gonna start with the physical therapy and go from there.

I also have.... um... rectal prolapse. :'-( WAAAHHHH!!! I'm only 32, but I feel so so broken. Anyway, the GOOD news is that it's also only Grade 1 and can be helped simply by drinking more water and taking fiber supplements so as to NEVER let yourself get constipated. Straining is the absolute worst thing for it.

Basically my nether regions were severely traumatized by childbirth and haven't really ever recovered. My pudendal nerve was also damaged, but I don't think it really affects anything; it doesn't cause me any pain.

So the good news is that things aren't so bad. =) I won't have incontinence issues forever, which is what I feared.

The doctor also wanted to do a thyroid test, as I guess the thyroid can affect muscle function. The nurse had to try not one, not two, not three or four, not even five but SIX times to get blood!! SIX pokes! Ouch. It was not fun and she felt so horrible. I have notoriously bad veins. Nurses almost always have trouble, but I've never had to be poked THAT many times before. :-P

Anyway, I'm doing very well overall. I have hope that I can be "fixed" and that is a HUGE relief. I'll be able to run and do exercise, laugh, cough and sneeze without fear of leaking. I'll never take the small things for granted again. :-D

I hope you're all well. I weighed in at 145, with all my clothes on and having eaten on the way, so that was good. I think I'm probably hovering right around 140 but I haven't been on the scale since Monday.

Today is my Kate's birthday; she's six! So I'm off to prepare her special breakfast and get ready for a whirlwind crazy day.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!!