Thursday, April 21, 2011

Hanging in there

Howdy Folks,
I've been on the Zoloft for 4 days and so far I've experienced:

A drastic decrease in my appetite.  As in, I eat basically nothing and don't feel hungry.  One day I had half a small yogurt with 2 T granola and two pieces of toast with butter.  And one cup of coffee. And that's been fairly typical.  I know this isn't healthy and I'm working on making sure I get enough good food in.  It's hard though, because NOTHING sounds appealing.

I have a mini Snickers sitting in my cupboard that, under normal circumstances, would've been gone before you finished reading this sentence.  And yet, there it sits. Totally not tempting me.

Protein is especially unappealing, which is not good.  So, I'm working on it.

I weighed myself today using my sister's scale and I'm down 2 pounds from the last time I weighed which was last Tuesday, I think.

I don't really care about my weight right now. Ha.  It's the last thing on my mind, really.

Speaking of minds, yesterday I had my MRI.

It was LOUD.  Very loud.  They give you earphones to wear and pipe in music, but when the machine turns on you can't even hear it!!  I also had a panic attack for  a few seconds as I was being slid into the tube... FREAKY. It was a little like a coffin.  And they have this mask that goes over your face and they strap your head down.  But overall it wasn't bad at all.  I did feel the pull of the magnet (MRI stands for Magnetic Resonance Imaging) and it felt really weird.  But not painful.

I haven't heard back the results, and I'm taking that as a good sign. No news is good news, right? I'm sure my doctor will call to tell me the results and if they were normal then there is no hurry. Right? Right.

In other news, the Zoloft seems to be working....but I sort of feel like a zombie.  Like everything is faded.

I don't feel sad or depressed or anxious or angry.  But on the other hand I don't feel cheerful or happy or content. I just feel sort of numb.  
I go back to see the therapist in 2 weeks so I'll see how I'm doing then and reassess.  If I have to choose, I would choose numb over the anger any day of the week.  It's helped me slow WAY down and appreciate my children and be able to spend moments with them just being.  Sitting next to each other with our arms around each other.  Snuggling.  

The house is a total, absolute, epic disaster.  And it has been all week.  And I just don't have the energy to do anything about it.  I am so tired.  Exhausted.  Usually if the house is messy I will clean it up at the end of each day.  Not this week.  The kitchen has been dirty all week.  I just can not make myself go in and clean it up.  Dishes aren't piled in the sink, because I have been rinsing them and putting them in the dishwasher (for the most part) but the counters are scattered with stuff.  And I haven't swept.***EDITED: I just walked in the kitchen and there are TOTALLY dishes piled in the sink. Oops.***

But we're all alive and healthy... well actually 2 of my 3 kids had strep earlier, but have been on antibiotics for 3 days now and are better.  So we're all still alive. :-D  And tonight, FINALLY Josh comes home!!!

So, overall, we're doing well.  Hope you are too!

1 comment:

  1. Glad the meds are helping even if they just make you feel "numb"...thats so much better than feeling out of control! How do I know this? Because I feel out of control sometimes. I can only imagine what its like to feel like that all the time!
    Praying for you! Glad josh will be there soon!