Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Successful amidst the Struggle

I am really struggling. These past few days have been really hard; there are a lot of extenuating circumstances that have pushed me to "the brink" in several areas. Just a lot of stress and anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed. Not just in weight loss or eating right; there are situations in my extended family, situations with my dog, with my children, etc...

But I am really trying to learn from this all, to take it one moment at a time and not just crumple into a heap on the floor crying "It's too much!".

Yesterday was okay eating wise. I did eat 3 pieces of banana bread, which was totally unnecessary. Sure, 2 of the pieces were small and equaled one normal piece, but I didn't *need* to go back for them. I ate them because I was stressed, which is never a good reason to eat.

Yesterday I ate:

green smoothie
1/2 c Kashi cereal, dry
1/2 c peaches (canned)
3 pieces of banana bread
1 slice of lunch meat
part of a cup of coffee
2T hummus with 16 RF Wheat Thins
5 or 6oz of Thai chicken that I made

I have found that when there is outside stress, more than what I am used to, I tend to snack and not eat healthy meals, which does nothing to help me.

Today I plan to make another pitcher of green smoothie.

I have been using spinach, blueberries and strawberries with lots of water. I feel very toxic and bloated and backed up currently, so I am going to try to drink 2 pitchers of smoothie today to help clean out all the salt and sugar that I ingested over the weekend and yesterday. Hopefully that will help the scale go down on Friday, or at least maintain 167.

It's hard, it doesn't come naturally to me, but I am determined to learn how to live with a healthy relationship to food. How NOT to turn to it when I'm stressed or, for that matter, feeling any other emotion. How to choose healthy foods that will fuel my body and give me the energy I need to live a full, happy life.

I am NOT in a race. I am on a journey, so even if the scale goes up this week (as it may well do) I will not fall into a pit of depression. I will use it as a learning experience, and go forward striving to do better. It took me 5 years to get to this high weight I'm at, and it will take some time to come back down and get it off. I will be patient and stick it out. I'll be the skinny turtle. =) Slow and steady.


  1. It is hard to change but you can do it.
    You've got a great mindset & that will make all the difference.

    You're right - not a race, more like an ongoing journey.

    Hang in there & you'll have success!
    Best wishes,

  2. Just wanted to say, that I think you did really well by *only* having 3 pieces of bread. The thing that I'm noticing that I am changing, and maybe you too??? is that I no longer eat like HALF of the loaf - I used to always just eat until I was full, whatever it was that I was turning to for comfort food. Yes, even ice-cream, sometimes for breakfast, lunch, AND dinner on a particularly hard day.

    Now if I give in and have something bad because of an emotion I'm dealing with, I am able to reign it in and say NO, I don't want to do this! And I am SO proud of both of us for being able to do that!!!

    Okay, I'm procrastinating...I don't feel like going running right now. It's 9am and COLD outside and it's not even my day to go running. Waaaah. But I am determined to lose this body fat - and HIIT is the only way to do that, combined with eating right of course! Sometimes the HIIT seems harder though. Just cuz I feel like crawling back in bed and the thing is, I COULD do that - the older kids are watching a movie, DH is sleeping (sick today), and the littles are still sleeping.

    But no, I choose to get my booty moving cuz I want to see a good number for tomorrow's weigh-in too!

    Oh! I also wanted to share that I can SO relate to your crumpling on the floor and wanting to just wail (ha ha, like the wailing wall in Jerusalem, totally!!) that I CAN'T DO THIS!

    It's come to me, though - this is what makes me grow, you know? Without hardship I would, for one, never turn to God - and for another, never really stretch beyond what *I* think I am capable of.

    Okay now I REALLY gotta' go. =)

  3. Great job trying to stay positive :)

  4. That smoothie sounds great! I totally can relate to this post...I'm such an emotional eater! (((HUGS))) It IS so hard! We can do it!

  5. I love how you're working it out. You're recognizing what gets you eating, trying to find other ways to cope, you're listening to your body and feeding what it needs to feel better...you are winning Ruth Anne. I am so honoured that you share your journey with us.

  6. I am glad to see such a great attitude in the midst of a struggle. Keep at it - you can do it!

  7. I really like the idea of slow and steady...everybody is in such a HUGE hurry to lose weight (like the lose 50 in 10 week fads) and it isn't the healthy way! Thanks for the encouragement! :)