Monday, February 1, 2010

Hanging on by a prayer and a thread....

I swannee, (anyone else love DBF's books??) I am just exhausted! I haven't even been doing anything extra spectacular.

I forgot to weigh in this morning; my kids got me up with cries of "I'M STARVING" so I got them breakfast and then ate breakfast myself, and then realized I hadn't weighed yet. I'll shoot for tomorrow, but I'm honestly not expecting to lose. I haven't really been actively trying to lose weight this week.

You see, when I say my hormones are off, they are like, out of this world. I've struggled with post partum depression ever since my youngest was a few months old. So that's been going on 2 years now, and when my hormones get out of whack I feel like my life is a hurricane, swirling and raging in front of me. Anything and everything overwhelms me. It's all I can do to just meet the basic needs of my kids, much less shower, exercise and eat healthy myself.

I haven't gone off the deep end. I haven't had any horrible binges. But I also have not been counting calories, eating salads or low fat/calorie foods or exercising. I don't have the stamina, the will power or the energy for it. I feel like I'm just struggling to survive at this point. So I'm being kind to myself and not pushing it too far, which will undoubtedly end up in a huge binge of some sort. If not food wise, then lashing out at my kids wise.

I refuse to do that. It's not their fault that I feel this way, or that I'm overweight. So I lay low, try not to really go anywhere, keep meals simple and just hang on for dear life.

I really do have faith and hope that once I see Dr. Ray and my hormones begin evening out that I'll be able to get back into a nice, healthy routine with exercise and meals. It's just too much right now; the proverbial straw that would break this camel's back.

I really, really, really appreciate all your kind words and helpful suggestions. I don't always remember to comment that I've read them, but I read ALL of them and appreciate ALL of them.

So, I'm hanging in here, but don't expect any Herculean efforts from me for a little bit yet. ;-)


  1. I think that I had a touch of PPD after my Ella here's not fun! For me, the exercise has been the best thing for it! When I felt super tired/blue/irritable and still MADE myself do something (short walk outside, video, etc), it made me feel WAY better!

    I understand how hard it is to do these things in the midst of sweet babies!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!! I'm right there alongside you!!! We can do this!!! Just take one day at a time!!!

    Blessings, Ruth Ann!!!

  2. As a private pilot, when you get into heavy turbulence, your only objective is to keep the wings level. You may gain and lose some altitude and your plane may pitch up or down, but your only goal is to keep your wings level. If you try and fight the forces of the turbulence, you can actually stress the airframe and lead to catastrophic results.

    Sometimes that is all we can do when life gets turbulent; just do your best to hold things steady. There are times when fighting it will just get in a worse situation.

    Sounds like you are doing great keeping those wings level!

  3. ooooooo, those hormones!!! That is so hard! Everything is so magnified, and you feel so awful... so so sorry... be praying for a release for you!!!