The Mirror

I didn't get a workout in yesterday. :'( My back was hurting so bad; I could hardly lift my 2 year old into his crib at naptime. It frustrates me so badly. SO badly. All I want to do is get fit and healthy, exercise my body, burn calories. I can't even walk on the treadmill when my back/hip/SI flares up.

I was already feeling down about not being able to work out, and then I took my daughter to get her hair cut. There were mirrors. It was not good. You wanna talk about tree trunks. My legs are SO big. Bleh. It just really hit me square in the forehead that, Yep. I have 35 additional pounds to lose.

I normally avoid mirrors at all costs. I didn't consciously realize this until I saw myself in the mirror yesterday. No wonder. It's not a happy, fun thing to see yourself in bloated version. Especially when everything seems to be working against you to lose the extra fat padding.

So last night was really hard. Plus, my husband was out of town working which always makes me sad. This morning I feel on the verge of sinking into a sad, sad state. Not overeating, but just laying around moaning and complaining and feeling sorry for myself.

But I WILL NOT DO THAT. I am going to get up, showered and take all 3 of my little ones to the grocery store. Some people may laugh at that, but for me, it's a big deal to wrangle 3 kids and shop. But I'm gonna have to get used to it, because once we move it'll become the norm. So I'm going to do it. And I'm going to fill my cart with lots of chicken, fruits and vegetables, and make-ahead meal stuff.

I will not give up. That won't help anything at all. I just encouraged my friend Dawne to persevere, and I'm going to take my own advice.

I have SO many things to be thankful for. I have an adoring husband who works SO hard for us, who loves me with all of his heart, no matter what I weigh, who supports and encourages me. I have 3 healthy, wonderful children who make me laugh (yeah, sometimes they make me pull my hair out too, but that comes with the territory, no?). I have a really supportive family. I have amazing friends.

There are lots of big changes going on, with the move, with my own life learning how to deal with stress/exercise/healthy eating. But it's all a process. I need to step back and focus on TODAY. I get so overwhelmed when I think about the future and all that needs to be done. But you know what? I can't do ANYTHING about the future. All I have is today and I'm going to make today count.