Best. Husband. Ever.

Hey, Friends!

I just have to shamelessly brag for a bit, okay?

I have the best husband. Ever.

He was supposed to have this week off, on vacation.  Only things keep coming up and he was gone both Monday and Tuesday. Well, I may be a bit hormonal and I may have gone a bit overboard and kinda freaked out.  Cuz I miss him and I thought he was gonna be here, you know?

So today he got up with the kiddos (including my niece) and let me sleep in.  And sleep in I did.  Until 11:30. :-O  I don't know if I've EVER slept in that long.  Apparently my body needed that sleep!! And when I woke up the house was perfectly still and quiet.  I texted him to say thanks for letting me sleep and wondering where he was.  He had taken all the kids to the indoor playground, so I got another hour of quiet to eat breakfast and drink coffee and peruse Pinterest.  So nice.

He came home, Kate went to Brooklyn's house for a playdate (THANKS, Jen!!), Owen and Savannah went down for naps and Josh took Christian out for a daddy/son date.  He had promised him a smoothie if Christian was brave for the eye doctor, cuz he kinda freaked out a little when he heard he was going back.  He HATES having his eyes dilated.  So anyway, he *was* brave, so he got to go with Josh and get a smoothie at the coffee shop. :)

So it's been a super nice, laid back day and just what I needed. 

Sunshine Mama-HI!!! How are you? How is your pregnancy going? I'm doing well; I'm due 6-12-12. :) The kiddos' last day of school is the 12th, I think, so I'm telling the baby he/she can come anytime AFTER I see Christian's kindergarten graduation. :-D

Hope you're all well!

Is it time for school to start yet?

Hi Guys!

How are you all? How was your Christmas?

We had a really grand time.  We went to my family's on Christmas Eve and had a yummy dinner and good time opening gifts.  Christmas morning we opened gifts with our kiddos, complete with the fake fire movie on the TV from Netflix. :-D  The kids had a blast.  We got them lots of smaller gifts this year instead of a big gift, and they seemed to really enjoy it.  At one point when Owen was opening his Spiderman suit he yelled, "NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" ha ha, that kid cracks me up.

Josh and I still have our Christmas money to spend. I've bought a cozy pair of thermal pants and a SUPER yummy smelling candle for myself. 

Then Christmas afternoon (after a glorious 2 hour nap) we went to Josh's family's house and had a really great time.  It was so much fun to see everyone, so nice for the kids to be able to play with their cousins and the food was delicious.

A very nice time all around. :)  This week Josh has off, although he'll be in and out with different meetings and such.  It's so nice to have him here.  My sister made us framed silhouettes of all 3 of our kiddos, so we're going to hang those up in our bedroom, hang up the new curtains and other art that has been sitting on the floor of our closet waiting to be hung since the room got painted.  Can't wait to have the room start to be more finished.

Last Friday I had to go get IV fluids, and I was really dehydrated.  It took them five tries in five different places to finally get the IV in. Ouch.  They tried twice in one arm, once in the other arm, and once in each hand.  IV's in hands hurt MUCH worse than in the arm.  Both my hands are really bruised and sore still.  But the IV worked it's magic and I felt much better and was able to enjoy Christmas, so I'm glad. 

I feel the baby moving all the time and it is SO fun and reassuring.  I am counting down the days until we get to find out if we're having a boy or girl. (23 days!) Mostly I'm praying for a healthy, whole baby.  I'm a little nervous that there is going to be a defect of some sort--cleft lip or something-- because I've stayed on my Zoloft this pregnancy.  I know the OB and my therapist both reassured me it was safe and okay, especially since I'm on the lowest dose, but I still see these commercials stating how I'm able to sue if I was on Zoloft and my baby was born with a defect.  It's a little worrisome, but then I just give it to God and pray, knowing that it's all in His hands anyway.

Is it just me, or does it seem like an avocado is smaller than an orange??  (From up top where it says how big my baby is now) And it's really creeping me out how all the foods I'm craving are the same thing that the baby is the size of.  Did that sentence even make sense? LOL ;-)

Well, I hope you're all well and had a fabulous Christmas!!!  I did... and now I'm ready for school to start again. :-D  My kids ask every day if they can go back to school yet, and I'm right there with them.  They love, love, love school and I am soooo not the homeschooling type mom who has projects and what not for them to do.  They play, and have things to entertain them, but not like educational learning type stuff.  So we are all excited for school to begin again. ;-)

Food

Hi guys!
How are you? I'm doing well.  Josh and I got to go on a date last night.  We went to visit an older couple that have been friends of the family for years, along with another young couple that we are good friends with.

We had SUCH a nice time, even though I had to be the party pooper and leave at 9 so I wouldn't be deathly ill for Christmas.  But while we were there, it was fantastic!

The hostess set out a serious spread of delicious food. And I purposefully didn't fill up on dinner so I'd have room for goodies. :-P She had baked brie, a southern dip that was DELICIOUS (I grew up for 10 years in Texas and can appreciate pimento!) veggies with a delicious curry dip, grapes and pineapple, and huge, soft cookies from a gourmet bakery.  As the English would say, it was LUSH!

They are such a sweet older couple and have really taken my mom under their wing, and encouraged her in just the right ways.  They even gave them a turkey for Christmas, because they knew that my mom and stepdad have been on unemployment for far too long and don't have money.  SO sweet.

Anyway, today I've just got food on my brain. ;-) I have a delicious sounding recipe for two things that I'm dying to make, but up to this point haven't felt well enough.

The first thing is for a spinach artichoke dip.  I've been craving it for weeks and weeks and now I have all the ingredients for it.  I think I'm going to make it tomorrow and share it with my sister, who has the day off from work, and we'll eat it while watching A Christmas Story.

The second thing I'm going to make, hopefully today during naptime so the kids can enjoy it when they get up, is homemade apple fritters.  They sound surprisingly easy and they are one of my fave doughnuts.

I'm still eating oranges like they're going out of style, which makes me kinda feel weird since my baby this week is supposedly the size of... an orange! :-D

This year Josh and I decided to do something different for Christmas.  We each got a certain amount of money and we're going to spend it on whatever we want for Christmas. Basically, we're buying our own gifts.  And for some reason, I am totally giddy about it!! Josh already picked out a new pair of running shoes that he's going to get.  I'm going to go on a shopping spree at Ross and maybe Target.  But again, I have to wait til I feel up to it.  I'll make sure and post all the goodies I get!!

I better go. Today is going to be busy, as I have my 3 kiddos home from school AND I'm watching 2 of my nieces. :)

The Good and The Bad

The Good: All the kids are napping.
The Bad: It took Herculean efforts to get them all in bed.

The Good: We had a fabulous church Christmas party on Saturday.
The Bad: I stayed up waaaay too late and have been sicker than sick ever since.

The Good: I've figured out what helps me feel the best.
The Bad: It requires an extra early bedtime and basically being on bedrest.

The Good: My Christmas shopping is done.
The Bad: I still have to wrap everything.  And I'm terrible at wrapping.

The Good: I have an amazing husband.
The Bad: Sometimes I take him and all his help for granted.

The Good: The kids played all morning with minimal fighting.
The Bad: The house now looks like a war zone and guess who gets to clean it up? Me. While trying to keep the contents of my stomach IN and not OUT.

The Good: The baby moves around a lot, and I love feeling those movements.
The Bad: There is absolutely nothing bad about this one. :-D Ask me again in 4 months when I'm in excruciating pain from the baby being stuck in my ribs and I may be singing a different tune. ;-)

The Good: I can lay down with all my kiddos.
The Bad: The house won't magically clean itself.

The Good: My family is healthy.
The Bad: If you don't count pregnancy sickness. :-P

The Good: Christmas is this weekend!
The Bad: Christmas is this weekend! Have I mentioned how I have to wrap everything still? And how I'm terribly bad at it?

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas!

14 Weeks

Hi guys!

First of all, HI DAWNIE!! Yes, please use my due date as inspiration! I'm due June 12th.  But promise me you'll encourage me once June comes and you're all fit and trim and I'm just starting the journey, ok??

I had a doctor's appt today. I'm 14 weeks today and really feeling the baby move a lot.  I ate powdered doughnuts yesterday and the child went WILD.  I'm not sure if it was the sugar or if they were just saying, "Hey Mom! I really liked those doughnuts!!" But whatever it was, it definitely got a reaction out of the little babe.

I'm feeling pretty good.  I basically have to do nothing.  Literally.  I mean, I can load the dishwasher and make the kids meals and that's about it. Then I collapse in bed and conk out.  My kiddos go to sleep between 7 and 7:30 and if Josh is here, he puts them to bed.  Otherwise I stick em in bed at 7 and let them talk and play until they fall asleep.

If I do too much, I inevitably end up in the hospital for IV fluids.  Like, I wouldn't be surprised if I end up having to go this weekend or early next week.  This week is busy.  I had a doctor's appt today, Christian has an eye appt in a big city an hour away tomorrow (he is having surgery to correct his eyes in January most likely), Thursday the kids have a moms and tots Christmas get-together and a choir practice for our Christmas program, maybe another practice on Friday, the church program is Saturday and we're supposed to get together with my in-laws on Sunday.  I can see myself not being able to make it to that, which makes me so mad and sad because I love my in-laws and it's a special time with the older ones.

Anyway, all that may not seem like that much, but my dumb body can't really handle anything. So I'm trying to take it easy, keep myself hydrated and hope for the best.

The baby's heartbeat was nice and strong; my OB didn't say how fast it was.  I have my ultrasound scheduled for Jan. 19th to find out if it's a boy or girl.  I honestly can't wait to find out, and will be happy with either.  I just am praying everything is healthy and whole.  This is the first time I can honestly say I don't have a preference on gender; in the beginning I really wanted a girl, and then the last few weeks I've been thinking about how sweet boys are and wanting one more boy.  Now I just want the baby to be healthy and it's so exciting to find out whether it's a boy or girl. I can't wait, and I'll share here for sure what it is.

I have to give blood for more tests on the 5th and I'm so nervous I'm going to faint again! I have never done that in my life, so I'm really going to try to eat some protein beforehand so I won't be so woozy and lightheaded.  I've had two IV's since then, and the needles for that are much larger and been fine.  So keeping my fingers crossed the fainting episode never happens again. ;-)

I hope you're all doing well!! Thanks for checking up on me. :)

Life is Good

Hello, Hello!

How is everyone? How is your Christmas shopping coming along? I have barely started mine... SOOOO much more to do. 

Although, the good thing is, I am really starting to feel so much better.  Ever since I stopped having to take my progesterone supplement and my last IV fluids, I've been remarkably better.  I'm so thankful!!!

I still have to be in bed early. I'm talking, EARLY.  Like, 6:30 or 7:30pm.  If I'm up past 8pm I am usually sick the next day.  So that kinda sucks, cuz I've missed all 3 of my future SIL's bridal showers cuz they were all in the evening.  And I had to miss Josh's work Christmas party (although, honestly I wasn't THAT sad about it.  The only good thing about it is the free lemon drop drinks, and since I can't have alcohol I didn't even have that to look forward to.) ;-) I'm also missing my sister's work Christmas party, and I was supposed to be her date.  And I'm sad about missing it because they are having a talent contest and she and one of her co-workers are dressing up as Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton and singing Islands in the Stream. Which should be nothing short of hysterical.  If they win they get $250 each!!

But since dinner doesn't start til 7pm and the show is after that... it's just too late.  Which is totally ridiculous! But it is what it is.  If I am up too late I am sick the next day, probably for the whole next week and it usually ends in a trip to the hospital for IV fluids.  So I have to take care of myself.

The past few days I've really been second-guessing my gut feeling that this baby is a girl.  We have had a name picked out, well narrowed down to 2 names, and neither one of them are feeling "right" anymore.  However the boy name we have picked out we both LOVE, and it feels like it fits perfectly.  Guess we'll just have to wait and see! And we keep the names a secret, so you'll have to wait until June to find out what they are! ;-)

Well, I need to go pick up the house a bit. Josh has been gone for 2 days and is coming home at some point tonight.  And I've kinda let the housework slide since he's been gone. :-P

Hope you all are well!

Faceplant

Howdy, folks!
How are you? Have you started your Christmas shopping? What's on your Christmas wish list?

On Saturday we went and cut down our tree.  We actually had a really fun time, although we may have gone a wee bit overboard.  We bought a Groupon for $10 that was good for $20 toward a tree.  The lot we went to has over 15,000 trees.  Any Douglas is $20, no matter how big.  In the past we've gotten nobles, but they are harder to decorate with little kids.  So we went looking for the Douglas, but ended up with a Grand. They are a mix of something, but I don't know what.

ANYWAY, we were traipsing around the woods looking for the perfect tree. All the trees were really nice and shaped well and full.  Finally Josh decided he'd found the perfect tree, we all inspected it and agreed. ;-) We could tell it was big; it was a good three feet taller than Josh and he's 6 foot.  Josh proceeded to cut it down and then we had to carry that sucker through hither and yon back to where we paid.

Can I just say that a 9 foot tall and 5 foot wide tree is HEAVY!!!??  I mean seriously.  Like over 100 pounds, probably.  Josh has the heavy end, I've got the "light" end and we're weaving through all the trees.  Now, Josh has legs that are like twice as long as mine.  And he's in front, just walking away, which means me and my short, stumpy legs are basically running to keep up.  And I'm not the most graceful person in the world, even under the best circumstances.  And these were far from the best circumstances. ;-)

So I end up tripping over a stump and totally faceplanting RIGHT into the tree. I'm talking full on falling, face first, without my arms to break my fall, right smack dab into the tree.  Luckily it was soft and I thought it was hilarious.  I just sat there laughing forever because I was totally sprawled across the tree, with pine needles going up my nose. 

We finally managed to get it out to the parking lot (after lots of breaks cuz did I mention the tree was HEAVY? And I'm 3 months pregnant and way out of shape?) and got it on top of the car. Another minor miracle, but we did it.

Then we got it home.  Oh my gosh, we both cracked up laughing.  The tree is GIGANTIC!! It looks like we have a forest tree in our living room.

 

We have high, vaulted ceilings and this sucker almost reaches the top.  The picture is bad cuz I took it with my cell phone.  I did take some with my new camera, but I have to find the cord to download it onto the computer.

Here is the tree after the lights were on and the kids decorated it.  All the ornaments are on the bottom half. ;-) I've since redone all the ornaments so they are even.  I'll try to find my cord and post a good pic of it.

 

Yep, we needed an 8 foot ladder to be able to reach the top! So crazy. This is by far the hugest tree we've ever had. ;-) 

Anyway, I hope you're all doing well! I feel the baby moving more and more and it is sooooo fun and exciting.  I talk to my babies; like, when I feel her moving around I always say (in my head) Oh! HI, baby!!  

Oh, and Tereza, we don't know for sure if it's a girl yet, but *I* think it is :-D  We find out next month.  

I promise to look for my camera cord and upload some recent pictures. :)

It could be worse

Today I went in for IV fluids.  There was a mix-up and the front lady didn't check me in all the way, so the people in back didn't know I was there. Long story short, I sat for an hour waiting before I realized something was up.  And in that time, I came to the realization that I have it VERY good.

The infusion clinic shares the same waiting room as the oncology department.  I saw so many people.  Cancer survivors, cancer fighters, other sick people who needed fluids or wound care.  And I thought to myself, "You know, self, you are here for the BEST possible reason!"

I'm not dying.  In fact, I'm carrying new life.  So what that I'm sick and don't feel well.  My life isn't hanging in the balance.  I'm not withering away.  I have a tiny baby in my stomach, and apparently she's super happy and healthy in there, thus the sickness for me!

I got weighed while I was there and I weighed 149.5 with my clothes on.  I figure I weigh around 147 without them.  So up 2 pounds from my starting weight. 

I wish I could say I felt a million times better, but I actually have a headache and don't feel so great. I'm hitting the hay soon, so hopefully we can have a good time getting our tree tomorrow.  I'm sure after a good night's rest I'll feel better.

I hope you are all good and that you have a great weekend!

MB-Oh my, your dog sounds like a handful!!  You should invite some of your friends over and have a decorating party so you don't have to do it all by yourself. ;-) How was Paris????

Tiny Blessings

Hi Friends,
Sorry for my absence. I haven't been feeling well, and frankly, I'm sick and tired of only coming here to complain how hard it all is.

Recently I've started to feel the baby move and that has helped me SO much.  To remember that the whole reason I'm going through this is for the tiny person inside.  It's not just a sickness, it's not just feeling half-dead.  I get a baby out of it! A BABY!!

Even though it still feels like June is forever away, it's becoming more real.  And it is worth everything.  Absolutely all of it.

I'm pretty sure I'll be heading to the hospital for another round of IV fluids either today or tomorrow.  I've been so down and out this week, and we're getting our Christmas tree this weekend and I want to be present for that.  Not just dragging my sick arse around the lot, but enjoying it with my family.  And IV fluids is a sure fire way to be able to do that.

I think the kids and I will decorate the house tomorrow.  Every year we make snowflakes out of coffee filters and it's a much loved activity.  So we'll be doing that, pulling out our Christmas decorations, setting up the nativity and then on Saturday decorating the tree.

So all in all, I'm doing well, even if physically I'm still sick.  It IS getting better, though.  I'm able to keep more down, even if my appetite has decreased.  I haven't weighed in forever, mostly because I just can't be bothered.  There's not really anything I can do at this point, so why stress about it??  I'm just doing the best I can for now, and that's all I can ask of myself.

Hope you all are doing well and that the holiday cheer has arrived at your house!

One. Day. At. A. Time.

Matt, thanks so much for your kind and wise words.  I do need to just take it one day at a time, and not look at the whole, huge picture.  I can almost feel myself deflate when I think about being pregnant for another 6.5 months.

On Friday I had to go to the hospital for IV fluids because I was so dehydrated. I didn't realize how bad it was until after I got the fluids and proceeded to use the bathroom at least 4-5 times in the next few hours.  I've been going to the bathroom once, maybe twice a day. Oops.  It's just so hard to keep anything down.

They also gave me phenergan in my IV, which is an anti-nausea.  Oh my word, that is a nasty drug!!! I felt high.  My tongue was swollen and I couldn't form words, I couldn't focus my eyes, and it made me intensely sleepy, but every time I started to doze off I'd have these weird full-body cramps that gave me the heebie jeebies.  So weird.  And so not fun.

Josh came down and sat with me, and I was thankful for that.  I was so, so, so cold, so he wrangled up some warm blankets, a heating pad, and rubber gloves filled with hot water that I held onto.  I had to get 2 liters and it took 2 hours or so, so we were there quite a while.

Thankfully, my sister was able to watch my kiddos.  Normally, once I've received the fluids I feel better right away.  I'm not sure if it was the phenergan or what, but this time I felt just as bad and basically came home and slept the rest of the day. 

The zofran didn't help, so the OB gave me a prescription for another anti-nausea but guess what? It's for phenergan and now I'm scared to take it after the reaction I had at the hospital! I did take one pill yesterday, and ended up sleeping all day long.  And then I threw up horribly.  So not sure if it's worth it, especially because during the week I don't have the luxury of staying in bed all day! :-P

Josh has been so incredibly amazing through all of this.  I think we both kind of forgot how sick I really get; or maybe I just haven't been this sick since being pregnant with Kate.  I try not to think about it too much, otherwise I'll sink into depression and despair.  I just don't understand why my body doesn't like pregnancy.  But whatever, it doesn't, and I can't change that. 

Anyway, I'm trying to take it one day at a time, not think about the future, not think about how many more days of nausea/throwing up/headaches I have in front of me.  At this point I can't even focus on the new baby I'll get in the end, because it all just seems too far away. 

So I'll take it one day, one hour at a time.  Try to figure out something, anything that helps me not feel like death warmed over. Try to be a good  mom and wife.  And know that, this too shall pass. :)

Smoothies

Hi All,
I apologize for my spartan posting.  I just am so sick, that I rarely can get on the computer for long, and I don't want to just come on and whine. :-P

Yep, pregnancy is NOT my friend.  I really don't understand it. I mean, weren't women MADE to carry babies!?  So why does my body react so negatively to pregnancy??  My sister had a breeze of a pregnancy.  But not I.

I've actually already had semi-panic attacks because I really don't think I can live like this for the next 6.5 months.  That's a long time to feel like utter crap and try to take care of a family.  I've been having lots of conversations with God, but it seems this is my lot, for now.  Not even the prescription drug helps me.  So I just focus on one day at a time, and getting through today.

I've been having real issues with getting any protein in.  Meat = YUCK.  So yesterday I was languishing in bed, trying to figure out what to eat that would stay down, and I got an idea.  I have protein shake mix, so I whipped up a smoothie and it was actually really good.

I used:
Milk
Chocolate protein powder
Flax Seeds (ground)
Strawberries
Metamucil (ha.)

And it tastes really good, keeps me full for a looooong time, and it stayed down! I just have to make sure I sip it slowly.  I made another one this morning, and I'm hoping it helps me feel better.

I basically have to graze all day long in order not to be sick, and almost exclusively on carbs.  This is so not good for weight gain or constipation (which I have a horrible, horrible, horrible case of).  I stepped on the scale at one point last week and I was up 4 pounds. Gulp.  Not additional, but total.  Which isn't an insane amount, but I have never gained weight in the first trimester before. So despite not being able to keep much down, I'm still gaining weight. Yippee! :-P

I'm not super worried about the gaining weight part. I know it's part of pregnancy, and a healthy baby is the only thing that matters.  BUT what I am very worried about is a "big" baby.  I say "big" with quotation marks because Owen was my biggest baby at 7.4 pounds.  Which, really, isn't big.  But for me, for my body, it was too big.  I was in agony at the end of my pregnancy.  Literally could NOT get comfortable; I couldn't sit, I couldn't stand, I couldn't lay down.  My back was giving out so I couldn't walk.  I took Vicodin. VICODIN!!!  I went very nearly insane, I was in sooooo much pain all the time.

Today I have my first appt with my OB, so I plan to talk to him about that today.  I don't want to be induced early because I've seen too many babies/mamas have problems from being induced early.  But I want to know if he has any ideas/tips/suggestions on what to do to not feel sick, but not have to eat carbs like they are going out of style, in the hopes that my baby won't be so big.

Anyway, that's the latest with me.  We get to see the baby again today, and if I can figure out how I'll post a picture of the u/s picture. :)

MaryBeth- OH. MY. GOODNESS!!!!!!!!  Paris!?!?!  Have a wonderful, fantastic, spectacular trip!!! And hold on tight to that sweet husband of yours.  Eat a pain au chocolat for me!! The Eiffel Tower is truly amazing... and FREAKY at the top when it sways in the wind!  Enjoy yourself immensely, my dear! And Happy Birthday!!

To everyone else- THANK YOU for being my friend, for reading what I write and for taking the time to comment.  You are sweetie pies!!!

Birthday Girl

Yesterday was my birthday and boy howdy, was I ever spoiled!!

Josh took me to the coast for the weekend and we had a super nice, relaxing time.  We did absolutely nothing, except go to lunch with his parents on Saturday.  The rest of the time we seriously laid around.  And we were in bed by 8:30pm both nights. Are we old fogeys or what!? :-D

My sister watched the kiddos all weekend, and then once we got back Josh took Monday off and painted our room! It's something that's been on the  to-do list for a while, but we never could pick a color and there is so much MORE we wanted to do, that we just kind of put everything on hold.  I love the color and the way it turned out, and now we're both wanting to actually buy bedroom furniture. :) That'll have to wait though, cuz we're not made of money!

I also got a camera!!!! From Josh and my sister, so hopefully soon I can take a proper picture of my bedroom and post it. 

Yesterday was a baddish day, health wise.  I simply can not figure out what the trick is.  So far, this is what I've come up with:

*I have to go to bed with a FULL stomach.
*I have to take a whole Unisom pill every night, and ALL my other vitamins.
*I have to get up first thing and drink water with my ginger root pills and B12.
*I have to keep moving.

It seems like if any of those things don't happen, then I am one sick puppy the next day.  And it really sucks, cuz not even the prescription Zofran (anti-nausea med) helps. :( BOO.

Anyway, TODAY has been great so far. I finally swept my kitchen floor, which hadn't happened in seriously 2 weeks. :-O  And I even ran the dishwasher, started a load of laundry, showered, and made lunch and breakfast. Go me! ;-)

All in all I'm doing well.  I go back to the doctor next week and get another ultrasound, so that will be fun.  Mostly I'm just trying to take it one day at a time, and make today count.

I hope you're all well and enjoying the fall!

8 weeks and ... puking

Hello, Hello!
First of all, thank you so much for your congrats, warm wishes, and support!! It means the world.

So I had been feeling really, really good.  And now... now I'm back to puking. HA.

It's okay, though, It's not the worst I've been and I can still function a little.  Like, I get up and immediately take my pills and eat some kind of carb.  Then I sit on the couch until they kick in.  Then I'll get up and stick a load of laundry in.  Then sit on the couch "recuperating" for 20 minutes. ;-)

So, things are moving slowly, but at least I'm not bed ridden, I haven't had to go to the hospital for IV fluids and I can patch-work help my little family.

Yesterday was Owen's birthday. He turned four. FOUR! :-O 

We had a very low key family party and now I'm listening to the unending sounds of the motorized cars we got him.  Hoping those batteries run out soon. ;-) hee hee

Just thought I'd check in and make sure you all know how grateful I am for your comments!

I didn't weigh this morning because I was too sick, but when I do I'll fill you in. :)

My Personal Miracle

Hi Guys!
So, I thought I'd just give you a tiny bit of background.

I was pregnant 5 times in 2.5 years, which resulted in my 3 littles and 2 miscarriages.  My hormones got really messed up, and after I had Owen I got really severe PPD.  It was untreated for 7 months because I didn't know what it was, and thought I just needed to pull myself up by my bootstraps and get on with life.  One day it was all just too, too much and I knew I needed help.  So I got it.  I was put on Lexapro and my life turned around 180 degrees for the better within 24 hours. No joke!!

However, as time went on the Lexapro wasn't working as well, and due to insurance changes my therapist got switched as well.  Due to a combination of factors, I decided to go off the hardcore meds, as they weren't helping anyway, and try to go a natural route.  I saw a naturopath, started taking herbs, and hoped for the best.  Unfortunately, it didn't work.  I was back at square one and scared out of my mind, because I didn't know what to do next.  I felt like I'd tried everything and nothing was working anymore, and there was no way I could live like this.

So I prayed with an elder in our church, and realized that I had actually lost hope for my life.  Just realizing that, and choosing to believe that Jesus loves me and was watching over me helped.  But it didn't solve all the problems.  Shortly after that my aunt told me about a bio-nutritionist in Arizona and I started seeing Dr. Ray.  His treatment really helped, but after a while it felt like it too was becoming ineffective. 

Then I found out that he also can treat chemical imbalances in the brain and THAT is when my life really turned around.  It made the biggest difference, and it stuck.  I also started seeing a new therapist and was put on Zoloft, which helped tremendously.

Since before Owen was born I had told Josh I couldn't ever do this again... meaning, be pregnant.  I was in SOOOO much pain that I was taking Vicodin, I couldn't walk because my back was so bad, I couldn't get out of bed, much less take care of 3 children all under 2.5 years!!!!  It was a horribly hard time, and I just never, ever wanted to be pregnant again. Especially after going through PPD and struggling for close to 3 years to find an answer for that.

But slowly, as time went by, I started feeling a tugging in my heart.  I'd always felt there was someone missing. Even when Owen was an infant, I'd look around, wondering who was missing, but all 3 of them were there.  I just *knew* someone else was supposed to be here with us.  And for a while I couldn't even think about it, because I didn't think I'd EVER be able to handle pregnancy again. 

Fast forward 3 years, and I've got some answers and for the first time in 5 years I actually felt like myself! I enjoyed life.  I enjoyed my kids; like, really truly ENJOYED them.  And then the thought creeped into my mind... what about the one who was missing?  For close to a year Josh and I talked... we talked with each other, we talked with my doctor, we talked with my therapist, exploring if pregnancy was an option.  What would happen regarding my PPD?  How would we keep a handle on that and treat it? Would it be safe to continue taking my Zoloft during pregnancy?

We took it slow and prayed and talked for many, many months.  And eventually we both had full faith and peace that yes, a pregnancy was viable, we could do this. It wouldn't be unrighteous or unfair to the children we already have.  Zoloft is safe to take during pregnancy, especially since I'm on the lowest dose. So we prayed that if it was meant to be, I'd get pregnant.





And, I did! We were so excited, and yet nervous at the same time.  Cuz once it's done, it's done, you know!?  And then... the sickness started. Oh man, the sickness. I was sick all day, every day. The nausea was unending, the headaches were intense.  I couldn't do anything but lay in bed or be in the bathroom throwing up.  Josh had to pick up ALL the slack.  The dishes, the laundry, the meals, the kids. Everything.  And he did so with a smile and a kiss on the forehead for me, as he tucked my hot water bottle into bed with me because I was constantly freezing. <3

But, I couldn't live like that.  So I prayed. I had a little chat with God, and asked Him if He could please help me.  Help me not be so sick.  Help me so I could take care of my home and my family, and not rely on Josh so heavily.  And then someone told me about ginger root and B12 and seabands.  I started using all 3 and noticed a significant improvement almost right away.  I was wearing the seabands 24/7 and I think I overdid it, as they started to hurt really bad (they use accupressure to relieve nausea, and I had bruises on my arms from them).  So I stopped those, but continued the ginger root and B12, as well as all the rest of my vitamins.

And day by day, things got better. To the point that I thought the baby must have died, because I have NEVER felt this good while pregnant.  And then I had some really bad cramps, so bad they woke me up from a dead sleep.  And I just was sure the baby was gone, because how could I have so little nausea and such bad cramps and still have a good outcome!??? So I went in for an ultrasound, and there was my little baby love!! Heart beating away at 156 beats per minute, measuring right on track!! Nothing short of a miracle.

And now, as the days continue to go by and I continue to feel SO GOOD, I have to just trust God that everything is going okay.  That He has chosen to perform this miracle for me, personally.  I am usually sick the entire 9 months, so sick that I have to go to the hospital for IV fluids, am on Zofran or some other anti-nausea med, and just generally am a member of the walking dead for those months. But this time is so different.  I feel so good; I forget I'm even pregnant because I feel... NORMAL. 

I have another ultrasound in 2 weeks, and although there is a part of me that is fearful, that I have to really work with to be in rest and trust God completely, I hope to see that little bean's heartbeat still going as strong as ever.

So this pregnancy is kind of a big deal. ;-)  And we're so thankful for it, so thankful we get to welcome the missing little person who is meant to join our family.  I am convinced it is a girl.  Kate wants a girl.  Christian wants a boy. And Owen just wonders how the baby got in there, how it's going to get out, and how I'm not eating the baby since it's in my tummy. :-D

Anyway, that's the back history for anyone who is interested.  I'm excited to be on this journey and can't wait to hold my little bundle of love in June!!

The Scoop

Hi my friends!
How are you? I'm good. Really good.

Did you notice? Some of you may have noticed straight away. Others may be scratching your head wondering what I'm talking about. ;-)

I'M HAVING A BABY!!!!!! :-D

I'm almost 8 weeks and sick as all get out, although it DOES seem to be getting better.  Keeping my fingers crossed, but usually I'm sick the entire 9 months.  I told God I really couldn't be that sick this time, as I have a family to take care of, a home to keep, and other various commitments I've made for church fundraising etc...  And it seems like He's answering!

I had some major cramping on Thursday night. It woke me up from a dead sleep it hurt so bad. I had an ultrasound on Friday and baby was doing well and measuring right on course, so we decided to tell our kiddos on Saturday morning.

It was so fun!!  We were all eating breakfast and Josh said I had something to say.  So I said, "You know how mommy has been really sick lately?"  And they all said yes, because HA, I've been throwing up a LOT. Anyway, I said it was because there was a new little baby in my tummy.

Kate got a look of wonder and total excitement on her face and couldn't stop grinning from ear to ear.  She immediately said she wants it to be a girl. ;-)  Christian wants a boy.  Owen just wonders how the baby got in there, and how it's going to get out, LOL! :)

It's so fun that they are old enough to really "get" it and be excited about it.  I'm due June 12th. 

Anyway, that is partly the reason why I gained those 3 pounds.  I've been sick, and lost some of it.  I plan to weigh tomorrow and see what the scale says.  I can't drink coffee at all. In fact, Josh had to move the coffee pot out to the garage because the smell makes me sooooo sick!!!

I am so excited. It was a long road to get here, over a year process.  But I'm so thankful, so grateful.  I've always felt like someone was missing, even from when Owen was a baby.  I just knew there is supposed to be someone else here.  And sure enough, there is a little bun in the oven. :) Just one, thank goodness! ;-)

Anyway, this blog will obviously focus more on the pregnancy and gaining healthfully instead of losing weight.  And now I'll have a LOT to talk about. :-D

Howdy

Hi guys :)
How is everyone? I'm hanging in there.

I weighed myself this morning and I'm down 1.5 pounds, so that's good. I still have 1.5 more to lose before I'm back to what I was. :-P

Can I just say that I hate Halloween!?!? I hate all the gory gross decorations.  I do love the candy ;) but the hanging, bloody "bodies" and other decorations I can do without. Yuck.

It's a beautiful day here today, perfect fall weather.  I'm opening my windows and getting that fresh air circulating through my house.  It tends to get stuffy when the heat is one and the windows are closed. 

Anyway, that was a lot of nonsense about nothing. :-D Hope you're all doing well!

Still here

Hey everyone :)
How have you been?  I'm doing pretty good.  Still busy as all get-out, but hanging in there.

I am so constipated, so I've started taking my Metamucil again.  I hope it helps cuz I'm bloated and retaining water too. 

I've been doing pretty good on my eating.  Now that fall is here I've been making lots of crockpot meals, which are so easy and delicious.  I'm making chicken noodle soup for tonight and it smells sooo good already.

Not much else to report on.  I'm hanging in there, and my weight is staying steady. Not going down, but hopefully once the Metamucil kicks in that'll change. ;-)

Happy Wednesday!

Stressed

Hi guys,
Sorry I've been MIA.  I've been busy.

We have a huge project at church that I've been working on, and then the programmers at the online company made a mistake and erased everything! :-O  So I spent 6 hours one day working on getting all the info back in, and when I was done, I didn't want to even look at the computer.  And since then it's been problem after problem that needs to be solved, so yeah.  I haven't been on the computer for fun in a while.

All this stress has led me to stress eating.  I'm up 3 pounds. :-(  Things are starting to get under control (I HOPE!!) so I can focus on eating healthy and not from stress/just trying to cope.

I hope the scale will go down next week. I'm also constipated, which doesn't help matters.

Anyway, I'm here and I'm alive.  I've been better but I'm not doing toooooo bad, besides the out of control eating. ;-)

I hope you're doing well! 

Holding Steady

Hi Guys!
So I did weigh yesterday, and I'm holding steady at 145.  I was down to 144, then gained to 145.4, then went back down to 144.8 and when I weighed yesterday I was 145.

I'm actually surprised it's not more, as I've been eating a lot more baked goods recently.  I plan to curb that. ;-)

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!  I'm cooking for a rental group at our church retreat tomorrow at 6:30a.m. and then we have nothing else planned for the day. I'm looking forward to just hanging out with my little family! Maybe we'll go to a pumpkin patch.

I saw this and thought it was hilarious:

Yikes!

Hi everyone!
I see time got away from me... a whole week with no post?? Unacceptable. I slap my own wrist. ;-)

I'm doing good, just very, very busy.  I recently was given some responsibility for a project in our church and it's requiring lots of hours online.  Once I'm done with that, I sort of don't want to be on the computer anymore. ;-)

My boys have also been sick and not sleeping.  Christian was up all. night. long. two nights in a row, coughing and coughing and coughing.  I tried everything under the sun: cough medicine, cough drops, breathing in hot steam, drinking lemon/honey water, 2 different types of inhalers, we even shot 1T of whisky down his throat. Nothing helped.

To make matters worse, Owen has been getting up before 6a.m. every morning; and is grumpy as a bear.  He is trying to transition from 1 nap a day to none, but is right smack dab in the middle.  If I give him a nap, he isn't quite ready for bed when the other 2 are.  And then he wakes up early.  But if I don't then he is a holy terror by the time dinner rolls around, and then he STILL wakes up early.  Ugh, trying to figure out what to do. It doesn't work to let him sleep for one hour and then wake him up, either. 

Anyway, all that to say I've been busy with *life* trying to figure out what's best for my kiddos.

I weighed last week and was down 1/2 a pound.  I haven't weighed this week but plan to on Thursday.  If I remember.  That's the other problem; I wake up and hit the ground running and usually have had coffee or chai and then remember I was supposed to weigh. :-P

It's definitely fall out west, and I love it! I've made so many good crockpot dinners, have my mulled cider candle burning all the time, and have started baking.  Banana bread and scones, granola bars, monkey bread, etc...  For the most part I've done very well not overeating.  The monkey bread was an exception, but in my defense ;-) I hadn't eaten all day long and when it came out of the oven at 2pm I was starving.  It also was perhaps the best batch I've ever made. 

I'm working on eating a good breakfast and not mindlessly eating.  I don't think it's wrong to enjoy good food, I just have to work on MODERATION. :-D

I hope you're well and I won't be away so long next time.  Sometimes it's just hard to figure out what to say cuz nothing life-shattering is going on, I'm not doing hardcore exercise or dieting, you know?

Anyway, hope you're having a fabulous week!

Back on Track

Hi Friends!
So the past week I sort of got off track, eating wise.  In a big way.  I started baking and eating and just sort of threw caution to the wind.

I weighed 1.5 pounds more this morning than my last weigh-in, which if I'm being perfectly honest, isn't as bad as it could have been. 
So today I'm working on getting back on track.  So far, so good.

I'll weigh in on Thursday and see if I was able to lose what I gained.

MB-Welcome back! I hope you had a nice vacation. :)

Other than that, not much to report.  Loving the fall weather we're having, but not loving the CRAZY that has come out in my kids.  Seriously.  I am not sure what is going on, but half the time I don't recognize the whining, tantrum-throwing, angry little beings they are.  I'm hoping it's just the adjustment to school???

I feel like I'm coming down with something.  My throat hurts, my head hurts, it's hard to breathe.  I'm taking vitamin C and hoping I can stave off any sickness.

Hope you all are well! I'll be back Thursday with my weigh-in.

Weigh In

Hi all,
We're busy as bees over here, but I wanted to check in and let you know things are still going well.

I was down to 144.0 today, and I'm very happy with that.  I hope it continues to go in this direction. :)

Be back later, hopefully if I have more time for a post with more content. ;-)

Happy Monday

Hi guys!
How is everyone?  I'm doing well.  I've been sticking to my "diet" pretty well.  I think I found the key for me.

Focus on something else. :-D

It seems if my mind is occupied with something else, if I keep myself busy with my home and my kids, then I'm less likely to mindlessly eat or sit around thinking about food.

Now, I still have the urge to bake.  The rainy weather has set in and all I want to do is bake... pumpkin bread, zucchini bread, banana bread, cinnamon rolls, etc...  But so far I've only made one batch of pumpkin bread and eaten only one small piece.

We'll see what the scale says on Thursday, but I'm feeling a lot better and I can tell my clothes are fitting better. 

Hope you all are doing well!

Mary Beth-Where are you? Are you okay?

It's slow, but it's progress

Hi guys!
How are you? I'm doing well.  Getting settled into our school routine.  The weather has been cool and fall-like, I've had my mulled cider candle going for days, the crockpot has come out.  :) I. LOVE. FALL.  It's my favorite season!!  So cozy.

I weighed in today at 145.6.  The scale is going down, albeit very S-L-O-W-L-Y, but at least it's going down and not up!!  I'm happy for that.

Now to make sure I can reign myself in when it comes to the baking.  The fall weather just makes me ITCH to bake.  Zucchini bread, pumpkin bread, scones, etc...  None of it diet friendly, really. :-P  I know one is fine, but I tend to bake like every day or every other day.  And when I'm trying to LOSE weight, it's not really the best combination.

Anyway, I'm happy with the way things are going, happy that I'm not such a stressbucket about it, that we seem to have settled into a doable routine. *knock on wood*

Hope you all are doing well! I'm off to clean my house then get coffee with my sister and mom. It's almost time for the Pumpkin Spice Latte to be back! (maybe it is already??) and THEN... EGGNOG LATTES!! And White Chocolate Peppermint!!! YUM.

Bring on the cool days, the warm coffee, the snuggling-up-on-the-couch with a blanket and good book!!!

Good Things

Hello Everyone!
How are you? I'm doing well.  This weekend was great, eating-wise.  I am cautiously excited.  I weighed this morning and I was down to 146.0 down from 147.6 last week so something is working.

I feel like I'm getting closer to finding "It" like Tammy mentioned in her post; whatever it is that needs to click in your head for you to be successful.  I feel less stressed and more determined than I have in a long time.

I hope you're doing well, too! I plan to weigh in on Thursday and post that weight.  Hopefully I'll be able to keep at it, even with Josh gone and things a little more stressful during the week.

I hope you had a fabulous weekend, and I'll catch you on the flip side. =)

Alive and Kicking

Hi All!
Sorry (again) for the long delay in posts; it's been a busy week.  Today was the first day of school in these here parts, for my little Kate.

 

I can't believe she'll be gone all day now; from 9:15 to 3:30. It seems like an eternity! And already this morning I have been so discombobulated, feeling like there is someone missing.  I don't even want to think about what it's going to be like when Christian starts! He goes in tomorrow for his assessment and then starts next Tuesday for good.  It's going to be SO WEIRD only having Owen (and Savannah) here.  

Anyway, I'm doing well. =)

Erin-I just got your email this morning; I haven't been on the computer.  I will email you back, but I also am going to address some of your concerns here because it's possible others have the same concerns. =)  Thanks for your love and care. 

Things are going well. I think I've pretty much decided to do the 17 Day Diet, and if I feel I absolutely need a scone, then I'll have one.  And call it good.  I desperately need to get some groceries, as our cupboards are pretty bare currently. So I plan to stock up on fruits and veggies, lean protein and Talking Rain. I've come to love the stuff and it's so much easier for me to drink than water.

When I mentioned earlier that I was fasting and drinking coffee and water, I didn't mean I was doing a coffee fast, or using coffee like a laxative.  Most days I have max 1 cup of coffee (regular, home brewed).  Sometimes I get a 16oz iced americano, but I very rarely finish it.  I meant that I was drinking liquids only (mostly water, with a cup of coffee) until dinner time.  I'm sorry if it came across otherwise.

On HCG- I know it's a highly debatable and controversial topic. For me, it worked.  I lost weight faster and easier than I ever could  have with diet and exercise.  Yes, it messed up my hormones.  But my hormones are wack anyway.  Every little thing sets them off.  They got way out of wack from me being pregnant 5 times in 2.5 years, and it took a long while to get them back to normal range.  That is the only reason I'm not doing HCG again.  If it didn't affect my hormones, I would do it.  The amount of time and energy it takes to diet and exercise to lose the same amount of weight is INSANE.  I'm impatient.  I want results fast, and HCG gives them to me.  Yes, you only eat 500 calories a day, but the HCG is pulling the fat out of your body's reserves and using it for energy.  I know some people think it's hokey, think it's a bad idea, think it's a fad and that is totally fine.  For me, I loved it.  And I'd do it again.  Except for the fact that FOR ME, it messes up my hormones.

SO, since that isn't an option, I need to figure out something else.  And I think it's going to be the 17 Day Diet simply because trying to track calories doesn't really fit into my lifestyle.  And knowing what I can eat is a lot simpler for me.  

My sleep--I've noticed that if I have a glass of wine, then I have very unrestful, fitful sleep with bad dreams. I rarely drink, but I've definitely noticed a correlation here.  If I happen to have caffeine, either coffee or pop late in the day, it affects my sleep too. (Duh.)  I've been sleeping much better lately, with just the rare episode of insomnia.  Now that school has started I think an earlier bedtime is in order for all of us.

I think most bloggers don't share EVERYTHING that's going on in their lives, and neither do I.  So there's more to the story than just what I share here.  But I do love and appreciate your input and comments and ideas and support. 

Losing weight is hard. For me, it's both physical and emotional.  It's a bumpy road to travel, as I find what works for me in all the different seasons of life.  We're coming into fall and I adore baking.  I like having homemade goodies for my friends and family, so that is going to bring new and different trials when it comes to dieting.  

Sorry for the long ramble, but I just didn't want people to have the wrong impression of me or what I'm doing.  I am trying to learn to be healthy.  I may take 2 steps forward and 3 steps back, but I'm still moving.  I'm not giving up. I won't give up until I find a rhythm that works for me; a lifestyle that is healthy and moderate.

Weigh In

So I fasted all day yesterday until dinner and drank over a gallon of water.  This morning I weighed in at.... 147.6  BLAH!!!!!!! 

Before I left for the beach I weighed 148.2, and I know I prob gained a little at the beach, but still.  I'm disappointed and frustrated.

Anyway, still haven't figured out exactly which way to go, diet-wise.  It's a work in progress and each day is so different.  I'm looking forward to school starting and there being more of a routine.  I think it will help.  I hope it will help.

I have a full weekend helping my sister move (maybe I'll burn some calories!) so I better hit the sack.  Hope you have a lovely Labor Day Long Weekend!!

Hello, Hello

Hi Friends!
How have you all been? I've been fantastic! We had a super duper fun time at the beach with our insanely large family.  Josh is one of 16 children (no multiples!!) and every single one of them (and their spouses/children) were there, save the oldest daughter who lives in Canada.

It was a blast, but also a LOT of work.  And also there was a LOT of food.  And I think I gained a LOT of weight.  I was too scared to step on the scale this morning.  I'm not even joking.  My clothes are super tight and when I look in the mirror, I see a person looking back that I haven't seen for a while. I am starting to resemble what I looked like at my heaviest.  And it's scary.

So today, I'm fasting.  I'm drinking water and coffee, and nothing else in an attempt to lose some water retention that I've got going on. I plan to weigh in tomorrow and post the honest to goodness truth of what I see.  Even though I know already it's going to be cringe-worthy.

I seem to have gotten out of control and have been eating and drinking like crazy.  I *feel* out of control, and I don't like it.  I can't decide what my next step should be. 

Part of me wants to get on SparkPeople or The Daily Plate or something and do a calorie restriction plan.  But the problem with that is I have ZERO idea how many calories are in things, so all day I'm constantly running back and forth to the computer to find out.  And if I make a meal, I'm stumped trying to figure out how many calories exactly I am consuming.

The second idea is (DO NOT LAUGH) to start the 17 Day Diet again.  This is a little more do-able because I can have as much protein as I want, don't have to count calories, and just have to stay within the food guidelines.  BUT I tend to freak out because this diet basically cuts out ALL carbs and sugar, and some days I just want to have a scone and coffee.

So I'm not sure what to do, but I do know SOMETHING has to be done.  My brother is getting married, probably in December and I don't want to look the way I did 2 years ago at my brother-in-law's December wedding.  I can't even BELIEVE how big I was.  Almost 170 pounds at 5'4". :-O

I think I'm hovering around 150 right now. =(  At my lowest ever (for like one day) after HCG I got down to 136.  So that's quite a gain, and boy howdy I can feel it. I need to come up with a doable plan because do you know what's coming?

Fall.  I love fall. LOVE IT.  It's my favorite season.  But I love to bake during those crisp fall days, and then I like to eat it.  So I have to figure out a lifestyle change, a "diet" that I can stick with through the holidays and the treats that comes with that.  School starts next week and I am hoping to figure out some type of workout routine.  I'm not sure if Christian has AM or PM kindergarten yet; if he has AM I'm tempted to join a gym and go after I drop the kids off at school.  I'll still have Owen and my niece Savannah, but I could make it work.

At the same time, I know myself and the chances of me actually getting dressed and going to the gym are kinda slim. 

ANYWAY, it's a work in progress.  If you have any ideas or suggestions, I'm all ears.  :-)

Something's Gotta Give

Oh, ya'll.

Where oh where do I even start?

Okay.  Let's just get it over with. The weigh in. I weighed in at a hefty 148.2 today. Cue screeching horror film music and my jaw dropping to the floor.  :-O

But here's the thing.  I've been up since 3a.m. this morning.  I never fell back asleep so I got up at 4, weighed myself, then went and did my grocery shopping.  And usually when I wake up and weigh, and then weigh a little later my weight is down a bit. And the other day I weighed in the middle of the day with my clothes on and I was 148.  So I'm hoping it's water weight/ a fluke and that I don't really, truly weigh that much.

So yeah, back to the insomnia thing. Still happening.  It was interesting shopping so early; I kind of liked it because I could take all the time I wanted (my sister was here with the kiddos) and there wasn't really anyone else in the store.  It was peaceful and quiet.  And on the way home the sun was shining SO BRIGHT in my rearview mirror that I thought it was police lights or something.  I saw the sunrise! The only thing that could've made it better was if I was sitting on my porch sipping coffee while I watched it. :-D

Also, it's been stressful around here.  The kids one day were literally bouncing off the walls due to a little experiment I did with them.  I let them each sip my blended coffee to see if the caffeine would calm them down or hype them up.  Clearly, it had the latter effect.  I just wanted to see if they had ADHD and would maybe respond to meds, but I sure got that cleared up in a hurry!

Also, this SHOULD be the last time Josh has to travel weekly for work.  For 7 months he traveled 3 days a week out of state and for the last month and a half or so it's been 1-2 days.  I can not WAIT for this to be over.  Well, he'll still have to travel, but only twice a month instead of Every. Single. Week.  That in itself will relieve a lot of stress, and also improve the kiddos' behavior.  They are much happier and calmer when they get their daddy time.

Clearly I'm still struggling with learning moderation.  I don't FEEL like I'm overindulging, but the scale says otherwise.  I do enjoy my treats still; a scone, a doughnut, whatever.  But I'm not eating 3 or 4 a day or anything!!  I'm not stuffing myself.

So something has to give before it's the chair I'm sitting on! I don't want to gain any more, but I also just can't seem to be sooooo strict and restrict myself.  I have never been able to lose weight that way.  HCG is the only time it's worked, and I can't do that method now.  Rather, I'm not willing to because it messes with my hormones and I'm in a very good place in my life.

It's a work in progress.  This weekend and into the next week is our annual Family Beach Trip.  I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am! There will be food and lots of snacks and I am going to do my darndest to make good choices.  And then once we get back I think I'll maybe try a little more hardcore dieting.  We'll see.

Anyway, that's that.

I hope you're doing well and succeeding in your endeavors!  I have a TON of housework, laundry and other preparations to get ready, so I best be off.

Have a wonderful day!

Busy Bees

Well, it's the end of summer but things aren't slowing down yet! We don't start school until September around these parts, and we have a vacation at the beach this weekend that we're looking forward to. :-D

Things are going.  They are going.  I'm trying each day to make good decisions.  There are times when I eat out of stress, but I'm trying to consciously work on that.  I know there will be good food and good times at the beach with my extended family, and I am prepared to enjoy my time, enjoy the company, enjoy the food but NOT overdo it.  It's possible, I know it is.  I just have to find my way there.

This should be the LAST WEEK Josh has to travel out of state for work. I am so pumped! I hope it actually pans out, but for now I'm just glad it's on the horizon. He'll still have to go twice a month or so, but it sure beats 2 days a week, every week! I love that guy, and I like having him around. ;-)

My kids are all discombobulated.  Out of whack from the long church camp we just had, of shuttling back and forth every day, of no routine or schedule.  But soon enough we'll be in school mode and that all will change.

So it feels like I'm sort of floating along, not really actively TRYING to lose weight. Not restricting myself hugely.  But just trying to learn moderation.  I feel like I've been trying to learn that for a long time.

But I'm doing well.  The days can get stressful, the kids can go bonkers, but all in all I'm very happy and content.  I have a good life.  I have a wonderful husband, great friends, good kiddos.  I have lots to be thankful for and nothing to complain about.  I am blessed. =)

I hope you all are doing well!!

Same

My weight was the same this morning. Better than gaining but not as great as losing. Although, I really haven't been strict in any way, so I guess I should just be thankful.;-)

We're off to our church retreat for the day, so I'll catch you all later!

Det er ikke de verst....

That there is a little Norwegian for you. ;-)  It means, "It's not the worst" basically.

Today as I drove along in my van with my own 3 littles and my niece (whom I basically consider my own), the sun was shining, the kids were laughing and talking and I just thought... "You know what? It's not the worst thing in the world to carry around 10 extra pounds.  Or even 15."

And it's TRUE!  The fact that I weigh a bit more than I want is NOT the end of the world.  It doesn't even come close!  Yes, I have some extra flab, I have some unwanted rolls and "fluff", LOL, but if that's the biggest thing in my life that's stressing me out, then I have it pretty good.  Really good, actually.

And so I decided not to let it stress me out anymore.  Am I going to keep working on it, keep trying to make good choices? Absolutely!  But I'm not going to stress and worry and fuss about it.  I'm not going to let it rule me.  I'm not going to let it affect my happiness.

Because I have so much to be thankful for.  I have a good, happy life.  And 10 or 15 pounds doesn't change that.

Amen.  :-D

I'm here

Hi everyone!
I only have a sec, but wanted you to know I'm here and I'm well. =)

It's a 2 week conference/vacation week at church and I've been super busy with my 4 kiddos (I have my niece all day/night), shuttling back and forth.  So no time to be on the computer.

I'm doing well.  Still struggling with the desire to lose weight, but not wanting to commit to what it takes.  Right now it's so busy I can't even really think about it, beyond making good choices during the day. And I'm trying to do just that. =)

I hope you are well and I'll try to check in again before the end of the week.  I do plan to weigh on Thursday, but don't expect any change.  Hopefully my weight hasn't gone up! :-P

Have a great day, my friends!

This. Is. So. Hard.

UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH

I am struggling so so so so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I weighed in at 145.4 today, so up a whole pound. :-(

And then I sort of had a mini freak out session this morning, before the day even started, because I could feel all the pressure, the stress, the elephant sitting on my chest, KNOWING that I need to diet, but not wanting to, and in the midst of it all, feeling really gross and down with how I look.

It's like I'm totally schizophrenic.  Half of me wants to diet and lose this weight for good, and the other half is digging in her heels and stressing to the MAX over having to diet.  I need help, clearly.

It is SO easy for me to gain weight, and SO hard for me to lose it!  It takes so much work and dedication and restriction.  I honestly don't know what to do.  Should I just be content with where I am, thankful for the pounds I've been able to lose, and call it good even though it's clear there are a good 10-15 pounds of extra flab hanging around?

Or should I just MAKE myself do it, despite the stress and anxiety and pressure, but end up (hopefully) thinner??

Ack.  And the thing is, I'm not eating horribly. I'm not pigging out.  I'm not bingeing. I am not downing huge quantities of food.  Granted, it's not clean or even all healthy.  But I *feel* like I'm eating in moderation.

For example, last night we had a dinner celebration for my brother and his fiancee.  I had 1 chicken enchilada (corn tortilla, chicken, onion, cheese, green sauce, sour cream), 1/4c of this turkey salad that had grapes and other stuff in it, 4 chips with 2T guacamole.  And then later I had 4 bites of pie/ice cream and 1/2 cup of this strawberry cream cheese dessert.  And I did eat too much of that; by about 4 bites.  I felt overly full.

And earlier in the day I hadn't eaten a ton... for breakfast I had 1/2 c Kashi Go Lean Crunch with 1/4 c milk (2%) and for lunch I had 2 slices of Dave's Killer Bread (each slice has 9g of protein!!) with real butter and homemade strawberry jam.

I know I'm eating too many carbs, but that's the thing I start to freak about when I try to do the 17 Day Diet; the fact that I absolutely positively can not have even a tiny bit of bread in any form.

Plus, you actually have to grocery shop quite a lot in order to have your fridge stocked with all the fresh veggies and fruits you can have.  And well, I just don't have the time, energy, or even money to be going to the store that many times a week! And if I try to stock up it all ends up going bad. =(

So anyway, this is where I'm at. Totally struggling, trying to find my way, trying to find what works for me.  Trying to figure out if I should fight myself and diet or be happy with where I am, even though it sucks to get dressed and see the extra fat rolls and not have my clothes fit quite right.

If only I could do HCG!!!!! That is a sure-fire, absolutely iron clad, proven diet that works for me.  Unfortunately, I'm in the small percentage of people that it wreaks havoc on my hormones, and I just can not do that to myself or my family. :-/

Today I ate:
1/2 c scrambled eggs with cheese and 1 slice Dave's Killer Bread, 1 cup coffee with cream
24oz iced Americano with flavor and a splash of cream
Half a bun with turkey, lettuce, cheese, mayo and mustard
Handful of tortilla chips with bean salsa (recipe to follow)
1/2 a kids cone from McDonalds
1/2 c Kashi Go Lean with 1/4 c milk and a few tablespoons of raw oatmeal sprinkled in.

So yes, it's too heavy on carbs, but it's not like I'm eating excessively.  Or am I?????  I mean, today was a pretty good day.  Yesterday I had a cinnamon roll and some Good & Plenty.  But again, not mass quantities!

Any help, advice, thoughts are appreciated.  I'm trying to take it one day at a time, and make good choices for that day. It's hard because this week especially has been crazy busy and hectic, Josh is gone and I'm worried because the man has not been sleeping (literally) and drives long distances, I don't go to bed or sleep well when he's not here (last night I wasn't in bed until 2a.m. and my kids were up at 6:30 this morning, and the night before it was almost as bad).  So there's lots going on, lots of factors.

Oh! I just remembered my friend sent me a workout you can do with just your body weight, so I'm going to look at that.  I do think I need to add in some physical activity of some sort.  And keep working on eating healthy for the most part, and if I want a treat then keep it small.

Hope you guys are doing well!! And that you have some advice for me! :-D

Here is the bean salad/salsa recipe.  It is so good, and if you make it the day before you need it, the flavors get much richer and bolder.

32 oz frozen corn
2 green peppers, diced
2 red peppers, diced
1 orange pepper, diced
1 yellow pepper, diced
(Or any combination of bell peppers you want)
2 cans black beans, drained and rinsed
1 can garbanzo beans, drained and rinsed
2 bunches cilantro, finely chopped
1 16oz bottle ZESTY Italian dressing

You just chop everything up and mix it all together and refrigerate until you want to eat it.  It really is so good.  I don't even like black beans or garbanzo beans, but the flavors from the cilantro and dressing mask it well.  SO GOOD!  This also make a fairly big batch, so you could easily cut it in half.

Wedding Bells

Hi Guys!
Guess what? My brother is engaged!

 

We are so happy and excited; they are just perfect for each other. =)  

But you know what that means? There will be a wedding! With pictures.  And I don't want to look/feel fat. :-/

SO I guess I'm gonna have to start getting serious about losing these last 10-15 pounds.  I don't know why I've struggled SO MUCH with them.  I'm just not motivated, even though I desperately want to be at my goal weight.  It's seems like a total oxymoron, huh?

For me it seems like I have to adopt the All or Nothing attitude when it comes to dieting.  If I just "go with the flow" then I end up eating too much of the stuff that isn't good for me, and the weight doesn't come off.  I have to focus entirely and restrict myself completely in order for it to work.  And, that is hard!  

I feel like I lack enough willpower to do it.  But at the same time if I would JUST DO IT then I'd feel so much better.  

I am not sure what the scale will say tomorrow.  I wouldn't be surprised if it's back up to 145.  My cycle this month has been crazy and weird and it's not helping anything.  But I'm hoping that now that I have a goal in mind, something to count down to (well, they haven't set a date yet, but it'll be in the near future) that maybe it'll help??

MB-I've totally noticed your absence and wondered where you went!! I'm glad you came back.  I like hearing from you, even if you don't feel like you're doing it perfectly yourself.

So my plan is to attempt the 17 Day Diet, and stick to it the right way.  I know it's going to be hard and take dedication and I need to JUST DO IT.

I also need to get back on track with my water intake. My kiddos lost my new water bottle =( so I got sort of off track with that.

But here's to new beginnings and to success! 

Hi Guys,
I'm here and I'm well.  I am still working on getting in sufficient water every day; it's so hard for me! I did buy some instant tea to help flavor the water, so hopefully that'll help.

My eating has been...pretty good.  Far from perfect, but not totally overboard, either.  I will weigh on Thursday.

I've been really emotional and had bad cramps and bloating, but that is being resolved as we speak. ;-)

Not much else to report.  Talk to you soon!

Keeping On

So, I guess I need to stop saying I'm following the 17 Day Diet... cuz I'm not.  But I am cutting way, way back on carbs and sugar.  And it's working.

I weighed in this morning at 144.0 and that's what I'll record for this week.

I also was successful getting in all my water!! Over 70 ounces between water, green tea and coffee. 

In the evening Liz and I were majorly wanting to pig out.  And I have crunchy Cheetos in my cupboard.  And ice cream in the freezer.  And other bad-for-me food.  But instead we  made wraps with romaine leaves, turkey and tomatoes.  And then made  a pot of decaf coffee and enjoyed it on the back porch in the evening with the twinkle lights on once the kids were in bed.  Talk about bliss! =)

So things are going well; I am working to cut back on my carbs/sugar even more because yesterday for example, I had 4 bites of lemon cheesecake (totally delicious!!) and a few crackers and cheese.  But overall I'm cutting back on calories and eating less carbs and sugar, so moving in the right direction.

Here's to keeping it up and seeing 130 on the scale soon!

The First Day Was... Ok

I did okay yesterday; not perfect but not terrible.

I felt like I had food poisoning and my stomach was so queasy after I drank my coffee.  I ate 2 eggs and then felt sick for hours afterward.  So in the afternoon I ate one handful of Bugles (sooooo deliciously salty!!) and stopped at that. Major victory. ;-) I also had 1/4 of a quesadilla.

I also had an americano with flavor, and realized later it was totally full of sugar. I never order sugar-free, so it didn't even occur to me. Oops.

Then later I had chicken salad on lettuce leaves and wrapped in smoked turkey breast and it was soo soo soo good. I also ate 3 small pieces of organic milk chocolate.

Was it perfect? No.  But it was a good start, and I am feeling good about continuing on today.  I stepped on the scale and got numbers ranging from 144.4 to 145.6 :-P  So it's still down, just not sure how much.  I'll probably wait and only weigh once a week and then record that.

I got a new water bottle and my number one focus today is going to be drinking enough water. I have been seriously, seriously, SERIOUSLY lacking in that area and I know it's not helping anything.  My goal is to drink 70+ ounces today, between green tea and water.

Thanks for your comments and encouragement!

I need YOU!

 

To help hold me accountable.

Here's the deal, folks.  I weighed this morning.  It wasn't pretty.  It was downright disgusting.  Clearly, I can't do this on my own.  I need you guys to help keep me accountable.  I need you to tell me not to cheat, that it's worth it to stick it out, that I CAN DO THIS.

Cuz, guys.  I'm not doing it.  I'm failing, miserably.  I weighed in at 146.2 this morning.  Bleh.  Now,  I know part of the weight gain is water retention because my time of the month is coming.  But not all of it. Not even close.

So.  Today I start (DON'T LAUGH!!!!!) the 17 Day Diet.  Again.  Again.  Again.  AGAIN!  I don't know if I'll follow it 100% strictly because quite honestly I'm not prepared. I don't have the groceries I need.  I don't feel mentally ready.  But something has to change, and it's starting today.

I ate 2 eggs for breakfast, and I boiled a whole bunch more.  I don't have any salad.  But my plan is to eat low/no carb and low fat, and high lean protein and veggies.  So even if I have to eat only egg whites today, I will do this.

Realistically speaking, this is the worst time possible to try to start the diet again.  I have PMS.  PMS + Me = Need for insane amount of chocolate and salty food.  And that's absolutely not allowed on the diet.  I'm also stressed; just busy in general.  Stress + Me = Need for insane amount of chocolate.  Again, not allowed on the diet.

But here goes.  I have to do something.  I don't want to get 3 months down the road and be ballooned back up to 150+ just because I couldn't/wouldn't take control of my eating.  So today it stops.

But I need your help.  I can't do it on my own.  I need to be held accountable.  So my goal is to blog daily.  I will only weigh once a week, but I want/need to blog to keep myself accountable to you guys and to myself.

So here we go.  Lord help us all. =)

Not Giving Up

Hi Guys, and Happy Monday to you. =)

I just want to put it out there that I am NOT giving up. I'm not.

Is it hard? Yes.  Am I struggling? Yes.  Have I gained weight? Yes. Is my life stressful? Yes. Whose isn't!?

BUT I AM NOT GIVING UP!!!

I am going to focus on healthy eating, consuming lean proteins and fruits and vegetables as much as possible.

I got a break yesterday; Josh took the kids so I could go shopping.  I got 2 new shirts and a skirt, although I think I'll take the skirt back.  I'm not sure I like it enough to wear frequently.  Then we got to watch a movie in the evening, came home by 8:00 and sat on our back porch drinking wine and eating cheese and crackers.  It was sooooo nice.  I feel refreshed and ready to tackle this weight thing again.

So I'm out of the quicksand. :-D  But not out of the woods.  I still have work to do.  And I'll do it.

I'll weigh in again on Thursday and post it here.

Quicksand

 

THIS is how I feel.  I am struggling and struggling, fighting and kicking and yet, I just keep sinking deeper.

I don't know what to do.

I weighed yesterday. 144.4  Yes, One hundred forty four pounds.  Yikes.

I feel like if I try to do the 17 Day Diet, then I get all freaky about being so restricted and go way overboard.  And then I lay in bed, every night, feeling bloated and gross and vowing to myself that the next day will be better.  And then the next day comes and it's stressful and busy and I'm exhausted and by the end of the day all I want to do is sit and watch my show and shove candy into my mouth.

That's the thing.  I'm not eating tons of junk food during the day.  But at the end of the day, me and candy... we go overboard.  And it's showing on the scale.  

I feel like these two women are inside of me and are constantly warring.  The fat one NEEDS food to cope, to destress, to manage to squeak by.  The thin one is also fighting, telling me how much better I'll look and feel if I'm healthy.  Wanting to be a good example to my daughter.  Wanting to feel good about myself and not allow food to have power over me.

It is totally and utterly exhausting.  This struggle goes on all day, every day.  And clearly, the fat lady is currently winning.

So this is my plan for now.  I am going to follow the 17 Day Diet, BUT I will allow myself to have ONE SERVING of candy at night.  And not one serving of each kind, cuz  let me tell ya, I have a veritable candy store in my cupboard.  One serving of one type.  And that's all.  Eat it slowly and enjoy it.  And make sure I eat healthy during the day. 

I hope it works.  I need/want to see the scale go back down.  I don't feel good about myself.  I don't have any energy.  My sleep is horrible; I have weird dreams, wake up and can't go back to sleep, feel drugged all day due to sheer exhaustion.  This is not okay.

So I am once again, for the 3rd time, going to pick myself back up and try to start the diet again.  Try to learn healthy, lifelong habits that will stick.  Learn to live in moderation, so I don't feel deprived and yet I don't allow myself to go overboard either.

I am trying to find my way, and I'm sorry I'm not the Golden Girl success story that some other bloggers perhaps are.  But I'm not going to give up.  I'm not.  I will conquer this and I will be healthy and happy. Amen!