Monday, January 23, 2012

Brutal Honesty

Hi All!
I had a super duper busy weekend. It basically started at 6:30a.m. on Saturday and didn't stop until 8:30pm Sunday night.

My brother got married and it was wonderful and fantastic.  I did well all day, and so did the kids, for the most part.  Josh did end up taking them home early, but I got to stay til the end.

I had my follow-up appt with the OB today, and he said the ultrasound report looked great! The baby is completely healthy and whole, and is 100% girl. :-D  I can't even put into words how relieved and thankful I am.  I have been on Zoloft this pregnancy, which is a first for me, so I was always afraid there would be some kind of deformation.  Cleft lip, heart abnormality, brain cysts, something.  But everything looks just as it should, and she is measuring right on track!

I have so much to be thankful for that I feel kind of dumb airing my grievances, but they are very real too.

The thing is, it's really hard to gain weight.  When you've worked hard to lose it, it's hard to see the scale go up again.  I've gained about 12 or 13 pounds and it's killing me.  This is definitely the most I've gained so soon with any of my pregnancies.  My first two I only gained 12 pounds TOTAL!! My last I gained 20.  Of course, a healthy baby is the absolute most important thing.  Weight is inconsequential compared to that.

But that doesn't mean it's not hard to see the scale go up, and see my butt/thighs getting bigger.  My stomach isn't all that big.

This is me today, at one day shy of 20 weeks:

Ha, after saying that Kate looks at the picture and says, "WHOAH! YOUR STOMACH IS BIG!!!" :-P

Anyway, my butt and thighs... yeah, they are expanding.  And the cellulite is out of control. And it makes me want to cry. Because here's the kicker. I can't exercise.  Not even walk!

I have issues with my pelvis and back and SI joint.  I'm in physical therapy for it, and every week I go and she readjusts my pelvis to be back in alignment.  I also am starting pool therapy. Woo hoo. Not. Now is like, the worst time EVER to be in a bathing suit.  But I'll do it because my back pain is excruciating. So even walking aggravates it.  So, no walking videos, or even taking walks outside.  I'm hoping I can do SOMETHING in the pool, but I'm not sure when I'll even be able to go!

So basically, I'm kind of ballooning up like a heifer, and then in June/summertime I"m going to look like a deflated ballooned up heifer. ARGH!!! I really want to find some arm exercises and maybe some leg exercises that I can do.  Not sure about the leg thing, since it will affect my back.  But I guess what I'm saying is I kind of feel hopeless.  I feel like I'm destined to be fat and I know how hard it is to get the weight off. 

Does anyone have any tips or exercises I can try?  I've thought about cutting out carbs; at least all the white stuff.  Bread, rice, etc...  And I probably could do that, but I honestly don't feel like I eat all THAT much.  And I'm also TERRIFIED of having a big baby. Owen was my biggest baby and he was only 7 pounds and 4 ounces.  But I was literally dying in pain at the end.  So I feel like if I'm already gaining weight then I'm gonna have a big baby and I just can't handle that.  I'm not even sure if I can physically carry a big baby!

I have a short torso and my stomach doesn't stick out super far. So my babies are all under my rib cage, crushing my lungs and other organs. 

Also, Christian has eye surgery on Wednesday.  And although we have the best surgeon in the state who has been the ONLY one recommended to us by the pediatrician and eye therapist, I'm still nervous. I talked to a lady in the waiting room today and her son had the surgery last year.  She said to not be freaked if he cries BLOOD afterward, and the whites of his eyes will look like raw hamburger and be swollen over his irises. *cue light-headedness and vomiting*

Anyway, that's what's been on my mind lately.  Any tips/suggestions/encouragement/suck-it-up-girl-you're-pregnant peptalks are welcome!


  1. Third time typing this cause I keep loosing the comment!!!!! But I really wanted to tell you this so here we go..hopefully third time is the charm:)
    Dearest Ruth!!!
    The surgery sounds so scary but I'm happy to hear that he is in the care of really good doctors who know what they are doing!
    About the weight gain....everyones situation and body is so different and frankly I am so tired of the way one type of feminine body is the only acceptable look!! Seriously...God made everyone unique and gave the unique beauty to go with it!!!
    I hereby release you of all depressed feelings about how you look, all comparing, all wishing and wanting and even THINKING that you are supposed to be something other than what you are right at this moment...January 2012!! You are where you are supposed to be in are growing a brand new LIFE and you situation renders you somewhat imobile!! Therefore you are not even supposed to be thinner and you are supposed to gain weight!!!! Think of it that acceptance of your new beautiful body...all its rolls of extra fat storage...doing their job...getting you ready for months of nursing baby and rushed days where you wont have time to sit and munch!!! It's storing up reserves. Learn to appreciate this wonderful survival mechanism!!!!! LOVE your body!!
    THEN with this new mind...cut down white foods to just half if you wish...dont deprive yourself but think of it as feeding your beautiful, wonderful, functioning body (its not broken for being chubby and gaining!!!! its doing what its supposed to do...hell with what society thinks!!)....the half of whites you don't eat...replace with good nourishing foods such as crunchy veggies of all color, fruit of many kinds, and healthy grains made into delicious...low sugar breads and treats. Treat yourself with upmost care...your body is a QUEEN right now!!!
    Also...why not go shopping and dress this lovely, life giving body in beautiful clothes!! Dont wait to be smaller before you treat yourself to well fitting, stylish clothes that make you feel happy and give you that boost! You'll see how much easier it is then to eat healthy and appreciate yourself when you feel pretty and have plenty to choose from in your closet for any occasion!

    thats my sum it up
    1. shut off your mind to how you think you are supposed to look cause you already look it!
    2. reverse your thoughts to think of yourself as a beautiful unique woman with and awesome life giving body!!! Think of your rolls as something your body is doing for you to help you in the future...think of your rolls and bumps as lovely round, full curves instead!!
    3. Eat healthy..NOURISH your body for you and your baby...but dont depreive yourself of treats...slowly crowd out the unnourishing foods with colorful, nourishing ones!!
    4. Buy yourself LOTS of clothes...make your closet sing!!!So you can sing when you open it:):) You deserve it...your body deserves it for being so awesome and doing its job so well taking care of you and houseing your spirit!!

    Sorry this was so long:) I just had to!!
    PS: spelling sucks...I'm in everywhere!!

  2. I just have to say you don't even look pregnant in that picture. MB