I've been thinking lately about personal filters. I read about it somewhere, but can't remember where. And then today as I was driving around doing my errands I was looking at houses (T, you aren't the only one who dreams of living in the country!) ;-) Anyway I saw a house that was nice, but it didn't have a fenced yard. (Just to be clear, we aren't house searching or anything, I just like to dream.)
Anyway, when I was thinking about why it was important to me to have a fenced yard -- because it keeps the kids safe and contained, someone wouldn't be able to snatch them while they were out playing, it keeps the dog from getting run over, etc...-- So I was thinking about the benefits of having a fence. It keeps me and my loved ones safe.
And then I thought about personal filters. The article I read was referring to things that you have to filter for yourself personally. Things that you basically have to deny yourself, fence yourself off from, for your health and happiness.
The last few days I feel like I've been swimming in molasses and quicksand, trying to keep my head above water, but slowly sinking with regard to my eating. I feel out of control; like I can't control my own body. I want to eat chocolate, so I do. And lots of it. Too much. Or I want those Rice and Bean chips so I eat them. A bag in 3 days. Too much.
And it occurred to me that I need to build a fence around myself, and install some personal filters. What that means for me is to not put myself in a situation where I know I'm weak. So, don't buy that bag of peanut butter M&M's because I currently don't have the self-control to stop at just a few. Stop buying Rice and Bean chips and surviving on those and chocolate alone.
I know this isn't a long term solution. I know that I have to work to have a healthy relationship with food. But for now, with so many other things going on, so many other stressful situations to work through and deal with, it's best if I don't have those foods in my house to run to. Because that's not healthy.
So I'm going to build those fences and begin using personal filters. Only buy healthy, wholesome food. And if I do happen to bake banana bread, then give most of it away so I'm not tempted to run to that when I get stressed.
That's my plan for now. I know something has to change. I'm in a horrible cycle currently, of getting stressed, running for food, then feeling horrible because I ate so much junk. I know that dieting and a number on the scale isn't my end goal. I need to work through these emotions and go to God with my needs. But in the meantime I'm going to help myself out by removing those temptations.
Food is not the answer and it never will be. So this is my baby step towards learning to live a healthy, balanced life.