Friday, February 4, 2011


It's so easy to get distracted and have blinders on. Only seeing what's right in front of me, without looking around and seeing things from a different perspective.

A friend on Facebook posted this today, and I absolutely love it:

may the sun bring you new energy by day, may the moon softly restore you by night, may the rain wash away your worries, may the breeze blow new strength into your being. may you walk through the world and know its beauty all the days of your life. -apache blessing

Lately I have felt so bone dead exhausted. Drained. Like a shell of a person. Out of control. Scattered. Crazy. Overwhelmed. Helpless.

I've started to feel like I was spiraling out of control, like my weight was ballooning, like I was going to wake up one day weighing 500 pounds.

But then I stepped back. Just a few months ago I would have given my right arm and first born child to weigh something in the 130's. Even at the end of the day, at my heaviest, I am still in the 130's. Okay, and maybe I wouldn't have really given Kate away ;-) but it almost seemed impossible that such a day would come.

But here I am. In the 130's. Usually at 137. And at one point my end goal was 135, so I'm basically there. But it wasn't good enough. I didn't feel like I'd accomplished anything. But I HAVE.

I have lost 36 pounds. I am a single mother 4 days a week, and my kids and I are still alive. My husband and I are still madly in love, despite the strain of distance on our relationship. My children are all healthy. They love me despite my shortcomings. I have family and friends that I cherish deeply, who enrich my life beyond measure. I am so blessed!!!!!

So yes, maybe I screw up and eat peanut butter M&Ms and scones. Maybe I haven't learned the perfect balance yet. But I am getting there. I just need to look UP. Stop focusing on what is right in front of me, all the imperfections, all the things that aren't "just so".

Start focusing on all the blessings, the rich rewards I have. Even little things, like my boys running around the house with underwear on their heads, tiny fists pumping in the air, screaming, "UNDERWEAR MAN TO THE RESCUE!!". I mean, that's pretty freaking funny if you ask me. ;-) And step back to appreciate the little gestures of love Kate does for me; drawing me approximately 249 pictures a day, filling up my water bottle and bringing it to me. Sure, sometimes she has the attitude of a teenager and it scares me to think what she'll REALLY be like as a teenager.

But that is not for me to worry about. I don't need to worry about tomorrow. I just need to take care of today. Make today count. So that's what I'll do.

Happy Friday to everyone! I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

1 comment:

  1. Amen!
    I mean I agree for myself, i shall do the same. :)