I've been doing really well for the most part these past few days, regarding eating. But here's the thing: my sleep has been horrible/non-existent. I wake up multiple times in the night, I have bad dreams, my kids wake up early. I am tired. Really tired.
And last night, as I sat watching tv in my sleep deprived state... I couldn't stop eating. I wasn't hungry. I wasn't bored. I was tired. And I kept munching on cookies. And munching. Bleh! Why didn't I just go to bed, you ask? Well, when Josh is gone I find that I avoid going to bed. I hate going to sleep by myself. I lay there and start thinking about how hard he works, how little sleep he gets, how far he drives, how he gets so tired that sometimes he has to pull to the side of the freeway and take a 15 minute nap. (!!) And then I think about him falling asleep at the wheel and dying and then I start hyperventilating and sobbing. Yeah, that actually happened on Tue night. So I was avoiding going to bed and repeating the scenario.
So I've resolved to keep watch today, and not allow that mindless eating to come back into play. I'm still tired, so very tired. I am going to try to nap today, but really it hasn't worked so well in the past. I have 4 children that are supposed to nap at the same time and it's sort of a joke. My oldest doesn't sleep, but she will color quietly. My middle son doesn't sleep and won't usually be quiet unless he's watching a movie. My youngest NEEDS to sleep, but between the time change and him getting a littler older, it's a struggle. And my niece fluctuates between morning and afternoon naps. Today she is sleeping in the morning, which makes an afternoon nap questionable. We only have 3 bedrooms, so unless I double up kids in one room (which guarantees no sleeping and lots of jumping around and NOT being quiet and resting) then there isn't a place for them and myself to all have a space to lay quietly. It's a work in progress. :-P
So I'm left with a bit of a conundrum. Because I'm tired and could really use the actual sleep. I always have my kids take a "quiet time" every day. Usually they color/draw or watch a movie. But sometimes, like today, I need to sleep and I don't know how to swing it.
And when I can't sleep, I tend to turn to coffee. Which has calories (because of my creamer) and caffeine (which isn't good for my bladder) and also is more psychological than anything, because I never actually feel more awake after drinking it. ARGH! What's a girl to do!?!?
So that's where I'm at currently. I'm glad I'm aware of my tendency to snack when I'm tired, so I can nip it in the bud. Hopefully. I also get really stressed when I'm not rested, and it's compounded by my children's behavior because THEY are also tired.
So, to recap:
*Loss of sleep = stress = snacking = Fatty McFatty
I need to sign off because A) my house is an epic disaster area B) my boys are hungry C) my boys are grumpier than old men D) I need to take a Xanax to make it through this day in one piece E) I need to go look through my cupboards and plan healthy food for the day. Amen.