Things Are Changing

Okay, so I obviously did not make it back on for another post yesterday. But better late than never.

This year is going to be a year of change. It's already started, what with mom's brain tumor and the move back home. But it's also going to be a year of healthy changes for me.

For starters, I have an appointment tomorrow morning to see the doctor about the headaches/vision changes/memory problems I've been having. I'm also going to get tested for Celiac Disease. That could explain the mystery pain I have in my abdomen that comes and goes randomly, and also a lot of other issues.

I haven't had a general physical check-up since I don't know when. I always just had my female exam after having a baby and called it good. But it's been 3 years since my last baby and I haven't been diligent to have a physical, so it's time. I also need to check on the status of my prolapsing bladder. This is something that is actually a HUGE underlying cause of stress.

I'm 32. As my gynecologist said, "People who are in their 30's don't HAVE prolapsed bladders. It's not something we see in people unless they are much older." Except, that I DO have it and it's a heavy burden I carry around. I'm supposed to do about a bajillion kegels a day to help fix it, except that I don't. Why not? Because I forget, I don't have the stamina to do a bajillion so I don't even start, and because, quite honestly, they make me feel weird. The other option to "fix" my bladder is to have the surgery that pins it up in place, only they don't really do it on young women (that I know of) and don't know how it would affect me long term, or if it would even be successful long term.

STRESS!!!!!!!!

I'm getting majorly overwhelmed just typing it out and thinking about it. It's just another thing on my plate that I need to be responsible for, but feel totally incapable of taking on anything else. But something has to change. I have to take charge of my health. Because, quite simply, I can't go on like this.

So tomorrow starts the process. Scratch that, today I'll start the process by doing 25 kegels. You've got to start somewhere, right?

I read a really interesting article yesterday. Here's the link. Basically it's about a professor who ate Twinkies, Hostess and Little Debbie cakes, Doritos, etc... only for two months. HOWEVER, he limited his calories to a healthy amount. For him it was less than 1,800 a day. And guess what? He lost 27 pounds in 8 weeks. Shocking, right! I mean, the guy was eating HFCS, processed, nutrient deficient food and yet he still lost weight. AND his bad cholesterol went down, his good cholesterol went up and BMI became healthy and normal.

It was really eye opening for me, that YES. The amount of calories I consume really does matter. Even if it's "healthy" calories.

You see, for a while I've been totally okay with where I'm at right now. I lost 33 pounds (or so, depending on the day), dropped 3 or 4 dress sizes and am smaller than I've been in the last 6 years. It's been nice. But. There's always a "but", isn't there? :-P We got our family pictures back. Whoa, Nelly.

Basically my rear and thighs took up a much larger portion of the pictures than I'd like. And I realized that although I am much smaller than I have previously been in recent years, I'm still not done with this weight loss journey. I still have some weight and inches to lose. And I'd like to do it this year, so that by my 33rd birthday I'll be at goal.

I figure I have around 15 pounds to go, possibly 20 if I want to be really aggressive about it. You see, I'm only 5'4" with a small frame. So, honestly, 140 isn't such a great, healthy weight to be at. According to "the experts" I should weigh anywhere between 114 and 127. Clearly, 140 is significantly higher than that. If I lost 15 pounds I'd be at 125 which is still the "higher" end of the range, but is something that is attainable. I don't think I'll ever be 114 and I don't feel like I need to weigh that little. I've changed my ticker to reflect these changes.

And the thing is, I feel ready again. Not to do HCG necessarily (although I'd do it in a heartbeat if I knew it wouldn't mess up my hormones... and I may do it again, but I'll get to that in a bit.) But I'm ready to take charge and begin working to lose these extra pounds and rolls. And the easiest thing I can do right now is start counting my calories; keeping track of my food a la Sunshine Mama. Since I've never counted calories, it's a bit harder/takes more work for me because I honestly have NO IDEA how many calories things are. So I have to constantly run to the computer to look up the caloric values of different food items.

But even still, it *IS* something I can do from home, starting right now. I'd also like to work out, but that will be something I have to figure out as I go. I really love the spinning class, but with Owen freaking out on me and sobbing, I just can't do it right now. I can't take anymore emotional strain, and seeing his chubby cheeks with tears streaming down them is just too much. Can. Not. Do. It. And I have to be okay with that. I can't force myself or him to change anything right now.

So I think I'll start trying to do my videos again. I have The Shred (Lord help me, I haven't forgotten how HARD that one is!!) and also a Leslie Sansone walking DVD. Once we move home I'm going to figure out if it's feasible to walk my daughter to school. It's a little ways and I just don't know if I'd have time to get everyone up, dressed, fed and out the door for the 20 minute walk it'll probably take to get us there. But we'll see, because that'd be a really easy way to get in some exercise.

Getting back to the HCG... that is by FAR the easiest way I've ever known to lose weight. It works. I've gained a bit here and there, but usually I lose it again and it's never more than 2 pounds. On Monday I weighed in at 141.6, but I'd had pizza AND fries on Sunday, had eaten junk food all weekend and had a full fat, full sugar latte. But to be able to eat all of that and still only be up 0.6 from the week before is pretty amazing. The point, though, is that I don't want the scale to go up.

I'm seeing Dr. Ray the beginning of December and he's going to do the tests on my brain and whatnot. I'm hoping that between him and my appointment tomorrow I'll have some answers that will hopefully allow me to do another round of HCG in January. If not, I'll have to do it the old fashioned way, with diet and exercise. I know it will take longer and be harder (for me, personally), but in the end it's the results that matter. Not the road you take to get there.

This is going to be a test for me. I'm really, really bad at finishing what I start. I fizzle out somewhere along the way and never actually complete anything. I'll be motivated for a while and then life happens and I give up. So this is going to be a lesson in perseverance and endurance for me... Basically, I'm resurrecting the Skinny Turtle and the premise behind it. Slow and steady, keeping on until I reach the goal.

So that's what is swirling around in my brain today, and my plan for going forward. I'm also planning to cut back on wheat, but I will continue to eat it until my test results come back, as I was instructed to do.

In a nutshell here's my plan:

Workout 3x a week.
Track and stay within my calories in order to lose 2lbs a week.
Drink 70 oz of water a day. (THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOO HARD FOR ME!!)
Limit and possibly completely cut out wheat.
Take care of my body by doing kegels and taking my vitamins/supplements.

Lord help me, I feel like I need a nanny for myself to make sure I get all that done! :-D