Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Oops, I did it again

Argh. So, last night after I posted I threw up because I once again forgot to take my enzyme. My brain really does not work super well these days, and unless the bottle is sitting right in front of me (it was in my purse because I took it to my in-laws the other night) I forget. Anyway, I lost the junk I had eaten, but then 20 minutes later I was STARVING.

So I ate another rice krispy square. Yeah, those are going in the garbage. Then I had 3 Lite Laughing Cow wedges and some wheat thins and triscuits. I didn't count them out. Oh, and 2 wedges of chocolate orange.

Yesterday is getting a big, thick, black scratch out line! :) I weighed myself this morning and I was up 2 pounds to 170.5, but I surely knew that was coming.

Anyway, I realized how unprepared I was yesterday, with my lack of food and saw how that spiraled into really bad eating choices AND not working out. Not a good lifestyle or way to drop the pounds.

So today, as soon as I'm done writing this I'm going to get myself something to eat. Probably a string cheese and orange, then get my kiddos breakfast and then my booty will be working it on the treadmill.

In my mind, I am subconsciously feeling like I won't be successful at losing this extra weight. I've been here so long, with no change, and it just seems like this is where I'll be forever. I don't want to weigh 170. I don't want to wear size 14. But, it just seems impossible to get ALL THIS FAT off.

Yesterday as I was finishing up my Christmas shopping I walked past a display of cute panties and tank tops. The first thought to enter my mind was "I will never fit into something that small" when, in reality, if I was the size I should be, a healthy size, they would fit.

So I'm working with those thoughts as well. Psyching myself up, convincing myself, persuading myself, telling myself that this IS possible, I WILL lose this weight, I CAN do it.

In the end, yesterday was a bump in the road, but not the end of the road.

I will keep at this. I will strive to exercise 5 times a week, but at least 3 minimum. I will work on choosing healthy options and NOT overdoing it. Oh, that reminds me... It seems like my stomach has shrunk because I get the full feeling much quicker these days. That is another battle, because my mind cries out, "No! Not yet! I'm not done enjoying this." And I'm tempted to continue eating because it feels like I just started. But, if my body is saying FULL then I need to stop, period.

I have lots of things to work on and be aware of, and I intend to be more conscious of my decisions and their consequences.

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