Brutal Honesty

Hi All!
I had a super duper busy weekend. It basically started at 6:30a.m. on Saturday and didn't stop until 8:30pm Sunday night.

My brother got married and it was wonderful and fantastic.  I did well all day, and so did the kids, for the most part.  Josh did end up taking them home early, but I got to stay til the end.

I had my follow-up appt with the OB today, and he said the ultrasound report looked great! The baby is completely healthy and whole, and is 100% girl. :-D  I can't even put into words how relieved and thankful I am.  I have been on Zoloft this pregnancy, which is a first for me, so I was always afraid there would be some kind of deformation.  Cleft lip, heart abnormality, brain cysts, something.  But everything looks just as it should, and she is measuring right on track!

I have so much to be thankful for that I feel kind of dumb airing my grievances, but they are very real too.

The thing is, it's really hard to gain weight.  When you've worked hard to lose it, it's hard to see the scale go up again.  I've gained about 12 or 13 pounds and it's killing me.  This is definitely the most I've gained so soon with any of my pregnancies.  My first two I only gained 12 pounds TOTAL!! My last I gained 20.  Of course, a healthy baby is the absolute most important thing.  Weight is inconsequential compared to that.

But that doesn't mean it's not hard to see the scale go up, and see my butt/thighs getting bigger.  My stomach isn't all that big.

This is me today, at one day shy of 20 weeks:

Ha, after saying that Kate looks at the picture and says, "WHOAH! YOUR STOMACH IS BIG!!!" :-P

Anyway, my butt and thighs... yeah, they are expanding.  And the cellulite is out of control. And it makes me want to cry. Because here's the kicker. I can't exercise.  Not even walk!

I have issues with my pelvis and back and SI joint.  I'm in physical therapy for it, and every week I go and she readjusts my pelvis to be back in alignment.  I also am starting pool therapy. Woo hoo. Not. Now is like, the worst time EVER to be in a bathing suit.  But I'll do it because my back pain is excruciating. So even walking aggravates it.  So, no walking videos, or even taking walks outside.  I'm hoping I can do SOMETHING in the pool, but I'm not sure when I'll even be able to go!

So basically, I'm kind of ballooning up like a heifer, and then in June/summertime I"m going to look like a deflated ballooned up heifer. ARGH!!! I really want to find some arm exercises and maybe some leg exercises that I can do.  Not sure about the leg thing, since it will affect my back.  But I guess what I'm saying is I kind of feel hopeless.  I feel like I'm destined to be fat and I know how hard it is to get the weight off. 

Does anyone have any tips or exercises I can try?  I've thought about cutting out carbs; at least all the white stuff.  Bread, rice, etc...  And I probably could do that, but I honestly don't feel like I eat all THAT much.  And I'm also TERRIFIED of having a big baby. Owen was my biggest baby and he was only 7 pounds and 4 ounces.  But I was literally dying in pain at the end.  So I feel like if I'm already gaining weight then I'm gonna have a big baby and I just can't handle that.  I'm not even sure if I can physically carry a big baby!

I have a short torso and my stomach doesn't stick out super far. So my babies are all under my rib cage, crushing my lungs and other organs. 

Also, Christian has eye surgery on Wednesday.  And although we have the best surgeon in the state who has been the ONLY one recommended to us by the pediatrician and eye therapist, I'm still nervous. I talked to a lady in the waiting room today and her son had the surgery last year.  She said to not be freaked if he cries BLOOD afterward, and the whites of his eyes will look like raw hamburger and be swollen over his irises. *cue light-headedness and vomiting*

Anyway, that's what's been on my mind lately.  Any tips/suggestions/encouragement/suck-it-up-girl-you're-pregnant peptalks are welcome!